THE LIFE 

OF 

MRS. MARY FLETCHER, 

CONSORT AND RELICT 

OF THE 

REV. JOHN FLETCHER, 

VICAR OF MADELEY, SALOP. 

COMPILED FROM HER JOURNAL AND OTHER AUTHENTIC 
DOCUMENTS. 

BY HENRY MOORE. 

M 

The end of the commandment is charity, out of a pure heart, and of a good 
conscience, and of faith unfeigned, — 1 Tim. i, 5. 

'By faith, — choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to 
enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season, — Heb. xi, 25. 

These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth,— Rer. xiv, 4 



NEW-YORK : 

PUBLISHED BY T. MASON AND G. LANE, 
FOR THE METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH, AT TlIE CONFER ENGS 
OFFICE, 200 MULBERRY-STREET, 

-J. Collord, Printer. 
1837. 



In Exchange 
Duke University 
JAY 7 - 1934 



PREFACE. 



A short? time after I was appointed to the Birming- 
ham district, the papers of the late Mrs. Fletcher were 
put into my hands. I was informed at the same time, 
that the venerable person whose life was recorded in 
them had mentioned me as one that she wished should 
prepare and publish her papers ; and that an application 
to that effect would have been made to me before that 
time, but that the distance of my former appointment had 
prevented it, Mrs. Fletcher having laid an injunction on 
her friend, to whom, by will, she had committed them, 
not to give them absolutely into the hands of any person 
what soever. 

I examined those papers with no common interest, 
They gave an account not only of the writer's own life, 
but involved, in some respects, that of her admirable hus- 
band. I was certain that those records were desired, and 
would be received, by the most pious in these kingdoms, 
not as a common religious biography, but as the record 
of an uncommon work of God ; and that they would not 
be expected to fall short of any account which has come 
forth in that great revival of scriptural Christianity in 
our day, concerning which we have so often been con- 
strained to say, What hath God wrought? 

I have often wished to see such a display of that work 
as would show its genuine nature and fruits, free from 
the colouring of those writers who were not directly con- 
cerned in it ; or of those who might be so anxious about 
its public reputation as to forget that the circumcision 
of the heart is justified only by those children of the tight 
and of the day who prove its power, and cry, Abba, Fa 
ther, by the Spirit of adoption ; and whose praise is not of 
men, but of God. It is much to be desired also to see 
such an account- made living and powerful by being per- 
sonified : — to see an individual thus walking worthy of the. 
Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, 
and increasing in the knowledge of God, 



4 



PREFACEr 



A general history of this work, including all the im- 
portant circumstances, has been already published, espe- 
cially in the journals of the Rev. Mr. John Welsey, the 
father of Methodism, so called. In these we see, as in 
the Gospel, the grain of mustard seed increasing and be* 
coming a great tree, to the astonishment of those who wit- 
nessed its small beginning, — who " saw the cloud arise 
little as a human hand." The display given us in that 
account, is distinguished by the same simplicity, purity, 
and classical beauty, which are observable in all the writ- 
ings of that eminent instrument of God. This large sur- 
vey is highly satisfactory ; but the aid of living testimony 
is necessary to bring it home to the hearts of those whoso 
inquiry is, What shall I do to be saved ? How shall I walk 
with God? 

Religion is nothing less than the life of God in the 
soul of man. It is the offspring of God through faith., 
and is not, and cannot be attached to Churches or reli- 
gious communities, though they are so highly necessary 
to its propagation and increase. It never was so attach- 
ed ; though while the covenant of God was established 
with the nation of the Jews, it had that appearance. 
But even then, all were not Israel who were of Israel* 
The children of the promise, and not the children of the 
flesh, were counted for the seed. The Gospel, however, 
to the stumbling of the greatest part of that people, put 
an end to that appearance. The national covenant 
answered the design of Him who gave it. It foretold, 
typified, and prepared the way of the only begotten Son of 
God. But who could abide the day of Ms coming ? Who 
could stand when he appeared? It is true he was meek and 
fowly in heart, and his very word and action, toward 
even the greatest transgressors, demonstrated that he 
came not to destroy men's lives, but to save them. But he 
exposed and resisted all those who walked in the deceiva- 
bleness of unrighteousness, and who boasted, like their 
fathers, saying, The temple of the Lord, the temple of the 
Lord, the temple of the Lord, are we I He looked for per- 
sonal religion ; and all who attached it to names, ordi- 
nances, or communities, he answered with, Ye worship ye 
know not what. He enforced poverty of spirit, mourning? 
meekness, mercifulness, and purity of heart ; showing thus 



PREFACE. 



5 



the beginning and progress of religion, as given to guilty, 
sinf ul, helpless creatures, in whom dwells no good thing ; 
and who are thus to be made rich in faith, and heirs of 
the kingdom of heaven : and who thus alone can be made 
new creatures, and meet for the inheritance among the 
saints in light ; whose robes are washed and made white in 
the blood of the Lamb. 

These pure and high principles of holy writ, so 
agreeable to the exalted character of Jehovah, and to the 
fallen and wretched condition of man, were sought out 
and adopted by the band of brothers in the university of 
Oxford, nearly ninety years ago. One great truth in- 
volved the whole as necessary to salvation, — Without ho- 
liness no man shall see the Lord. They immediately fol- 
lowed after this, making every sacrifice, and ordering 
their whole life that they might attain it. Some time 
after, the Lord showed them that his way of conferring 
holiness was by faith ; and that he justifies men, as being 
ungodly, through the redemption that is in Jesus, before he 
sanctifies them. They now knew the whole truth, and 
the Lord thrust them forth from their beloved retirement, 
to raise a holy people. This was the one design of 
these chosen instruments, and every thing short of it they 
counted, to use the language of St. Paul, wood, hay, or 
stubble. 

But did they spend their strength for naught ? Were 
they disappointed of their hope 2 Were not a holy people 
raised up ? Let the Life of Mrs. Fletcher speak. Let the 
pious reader say, if she be not introduced, in these me- 
moirs, among the excellent of the earth ; — all of whom 
with one voice would testify* 

*' Blind we were, but now we see ; 
Deaf, we hearken, Loid ! to thee ; 
Dumb, for thee our tongues employ, 
Lame, and lo I we leap for joy." 

" Some who have separated from other communities," 
says Mr. Wesley, " laid the foundation of that work in 
judging and condemning others : we, on the contrary, in 
judging and condemning ourselves." 

I cannot therefore but greatly rejoice that these me- 
« moirs are given to the public, and especially to that com- 
munity of which the writer was so long a highly honoured 



e 



PRE FACE. 



and useful member. I cannot but think they wiH he 
a great blessing to the people of God of every denomina- 
tion ; and especially to all who desire to walk even as 
Christ also walked, and who are conscious of an evil na- 
ture, opposing that will of God which is their sanctifica- 
tion. In this point of view especially these memoirs will 
be considered, I think, as very precious to all who fight 
this good fight of faith. The reader will find in them no 
paint ; nothing to sat the writer off; no extravagance ; 
but plain life, raised and sanctified by constant attention 
to the duties and sacrifices of the Gospel ; and issuing in 
a constant pleading of the great and precious 'promises, by 
which we are made partakers of the Divine nature i 
with unremitting efforts to walk by that rule, Whether ye 
eat or drink, or whatever ye do, do all to the glory of God, 
Luther observed that there never was a work of God 
in the earth that lasted longer, in any community, than 
the common life of man ; that is, upon an average, about 
thirty years. Generally about that period the vineyard 
which the Lord planted with his own right hand has been 
let out to husbandmen, who, yielding to their natural pro- 
pensities, and accommodating the work of the Lord to 
the course of this world, have not been careful to render to 
him the required fruit. Hence the visible state of decay ^ 
or of death, in those communities which once manifested 
the Divine hand of him who formed them. But this work 
has lasted nearly thrice that time ! There are none alive 
who witnessed its beginning, and but very few who knew 
its early days. If any such meet with this work, they 
will call to mind the very glorious time when it was alto- 
gether the work of God ; when it was unsupported by 
any worldly power or wisdom, and had all that is earthly, 
sensual, and devilish, combined against it. They will see 
also a consistency in the design, and in the mode of exe- 
cution, which is truly edifying, and not of this world. 
The instruments employed in this work, and especially 
that one so eminently called thereto, were not careful for 
such prosperity as worldly men desire. They knew, like 
their blessed Master, that all whom their Father gave them 
would come unto them, and they did not desire to bring the 
world into his fold. The world is called, and redeemed ; 
hut to add to the family of God all who obeyed that call, 



PEEFACE, 



was their only ambition, and the object of their incessant 
labours. 

The great superintendent of this work, under God, 
looked not for what the world calls great talents in his 
helpers. In this respect also he gladly used those whom 
the Father gave him ; who were witnesses of the truths 
which they were called to teach : men who knew God (in 
; the only way in which he can be truly and powerfully 
known) as being merciful to their unrighteousness, and re- 
membering their sins no more. He was careful also to see 
that the true fruit accompanied their ministry, the justi- 
fication of the ungodly, and, the sanctification of the unholy. 
He used to say, " The best physician is not he who writes 
the best recipes, but he who makes the most cures." 
When men of learning united with him in this Divine 
work, he greatly rejoiced, and gladly received them. The 
late Mr. Fletcher was an eminent instance of that kind. 
His learning was deep, extensive, clear, and various ; but, 
like his venerable friend, whom he always called father, 
he counted even all these estimable advantages as dung 
and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ 
Jesus his Lord. So abased was this great man in his 
own eyes, and so entirely did he take the Divine mould 
of the Gospel, that there was not one of those helpers in 
the work whom he did not rejoice to call his brother in 
Christ, and whom he did not in honour prefer to himself 
even in his own parish. 

The private members also were men and women of 
God ; and among these Miss Bosanquet always held, in 
general estimation, the chief place. Her superiority in 
natural and providential gifts,— her well known entire 
devotedness, — her constancy and perseverance in the 
Divine life, — her doing and suffering the whole will of 
her Master, all fitted her, as by a general consent, to be 
the consort of that great man, whose praise is in all the 
Churches ; whose admirable writings will live while piety 
and learning are honoured in the earth ; and which have 
forced even those who did not know his piety, or affected 
to lament that such talents should be so connected, to ac- 
knowledge his great superiority. 

That the highest principles of the Christian religion 
should be brought into common life, is the greatest dis- 



s 



PREFACE. 



play of the power of Divine truth that is possible, and the 
most glorious victory over the world. It is thus that 
rigliteousness shall cover the earth, and bring glory to Him 
thai sittcth upon the throne. How poor, how questionable, 
are all the refinements of the closet, the study, or the 
cloister, when compared with the love of God and our 
neighbour, brought into act, and exhibited on right prin- 
ciples, amid the common concerns and labours of life, 
and attended with its usual trials, afflictions, and mortifi- 
cations ! To persevere thus is indeed the perseverance 
of the saints, and realizes that old saying, too often quo- 
ted by pride and apathy : " It is a sight worthy of God, 
when he looks down from heaven, to see a virtuous mind 
unswervingly struggle with adversity." Such a sight, I 
trust, the pious reader will behold in the life of Mrs. 
Fletcher. Her one support in all her trials was, in sub- 
stance, that of Job ; He knoiveth the way that I take, and 
when he hath tried me, I sliall come forth as gold. 

What indeed can be so interesting to a mind well in- 
formed and disposed, as to behold the daily walk of one, 
who, from a very early age, had devoted her whole life to 
God ? Not living in seclusion, but walking in what Jere- 
miah calls the highway, the way of holiness, in which the 
wayfaring man, though a fool, shall not err 1 To see our 
Lord's sermon on the mount brought into daily and 
hourly practice, according to the evident design of its 
Divine Author ? To see the house thus built upon the rock, 
the truth and love of God ; and then to behold the rains de- 
scend, and the floods come, and the winds blow and beat 
upon it ! Surely they who contemplate the scene, and he- 
hold its stability, will exultingly exclaim : It falls not ; 
for it is founded upon a rock ! 

That such a person should be judged by men in the 
flesh* while living to God in the spirit, will not be surpris- 
ing to any who learn what religion is, by the word and 
Spirit of God, and who know the real character of man. 
Mrs. Fletcher was thus judged. The common imputa- 
tions she outlived, or lived down. One perhaps may re- 
main. It may still perhaps be said, she was an enthu- 
siast. To many who use this word no answer need be 
returned. Any thing above the dead form of godliness 
is with them enthusiasm. A love to Him who first loved 



PREFACE. 



9 



us, and wlio gave himself for us, the just for the unjust, 
to bring us to God, which would at all equal in its 
attachment the love that is of earth and sense, is with 
them all madness, folly, or hypocrisy ; wisdom is justified 
only by her children. 

But more sober minds may object that she too much 
minded impressions, dreams, and those inward feelings 
which religious persons are supposed to be particularly 
exposed to. That such things should be condemned, toto 
genere, is hardly consistent with any true religion, seeing 
the oracles of God so frequently mention them ; and not 
as attached to the prophetic or ministerial character, but 
as given to those who walk with God in the humblest 
path of life. The wisest and best of men have not only 
spoken of such things with respect, but have made them 
a part of the religion which they have held forth to ages 
and generations, to communities and kingdoms. Con* 
cerning religious feelings and impressions, the liturgy 
of the Church of England, and her established institutes, 
bear the fullest and most honourable testimony ; setting 
the highest value on that mode of Divine teaching, and 
of bestowing encouragement and consolation. We know 
the worship of our Church is so constituted, as, if possi- 
ble, to impress the whole nation ; but there are parts of 
it that can only be considered as describing and edifying 
the children of God, How striking are those passages 
in the communion service, where those who spiritually 
eat the fiesh of Christ, and drink his blood, are said, 
agreeably to the Holy Scriptures, to dwell in Christ, and 
Christ in tliem ; to be one with Christ, and Christ with 
them ! And in the seventeenth article, where there is the 
.strongest description of those adopted children of God 
(so strong indeed in some of the terms, that not a few 
have mistaken this Scriptural account of them as de- 
scriptive of Mr. Calvin's system) who, by the counsel of 
God, are delivered from the curse and damnation due to 
sin, and brought through Christ to everlasting salvation, as 
vessels made to honour. " Wherefore they which be endu- 
ed with so excellent a benefit of God, be called according 
to God's purpose by his Spirit working in due season : 
they through grace obey the calling : they be justified 
freely ; they be made sons of God by adoption : they be 

1* 



10 



?2EFACE. 



made like unto the image of his only begotten Son, Jesus 
Christ : they walk religiously in good works, and at 
length, by God's mercy, they attain to everlasting 
felicity. " And " as this godly consideration of their 
election in Christ is full of sweet* pleasant, and unspeaka- 
ble comfort, — to such as feel in themselves the working of 
the Spirit of Christ, mortifying the works of the fiesh, and 
their earthly members, and drawing up their mind, to high 
and heavenly things; so it doth greatly establish and con- 
firm their faith of eternal salvation, and fervently kindle 
their love to God." 

Now with all this life, union, and holy fellowship, are 
there no corresponding feelings and enjoyments? No 
tasting the powers of the world to come ? ..No lively impres- 
sions of their heavenly inheritance ? No consciousness of 
Ms love to them, or their love to him, in whom they dwell I 
No peace or joy in believing ? If this were indeed so, then 
I am afraid, the life, the union, of which those feelings 
and impressions have been considered as the gracious 
marks, have no real existence ; and the system which 
boasts of a peace of which the possessor has no con- 
sciousness, a joy which raiseth not "the mind to high 
and heavenly things," and a hope which is not full of 
immortality, may triumphantly take its place in the con- 
gregation of the dead ! 

But it will be asked, Did she not lay an undue stress 
upon these things ? I believe not. I have not perceived 
iu On the contrary, I have seen, even when she believ- 
ed herself led by the Spirit of God to do that good which 
was the settled purpose of her whole life, she manifested 
the greatest care to walk according to St. John's direc- 
tion, Beloved, believe not every spirit ; but try the spirits 
whether they be of God, In obedience to this, she conei- 
dered and pondered all her ways, and brought every pur- 
pose and act to the only sure touchstone, the unerring 
v:ord of God. The same charge was often brought 
against Mr. Wesley, and for precisely the same reasons. 
Answering the most respectable of those who thus laid to 
Ids charge things that he knew not, viz., Dr. Gibson, the 
venerable bishop of London, he replies, " In the whole 
compass of language, there is not a proposition which 
belongs less to me than this. I have declared again and 



PREFACE, 



again, that I make the word of God the rule of all my 
actions ; and that I no more follow any secret impulse 
instead thereof, than I follow Mohammed or Confucius." 

Let Mrs. Fletcher be weighed in this balance, and I be- 
lieve she will not be found wanting. She, like Mr. Wes- 
ley, and her excellent husband, served God in newness of 
the spirit, and, not in the oldness of the letter. Hence her 
life was hid with Christ in God, and she had impressions, 
and consolations, which are the fruits and evidences of 
that life. But she well knew that the Spirit of truth 
never contradicts, never is inconsistent with himself. 
His written oracles, and his lively, and life-giving teach* 
ing, agree together. She humbly and earnestly attended 
to that direction, To tlte law, and to the testimony ; if they 
speak not according to this icord, it is because there is no 
light in them, A writer of the present day has strangely 
said that he knew of no witness, no influence, no teach- 
ing, but the written word of God. Perhaps he does not 
know any other. But there are many who walk with 
God who do. But if that writer only means that he 
knows, or acknowledges, no witness, no influence, no 
teaching, that is contrary to that holy word, or that is 
inconsistent with its one design, to save us from all sin 
into all holiness, every true Christian will applaud the 
sentiment. Mrs. Fletcher was watchful in this respect, 
being aware of the danger. Hence, though she might 
err, she never deviated from the path. She might mis- 
take ; but she was always preserved from any departure 
from her God. 

The pious reader will be glad to be assured that the 
whole of these memoirs are from Mrs. Fletcher's pen. 
In compiling her Life, I have left out much valuable 
matter, which was either contained, in substance, in other 
parts of these memoirs, or was not of sufficient interest 
to appear in the publication. I have also compressed 
what I thought was redundant, that the work might not 
be needlessly swelled. I have also thought it right to 
press her sentences into more conciseness. She wrote 
in the fulness of her heart, and with admirable sense ; 
but her style was rather too copious, and sometimes too 
diffuse, for narrative or history. But I have taken care, 
at the same time ; to give the admirable issues of her 



12 



PREFACE. 



enlightened mind, with all the force and simplicity with 
which she recorded them. 

Those who have read the lives of those truly pious 
women, Madame Guion, Chantel, Bourignon, and others 
of the same class, which so abundantly prove that even 
the cloud of Romish superstition does not preclude the 
rays of the Sun of righteousness, and that involuntary 
ignorance God still winketh at, will be glad to see a life, 
in the Protestant Church, superior to any of them. 
Especially they will see that all in her may be safely 
imitated, being all according to the faith once delivered to- 
the saints. They will see, also, not the fair picture only, 
but how it came to bear the stamp Divine. They may 
trace its progress, and be encouraged to believe that the 
Lord, who is ever the same, will thus work in them to will 
and to do, notwithstanding opposing corruptions ; and 
they will thus be encouraged to give themselves up to 
that grace of God which teaches us to deny ungodliness, 
and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, righteously, and 
godly, in this present world ; looking for that blessed hope 
and the glorious appearing of the great God and our 
Saviour Jesus Christ. H. Moore* 

Birmingham, April 14, 1817. 



THE 



LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



PART THE FIRST. 



HER EARLY LIFE AND CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE. 

I was born September the first, O. S., 1139, at Lay. 
tonstone, in Essex. From my earliest years I can 
remember the Spirit of God striving with me, and offering 
me salvation ; but I slighted these most gracious calls, 
and many times resisted the most tender invitations. One 
day, from a little circumstance which occurred when I 
was about four years old, I received such a conviction 
that God heareth prayer, that it often administered much 
comfort to me in seasons of trial and danger. Of this 1 
had the greater need, being by nature fearful even to a 
degree of folly. How much this effeminacy of disposition 
has cost me, in my Christian warfare, and what suffer- 
ings, as well as spiritual loss, I have sustained from it, is 
known only to my heavenly Father. 

When I was five years old, I began to have much con- 
cern about my eternal welfare, and frequently inquired of 
those about me, whether such and such things were sins. 
On Sabbath evenings, my dear father used to instruct us 
in the Church catechism. At those seasons I can remem- 
ber asking many questions. I wished to know whether 
any ever did love God with all their heart, and their neigh- 
hour as themselves ; and whether it was really the com- 
mand of God that we should do so : also if the Bible really 
meant all it said ? It seemed to me that if it did, I was 
wrong, and all about me in danger ; for there appeared to 
be a great difference between the description of a Chris- 
tian given in the word of God, and those who walk under 
that name. 

As I was a backward child, and 6f weaker understand- 
ing than the others, I was not well read in the Scriptures 
at that very early age ; but sentences out of the word of 



14 



THE LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 



God frequently occurred to my mind, and made a deep 
impression ; such as. Thou shall love the Lord thy God 
with all thy heart. I would answer. But I do not love God 
at all : I do not know how to love him ; and with respect 
to loving; my neighbour thus, I am sure I do not : for 
though my sister is dearer to me than any body else, I do 
not love her as well as myself. Again, that word struck 
me much : St. Paul says, I have fought the good fight ; 
and when I was baptized, the minister said I was to be 
" Christ's faithful soldier and servant, and fight manfully 
under his banner." This amazed me greatly. I thought, 
I am sure I do not fight, neither do I know what to fight 
against. But, above all, that sentence would follow me. 
Narrow is the icay which leadeth unto life, and few there 
be that find it ; and, If ye are not of the world, the world 
will hate you, I did not feel it a narrow way. neither did 
the world hate me : therefore I questioned often whether 
I was not quite out of the way, yet it was not with any 
terror : I believea if the Lord saw that I was wrong, he 
would make me right, and sometimes I prayed for it. At 
other times I was very careless ; yet these reflections still 
dwelt on my mind, and often perplexed me. I frequently 
asked questions about these subjects, but the}" were often 
very lightly treated. Those parts of Scripture were re- 
presented as very liable to be mistaken, and that they did 
not require obedience in ail the strictness which I seemed 
to suppose. This well agreed with my carnal mind, and I 
thus soon quenched those tender convictions : so easy is it 
to drown the soft voice of the Spirit by carnal reasonings. 

I now drew the following reflections : If the Bible does 
not mean all it seems to speak, with regard to the com- 
mands of God, certainly the same allowance may be made 
for its threatenings ; so that I began to believe there was 
no hell at all, or at least not half so terrible as I had been 
taught to think. This thought raised in me a dislike to 
the word of God, and great coldness and carelessness 
throughout all my conduct. But my adorable Lord did 
not give me up to the hardness of my heart, but still fol- 
lowed me with his drawings. Often I thought, perhaps 
the Bible does mean what it says, and then I am not a 
Christian ; and greatly did I wish to know what was the 
truth. My sister, who was nearly five years older than 1, 



THE LIFE OF FLETCHER. 



15 



was also under a concern for her soul : she wished to know 
and do the will of God. 

About this time there came a servant maid to live with 
my father, who had heard of. and felt some little of the 
power of inward religion. It was among the people called 
Methodists she had received her instructions. Seeing the 
uneasiness my sister was under, she took some opportu- 
nities of conversing with her. I was at this season with 
my grandmother. On my return home, my sister repeated 
the substance of these conversations to me. I well re- 
member the very spot we stood on, and the words she 
spake, which, though we were but a few minutes together, 
sunk so deeply into my heart, that they were never after- 
ward erased. My reflections were suited to a child not 
seven years old. I thought if I became a Methodist, I 
should be sure of salvation ; and determined, if ever I could 
get to that people, whatever it cost I would be one of 
them. But after a few conversations, and hearing my 
sister read some little books which this servant had given 
to her, I found out it was not the being joined to any 
people that would save me, but I must be converted, and 
have faith in Christ ; that I was to be saved by believing ; 
and that believing would make me holy, and give me a 
power to love and serve God. 

The servant had now left our family, and we continued 
like blind persons groping our way in the dark ; yet, 
though we had so far discerned the truth as to express it 
in the above manner, I could not comprehend it. My 
heart rose against the idea of being saved by a faith which 
I could not understand. One day, looking over the pic- 
tures in the Book of Martyrs, I thought it would be easier 
to burn than believe ; and heartily did I wish that the 
Papists would come and burn me, and then I thought I 
should be quite safe. Yet these troubled thoughts were 
mixed with a degree of hope. I thought, God does love 
me, I believe, after all : and, perhaps, he will show me 
what it is to believe and be converted. 

When I was between seven and eight years old, musing 
one day on that thought, What can it be to know my sins 
forgiven, and to have faith in Jesus ? I felt my heart rise 
against God, for having appointed a way of salvation so 
hard to be understood ; and with anguish of soul X said, 



18 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



if it were to die a martyr, I could do it ; or to give away 
all I have ; or when grown up to become a servant, that 
would be easy ; but I shall never know how to believe. In 
that moment these words were applied with mighty power 
to my soul, — 

" Who on Jesus relies, without money or price, 
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys." 

They were accompanied with a light and power I had 
never known before ; and with joy I cried out, I do, I do 
rely on Jesus ; yes, I do rely on Jesus, and God counts 
me righteous for what he hath done and suffered, and hath 
forgiven all my sins ! I was surprised that I could not 
find out this before. I had thought every thing easier 
than to believe ; but now I thought the way of believing 
more easy than any other. A ray of light into the Gospel 
plan shone upon my soul, and I began to adore the wonders 
of redeeming love. But, alas ! it was but as the drops 
before a shower ; in a few days I lost the power in a great 
measure,* though not the light of this blessing. I can 
remember many promises, after this, being at limes brought 
to my mind. Something also of a confidence in the Lord 
Jesus I ever retained ; and when fears would spring up 
concerning the day of judgment, I used to comfort myself 
with this thought, — Jesus is to be the judge, and I cannot 
be afraid of Jesus. But I had not yet learned that lesson, — 

M Man for the simple life Divine 
What will it cost to break ? 
Ere pleasure soft, and wily pride, 
No more within him speak ?" 

Some time after I had thus by faith " tasted of the 
powers of the world to come," I fell into an uncommon 
lowness and weakness of nerves, which was accompanied 
with grievous temptations. I was oppressed beyond mea- 
sure with the fear of sin, and accused in almost every 
thing I said or did, so that I was altogether a heap of in- 
consistency. This was followed by temptations unspeak- 
ably afflicting. It was continually suggested to my mind, 
I had blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. The conse- 
quent effect of these temptations on my temper, drew on 

* She was not favoured at this time with Christian fellowship, 
She had none to help her in the way of faith. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



17 



me many grievous burdens, and exposed me to so much 
anger and reproach from my parents, as made me weary 
of life. It appeared to them that I was obstinate and dis- 
obedient ; and my flesh has seemed ready to move on my 
bones, when I have heard my dear mother say, " That 
girl is the most perverse creature that ever lived ; I can- 
not think what is come to her and my heart used to 
sink like a stone, for I knew not what to do, and the grief 
of my mind quite destroyed my health. My grandfather 
and grandmother, who were to me the tenderest of parents, 
seeing me in such a poor way as to my body, (though 
they knew not the cause,) desired to have me with them. 
I grew something better while I was there ; but on my 
return home, I became as bad as ever. 

This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks ; when 
one day opening my mind to my sister, (as indeed I had 
often before attempted to do, but could not explain my- 
self,) she providentially used these words in her answer, 
" Why, you do not mean to blaspheme, do you ?" A light 
immediately struck into my mind ; I weighed the thought 
over and over, and could truly say, Lord, thou knowest I 
do not mean to blaspheme. I then recollected that I had 
heard something about temptation, and often wondered 
what it was. I thought, it may be, Satan whispers this 
into my mind, like what we read about Christian in the 
Pilgrim's Progress, going through the valley of the shadow 
of death. I then determined never to regard it more, but 
always answer with these words, I do not mean to blas- 
pheme, I will acknowledge Christ for ever ; and in a few 
days I was perfectly delivered. I am the more full on 
this head, because it has been a warning to me ever since, 
not to be too severe in passing a judgment on the actions 
of children, whose reflections are far deeper, and their 
feelings much keener, than we are apt to imagine, 

I was now, I believe, about ten years old, and can re- 
collect many comfortable moments in reading the word of 
God. The promises in Isaiah were, in a particular man- 
ner, applied to my soul, and I hardly ever opened the Bible 
but there was something for me ; till one day I heard a 
person make this remark, that many people took promises 
to themselves which did not belong to them. Of some, 
she observed, they belonged to the Church ; others to the 



18 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



Jews ; such and such to the Gentiles. &c. ; and then be- 
gan to blame the presumption of those who applied them 
to their own souls ! Such a thought had never entered 
my heart before. I knew the words were primarily spoken 
on particular occasions ; but the Lord had led me to 
believe that his word was written to every soul, so far as 
they were willing to receive it by faith. But, from the 
above conversation. I was unhinged.* I knew not what 
to choose, or what to refuse : so that being cast into rea- 
sonings, I lost my love for reading the Scriptures, and 
sunk into a very cold and lifeless state. When I was 
twelve years old, we went to Bath for three months. 
Here I met with many dissipations, and had, I may truly 
say, no enjoyment of religion ; only when in the midst of 
the ball room I used to think, if I knew where to find the 
Methodists, or any who would show me how to please 
God, I would tear off all my fine things, and run through 
the fire to them : and sometimes I thought, if ever I am 
my own mistress, I will spend half the day in working for 
the poor, and the other half in prayer. 

When I was about thirteen, the things of God began to 
return with more power on my mind. One day my sister, 
visiting Mrs, Lefevre.f found her truly awakened, and in 
earnest to save her soul. She told me this news with 
great delight ; for as our parents had no suspicion of her 
being a Methodist, we saw the Lord had opened us a door 
into that Christian liberty we so much longed after. At 
her house we got opportunities of conversation with reli- 
gious persons, which a good deal strengthened our hands, 
though we often said to each other, These Methodists do 
not quite answer our expectations ; though our time is 
short with them, they lose much of it before they begin to 
converse with us about our souls : the apostles would not 
have done so. But we must not form our judgment by 
the rich : let us wait till we get acquainted with some of 
the poor among them ; perhaps they will be right Metho- 
dists, and more like the first Christians, 

Sometimes that promise was brought powerfully to my 
mind, w Whatsoever ye shall ask, believing, ye shall re- 

* H>re again she felt the want of Christian fellowship. — Ed. 
t Well known in the Methodist connection, by her admirable 
letters, published many years ago. 



THE LIFE OF SIRS. FLETCHER. 



19 



ceive :" then, thought I, I may ask ail the grace I will ; 
I may ask power never to offend my God again. Faith 
sprung up in my soul, and I was much drawn out in 
prayer for holiness ; till one day speaking of it to a par- 
ticular person, she raised many objections to the thought 
of all sin being removed from the heart. I felt it as if 
cold water were thrown on a newly kindled fire, and the 
wings of my faith seemed clipped. Fearing lest I was wrong 
I prayed the Lord to answer for himself by his word. So 
taking up the Bible, with much prayer I opened it, and 
immediately cast my eyes on these words, " Behold, I am 
the Lord, the God of all flesh ; is any thing too hard for 
me ?" It came with power ; my heart, as it were, leaped 
for joy ; and I cried out, Now I will wrestle, and I shall 
prevail. 

Toward the end of the following winter, there was a 
confirmation at St. Paul's ; and my father desired I should 
be confirmed. This was a very rousing ordinance to me : 
for some time before I had felt how unworthy I was of it ; 
how unfit thus solemnly to devote myself to God, by re- 
newing that covenant I had so often broken. I read the 
order of confirmation, with the ministration of baptism, 
over and over, and besought my God to give me power to 
keep the charge of the Lord faithfully. For some months 
after, every time I approached the Lord's table, I had a 
very peculiar sense of his presence, and sometimes I felt 
as if the Lord Jesus did from his own hand give me the 
sacred emblems of his body and blood. 

But the next year my mind again wandered after many 
things, and though I tasted, now and then, a little of the 
loving kindness of the Lord, yet in the general I was 
greatly under the power of my own will. Pride and per- 
verseness got many times the upper hand, and there was 
nothing in my life or conversation which could adorn the 
Gospel ; but I did not then see my conduct in that light. 
"W hile our love is small, our perceptions in spiritual things 
are very dark. Alas ! I thought I w T alked as a Christian ; 
but now that I see so much more of the holiness of God, 
I also discern more fully the depth of my fall, and am as- 
tonished that either God or man bore with me. While 
the carnal mind retained this power, I do not wonder my 
dear mother should not love me as the rest of her children ; 



20 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



for I was not only more dull and indolent in every thing 
I had to learn, but I gave way to an insolent and disobe- 
dient spirit in such a degree toward the whole family, 
that the recollection has often seemed to draw blood from 
my heart. How perfectly do I feel these words my own, — 

" Sink down, my soul, sink lower still, 
Lie level with the dust." 

But the Lord did not forsake me. One night after spend- 
ing some time in prayer, I cast my eyes on a book Mrs. 
Lefevre had given me, and read these words : 

" I '11 look into my Saviour's breast ; 
Away, sad doubt and anxious care, 
Mercy is all that 's written there. 

Jesus' blood, through earth and skies, 
Mercy, free boundless mercy cries." 

I saw, as it w 7 ere, the Father of mercy opening his arms to 
receive me, and on that boundless love I had liberty to cast 
my whole soul. I was more and more thankful for my 
union with Mrs. Lefevre, and experienced in her the 
greatest comfort of my life. 

About this season my ever honoured grandfather and 
grandmother w T ere taken from us. He was one of the ex- 
cellent of the earth : his life, in many respects, was re- 
markable and singular. In his last illness he delighted 
much in these words, " My sheep hear my voice ; I know 
them, and they follow me," &c. He was aged seventy- 
nine, and had lived with my grandmother forty -five years, 
in a union not usually to be met with. He was a pattern 
in many respects ; plain in his dress, mortified in his food, 
and strictly conscientious in all his expenses. When many 
dishes were on his table, he scarcely ate of any thing but 
mutton, and that for many years, because he believed it 
most conducive to his health. His love and charity to 
the poor were uncommon. He esteemed it a reproach to 
any man to say he died very rich ; adding, It is too plain 
a mark he has not made a good use of his income. 

One day upon the Exchange, a gentleman who was by 
him said to another, " Sir John, I give you joy ; they tell 
me you have completed your hundred thousand pounds." 
The other replied, " I hope to double it before I die." My 
grandfather, turning short, said, " Then, Sir John, you are. 



fHE LIFE OF 3IHS. FLETCHEK. 



21 



riot worthv of it." Once being at the table of a nobleman, 
he observed the guests drinking to excess, and conversing 
in a very unchristian manner. At first he tried to turn 
the conversation ; but the torrent being too strong, he 
rose up, and leaning over the back of his chair, he gave 
them a solemn reproof, joined to an affectionate warning, 
and then left the company. I have been with him in his 
chariot when he has suddenly stopped it to reprove pro- 
fane swearing on the road. 

My grandmother was a woman of an uncommonly sweet 
temper ; and having acquired a good deal of skill in physic, 
she so helped the poor, that they looked on her as a mo- 
ther, a nurse, and a counsellor. When my grandfather 
had been dead three months, she dreamed, one night, he 
came to her, and standing by the bedside, said she " should 
come to him shortly, till then his happiness was not so 
.complete as it would be;" and added, " Study the Scrip- 
tures, study the Scriptures, in them ye think ye have eternal 
life. 77 From this time she applied to them daily, in a 
manner superior to what she had done before ; though 
she had always a high veneration for the word of God. 
About three weeks after, she said to us one day, <; Air that 
room ; I will go into it, that I may die in the bed Mr* 
Dunster died in." From the night she went into it, she 
came out no more ; for she died within the week. As she 
did not appear any worse than usual, she was at first 
thought to be in no danger. She said to herself two or 
three times, " What a blessing I am dying without pain ! 
I have no more than I can very well bear !" 

From this time we began to get rather more liberty, 
and one day, as my sister was on a visit at Mrs. Lefe- 
vre's, Mr. Romaine came in, and began to speak of the 
sinfulness of attending the playhouse. She listened with 
great earnestness to all he said ; which repeating to me 
on her return, it was as a nail in a sure place, and I began 
to cry for power to stand to the light which I had then 
received. 

A few months after this my sister married, by which I 
was left alone. I must observe, to this time my parents 
had very little suspicion of our having any intercourse 
with the Methodists, but thought, (when the before-men- 
tioned servant was put away, and our books taken from 



22 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



us,) that our religious impressions had worn off. I now 
saw the time was come, when I must confess Christ before 
men, if I would wish him to confess me before his Father 
and the holy angels. I consulted some of my serious friends 
about the playhouse ; but they said, " Were you older, we 
should know what to advise, but as you are but sixteen, 
if your parents insist on your going, we do not see how 
you can avoid it." This answer did not fully satisfy me ; 
and I was much distressed both ways. I saw the duty I 
owed to an absolute command from my parents in a very 
strong light ; and, on the other hand, I remembered that 
my obedience to them was to be in the Lord. I sought 
direction in prayer, and endeavoured to examine the ques- 
tion on both sides ; but the more I searched, the clearer 
it appeared to me I must not comply. I considered the 
playhouse had a tendency to weaken every Christian tem- 
per, and to strengthen all that was contrary ; to represent 
vice under the false colour of virtue, and to lead in every 
respect into the spirit of the world, of which the apostle 
declares, The friendship of this world is enmity with God. 
When the time came, and my obedient compliance was 
required, I begged to be left at home. On a refusal, I laid 
open my whole heart to my father ; apprizing him, I would 
not willingly be disobedient in any thing, unless where 
conscience made it appear to be my duty. We conversed 
on the subject with great freedom ; for my dear father 
was a man of deep reason, calmness, and condescension. 
He replied, " Child, your arguments prove too much ; and 
therefore are not conclusive. If what you say be true, 
then all places of diversion, all dress and company, nay, 
all agreeable liveliness, and the whole spirit of the world, 
is sinful." I embraced the opportunity and said, " Sir, / 
see it as such, and therefore am determined no more to be 
conformed to its customs, fashions, or maxims." This 
was a season of great trial, but the Lord stood by me : 
glory be to his holy name ! 

I daily discerned a great difference between my man- 
ner of life, and that which the Bible described as the life 
of a Christian. I had often strong desires to be wholly 
given to the Lord. Much opposition I met with for hav- 
ing declared my sentiments ; and what was very cutting 
to me. I was often debarred from the pleasure of seeing 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



23 



my friend, Mrs. Lefevre. This was the consequence I 
much feared, if I should openly declare my mind ; but I 
was thoroughly convinced, if I loved my friend more 
than God's law, I should never know the power of true 
religion. It is my natural temper to be very anxious 
about those I love, and to fix too much of my confidence 
in them. This was the case with respect to Mrs. Le- 
fevre. I saw and lamented it, beseeching the Lord to 
take away all idolatry out of my affections, and give mc 
to love her as I ought. 

I dreamed one night I was in a church, and saw writ- 
ten on the wall, in letters of gold, these words : Thou 
shalt have no other gods but me. While I was looking on 
it, I saw the name of Mrs. Lefevre wrote under it. I 
was surprised, and presently beheld the following line, If 
this is your god, then what am I ? I awakened with a 
deep conviction that I had placed too much confidence 
on an arm of flesh. I knew it was the voice of God by 
this mark, — a great sweetness accompanied the reproof. 
This was the method the Lord has always used toward 
me ; he held me up with one hand, while he smote me 
with the other. 

In the month of June, 1756, I spent a day with Mrs. 
Lefevre. It was a profitable time : I found my heart 
very open, and told her, I believed I could give up even 
her to the will of God. She replied, " Nothing you could 
have said would have given me more satisfaction. For a 
long time I have thought that the thread of my life was 
nearly spun out. I have no clog upon my chariot 
wheels ; but my greatest pain was for you, who have 
already so many trials surrounding you." This was her 
last address ; for three days after I received a message, 
that she was seized with a sudden^ illness, and in great 
danger. My mother kindly permitted me to visit her ; 
but I found her on the borders of eternity, into which, 
after expressing with great difficulty, " I have comforts 
indeed !" her happy spirit took its flight. As my time 
was limited, I had returned home when I received the 
news of her death. I went into a grove that was in our 
garden, to pour out my soul before the Lord. But what 
may seem strange, I was not permitted to feel at that 



24 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



time much pain, for the Lord met me with these words, 
which sprang up as living water in my soul,— 

"My star by night, my sun by day, 
My spring of life, when parch'd with drought ; 
My wine to cheer, my bread to stay, 

My strength, my shield, my safe abode, 

My robe before the throne of God." 

I felt the Lord Jesus did answer all these characters to 
my soul, and by faith I beheld him as my robe before the 
throne of God. 

When I was about seventeen years of age, my father 
and two brothers (younger than I) were going with some 
other company to see the Royal George, which was six- 
teen miles from the shore from whence we set out ; my 
father desired me to accompany them. I knew not what 
to do, but at length believed I ought to obey. Indeed I 
thought I should have no farther cross than the going to 
the ship, and returning in the afternoon. But we had 
not been long in the vessel, before some of the company 
began to ridicule my overmuch religion. When we drew 
near the Royal George, the men said we must not 
attempt to go around her, for she was deep and very dan- 
gerous ; but the gentlemen insisted they should row 
around the ship. While this was doing, we were in great 
danger, and the ladies, exceedingly alarmed, began to cry 
out. Some of them said, " Miss Bosanquet, why are you 
so calm ?" I told them I saw the danger, but our business 
w r as to trust in God ; I was quite ready either to sink or 
to be saved. My confidence in the Lord kept me secure 
in his providence. I had now an opportunity to speak, 
and they were ready to hear. When we got into the 
ship, it seemed like a town ; such a vast variety of places 
like shops, were all around. We were met by Captain 
Burnet, who led us into a grand room ; the place design- 
ed for us was pointed out by a lady that attended us. 
Captain Burnet proposed a dance, and after that a cold 
collation. Now I felt indeed. Several of the company 
fell upon me with, " Now, Miss Bosanquet, what will you 
do now ? You must dance ; you cannot run away. " 
Knowing my help must come from above, I lifted up my 
heart to the Lord, and cried to him for help. Presently 
a messenger in haste called for Captain Burnet. He ran 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 25 

down, but soon returned, with great disappointment in 
his countenance, saying, " O what shall we do? The 
Prince of Wales and Admiral Anson are coming on 
board," Never was any thing more welcome to me than 
this hurry of preparing for the prince — our present king, 
one year older than I. My heart praised the Lord for 
this timely interposition. The cannon put aside the 
dance, and we at length talked of returning. We were 
let down into our little vessel, and I was truly thankful 
to be on the way home. But another trial soon occurred. 
Some of the company proposed going to Vauxhall; this 
I refused. " Then," said they, " you must stay in the 
vessel with the men." I knew not what to do. As we 
drew near the part where our coaches were waiting for 
us, a strange disagreement took place between two of the 
gentlemen; one of them, my brother, rose up, and bid 
the man draw near to the steps ; he got out, and I fol- 
lowed him. The rest went on to Vauxhall. I was truly 
thankful when we got into the coach. This was the last 
attempt of this kind. 

But this peaceful frame did not last long. Some 
snares were presented before me, which dissipated my 
mind, and cooled the fervour of my affections. In this 
spirit I went to London in the winter. I was now about 
eighteen. As I had not yet had a clear conviction to 
throw aside dress, while in my father's house I continued 
in my appearance like the company I conversed with, 
only I did not go with them to public diversions ; and 
this winter I began to gain favour in their eyes, and felt 
myself in great danger of being carried down the 
stream. But the thought alarmed my soul, and caused 
me to look about for help. I cried to the Lord to bring 
me acquainted with some of the excellent of the earth, 
that I might learn to walk in the narrow way which 
leads to life and glory, and into which I saw I was 
scarcely entered. One day I heard a conversation con- 
cerning an extraordinary work among the Methodists, 
that some of them spoke of such a change being wrought 
on their will and affections, that they found that word to 
be accomplished, " Old things are passed away, and all 
things are become new." The remembrance of that 
text. " Is any thing too hard for me ?" came with fresh 

2 



26 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



power to my soul ? and some encouraging promises 
sprang up in my mind, and made me persevere in prayer* 
I told my serious friends, (who were not joined to the 
Methodists,) if they could procure me an hour's conver- 
sation with one of those pious women, I should esteem 
it a great favour ; for I longed to see any one who would 
tell me of a deeper religion than I had known. I saw 
myself surrounded with snares, and often thought with 
tears on those words, — 

"See where o'er desert wastes I erf, 
And neither food nor feeder have, 
Nor fold, nor place of refuge near, 
While no man cares my soul to save." 

At this time I became acquainted with a gentleman in 
some sense religious, though I fear not deeply so. He pro- 
fessed much affection for me, and my religious friends 
advised me to think of him, as it was likely to be very 
acceptable to my parents, and would open a door to more 
religious liberty. But I cannot say he was agreeable 
to me. Neither my understanding nor affection could 
approve the proposal ; yet I was hurt by unprofitable 
reasonings. Sometimes I thought it might be of the Lord ; 
at others, I could not see into it at all. While thus per- 
plexed, I received a message from Miss Furley, (now Mrs. 
Downes,) that on such a day Mrs. Crosby would be at 
her house. I we'nt to meet her in the spirit of prayer 
and expectation. She simply related what God had done 
for her soul. The words she spoke were clothed with 
power, and my convictions of the necessity of holiness 
were much increased. The affair of the gentleman was 
obliterated from my mind ; and the prospect of a life 
wholly devoted to God drank up every other considera- 
tion. In a few hours I returned home to our country 
house on Epping Forest ; but such a sweet sense of God, 
the greatness of his love, and willingness to save to the 
uttermost, remained on my mind, that if I but thought on 
the word holiness, or of the adorable name of Jesus, my 
heart seemed to take fire in an instant ; and my desires 
were more intensely fixed on God than ever I had found 
them before. 

A few days after I wrote to Mrs. Crosby. The fol 
lowing is an extract : — 



THE LIFE t)F MBS. FLETCHES. 



27 



"Forest House, May 17, 1757. 

<c The Lord hath indeed been merciful above all I can 
&sk or think. I am more drawn to prayer. I find a 
more earnest pursuit of holiness than ever; but what 
most stirs me up is, I seem to hear the Lord calling to 
me in these words, e Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out 
hence, touch not the unclean thing ; be clean, ye that 
bear the vessels of the Lord.' " 

I now saw the path in which I ought to walk. I de- 
termined not to think about a married life, for my present 
light was to abide single. But the Lord seemed to call 
me to more activity, insomuch that I cried out, " Lord, 
what wilt thou have me to do ? 5 ' I would be given up, 
both soul and body, to serve the members of Christ. My 
firm resolution was to be wholly given up to the Church 
m any way that he pleased, I desired not to be idle, 
but employed as those described by St. Paul to Timothy, 
" If she have brought up children, if she have lodged 
strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, and dili- 
gently followed after every good work." I can hardly 
express with what power these words would come to my 
mind. It seemed to me the Lord had planned out all my 
Way ; and I only wished so to walk. 

The end of this summer brought me a great trial. My 
parents were going to Scarborough. My mother offered 
to take me with them, if I would do as they did, and not 
bring a reproach on them in a strange place. This 
seemed a reasonable request ; but I could not comply, for 
the spirit of the world was as contrary to that of Christ 
in Scarborough as in London. I requested to be left 
with my sister ; but it was appointed for me to spend 
most of my time at an uncle's in London. They were 
exceedingly kind, and let me have much liberty. I had 
never before had the opportunity of a constant attend- 
ance on the means of grace ; and I greatly feared 
abusing this talent. One of my acquaintance, being 
imprudent, pressed me never to be absent from any 
meeting, or preaching. By this means I am sensible I 
went too far. I walked about more than my strength 
could bear, having been scarce ever permitted to go out 
of our own grounds but in a carriage. But above all, I 
am pained when I think how little of Christian prudence 



28 THE LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 

appeared in my conduct. The kind family in which I 
was received could not but blame and condemn a con- 
duct which, though the motive was upright, was in itself 
sometimes wrong. 

During this season I cultivated an acquaintance for 
which I trust I shall for ever praise the Lord. It was 
with Mrs. Sarah Ryan, who (with a pious woman named 
Mary Clark) lived in a little house in Christopher-alley? 
Moor fields. They both possessed the spirit of the primi- 
tive Church in an eminent degree. A few of the most 
lively souls in the London society were frequently gathered 
there. The more I saw of that family, the more I was 
convinced Christ had yet a pure Church below ; and 
often, while in their company, I thought myself with the 
hundred and twenty that waited to be baptized by the 
Holy Spirit. It was at Mrs. Ryan's house that Mrs. 
Crosby boarded ; and whenever I was from home, this 
was the place of my residence, and truly I found it to be 
a little Bethel. 

The more I conversed with Mrs. Ryan, the more I 
discovered of the glory of God breaking forth from 
within, and felt a strong attraction to consider her as the 
friend of my soul. I told her the past sins, follies, and 
mercies of my life, and received a similar account from 
her. 

The time now drew nigh for my parents' return, and 
I went home to receive them. While in London, I had 
used more exercise than my constitution could bear. My 
mother was much surprised when she saw me appear so 
ill, and laid it all to my religion. A fever came on 
rapidly, and I was ordered to go to bed ; but I could 
scarcely keep on my feet while I ascended the stairs. 
When I was laid in bed, how shall I describe the posture 
of my mind ? Distracted by the fever ; torn by fears and 
temptations ; and deprived of those friends who at this 
time could have understood and comforted me ! The loss 
of Mrs. Lefevre now also returned on my mind with 
great pain. My dear parents were not aware of the 
nature of my illness, which was, as the apothecary after- 
ward told them, a strong nervous fever. They thought 
it all arose from some trouble of mind I would not own, 
and told me one day, if I did not rouse myself out of 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



29 



that low state, my head should be blistered, and I should 
be shut up in a dark room. My father being present, I 
said, " Will you put me in a mad house, papa ?" he said, 
" No ; but you must be shut up at home, if you do not 
strive against this lowness. The doctor says you have 
no pulse at all ; he never saw a patient so low." My 
mind became greatly depressed ; I could find no comfort 
of any kind, either from God or outward things. 

But the Lord graciously helped me in an extraordinary 
way. As I lay reflecting on my situation, and weeping 
before him on account of the darkness of my mind, I 
discerned an unusual brightness, (yet not dazzling,) and 
a voice came so powerfully, that I can only say, I heard 
and felt it with every faculty of soul and body, Thou 
shalt walk with me in white! An answer seemed to come 
from my heart, independent of myself,* " Lord, how can 
that be, seeing I am not worthy ?" It was spoken to me 
again, Thou shalt walk with me in white ; I will make thee 
worthy. This was followed by those words, J will 
thorougMy purge away thy dross, and take away all thy 
tin! and 

" Glory is on earth begun, 
Everlasting life is won.'* 

To this day I have the most lively remembrance of 
that manifestation ; and in the darkest moments I have 
since passed through, I could never doubt its being the 
voice of the Lord. My illness was long, and attended 
with many trials. Before my recovery, Mrs. Ryan was 
removed from London to Bristol, to be housekeeper at 
the room there ; and much did I pray the Lord that we 
should be brought together again. 

I was now about nineteen years of age, and soon after, 
my parents having an intention to go to Bath for a 
season, proposed that I should spend that time at Bristol, 
as I was now thought to be consumptive. I gladly 
embraced the offer, as a merciful providence. I accord- 
ingly went to Bristol, where I remained seven weeks. 
Mrs. Downes (late Miss Furley) showed me much kind- 

* Who can account for this whole manifestation on common 
principles ? Yet what pious mind will not conclude it was help 
from the Lord in the time of need? — Ed, 



30 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



ness. Indeed, I was in some sense committed to her cam 
by my parents, who had for years been acquainted with 
her family. I spent much of my time with Mrs. Ryan 
and Mrs. Clark, and I trust in some degree partook of 
their spirit. After my return home, I clearly discovered 
that I still conformed too much in my appearance to the 
spirit and fashions of the world ; but I plainly saw a 
renunciation of that conformity would give my relations 
great offence. I loved my parents, and feared to disoblige 
them. I sought for arguments to quench that little spark 
of light which was kindling in my soul, conscious they 
could not see in my light, and knowing that obedience to 
parents was one of the first duties. I did so far quench 
it, that I put on again many of the things I had thrown 
off. My acquaintance took much notice of me, and I 
was so afraid of losing their good opinion, that I had no 
power to reprove sin, or even to refrain from joining in 
light or trifling conversation when in company. But I 
soon discerned the danger consequent on their approval, 
and therefore determined to weigh well what was most 
likely to please God, and by that to abide. 

I prayed for direction, and saw clearly that plainness 
of dress and behaviour best became a Christian, and that 
for the following reasons :— 

First. The apostle expressly forbids women professing 
godliness to let their adorning be in apparel ; allowing 
them no other ornament than that of a meek and quiet 
spirit. 

Secondly. I saw the reasonableness of the command, 
and proved it good for a proud heart to wear the plain 
and modest livery of God's children. 

Thirdly. It tended to open my mouth ; for when I 
appeared like the world, in Babylonish garments, I had 
its esteem, and knew not how to part with it. But when 
I showed, by my appearance, that I considered myself as 
a stranger and foreigner, none can know (but by trying) 
what an influence it has on our whole conduct, and what 
a fence it is to keep us from sinking into the spirit of 
the world. For there is no medium : they who are con- 
formed to the fashions, customs, and maxims of the world, 
must embrace the spirit also, and they shall find the 
esteem they seek : for the world will love its own. But 



THE LIFE OF VRS. FLETCHER. 



81 



let them remember also that word. The friendship of this 
world is enmity with God. 

Fourthly. I saw myself as a steward, who must render 
an account for every talent, and that it was my privilege 
to have the smiles of God on every moment of my time, 
or penny of money which I laid out. 

Fifthly. I saw clearly that the helping my fellow crea- 
tures in their need, was both more rational, and more 
pleasant, than spending my substance on superfluities ; 
and as I am commanded to love my neighbour as myself, 
and to consider all done to the household of faith as done 
to Christ, surely I ought not onlv to suffer nay suDerrluitv 
to give way to their necessity, but also (as occasion may 
require) my necessities to their extremities. 

Sixthly. But it is not only the talent of money, but of 
time, which is thrown away by conformity to the world, 
entangling us in a thousand little engagements, which a 
dress entirely plain cuts through at once. 

Seventhly. The end usually proposed by young persons 
in their dress is such as a devout soul would abominate. 
A heathen may say, It will promote my being comfortably 
settled in life : but I believe the Lord appoints the bounds 
of our habitation, and that no good thing; shall he withheld 
from those who waTk uprightly. I have therefore nothing 
to do, but to commend myself to God, in holy obedience, 
and to leave every step of my life to be guided by his 
will. I will therefore make iKmy rule to be clean and 
neat, but in the plainest things, according to my station ; 
and whenever I thought on the subje-ct, these words 
would pass through my mind with power, For so the holy 
women of old adorned themselves. 

As soon as I saw my way clearly, I ventured to open 
my mind to my father concerning dress, as I had doner 
before with regard to public places ; entreating him to 
bear with me while I endeavoured to show him my reasons 
for refusing to be conformed to the customs, fashions, and 
maxims of the world. He heard me with great patience ; 
and as. I loved him tenderly, it came very near me to 
oppose him. My trials increased daily. I was perplexed 
to know how far to conform, and how far to resist. I 
feared, on the one hand, disobedience to my parents, and 
on the other, disobedience to God, 



32 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



My dear mother had sometimes expressed a belief that 
it would be better for the family if I were removed from 
it, lest my brothers, who were younger than I, should be 
infected by my sentiments and example. Yet she did 
not see it clear to bid me go ; but rather wished me to 
depart of my own accord. The furnace now became 
hot ; but I did not dare to come out without the Lord. 
Indeed, could there have been any amicable agreement 
between us, and that I had my parents' leave to live else- 
where, I would gladly have accepted it. I even made 
some distant proposals of this kind, but they never saw 
it good to concur. Providence thus overruled my desire 
for wise ends : and to run away from my father's house, 
I could not think of, I was twenty-one years of age, 
and had a small fortune of my own. I saw myself on 
the verge of a material change, and it was easy to dis- 
cern that my father's house would not long be a refuge 
for me ; but in what manner I should be removed, or 
what trials I might yet have to go through, I could not 
tell. The continual language of my heart was, / am 
oppressed : Lord, undertake thou for me. 

One day my father said to me : " There is a particular 
promise which I require of you ; that is, that you will 
never, on any occasion, either now, or hereafter, attempt 
to make your brothers what you call a Christian." I 
answered, (looking to the Lord,) " I think, sir, I dare not 
consent to that." He replied, " Then you force me to 
put you out of my house." I answered, "Yes, sir, 
according to your views of things, I acknowledge it ; 
and, if I may but have your approval, no situation will 
be disagreeable." He replied, 44 There are many things 
in your present situation which must be, I should think, 
very uncomfortable." This I acknowledged, and added 
that if he would but say he approved of my removal, I 
would take a lodging which I had heard of at Mrs. Gold's, 
in Hoxton-square ; but that no suffering could incline 
me to leave him, except by his free consent. He replied 
with some emotion, " I do net know that you ever diso- 
bliged me wilfully in your life, but only in these fancies ; 
and my children shall always have a home in my house." 
As I could not but discern a separation would take place, 
(though I knew not how nor when,) I judged it most 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



33 



prudent to take the lodgings, that in case I should be 
suddenly removed, I might have a home to go to ; which I 
preferred to the going into any friend's house as a visiter, 
I also hired a sober girl, to be ready whenever I might 
want her. I informed my mother, a short time after, of 
the steps I had taken. She gave me two beds, one for 
myself, and a little one for my maid ; and appeared to 
converse on it in a way of approval. Something, how- 
ever, seemed to hold us, on both sides, from bringing it 
to the point. 

For the next two months I suffered much ; my mind 
was exercised with many tender and painful feelings. One 
day my mother sent me word, " I must go home to my 
lodgings that night." I went down to dinner, but they 
said nothing on the subject ; and I could not begin it. 
The next day, as I was sitting in my room, I received 
again the same message. During dinner, however, no- 
thing was spoken on the subject. When it was over, I 
knew not what to do. I was much distressed. I thought, 
if they go without saying any thing to me, I cannot go ; 
and if they should not invite me to come and see them 
again, how shall I bear it ? My mind was pressed down 
with sorrow by this suspense. Just as they were going 
out, my mother said, " If you will, the coach, w r hen it has 
set us down, may carry you home to your lodging." My 
father added, " And we shall be glad to sec you to dinner 
next Tuesday." This was some relief. I remained silent. 
When the coach returned, I ordered my trunk into it ; and 
struggling with myself, took a kind of leave of each of 
the servants, as they stood in a row in tears, in my way 
out of the house. About eight o'clock I reached my 
lodging. 

it consisted of two rooms, as yet unfurnished. I had 
neither candle nor any convenience. The people of the 
house I had never seen before, only I knew them by cha- 
racter to be sober persons. I borrowed a table and a 
candlestick, and the window seat served me as a chair. 
When bolting the door, I began to muse on my present 
situation. 

I am, said I, but young — only entered into my twenty- 
second year. I am cast out of my father's house. I know 
the heart of a stranger ; but, alas ! how much more of it 

2* 



34 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



may I yet have to prove ! I cried unto the Lord, and 
found a sweet calm overspread my spirit. I could in a 
measure act faith on these words : " When thy father and 
thy mother forsake thee, the Lord shall take thee up." 
The following reflections also arose in my mind : I am 
now exposed to the world, and know not what snares may- 
be gathering around me. I have a weak understanding, 
and but little grace. Therefore, now, before any snare 
has entangled me, I shall form a plan for my future con- 
duct, and endeavour to walk thereby. First, I w T ill not 
receive visits from single men, and in order to evade the 
trial more easily, I will not get acquainted with any ; I 
will, as much as possible, refrain from going into any 
company where they are. Secondly, I will endeavour to 
lay out my time by rule, that I may know each hour what 
is to be done : nevertheless, I will cheerfully submit to 
have these rules broken or overturned, whenever the pro- 
vidence of God thinks fit to do so. And thirdly, I will 
endeavour to fix my mind on the example of Jesus Christy 
and to lead a mortified life ; remembering, " He came not 
to be ministered unto, but to minister." 

The prejudices of education are strong, especially in 
those persons who have been brought up rather in high 
life. The being removed from a parent's habitation 
seemed very awful. I looked on myself as being liable to 
a deep reproach, and trembled at the thought. But I re- 
membered that word, " He that loveth father or mother 
more than me, is not worthy of me." 

My maid being now come, and having lighted a fire in 
the other room, and borrowed a few things of the family, 
she begged me to come into it, as the night was very cold. 
And now my captivity seemed turning every moment* 
That thought, I am brought out of the world ; I have no- 
thing to do but to be holy, both in body and spirit, filled me 
with consolation. Thankfulness overflowed my heart ; 
and such a spirit of peace and content poured into my 
soul, that all about me seemed a little heaven. 

Some bread, with rank salt butter, and water to drink, 
made me so comfortable a meal, that I could truly say, I 
ate my meat with gladness and singleness of heart. As the 
bed was not put up, I laid that night almost on the ground, 
and the windows having no shutters, and it being a bright 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 35 

moonlight night, the sweet solemnity thereof well agreed 
with the tranquillity of my spirit. I had now daily more 
and more cause for praise. I was acquainted with many 
of the excellent of the earth, and my delight was in them. 
Yet I was not without my cross ; for every time I went 
to see my dear parents, what I felt when, toward night, I 
rose up to go away, cannot well be imagined. Not that 
I wished to abide there ; but there was something in bid- 
ding farewell to those under whose roof I had always lived, 
that used to affect me much, though I saw the wise and 
gracious hand of God in all ; and that he had by this 
means set me free for his own service. From my heart I 
thanked him as the gracious author, and them as the pro- 
fitable instruments, of doing me so great a good. My mo- 
ther was frequently giving me little things ; and every 
renewed mark of kindness made the wound to bleed 
afresh. 

There was, in the years sixty-one and sixty-two, a very 
great revival among the societies, both in London and 
many other places ; and an earnest desire was stirred up 
in many hearts after full salvation. Prayer was made 
without ceasing by the faithful, " That the glory of God 
might go forth as brightness ; and his salvation as a lamp 
that burnetii." These prayers were answered in a very 
powerful manner. The Spirit was poured out on some in 
such a degree as can hardly be conceived, but by those 
who felt the Divine influence. Not only Mr. Wesley and 
Mr. Maxfield were in an uncommon manner blessed in 
their preaching ; but many simple persons, both men and 
women, were lively harbingers of the approaching pente- 
cost, and cried aloud, The kingdom of heaven is at hand ! 
The mighty power of God was seen on every side ! Christ 
was held out as a complete Saviour ; and represented to 
the eye of faith as crying out on this festal day, " If any 
man thirst, let him come unto me and drink ; he that be- 
lieveth on me, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living 
water." These rivers did, indeed, flow from heart to heart. 
The gift of victorious faith was given to many, not only 
for themselves but others. A clear light shone on these 
truths : " They that are in Christ are new creatures ; old 
things are passed away, and all things become new. The 
blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin." The whole 



26 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 

soul, with every faculty, shall be so brought into subjection 
to Christ, as to feel, / live not, but Christ liveth in me ! 

Some portion of this river seemed now to reach me also, 
The means of grace were as marrow to my soul ; and often 
these words were applied : If thou canst believe, all things 
are possible to him that believeth, But I could not believe 
so as to give up my whole heart to the Lord. I knew him 
mine, but other things had yet life in me, though not 
dominion over me. I was now assured the blessing of 
^notification (or, in other words, a heart entirely renew- 
ed) could not be received but by simple, naked faith ;* 
and my soul groaned out its desire in these words : — 

" That mighty faith on me bestow, 
Which cannot ask in vain j 
Which holds, and will not let thee go, 
Till I my suit obtain." 

One day, as a few of us were praying together at bro- 
ther Gilford's, we were so drawn out, that we were, I think, 
four hours engaged, when I really thought we had not been 
above one ; and this was frequently the case with us. 
Another day, as I was at a meeting for prayer at a friend's 
house, when he had continued some time, I seemed as if I 
had lost all. Deep discouragement seized my spirit ; but 
I wrestled on, and was in an agony to love God with all 
my heart. Brother Gilford was praying for me, when in 
a moment I felt a calmness overspread my spirit, and by 
faith I laid hold on Jesus, as my full Saviour. I said in 
my heart, Thy will be done ! Thy will be done ! and in that 
I felt my rest. In the same moment brother Gilford 
changed prayer into praise, telling the Lord he had heard 
and answered : he had set me at liberty, and now he would 
praise him. This surprised me, as I had not given the 
least sign, by either word or motion, of what I had felt 
within. He concluded his prayer with that act of praise. 
He asked me how I felt myself? I answered, I could not 
fully tell ; but that I found that the love of the will of God 
had brought an unspeakable peace into my soul : but that 
f did not feel joy ; only a rest in that thought, The Lord 
reigneth, and his will shall be done. As I was walking 

* By simple faith, I mean, taking God at his word without rea- 
soning ; and by naked faith, I mean, stripped of every other depend* 
©nee but on Christ alone. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



37 



home, i found the presence of the Lord to be with me. 
He seemed to say, Round thee and beneath thee are spread 
the everlasting arms. I felt they were so, and my faith 
seemed to gather strength continually. 

Yet for some days I was much exercised with tempta- 
tion, and continually accused, that I had thought, said, or 
done something amiss.* But after a little time I found a 
more solid rest ; and sensibly felt my will and affections 
were fixed on God, and most powerfully was I penetrated 
with these words : — 

" Their daily delight shall be in his name, 
They shall, as their right, his righteousness claim ; 
His righteousness wearing, and cleansed by his blood, 
Bold shall they appear in the presence of God !" 

One night I awaked with much of the presence of God, 
when these words were powerfully applied, Thou shalt call 
thy walls Salvation, and thy gates Praise. That promise 
also dwelt on my mind, In returning and rest shall ye be 
saved ; in quietness and confidence shall be thy strength. 

I believe what I felt at this season was a low degree of 
pure love ; or what we call a clean heart. But though it 
was in a small degree, yet did it evidence itself by a mighty 
change. I had many temptations, and not much joy. Yet 
did I never feel any thing contrary to love ; and in the 
temptations with which I was attacked, I felt a great dif- 
ference. Satan never attempted to draw my affections, 
neither to move me to anger, for there I could have an- 
swered him, Thou hast nothing in me ;")* but I was followed 
with such a sense of sorrow as I cannot express. The 
fear of living to fall from grace, and sin against God, tore 
me at intervals, for some minutes, as one on a rack. Then 
a turn of the eye, by faith, on Jesus, would make my ene- 
mies flee. Another cause of sorrow was — something I 
am at a loss to describe, but it seemed most exquisite feel- 
ings were opened in my soul, such as I never knew before. 
If I saw or heard of the consequences of sin, I was ready 
to die ! For instance, — if in the street I saw a child ill 
used or slighted by the person who seemed to have the 
care of it, or a poor person sweating under an uncom- 

* A strong mark of the reality of the work.— Ed. 
t His strength lay in applying the law to a conscience so ten- 
der.— Ep. 



33 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



monly heavy burden ; or if I saw a horse, or a dog, op- 
pressed or wounded, it was more than I could bear. J 
seemed to groan and travail in birth, as it were, for the 
whole creation. Yet notwithstanding all these painful 
feelings, I had a solid peace. I always felt I committed 
my all to Jesus, and I lived on his faithfulness. As I ob- 
served before, anger seemed in my soul to know its place 
no more. Neither did I hud an attachment to any crea- 
ture, or thing, but such as reflected from the will of God. 
Such a sense of purity dwelt on my soul as I can hardly 
describe. I often felt the power of those words, Unto the 
pure, all things are pure. I sometimes thought I should 
not care if my breast was as a window, and if every thought 
was without a covering to man as it was to God. A little 
degree of heavenly wisdom was also let down into my 
heart. Being fixed on a solid rock, I was not so easily 
shaken ; and those words were powerfully applied, " Thou 
shalt not be afraid for any evil tidings, for thy heart stand- 
eth fast, believing in the Lord." But above all, I felt such 
a simplicity, such a hanging on the Lord Jesus, that self 
seemed annihilated, and Jesus was my all. The nothing 
into which I felt myself sunk, and the great salvation I 
seemed to possess in Jesus, were such as I cannot explain. 
I used often to say, It appears to me that unbelief cannot 
find a place in my soul to set its foot upon. And indeed 
it could not ; for slavish fear seemed quite cast out. I 
could say, " I live not, but Christ liveth in me, and the 
life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the 
Son of God." I was truly nothing, and all my salvation 
came through faith in the Son of God. He was my soul's 
delight ; and I felt if I could have been saved any other 
way, I would not have accepted it. O how often was that 
word in my mouth and heart ! 

" Having done all, by faith I stand, 

And give the praise, O Lord, to thee ; 
Thy holy arm, thy own right hand, 
Hath got thyself the victory."* 

All this time the Lord kept me, as to outward things, like 
an infant in its mother's arms. I put in practice my first 
resolution, and had no other thought but of devoting my- 

* Who can deny this great salvation without denying the truth 
and power of God ? But O ! how few seek it I — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



39 



self to God in a single life : only I remember I sometimes 
thought, were I to be married to Mr. Fletcher,* would he 
not be rather a help, than a hinderance to my soul ? But 
it was only a thought, and had arisen from what some 
friends said to me on the subject. 

As I desired to be the Lord's, and to spend all I had to 
his glory, I sometimes carried this desire too far, and did 
not allow myself quite what was needful. My exercises 
were greater than I had been used to, and I was seized 
with a complaint in my bowels. I thought if I had some 
spice boiled in water, and port wine with it, it would help 
me, but I was unwilling to get it. However my heavenly 
Father took care for that. He knows what we have need 
of before we ask ; for at that very time a relation called, 
and brought me a quantity of spice as a present ; and the 
very next day my father called in his chariot, and brought 
me a hamper of port wine, neither of them knowing any 
thing of my wants ! I therefore received it as immedi- 
ately from the Lord. And I could give a variety of in- 
stances of the same nature. It seemed I could hardly 
think of a thing, but it was brought to me. O how true 
is that promise, " What is given up for God, shall be re- 
stored manifold in this present life." Before the Lord 
made me to wander from my father's house, a particular 
person used to upbraid me with that reflection, " You will 
soon find the difference between your father's house and 
such poking holes as you will live in. There you will not 
have one inch but the common street : whereas you have 
been used to large and fine gardens, in which you much 
delighted. And how tired you will be of such trash as 
you provide, instead of the plentiful provision of his table. 
Before you have lived so for six months, I will engage 
you will wish yourself back again, and your religion out 
of the way." 

But was it so ? O Lord, thou knowest ! " Thou didst 
feed me as with the finest wheat flour, and with water 
out of the stony rock didst thou satisfy me." All I could 
want, all I could desire, was bountifully supplied. When 
I have sometimes been reflecting on my situation, inward 
and outward, I have remembered that word, The meek shall 



* At that time Mr, Wesley's assistant in London, 



40 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



inherit the earth. Glory be to thee, O Lord, thou hast 
meekened my spirit, and thou makest me to possess all 
things. Often I have said, in amazement, What can I 
fear 1 I have no desire : the will of God swallows up all ! 
My Jesus and my all ! my Jesus and my all for ever ! 



PART THE SECOND. 



HER REMOVAL TO LAYTONSTONE. 

I experienced daily more and more of the tender care 
of the Almighty ; and often felt these words with power : — 

" No fondest parent's anxious breast 
Yearns like thy God's to make thee blest." 

Every want was supplied before I could ask it ; nay, 
many times before I was conscious of the want. My 
maid was but dull and ignorant, though a good girl ; and 
I knew little more of the world than she did, having been 
used to so different a way of life. My health, and many 
concerns, needed a care I did not know how to take. 
But if at any time such an idea would offer to my mind, 
I checked it in a moment with that thought, — I have the 
Gospel : I have freedom to serve God : I have spiritual 
blessings. What more can I need ? And truly I rather 
saw than felt my wants. Nevertheless, now and then I 
have said, Would not a steady faithful friend be a great 
advantage to me ? One who could lead me into a deeper 
acquaintance with God 1 But I sought it not : all my 
cares on him were cast, and in his will I found my rest- 
ing place, and in quietness and confidence was my strength. 

At this juncture I received a letter from Mrs. Ryan, 
informing me she was coming up to London. She had 
left Bristol Room some time before, her health not per- 
mitting her to continue in that place. She informed me 
she was settled in a lodging, but she saw it her duty to 
come up to London a few months for my sake ; " for 1 
reap (said she) of your substance, and so do many ; but 
the Lord shows me that at present you suffer for the 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



41 



want of a friend, (referring to what I had written to her,) 
and I think he has ripened and confirmed that solid spark 
of friendship, which was so long ago kindled in our 
breasts towards each other. It seems to me as if the 
Lord had laid your burden on me, as he once committed 
the care of Mary to Joseph, and afterward to the favorite 
disciple." She concluded : — 

" Jesus, to thy preserving care 

My choicest blessing I commend ; 
Receive, and on thy bosom bear 

The soul whom thou hast made my friend." 

I spread my friend's letter before the Lord, and praised 
him for laying my burden on the heart of one whom I 
knew to be a favourite of Heaven. I answered that I 
should be very glad to see her. She had not been long 
at her sister's before she was seized with a violent disor- 
der, which we thought would end in death. I visited her 
often, and with much profit. Mrs. M. being taken ill 
also, and only one servant to attend them both, I believed 
it my duty to be with her night and day ; and the Lord 
gave me such strength and ability for it, as I had never 
found before. I felt his peculiar smile on my employ- 
ment, and those words which had formerly made such an 
impression on my mind were now continually before me :— 

" O that my I^ord would count me meet 
To wash his dear disciples' feet ; 
After my lowly Lord to go, 
And wait upon his saints below : 
Enjoy the grace to angels given, 
And serve the royal heirs of heaven." 

As she slept little, we conversed much ; and our hearts 
were united as David's and Jonathan's. The spirit of 
community which reigned in the Church at Jerusalem I 
felt a taste of ; and from that time to her death, the cold 
words of mine and thine were never known between us. 
A circumstance which now occurred unexpectedly con- 
strained her to remove. I took her home with me, but 
not till I had inquired of the Lord, 'well knowing how 
much the progress of the Divine life depends on our pri- 
vate connections. Unless much caution is used between 
persons living together, they are often a great hinderance 
to each other. 



42 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



After a time the Lord Was pleased to restore her to 
health ; and having one heart, one mind, and one purse, 
we agreed that one habitation also would be most profita- 
ble. The Lord had given us to feel that union which 
even death itself could not dissolve. I have often thought 
on those words of Solomon, " A faithful friend is the 
medicine of life ; and he that fears the Lord shall find 
him." Some however objected : " Your income is as yet 
but small ; you wish to be useful ; why then did you not 
choose, as a friend, one who had some fortune to unite 
with your own, and that might have enlarged your 
sphere." I answered, I did not choose at all. I stood 
still, saw, and followed the order of God. And if my 
means had been enlarged in money, and lessened in grace, 
what should I have gained by that ? I acknowledge I 
neither gained honour, gold, nor indulgence to the flesh, 
by uniting myself to a sickly persecuted saint ; but I 
gained such a spiritual helper as I shall eternally praise 
God for. Many are the advocates of friendship. Many 
will say, with Dr. Young, 

"Poor is the friendless master of a world. 
A world in purchase for a friend is gain." 

But they refuse the sacrifice demanded by that friend- 
ship, and forget the following lines : — 

44 But for whom blossoms this elysian flower ? 
Can gold gain friendship 1 Impudence of hope ! 
As well mere man an angel might beget. 
Love, and love only, is the loan for love. 
Delusive pride repress, — 

Nor hope to find a friend, but who hath found 
A friend in thee." 

We continued together at Hoxton some time. When 
I was about twenty-three, the people of Laytonstone were 
much laid on my mind. I had both my birth and 
mainteinance from that place, and I could not help 
thinking I owed something to their souls. Yet I saw the 
way very difficult. My parents permitted me to be often 
with them, and seemed pretty well reconciled to my man- 
ner of life, while at a distance. But how, thought I, will 
it appear in their eyes, to bring the preachers they so 
much object to, within a mile of their house ? I thought 
I should not now be called to offend them any farther. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



43 



Cannot the Lord, if he sees good, send the Gospel to 
those people some other way? Thus I put it from my 
mind again and again ; yet a strange love for those souls 
in that place would spring up in my heart ; and when I 
said, Lord, send by whom thou wilt send, but not by me ! 
those words again presented themselves, " He that loveth 
father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me." 

About this time a house of my own at Laytonstone 
became untenanted. My friend as well as myself saw 
many reasons for our removing to that place. We prayed 
much about it, and I asked the Lord to show us clearly 
his will ; and at length felt from the Lord, first, a liberty 
to believe that if my father did absolutely forbid my 
coming, I was not required to do it. Secondly, I knew 
God did not require impossibilities : I had not yet an 
income sufficient for living in that place. I asked, there- 
fore, as a farther mark, the settling an affair which kept 
me out of part of my fortune, occasioned by a flaw in 
the making of my grandmother's will. I had taken 
some pains about this affair before, but to no purpose. 
However, I slightly mentioned it again, and it was settled 
directly. Then I made known to my father my thought 
about living at Laytonstone. I used no deception ; but 
told him plainly the end I proposed in so doing, my mother 
being present. He made not the least objection, only 
added with a smile, " If a mob should pull your house 
about your ears, I cannot hinder them." We waited 
before the Lord, believing it was his call, and held our 
selves in readiness for immediate obedience. One night 
I dreamed I was in one of my houses there, in company 
with all kinds of people, rich and poor, most of whom 
appeared very ungodly. It was strongly impressed on 
my mind to speak to them, but I started from the thought, 
and said, with emotion, Lord, what do I here among this 
people ; for they are not thy people, and what am I to 
do with them 1 I then beheld the Lord Jesus stand as just 
before me. The awful majesty of his presence had such 
an effect on me as I cannot express ! It seemed to me I 
sunk down before him as if I were sweetly melting into 
nothing. I saw no shining brightness, or any thing 
dazzling to the eye. He appeared only as a man clothed 
in white ; yet to my mind there was what I cannot put 



44 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



into words. It was a sense of his purity ! It was the 
glory of holiness which so overcame me ! There seemed 
but about one yard distance between my Saviour and 
me — when he spake, with a voice clear and distinct, these 
words : " I will send thee to a people that are not a peo- 
ple, and I will go with thee. Bring them unto me, for 1 
will Lay my hand upon them, and heal them. Fear not, 
only believe !" 

When the immediate presence of my Lord was with- 
drawn, I thought that I repeated with tears to the people 
what he had spoken to me. Many mocked and derided ; 
but a few expressed a desire of being separated from the 
others to hear the word. I endeavoured to find a place 
to meet them in, and in order to do so, I was constrained 
to walk over a piece of building, where the floor did not 
seem thicker than a wafer. When I had passed it, I 
looked back, and said, Not a splinter has given way 
under my feet. Turning my face toward the lane, I saw 
a funeral, and awaked with that word powerfully applied, 
The mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. I found myself in 
a sweet delightful peace. Soul and body seemed all at- 
tracted into a Divine harmony. When sufficiently come 
to myself to speak, I told sister Ryan, (who slept with 
me.) all that had passed. She replied : " This night, 
both sleeping and waking, I have been much occupied 
with these words : I will go before you, anal humble the 
great ones of the earth." 

This was in the year sixty-three. On ?uarch the 24th, 
the same year, we removed to Laytonstone. From the 
first hour we found much of the presence of God ; and 
stood still to see his salvation. In order to supply the 
want of public means, (which we could not have but when 
we went to London.) we agreed to spend an hour every 
night together in spiritual reading and prayer. A poor 
woman, with whom I had formerly talked, came to ask if 
she might come in when we made prayer ? We told her, 
at seven every Thursday night she should be welcome. 
She soon brought two or three more, and they others, till 
in a short time our little company increased to twenty- 
five. One night, just before the time of meeting, a poor 
woman called with a basket of cakes to sell. On our re- 
fusing to buy any, she stood still a long time at the gate. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



45 



We began to converse with her about her soul, when she 
expressed a great desire to stay to the meeting ; and in 
so doing was so greatly blessed, that she would fain have 
left us part of her goods in return. We now thought it 
would be well to converse with each in particular, and 
that the time was come for it. Some few were offended, 
and came no more : but most appeared under conviction, 
and those we appointed to meet on Tuesday night, re- 
serving the Thursday for the public meeting, which still 
kept increasing, and in which we read a chapter, and 
sometimes spoke from it. 

The first time we met on Tuesday night two were set 
at liberty. We now thought it expedient to apply to 
Mr. Wesley for a preacher. He approved our plan, and 
sent Mr. Murlin the next Sunday ; and within a fortnight 
we had twenty-five joined in society. Much opposition 
now arose from all sides, (though more from the rich than 
the poor,) and one Thursday night, as I was speaking to 
a pretty large company in my own kitchen, the bell at 
the fore gate was rung very hard. Our servant, who 
was a pious woman, went to see who was there. In the 
meantime four shabby looking men, with great sticks in 
their hands, came in at the back door, and so into the 
kitchen. The servant soon returned with some emotion, 
and whispered me : " It is Mr. W., who is come to inform 
you, you must if you please break off, for here is a great 
mob coming ; and the ringleaders are four men with 
clubs." Turning to the people, I answered her aloud, 
u O, we do not mind mobs, when we are about our Mas- 
ter's business." Greater is he that is for us, than all that 
can be against us. I then went on till I had concluded 
my subject. Having a few of the rules of the society 
which I intended to disperse that night, I addressed mv- 
self first to the four men, who stood before me, explain- 
ing what they were, and asked if they would choose to 
accept one ? They received them with a respectful bow, 
and went out. Who they were, and what was their pur- 
pose, I know net to this day. We heard no more of the 
mob. At this time the hand of the Lord was much with 
us. supporting and comforting us under every trial. 
There was only my friend Ryan, myself, the maid, and 
Sally Lawrence, a child about four years old, whom I had 



46 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



just before taken from the side of her mother's coffin into 
our house. On one side it was open to the forest, and I 
know not that one of the awakened people lived within a 
mile of us. We were as on a desert alone ; but the Lord 
was with us, and preserved us beneath his love's almighty 
shade. The enemy came, however, to the length of his 
chain. Sometimes on Sundays, when the nights were 
dark, after the society meeting, a mob used to collect at 
the gate, and throw dirt at the people as they went out ; 
and when they were gone, they used to come into the 
yard, break some trifles they found there, and putting up 
their faces to a window which had no shutters, roar and 
howl like wild beasts. 

And now another dispensation was opening before us» 
From the time I was seventeen, some drawing toward the 
care of children had dwelt on my mind. I felt the same 
desire now as at that time to become in every sense a 
servant to the Church. Those words were still with me : 
" If she have lodged strangers ; if she have brought up 
children ; if she have relieved the afflicted ; and diligently 
followed after every good work." Yet I was truly sen* 
sible no work was good but as being done in the will and 
order of God. We therefore entreated the Lord to dis- 
cover to us all his sacred will from day to day, and not 
suffer us in any degree to err therefrom. 

Various leadings of Providence, both inward and out- 
ward, drew us to think of the rising generation with more 
than common tenderness. Our abilities were small ; yet 
perhaps a few children we could educate, without inter- 
rupting the order of God in our call toward the grown 
people. We determined, however, to take none but desti- 
tute orphans, that no one might interrupt our plan of 
education. We were not unconscious that to change 
the heart belongs to God, but at the same time we re- 
membered there was a blessing promised to " the" train- 
ing up a child in the way it should go," and that a de* 
gree of knowledge, with a capacity of getting their bread 
in an honest way, has, under God, rescued many from 
destruction. Some such objects now presented them- 
selves, and we received them, one after another, in the 
name of the Lord. We however, refused many, taking 



THE LIFE OF ME 5. FLETCHEE. 



47 



only those concerning "whom there appeared a particular 
call of Providence. 

For a good while, our family consisted of one servant, 
six orphans, and ourselves ; but we found it took up too 
much of our time to have the whole care of them alone ; 
especially as my friend Ryan was often confined by 
illness. We therefore took a pious young woman, named 
Ann Tripp, w ho desired to devote herself to God, in a 
closer walk than the generality of believers. She was 
placed as governess over the children, whose number con- 
tinued to increase. Some serious women were also added 
to our household, and each had their duties and employ- 
ments assigned them. In the whole we received thirty- 
five children, and thirty-four grow^n persons, but not all 
at one time. 

We now found work enough on our hands, and wished 
to free ourselves from all needless cares. As well, there- 
fore, to answer that end, as to avoid conformity to the 
world, we thought it best to have but one dress. We 
fixed on a dark purple cotton, of which we had many 
pieces stamped ; and ourselves with the whole family 
wore nothing else. We had a large hall, and in it a table 
five yards long, at which we ate together. There also 
we assembled for morning and evening devotion, and on 
several other occasions. But, in general, the children 
were in the nursery, and the other sisters in their own 
apartments. 

When my family began thus to increase, I must ac- 
knowledge it was by no means proportionate to my 
income, but it appeared to me I had a peculiar call from 
the Lord to take the steps I did ; and we began with a 
degree of the same spirit which is expressed in a book 
entitled, u The Footsteps of Divine Providence ;" giving 
an account of the orphan house at Halle, in Germany, 
raised by Professor Francke. 

This plan I would advise none to folio w r , unless they felt 
what I did ; for certainly justice goes before charity ; and 
there is very seldom a real call from God to give more 
than we have. But it must be observed, though my in- 
come was inadequate to the undertaking, I had a consider- 
able capital. So that I was not at present in danger of 
debt. The risk I ran was, of spending my capital, and 



48 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



being left without a maintenance. But the Lord seemed 
to assure me I should not thus be deserted, and that by 
many and various ways. 

We now set ourselves to inquire of the Lord, how we 
should train up these children to his glory : and a few out 
of many reflections which occurred to my mind, I will en- 
deavour to set down. But I must observe, first, as most 
of our children were naked, full of vermin, and some af- 
flicted with distempers, the first thing was to clean and 
clothe them, and attend to their health ; which usually 
was followed with much success. At the same time, we 
endeavoured to bring them to an outward conformity of 
manners to the rules of the house, and to some courtesy 
of behaviour. This was not difficult, as a child naturally 
falls in with what it sees in others. The second attempt 
was, to fix on their minds that we had no motives in re- 
ceiving them into our house, but that of love ; love to 
their souls and bodies. We wished to save their bodies 
from misery, and their souls from eternal destruction. 

With respect to the strangers, we endeavoured to lead 
them to a view of the love of God, observing it was his 
love which caused ours. He put it into our heart, he 
brought them in our way, and from his hand came their 
every blessing. That the end of the Lord in bringing 
them into our house, was to learn that great truth, that 
they should never die. Their bodies must die, and rest 
in the grave ; but they themselves would be for ever alive, 
and hear, see, think, and know ; feel pleasure, or pain, 
and that for ever. We inculcated that the end of their 
learning this lesson was to make them happy, and prevent 
their being miserable, since in a very short space of time 
they must enter into the one or the other state, and that 
to all eternity. 

We continually impressed on the minds of the children, 
that the only way to be happy was to be like God ; to love 
what he loved, and to hate what he hated ; but that was 
not their present state. They were now like the devil, 
and loved what he loved. If they were injured, they loved 
to revenge, and could hardly forget the offence any one 
offered them. When angry, they would cry and sob, and 
be almost choked ; but when did they find themselves so 
affected in thinking about the Lord Jesus ? Did Ms lovo 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



40 



and sufferings come again and again to their mind, so that 
they could not forget them ? And when did they cry and 
sob, because they Lad sinned against so good a God ? It 
was plain, therefore, they were as yet the devil's children, 
and their minds and affections obeyed him only. We there- 
fore declared, that whenever we saw these marks of the 
devil's power on their hearts, we would tell them of it ; 
but if they would still obey him rather than God, we would 
then add unto our words correction ; making them feel 
pain, that the impression might be strong, and more last- 
ing ; and that they must never resent nor resist those 
corrections, for it was more painful for us to give, than it 
could be for them to receive them. But seeing it was for 
their profit, and our duty to do it, they must take each 
correction not only with patience, but thankfulness ; for 
we should make it a point of conscience, never to correct, 
or even to contradict them, but with consideration and 
prayer, Imving always that lesson before our eyes, 

iX That mercy I to others show, 
That mercy show to me." 

Nor were these observations altogether without fruit ; for 
I do not remember one child I ever had, that if we ordered 
her to receive correction by the rod, (which was not often,) 
would not lie down in silence as a lamb, and afterward, 
yea, immediately after, come and kiss us. We observed, 
that all our instructions would avail them nothing, unless 
their hearts were changed ; and that none but Jesus Christ 
could do that ; but he was ready and willing, and assuredly 
would do it, if they cried to him for it. 

From the above hints, various occasions presented to 
point out the nature of salvation through Christ alone, 
and the necessity of a renewed nature, in order to be ca- 
pable of the enjoyment of heaven. 

One day a little beggar girl, whom we had taken in 
about a week before, showed some of the vicious disposi- 
tions which had been nursed up in her by evil company. 
On repetition, she received correction. When the chil- 
dren were alone, (as they thought,) she began to complain 
of her hard fate, saying, " If they love us, why do they 
whip us ?" A little one about six years old replied, " Why, 
it is because they love us, and it is to make us remember 
3 



50 



THE LIFE OF 3fRS. FLETCHER, 



what a sad thing sin is ; and God would be angry with 
them if they did not do so. Do you not remember the 
chapter my mistress read about Eli ?" Indeed I had va- 
rious proofs that it is not so hard a thing to convince the 
judgment of children as some may think ; and a right 
judgment is a good step toward right affections. 

As we intended them to work for their bread, either as 
servants or in little trades, we endeavoured as early as 
possible to inure them to labour early rising, and clean- 
liness. The eldest of the children arose between four and 
five, the younger not much later. At half an hour after 
six we had family prayer. At seven, we breakfasted to- 
gether on herb tea, or milk porridge* The small children 
then went into the garden till eight. At eight the bell 
rang for school, which continued till twelve. Then, after 
a few minutes spent in prayer, they came down to us ; at 
which time we either walked out with them, or, if the 
weather did not permit, we found them some employment 
in the house, endeavouring at the same time to give them 
both instruction and recreation. We invented various 
employments for those hours, in order to remove the ap- 
pearance of idleness, as from the first we endeavoured to 
impress that lesson on their minds : " An idle person is 
the devil's cushion, on which he rolls at pleasure." Like- 
wise, that in the choice of their employments, they should 
always prefer those that were most useful, and be always 
able to render a reason for every thing they did. At one 
we dined ; about two the bell rang again for school, and 
at five they returned to us, and were employed as before 
till supper time. Then, after family prayer, they were 
washed, and put to bed by eight. Four or five of the big- 
ger girls were each week kept out of the school by turns, 
and employed in housework, cooking, &c, that they might 
be accustomed to every sort of business ; and there was 
work enough in so large a family. Several of the chil- 
dren were very young, though I do not remember we had 
any under two years, except one of about a month old, 
which was laid, very neatly dressed, one night late at our 
door : but it lived only a fortnight, being full of humours, 
too probably derived from its parents. 

We now found a great need of wisdom and patience. 
We had, I think, never more than ten grown persons in 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



51 



the family at one time, who were not invalids ; nor do I 
ever remember above five or six altogether in health. The 
children, also, for the first few years, laboured under vari- 
ous disorders ; for we did not refuse either old or young 
on account of being sick and helpless : in the end all re- 
covered who came in infirm. We sometimes had much 
to do ; for the care of the sick, the management of eighteen 
or twenty children, with various meetings, and the need- 
ful attention to the work of God in a new raised society ; 
with the reception of the number of strangers who visited 
us on spiritual accounts, occasioned those of us who had 
the work of God at heart, a good deal of labour and 
suffering. 

Various reproaches now began to roll upon us. It was 
reported that we intended to bring up these children for 
nuns ; that we were too rigid and exact to our own rules* 
Some objected, it is all carnal wisdom ; you cannot change 
their hearts, and education will only make them more 
guilty before God. Others, that we were idle, and buried 
ourselves alive, because we did not live at London. But 
the reproach that came the nearest to me was this — She 
talks of the poverty of the holy Jesus, (alluding to a little 
book I had printed,)— let us see her work at a trade as he 
did, and that would make her fortune go farther. Would 
any one with such a capital live only on the interest, when 
by trade they might double it every year ? Several came 
and talked with me on the subject ; saying, If you do not 
go into some business, you will be brought to the parish 
in your old age. I replied, I understand no business ; and 
I fear to lose what I have, instead of increasing it. They 
replied again, Then ask light of them who do understand 
it. Take some partner ; let such have the care, and you 
find the money. I was wearied with letters and disputes 
on this head. However, I laid it before the Lord ; and 
felt I was willing, if it would glorify him, to sweep the 
kennels. It may seem strange why any thus interfered 
in our affairs ; but our undertaking was new, and quite 
out of the common way. This drew all sorts of company, 
of various sects and denominations. Some loved me, and 
wished to bring me over to what they thought the better 
way. Others were moved by curiosity ; some by the love 
of dispute, others by interest, offering their assistance ; 



62 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEK* 



and some, perhaps, by that spirit which the seed of the 
serpent will always manifest. But another, and perhaps 
the chief reason was, I believe, the order of a wise and 
gracious Providence. I was called to walk wholly by 
faith ; indeed it appeared a strange call, and, humanly 
speaking, could end no way but in a prison. I was there- 
fore permitted to have every kind of discouragement, and 
to be brought into many and deep perplexities, that the 
faithfulness of God might shine more conspicuous, as will 
be seen in the sequel. 

But to return to the children. When actual sin was 
committed at any time, (minor faults were generally over- 
looked,) it was set down on paper by sister Tripp, and 
presented in a meeting held every Friday at twelve o'clock. 
The whole family were called together at that time, and 
after praying for the light and presence of the Lord, we 
entered into a consultation how to prevent a relapse into 
the same crime ; and that the displeasure of the Almighty 
might be removed, we always endeavoured to make our 
reasons appear clear before we either acquitted or con- 
demned. Very frequently there appeared a spirit of 
repentance, so that the exhortation was followed by for- 
giveness. We then spent some time together in a family 
meeting, of which I will speak more particularly in another 
place. 

One day a sweet little child, about seven years old, 
(who I hope at this time both fears and loves God,) had 
stolen something. We consulted what must be done to 
prevent a repetition of her sin. At these times we always 
adapted our conversation to the capacity of the little cri- 
minal. One said, I have read in the Bible, that the 
offending member ought to be cut off, and cast away. 
This gave rise to several useful reflections ; after which 
we agreed there were but three ways, either to cut off the 
offender from the family, or to pray to God to bring her 
to repentance, or leave her in her sins. After some con- 
versation with her, the second was agreed on ; and we 
joined in prayer that the Lord would graciously interpose 
and save her. The meeting being that day in the even- 
ing instead of the usual time, as soon as it was over they 
were sent up to be washed in order to go to bed. (This 
was on June the 7th, 1764.) Betty Lawrence, about 



THE LIFE OF ICRS. FLETCHER, 



53 



eleven years old, had been much affected while we were 
talking to H. 0., the child above mentioned. She had 
shown some concern a few days before, when I was speak- 
ing of the spirituality of the commandments. The children 
being alone, and not knowing they were overheard, Betty 
said, " Let us pray for Hannah's soul !" She then prayed 
in a very affecting manner. Afterward, one about eight 
years old pleaded much for the forgiveness of Hannah's 
sin ; but added, Lord, do not let us think so much about 
her sin as to forget our own. Lord, do not let us laugh 
and trifle, and talk of foolish things as soon as we rise off 
our knees ; but make us Christians. Another then thanked 
God for their good corrections and teachings, and said, If 
we are not Christians, we shall be more punished than 
others. After some time sister Tripp went in to see them 
to bed ; but first went to prayer with them for a few mi- 
nutes. The spirit of conviction now fell on Betty Law- 
rence in an extraordinary manner. We came up, and 
found her in a great agony ; she was the very picture of 
terror. The veins of her neck were as if they would burst. 
She wrung her hands, and cried with a bitter cry, O my 
sins ! O my sins ! I believe more than a hundred times. 
She then broke out into such a confession of her original 
corruption and actual sins as quite amazed us ; adding, 
O ! I have never done any thing to please thee in all my 
life. I have broken all thy laws ; I have not kept thy 
commandments ; Lord, I have kept the devil's command- 
ments ! May such a wretch come to thee, Lord ? Wilt 
thou receive me, Lord ? Wilt thou pardon me ? Wilt 
thou make me a Christian ? Tell me, Lord, shall I go to 
heaven or hell ? Wilt thou make me a Christian ? Wilt 
thou pardon all my sins 1 She then paused awhile, her 
eyes fixed upward, and her face as in a flame ; then added, 
but with a softer voice, Yes, he will, he will ! But wilt 
thou. Lord ? Yes, thou wilt, thou wilt ! Mr. Dornford 
being that night with us, gave out a hymn; she now 
seemed quite calm. The horror which before appeared 
on her countenance was gone, and had left a sweet smile. 
After remaining some time in this posture, she said, Jesus 
is smiling upon me ! She afterward told us, she had a 
view as of Christ upon the cross, smiling upon her, and 
saying, "I have pardoned all your sins, and if you pray, I 



54 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



will give you abundant love." She then broke out, O ! 
what a sweet Saviour he is ! He hath forgiven me all my 
sins ! All, all, Lord ! Thou hast, thou wilt forgive them. 
But, O Lord, let them be perfectly forgiven. But shall I 
ever sin again ? Shall I ever sin again ? O ! do not let 
me sin again ! O ! what a sweet Saviour thou art ! What 
sweet love is thine ! O ! more such love as thine ! more 
such love as thine ! But do not let me sin again ! Fill 
me with love, that I may not sin again ! We were the 
more surprised at this, because she was a child of a re- 
markably dull apprehension, and had no liberty in express- 
ing herself on any subject. But striking as the scene was,, 
(far more so than I can describe,) it was nothing to the 
change that followed. She was naturally of a very bad 
temper, but now it might indeed be said, — 

" Love made her willing feet 
In swift obedience move." 

So great was the change, in both understanding and will, 
as plainly declared the hand that had wrought it. 

The Lord was pleased' at this season to give his word 
success, both among the people who attended the preach- 
ing, and in the family. But our house was too strait, and 
needed some enlargement, and a good deal of repairs. It 
therefore occurred to my mind, as we had so many visit- 
ants, to take another step, and put up a poor's box, like 
Professor Franeke, in Germany. But I found some diffi- 
culty. I thought, my relations will object to it ; and, in 
short, I found it more easy to give than to receive. But 
I saw the order of God in the plan, and that was enough* 
Accordingly we put it up in the hall, with this inscrip- 
tion, " For the maintenance of a few poor orphans, that 
they may be brought up in the fear of the Lord." Diffi- 
culties now began to gather as clouds about us. Workmen 
must be paid ; a family far too large for my income to 
support ; with a variety of expenses in carrying on the 
work, assisting their poverty, &c. One day it was sug- 
gested, Surely I am wrong ; God will not appear for me 
in this undertaking. I told my mind to some friends, who 
said, " This is the very thing we always saw ; you will 
find in the end it is all a delusion. In two or three years 
you will turn out all these people and children to the wide 
world ; and in your old age you will be without the ne- 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



55 



cessaries of life." I heard them with attention, and only 
replied, " If it be a delusion, I meant well, believing it to 
be the will of God." 

I carried it to the Lord in prayer, when the following 
thoughts were impressed or my mind : If Christ was now 
upon earth, and in want of food and raiment, should I be 
afraid to give him mine, for fear of wanting it myself ? 
Should I not rather say, Let all I have be brought out as 
a sacrifice to my Lord ; he is well able to repay me ; and 
if he do not see it best to do so, then let us suffer together. 
I saw the case with the poor was the same, (as far as he 
had called me to help them,) and that my Lord had said, 
Inasmuch as ye have done it unto them, ye have done it unto 
me f Here a light broke into my mind, which quite satis- 
fied me, and dispelled every cloud. I cried out, " Lord, 
thy will is enough ! Thou hast bid me love my neighbour 
m myself ; be it so. Their wants be mine ; my substance 
theirs." Rising from my knees, I took up the Bible, when 
opening on Job, chap, xxii, verse 23, I found from that 
verse to the end of the chapter, several parts come as 
a message from Heaven. " If thou return to the Almighty 
thou shalt be built up, thou shalt put away iniquity far 
from thy tabernacles. Then shalt thou lay up gold as 
the dust, and the gold of Ophir as the stones of the brook. 
Yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt 
have plenty of silver. Thou shalt decree a thing, and it 
shall be established unto thee ; and the light shall shine 
on thy path." These words were wrote as with a dia- 
mond pen upon my heart ; and in all my trials I could 
never give up the confidence I then received, that I should 
one day see them accomplished. 

Sister Ryan one day said to me, " We shall have such 
a sum to pay on Saturday night. Had we not better 
borrow it of such a friend, till your half year comes in ?" 
We attempted so to do, but were disappointed. Being 
on my knees at prayer, I opened a book before me on the 
table, and cast my eyes on these words, " Christ charges 
himself with all your temporal affairs, while you charge 
yourself with those which relate to his glory. I closed 
my eyes, and continued praying ; when to the eye of my 
mind, it seemed as if the Lord Jesus stood just by me, 
and spoke again those words to my heart, with such a 



58 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



power as wiped away every care. Before I got off my 
knees, I was called down to speak to a man, who asked 
for me ; and who, through a providence too long to repeat, 
brought me just the sum I wanted. 

The box began now to be helpful to us ; and this year, 
in the midst of our great expenses, an uncle gave me two 
hundred and fifty guineas. Once, on opening the box, 
we found a guinea wrapt up in a letter ; its contents 
were as follows : — 

•• M r dear child, — With much pleasure I have heard 
of your charitable undertaking, which I pray God to 
bless and to succeed. Be never discouraged, though 
Divine providence should exercise you at times, even 
with many great and alarming difficulties ; for this is 
frequently the way in which God leads his children, in 
order to prove their faith and patience. But even sup- 
posing he should not succeed this affair, according to 
your present plan, yet he will never fail to bless those 
who sincerely endeavour to promote his honour, the king- 
dom of the Lord Jesus, and the good of souls. I desire 
you will accept the enclosed, and that you would set me 
down an annual contributor of the same sum. May the 
Lord Jesus Christ be with all of us ! Forget us not in 
your prayers. 

"I am, with respect and regard, 

"Your verv affectionate friend, 

"V. P." 

In another paper was a guinea enclosed, with these 
words : "I have felt your burden, and should be thankful 
had you more help. But perhaps it is the will of God 
concerning you, to give you day by day your daily bread. 
I pray him to be with you." 

Indeed we daily experienced many mercies. We had 
a household as a flock of sheep. Sometimes when we 
were sitting down to table, that word would come sweetly 
to our minds : — 

l; Part of his family are we, 
His family of love.*' 

But above all other temporal goods, I saw the blessing of 
rnv friend Rvan. It would have been impossible for me 
to have acted this part alone; I had neither grace nor 
ability for it ; but the Lord gave her to. me as a mother. 



THE LIFE OF MKS. FLETCHER. 



57 



In all the active part of this undertaking, she was the 
main spring. It is true, the light in forming the plans 
was given to me ; but had it not been for her resolution 
and diligence, they would never have been brought into 
execution. Notwithstanding her ill health, it is amazing 
what she went through, both in overlooking and working 
with her own hands. She was truly devoted to God ; 
and though I saw her at that time as a most precious gift 
of Heaven to me, 1 was not sufficiently sensible of her 
inestimable worth. 

About this time a young lady, with whom I had been 
acquainted, came to board with us. After residing about 
half a year, she had a great desire to make a new will, 
in order to leave me a large sum of money ; and asked 
me to recommend a lawyer to do it, as we then intended 
to visit Bath. I told her, I could not see it right that 
she should do so, as she was at a distance from her rela* 
tions ; had not sufficiently proved us ; and might after- 
ward change her mind. But my strongest objection was, 
she had told me that in her present will she had left the 
bulk of her estate (which was large) to charitable uses ; 
and I had no desire to monopolize the riches of another, 
since my gracious Lord had given me a ready mind to 
part with all that was my own. She had two children 
under her care, whom she desired should be brought into 
our house ; we accordingly received them. Several other 
expenses we entered into on her account ; and she wrote 
a codicil to her will, leaving me two thousand pounds, 
adding, if she lived to return to her father the following 
spring, she should do much more. I freely consented to 
the codicil, as I then thought it but reasonable, my ex- 
penses on her account being; considerable. But in Octo- 
ber, 1766, she grew suddenly very ill, and her death 
seemed near. The codicil then lay much on our minds. 
I thought God's cause may be reproached through this ; 
and what is two thousand pounds, or two hundred thou- 
sand, when compared to the honour of my God ? Had it 
been done unknown to me, I should not have scrupled it. 
But as I had consented, I thought it would not be right 
to let it stand. Sister Ryan thought the same. We 
therefore prevailed on her to let us burn it. She was 
very unwilling, saying, ,; Had I lived to have made my 

3* 



58 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



will, I should have given you much more, for I know God 
is with you." 

She had been some years awakened, and joined to the 
Methodist society. After she had found the love of God. 
she walked in the way of self-denial and devotedness 1/v 
God, according to her clearest light, for some time ; and 
was in many things a striking pattern. She then sunk 
into a state of conflict, God revealing the inbred sin of 
her heart ; and her spirit being oppressed by a constant 
bodily disorder, (supposed to be a polypus in the heart,) 
she often lost her shield, and was ready to think she had 
never had any work of God on her soul. About four 
months before her death, Satan assaulted her with many 
temptations. Sister Ryan advised her to take one hour 
every day for prayer, whether she should feel power 
attend her words or not ; adding, My soul for yours, if 
you persevere, you shall shortly see the salvation of God. 
She received the word as from the Lord, and began the 
work in good earnest, but to her own feeling she grew 
darker and darker. Nevertheless we could discern a 
change. She grew more open, and told us of some snares 
which beset her, and which she had even thought of giv- 
ing way to, adding, she saw herself worse and worse, till 
she was taken with her last illness, which continued but 
three days. Her soul seemed then very dark, and greatly 
did she lament the loss of that assurance she had formerly 
enjoyed. Yet she was not without hope ; but still cried 
out, " O that I had but lived closer to God ! I see I have 
not used my privileges as I ought. O what a work have 
I now to do ! O it is hard work to do in sickness, — it is 
bad work to do in sickness!" Sister Ryan said, "My 
dear, I have no doubt but that God will finish his work." 
" O," replied she, "but I cannot believe it, I do not be- 
lieve it for myself. O sister Ryan, I have had a thought 
in my heart, — If I had taken a certain step, to have laid 
the blame on you ; for I thought, as you are so much 
under reproach among the half-hearted, I should be more 
readily believed, and now that stares me in the face." 
Some time after she said, " O my soul ! my soul ! I do not 
know where my soul is going !" Sister Ryan said, " My 
dear, I believe the Lord will come to your help this night; 
I feel such an impression of it, I think I must sit up and, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



59 



wrestle for you all night." She looked at her, and was 
silent. A few minutes after she cried out, " O what a 
sweet word is come to me ! I have not had such a word a 
lono- time. When you said you would stay and wrestle 
for me all night. I found a little comfort, but new it 
comes, Hie effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man 
availeth much. We were greatly affected, and sat by her 
in solemn silent prayer. She appeared to continue in a 
waiting posture for about half an hour, when she broke 
out in the following manner, (but with such a sweet and 
awful reverence as I cannot express.) " O now I know I 
shall be with Christ for ever ! Yes, I shall, I shall come 
to thee, Lord. I shall be with thee for ever ! O for ever ! 
for ever ! for ever ! Yes ! I shall be with thee for ever !" 
After recovering her breath a little, she addressed herself 
to the voung women who were in the room, exhorting 
them to know and use their privileges. " You are," said 
she, " in a good situation, you vail never be in a better. 

my dears, be open, he open ! Cover no temptation, and 
be all in earnest. I was a fool, and a double fool, that I 
did not live closer to God, and use more self-denial. I 
see great degrees of glory I have lost." After a little 
rest, she said, " O ! how good is God ! If I had strength 

1 would write it all. How vile I have been, and what a 
salvation I now feel !" Then turning to me, she added^ 
u But sister Bosanquet, do it : and I charge you cover 
nothing ; in particular my unkind thoughts of sister 
Ryan. I charge you, I charge you ! — Well," she added, 
" I shall see you all in heaven. I trust I shall see, I know 
I shall see you there. O take courage, my dear, take 
courage ; do. not be cast down at the difficulties of your 
situation. Fear nobody ; God will stand by you. O he 
will take care of this family." About ten o'clock at 
night she said, " I shall be happy ! I know I shall be as 
happy as I am capable of being ! But I see great degrees 
of glory I have stopped short of. O that I had laid up 
more treasure in heaven !" She then cried out, ;; O my 
money ! my cursed money ! what an account shall I have 
to give of that ! But Jesus has washed away all." This 
seemed the more strange, as she had from the first been 
a most liberal giver. But she explained herself to mean, 
with respect to the choice of objects which she had laid 



60 



THE LIFE OF MRS . FLLTCIiLE. 



it out upon. She lamented much she had not altered her 
will, saying, " I wish you had ten or twelve thousand 
pounds. I know it would glorify God, and if I were able, 
I would do it now. But God will take care of you." 
We left her a few hours in the night, when she said to 
the sisters who sat up with her, " Give me pen and paper, 
I cannot die easy, unless I write something of my mind 
concerning sister Bosanquet having the two thousand 
pounds. She did so, which was a striking instance of 
her love. This paper I saw it right not to destroy, and 
informed her relations of it ; but it was not regarded, 
and we were well contented. About twelve the next 
day she seemed to change for death, and appeared just 
gone. I said, H Is Jesus precious V She did not answer. 
One present observed, "Perhaps she is not sensible. 5 * 
After a few minutes she came to herself, and smiling, 
said, " Yes, I was sensible ; but just as you spoke, I had 
a great struggle with Satan ; at last these words were 
spoken, as if through my heart : — 

1 Nature's last agony is o'er, 
And cruel sin subsists no more.' 

But yet I do not know that the work is done. But I 
know it will be done. I am sure God will finish his 
work. Yes, I think I can believe. Yes, I will hold the 
Lord to his promise." She continued much the same 
for six hours, now and then saying, " I know he will 
finish his work. But I do not know it is done. Yet is 
there any sin ? I do not know there is. Sometimes I 
feel," said she, with a smile, " as if I did not like to leave 
you all; is that sin? I do not know that it is." She 
added, " When I am dying, if I cannot speak, ask me any 
question, and if I mean yes, I will hold up my hand, for I 
would wish to praise God to the last." In the evening 
she seemed just departing. One present said, " Is your 
soul in peace V* She did not make the sign. I said, "Are 
you sensible, love ?" She held up her hand. Some time 
after, we said, " Is all clear now ?" She lifted up both her 
hands above her head. Sister Crosby said, " The blood 
of Jesus hath cleansed you from all sin." She lifted 
them up again, arid smiled with such an expression of 
joy as I cannot describe. She appeared as in a rapture, 
and strove much to speak, but we could only understand 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



61 



that word, "He is my only portion." Then throwing 
herself back, she lifted up her eyes, and spreading her 
hands with great delight, made many signs upward. I 
said, " Is glory open before you?" She lifted up her hands 
pointing with one finger, and strove to speak, but we 
could only make out the word " Glory ;" but the joy of 
her countenance was beyond all words, and in this pos- 
ture she in one moment breathed her last. 

Such a sense of God and glory rested on us, as I can- 
not describe. For several days it seemed to me as if I 
was continually sensible of the presence of the heavenly 
spirits ; and so slender did the veil appear which divides 
the Church militant from that which is triumphant, that 
I saw myself surrounded with the innumerable company, 
and as if I heard them hail the happy saint on her 
arrival, in these words, which followed me continually ; — 

Ah ! what were all thy sufferings here, 

Since Jesus counts thee meet 
"With that enraptured host t 5 appear. 

And worship at his feet 1* 

Some time after this one of our young women had a de- 
sire to take a journey, which we thought would be dan- 
gerous to her, and warned her much to beware of the 
love of the world. Several nights she had had remarka- 
ble dreams, warning her to beware that no man took her 

* This glorious scene will be accompanied with some pain to 
pious readers, and in some it will excite much curiosity. It will 
be asked, What were those "snares" that induced so strong a 
temptation, in such a devoted mind, thus to deviate from truth and 
love, according to the above agonizing confession, I cannot 
gratify such inquirers. Mrs. Fletcher thought it her duty to re- 
cord the fact, and I have thought it my duty to let it appear : but I 
know no more. One thing is plain : Miss Lewen did not fall into 
the temptation ; but it is also plain, she did not resist it, steadfast 
in tJie faith. Hence her deep sense of her evil nature, in having 
listened to it for a moment When heavenly purity shone upon 
her soul, and that she found that purity was just about to be be- 
stowed upon her for ever, how dreadful appeared the menial de- 
viation ! If we may hazard a conjecture, was it not some attach- 
ment of a worldly nature, on account of which she was tempted, 
and felt an answerable inclination to depart from a community so 
strictly evangelical] That thought was, perhaps, presented to 
her, viz., That that very strictness would excuse her to " the half- 
hearted;" and that to 'Mrs Ryan would be chiefly imputed the 
rigidity which had forced he v from this retreat, This was proha- 



62 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



crown. We told her all our fears ; and in particular to 
watch against the love of money. She said. " My light 
is so clear, that if I now do any thing unbecoming my 
profession, I shall be guilty, and doubly guilty." Sister 
Ryan said, " I feel I cannot give you up, but I am led 
to entreat the Lord, if you should be about to depart from 
him, that he would cut short the thread of your life, and 
take you to himself, and I believe he has heard me." She 
had not been from us many days, before the golden baits 
of pleasure and profit began to gain lustre in her eyes, 
and the little spark of light and life to decline out of her 
soul. The Lord stepped in, laid her on the bed of death, 
and gave her to acknowledge she had left the fountain 
head of bliss, and stooped to creature happiness. She 
was very desirous to see us, if it could have been ; but a 
dear child of God attended her constantly, and wrestled 
much with God in her behalf. A little before her death 
she declared, " The Lord hath forgiven me. I shall be 
saved, but I shall suffer loss." Repeating the name of 

bly the root of that agonizing conviction ; especially when she 
saw that the person whom ^she had thought of, as thus to have 
borne her sin, was ready to risk her own tender life to help her 
through her last conflict! Miss Lewen, however, overcame at 
Last ; and verified Mr. Wesley's account of her. — See his Journal : 
(Works, vol. iv:) "Friday, the 31st October, at my return to 
London, I found it needful to hasten to Laytonstone. But I came 
too late. Miss Lewen died the day before, after an illness of five 
days. Some hoars before she witnessed that good confession. — 

•' Nature's last agony is o'er, 
And cruel sin subsists no more,' 

So died Margaret Lewen. a pattern to all young women of for- 
tune in England; a real Bible Christian. So she rested from her 
labours, and her works do follow her." 

Mrs. Ryan was. as Mrs. Fletcher has said, £{ a sickly, persecuted 
saint. :> She was poor, (though not destitute,) and hence was more 
liable to be the butt of the half-hearted. Miss Bosanquet, her 
twin soul, was a lady of birth and fortune, and on that ac- 
count, rather too large for their grasp. Mrs. Ryan proved the 
whole of the eight beatitudes, as appears from Mr. Wesley's ac- 
count of her in the Arminian Magazine. and_from his admirable 
letters to her. (See his Works, vol. vi.) In one of them he 
says, " It is expedient for you to go through both evil and good 
report. The conversing with you either by speaking or writing, 
is an unspeakable blessing to me. I cannot think of you without 
thinking of God. Others often lead me to him, but it is, as it 
were, going around about. You bring me straight into his pre-. 
Srence." — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



63 



Jesus, her spirit returned to God, just four weeks from 
that day on which she left our house.* 

M O ! what is death. 1 'tis life's last shore, 
Where vanities are vain no more." 

In the beginning of the year 1767, the Lord was pleased 
to exercise us with some little trials of another kind. 
Various reproaches were cast upon us. It was confi- 
dently affirmed, I had forced the before-mentioned young 
lady (Miss Lewen) to make a will when she was dying, 
and leave me all her estate, and that I had thus wronged 
her relations. Some religious professors said that I had 
wronged the poor ; and that I had killed my friend by 
rigorous mortification ; that I had driven her into despair, 
and caused her to die in darkness : with a variety of 
stories as ridiculous as false. The truth is, I had not 
gained one penny by her, but v/as many pounds out of 
pocket. However, these accounts were so industriously 
spread, and even to distant parts, that a gentleman from 
a place about a hundred miles off, told me some years after, 
he verily believed, had I walked through that town at one 
time, the mob would have stoned me ! But the Lord is a 
God of judgment, and by him actions are weighed. 

A little time before this the Lord was pleased to remove 
my dear parents. My father had a long and painful ill- 
ness of three years ; and my mother lived but nine months 
after. I was now permitted to be a good deal with them. 
One day my dear honoured father spoke to me with great 
tenderness concerning some of my former trials, and ex- 
pressed much sorrow that my fortune was not left as much 
in my power as that of the other children, — saying, " If 
you desire it, I will alter my will now. But your uncle 
knows my mind ; and if you marry a man to make you 
happy, it is all I wish. I do not care whether he has 
money or not. But whether you marry or not, you ought 
to have your fortune as well as the rest. If you desire it 
I will have it so altered with many more expressions. 

* Was not this extraordinary dispensation an instance of what 
St. John calls a sin unto dmth,- — a sin which God punishes by the 
death of the body ] It was not a little thing in his sight, to leave 
such a house, without a special call of his providence. Those, 
however, who form and govern such a house, should beware of 
any approach to the confinement of the cloister. There was nothing 
Qi that kind here.— Ed. 



64 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



of paternal affection, which, though I do not think it 
proper to insert them here, will ever have a place in my 
heart. I begged him to make himself quite easy, and not 
to attempt the alteration of any thing ; as I saw it must 
greatly disturb his peace, for several reasons. I assured 
him I saw myself safe in the hands of my heavenly Fa- 
ther, and knew I should never want any thing that was 
for my good ; and that if I was favoured with seeing the 
salvation of his soul, I had no more to ask : God would 
take care of me. I was led thus to speak. From what 
he had said to me, however, I expected to have found in 
his will far less than he had really given me. 

Immediately after the death of my father, my dear mo- 
ther entered into her last illness. I found much love to 
her, and of consequence much pain. She expressed a 
tender kindness toward me during her illness, and showed 
her tender care, by augmenting the sum my father had 
left me. 

During the illness of my dear parents, I suffered much, 
not only for them, but for my weak friend at home, and 
the weight of so great a family. Her increasing illness 
was an unspeakable exercise to me. She had some time 
before been brought near to death, but many promises of 
recovery were then brought to her mind with power ; and 
after being so reduced as to be given over, she recovered 
as it were suddenly, and beyond all expectation, and re- 
mained in pretty good health for a year. But now she 
grew daily worse ; and for three years her sufferings 
were great and frequent. I plainly saw she decayed fast, 
and all my nature shrunk at the thought of being left 
alone at the head of such an undertaking ; and what 
added to my trial, we had increased our family with some 
whose spirit did not suit our house, so that jars and a 
divided interest sometimes arose, which till very lately 
we had not known. But the heaviest of all my yokes, 
was the galling yoke of unbelief. I remembered the time 
when I could say, " Unbelief has not a place in my soul 
to set its foot upon." But now I had slipped back from 
that constant act of faith. I had admitted cares and 
fears,* and by insensible degrees I was sunk again into 

* Was this painful state heaviness through manifold temptations, 
(1 Peter i } 6,) or a real departure from the Lord % I believe some 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



65 



my own will, and the strivings of evil tempers. Indeed, 
there was a confidence, a degree of union with God, which 
I never totally lost, neither did his fear depart out of my 
heart ; yet I had inwardly departed from that pure love 
which I possessed. I had left off to delight myself in 
God, as heretofore, and accepted of many other things in 
his place ; so that my trials were greater than I can well 
describe. 

One day, as I was attending my sick friend, almost 
inconsolable, she said, "My dear, I hardly know how to 
rejoice in the prospect of death, because I see no w T ay for 
you. I shall leave 3^011 in the hands of enemies, but God 
will stand by you." I said, " My dear love, can you 
think of any way for me % It is sometimes presented to 
my mind, that I should be called to marry Mr. Fletcher."* 
She replied, " I like him the best of any man, if ever you 
do take that step. But unless he should be of a very 
tender disposition toward you, you would not be happy : 
but God will direct you." It pleased God, however, in 
a measure to remove her disorder again ; so that for some 
months she was enabled to act as a leader and a helper 
among us. 

We are now pretty well settled ; our meetings w T ere 
quiet and comfortable ; the number of hearers increased, 
and some of our little flock were gone triumphantly to 

things that follow will incline the serious reader to conclude it 
was the former. — Ed. 

* The pious reader will not be displeased to see that such an 
impression was made on such a mind, preceding the union of that 
admirable couple. The impression was mutual. In a letter from 
Mr. Fletcher to Mr. Charles Wesley,, (see Mr. Fletcher's Works, 
vol. iv,) we find the following sentiments: "You ask me a very 
singular question, — I shall answer it with a smile r as I supposed 
you asked it. You might, have remarked that for some days before 
! set oif for Madeley, I considered matrimony with a differ ent eye 
to vrhat I had done ; and the person who then presented herself to 
my imagination was Miss Bosanquet. Her image pursued me for 
some hours the last day, and that so warmly, that I should, per- 
haps, have lost my peace, if a suspicion of Jhe truth of Juvenal's 
proverb, Yeniunt a dote sagittas, ( The arrotus come from the "portion^ 
rather than from the lady,) had not made me blush, fight, and flee 
to Jesus, who delivered me at the same moment from her image 
and the idea of marriage." There will be some regret, perhaps, 
felt, that a long and suffering time should intervene before that 
union. But it was all ordered for the good of both —for an eterna- 
union,— for the marriage of ifte Lamb !—&!>.. 



66 



THE LIFE OF 5IR3. FLETCHER. 



glory. My income being now larger, I thought a more 
easy path lay before me ; and I found much attachment 
to the place. Yet we were sickly, and the house Was too 
small for such a family as ours. We had no land to it, 
(mine being all let off before to the other house,) and not 
having cows, such a number of children occasioned much 
inconvenience. Frequently I was advised to remove into 
some part of Yorkshire, and take a farm ; that other- 
wise it was impossible to bring up the children to every 
branch of needful business ; and that my income would 
go as far again in such a situation. I must here observe, 
though my income was increased, it was still not equal 
to our expenses, which were great on many accounts : I 
had also undertaken, in union with the young lady before 
mentioned, some charitable affairs, which now all fell on 
me, and many of them I could not throw off for some 
years. The box did not yield us as much by half as in the 
first year ; for like the manna in the wilderness, which 
ceased when the Israelites got corn, so that provision, 
which had been exceedingly useful to us, seemed now to 
be suspended. Yet I felt very averse to the thought of 
business ; I feared the armour I had not proved, and 
thought I should perhaps lose the little maintenance I 
had, rather than gain more. 

One day, my friend being a little better, and all things 
at that time pretty comfortable, my own heart being also 
drawn with an unusual sweetness toward the Lord, I was 
walking in the garden, — when looking around me, it ap- 
peared as a paradise. I thought how sweet is my situa- 
tion ! I dwell among my own people, a few who love 
me, and whom I love. The family is getting more and 
more as I could wish ; and as to our circumstances, I can 
freely trust my God farther than I can see, so that all my 
care on him is cast, and here I hope to end my days. 
Immediately a thought presented itself,* — -But suppose 
God should call you from this place ; and there should 
be yet some bitter cups for you to drink ? I started at 
the thought ; but said, Give me power to say, Thy will he 
done. 

About this time Richard Taylor came from Yorkshire, 



* It is by no means clear that this was from the Lord. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



67 



being driven from thence by misfortunes. He left a wife 
and young family, and came to London in hopes of settling 
with his creditors. Sister Crosby (who was now a mem- 
ber of my family) had known him in Yorkshire, and Mr. 
Bornford and Mr. Murlin recommended him to me, and 
proposed his staying for a time at our house. He seemed 
(and I believe he then was) a devoted man. We were 
much interested in his behalf. When we sat down to 
dinner, the thought that his wife and children were in 
trouble and distress, would often so overwhelm him, he 
could not take a morsel. He appeared a man of prayer, 
and one of the excellent of the earth. 

Various circumstances occurred which seemed plainly 
to call us to seek another habitation, and Yorkshire was 
the place most likely. Yet such a call did not seem 
desirable to me. My reason seemed to point that way ; 
my inclination was to remain where I then was. One 
morning, however, as I was reading in my turn to the 
family, I came to these words, " Come out from thy kin- 
dred and thy country, and come into a land which I will 
show thee." I felt myself penetrated with resignation, 
I felt my strong attachment to the place, as being the 
place of my birth, quite removed, and I seemed free to 
follow the leading of the Spirit of God to any corner of 
the earth.* 

My friend and I began seriously to consider whether 
our work was not done at Laytonstone : whether, after 
spending about five years at this place, we were not now 
called to another spot. A physician had told us, if there 
were any hopes of sister Ryan's recovery? it would be by a 
journey. She had unexpectedly recovered at Bath before, 
and it might be so again. At this time she was very 
bad. I objected, however, to the moving her in so weak 
a condition ; to which she answered, " If the Lord see fit 
to spare me, probably that is to be the means of raising 
me up ; and if he has otherwise determined, I should be 
glad to see you settled first : tor if you are left without 
me here, I think you will have great difficulty, from 
several circumstances ; and probably such an exchange 

* Whether this leading was really of the Spirit of God or not, 
her submission to Mm made her more than conqueror. — Ed, 



G3 



THE LIFE OF MKS. FLETCHER. 



of place and situation would put it in your power to alter 

and remove those difficulties," 

My relations and Christian friends seemed all to ap- 
prove, and we believed our way was plain for taking a 
journey to Leeds, and some adjacent places, in order to 
judge better whether they were suitable, and whether we 
could meet with a habitation that would answer our great 
family. 

Accordingly, on June the seventh, 1T6S, I set out with 
my friend Ryan, and sister Crosby. Brother Taylor, 
who was now to return home, accompanied us on horse- 
back.* It may be supposed we had a troublesome jour- 
ney and aching hearts, for my dear sister Rvan was so 



* All those who have read, with pious interest, the beginning 
and progress of the house of God at Laytonstone, must regret its 
dissolution. Had it been favoured with any successors of the 
same spirit, we might rejoice that those who had, as the salt of the 
earth, been the savour of life to that people, were about to season 
Gther places. But thai was not the case. There were no such 
successors ; and it is by no means clear, that there was such a call 
of Divine Providence as was suflicient to justify these chosen in- 
struments in departing from a place so divinely visited, and in 
dissolving an establishment so owned of the Lord. Mr. Wesley's 
sentiments concerning that establishment, are very decisive. In 
his Journal (see his Works, voL iv) he says. li Thursday, Decem- 
ber 1*2. 1765, I rode over to Laytonstone, and found one truly 
Christian family. This is what that at Plingswood should be, 
and would, if it had such governors." Again, " Thursday, Feb- 
ruary 1*2, 1767, I preached at Laytonstone. O what a house of 
God is here ! Not only for decency and order, but for the life and 
power of religion. I am afraid there are very few such to be 
iound in all the king's dominions." Ought not the call to be clear, 
and even imperative, that led to the dissolution of such a house 1 
We have indeed heard the blessed woman who was at the head 
of i~. observing with grief. : * We had increased our establishment 
with some whose spirit did not suit our house, so that jars and a 
divided interest arose/' And could she think the devil had fallen 
asleep, or that he would not take the old way. — that he would not 
sow tares among the wheat? Such persons should have been dis-. 
missed, after all long-suffering had been manifested. We should 
add to our loving faith, courage , knowing for whom we are to 
act. As this way, it seems, was not taken, we cannot wonder that 
the leaven should win its way, and a cloud overspread the once 
illuminated mansion. In such a dark day, it is no wonder that 
"cares and fears" should assault her devoted heart, so that she 
hardly knew her own state, and had almost given up her confi- 
dence. A new* way seemed to open, of which Mr. Taylor was 
the harbinger, — a wav so entangled with briers and thorns, th^t 
there seemed, at length, hardly any hope of deliverance. But the 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHEK. 



69 



ill as to be carried in arms in and out of the chaise, and 
to be watched with every night ; and the bringing down 
so large a family two hundred miles, was attended with 
no little difficulty. We went first to Mr. Taylor's wife's 
parents, where we found a family of serious persons. The 
old man and woman were patterns of industry and seri- 
ousness ; and the wife a person with whom I found much 
fellowship of spirit. We stayed with them seven weeks, 
until we could find a house which for the present would 
suit our purpose, — which we at length did at Gildersom, 
in the West Riding of Yorkshire. 

My dear companion now began to sink daily ; but as 
the account of her last scene is included in her life, I 
will not enter into any particulars of it here, only add 
that on the seventeenth of August, 1768, she experienced, 
in reality, what she had seen in her dream, viz., that 

" He would kiss her raptured soul away." 

She departed this life in the forty-fourth year of her age. 
Thus passed the dreaded moment which I had for seven 
years so painfully apprehended. But she had often in 
her illness said to me, " My dear friend, I have obtained 
for you of the Lord that you shall not be overcome of 
sorrow ; therefore fear not, for I know he heard me." 
Her prayer was, in a great degree, answered ; I was not 
overcome of sorrow. The thought of her long suffering, 
and present happiness, much alleviated the bitter cup 
which I had tasted of occasionally for some years. My 
great affliction did not come at once. The Lord treated 
me as we do a child ; he put one thing into my hand to 
take away another. I thought I saw some comfortable 
prospects before me in life, and a veil was drawn over the 
many and great crosses which were to follow. I prayed 
I might be kept close to the will of God, and preserved 

Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptation: and until 
then, 

" Darkly safe with God, thy soul 
His arm still onward bears. 
Till through each tempest, on the whole, 
A peace Divine appears !" 

This was the blessed result. The Lord turned her captivity, and 
filed her mouth with laughter , and her tongue with praise. — Ed. 



TO 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



from turning to the right hand or to the left, now that I 
had lost my spiritual mother. But I did not wish to die , 
neither could I get my heart into that spiritual frame 1 
had enjoyed in the year 1762. and therefore being min- 
gled with earth. I felt all my ties were not cut through. 
I had sometimes conversed with her on the subject of 
departed spirits having communion with us, and she used 
to say, " If it be the will of my heavenly Father, I should 
rejoice to communicate some comfort to you, either in a 
dream or any other way/ 5 But I never had even the slight- 
est remembrance of her in any dream for some months, 
though she possessed so great a share in my waking 
thoughts. I often wondered at this, till one night, I 
think six months after her death, I thought she was ho- 
vering over me, as in a cloud, and from thence spoke in 
her own voice some lines in verse ; but I could only re- 
tain the latter part, which were these words : — 

" Mingle with earth we can no more 
But when you worship God alone, 
We then shall mutually adore." 

By which I understood she meant, I was not in that purity 
which was requisite for communion with heavenly spirits ; 
but it raised in my heart an expectation that such a sea- 
son would come. 

My invaluable friend was buried in Leeds old church- 
yard ; where to her name and age were added only these 
words, — 

" Who lived and died a Christian." 



PART THE THIRD. 



HER SETTLEMENT IX YORKSHIRE. 

My health began to fail. I had for three years had 
much fatigue in nursing my dear friend : and some 
crosses which now flowed in apace greatly affected me. 
I grew large, and had dropsical symptoms. My soul was 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 71 

at this season in a low and cold state. My path was 
strewed with many perplexities ; and I was at a loss how 
or where to settle. Trade I much feared ; and yet I 
did not see how I could do without it. My family 
consisted of thirty persons, of whom some were rather 
unruly. I saw the need of taking the reins into my own 
hands, and supplying the place of my friend Ryan. But 
this determination was very difficult to execute ; and I 
daily and hourly felt my insufficiency. While she was 
alive, I considered her as a mother, and, like the other 
young women, desired her to allot me my rules and em- 
ployments ; or at least to assist me in the choice of them, 
These were, — First, An attention to the spiritual affairs of 
the family. Secondly, Taking care for their sustenance, 
Thirdly, Instructing the children. Fourthly, Meeting 
each member of the family, one by one, at fixed times. 
Fifthly, Superintending, by turns, the more public meet- 
ings of the society. Sixthly, Attending my friend in 
her frequent illnesses ; with the direction and manage- 
ment of the sick. But the care of the kitchen, buying 
in the stores, managing the needlework, with many other 
articles of direct housekeeping, I was quite unaccustomed 
to. While I lived in my father's house I saw very little 
of domestic affairs, because we lived rather high ; so that 
I was quite a stranger to that kind of management need- 
ful for a great family, who had but little to live on. Be- 
sides, the manner of life here was entirely different from 
what I had been used to about London. Here wheat was 
to be bought to make flour ; bread to be made ; cows to 
be managed ; men servants to be directed ; with a variety 
of particulars in housekeeping quite new to me. Had 
my friend been spared, all this would have been a plea- 
sure ; but now my spirits were so depressed, every thing 
appeared a burden : — and when I had provided as well as 
I could, some persons in my family would despisingly say 
my victuals were not worth eating ; and that I knew not 
how to order any thing. I had frequent letters from 
distant parts, some pitying, some upbraiding me ; and 
informing me, at the same time, " The stories which we 
hear carried about concerning you, come all from the 
members of your family." O ! said I, I have not abode 
in my Saviour as I ought ; I have gone down to Egypt for 



72 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



help, and therefore is all this come upon me : otherwise, 
I should still inherit that word, applied to me with power 
in the first gathering of my household, " Thou art. my 
hope and my fortress, my castle and deliverer, my de- 
fender in whom I have trusted ; who subdueth the people 
that are under me." I mentioned before, that we had met 
with a large house, in part furnished, which was of great 
service, as my own furniture was not yet arrived. There 
was land to it, and though dear, I saw it a providence, 
and an asylum till we could fix better. In the ordering 
of the outdoor affairs, Mr. Taylor w T as very useful to me, 
and indeed had not he and his wife been with me, I do 
not think I should ever have got through some difficulties 
which I had to encounter. One day he brought me word of 
a farm very cheap, with a freehold estate adjoining thereto, 
on which were malt kilns, a small house, and many out- 
buildings. The farm was large ; and he thought, if be- 
side the farm house, we were to build one bio; enough for 
our family, it would be cheaper than to rent a house. I 
was very averse to the undertaking ; but there was no 
time to lose, as many were seeking after it. I went to 
Leeds, to consult the most judicious of my friends, in 
particular Mr. R., a man well acquainted with business, 
and the most intimate friend I had in Yorkshire. He 
answered, " You may look on this, as Isaac did when he 
found a well, for which they did not strive." He said, 
" The Lord hath made room for us in the land." " So," 
added he, £ l may you say ; for had you waited a dozen 
years, you might not have met with such an opportunity." 
I objected " that I did not understand it, and that per- 
haps it would sink, instead of increasing my income." 
He replied, " Richard Taylor knows well how to manage 
it, if you do not ; and I have no doubt that it will clear 
you a hundred and fifty pounds a year, which will be 
good interest for your money." I now remembered the 
reflection cast on me at Laytonstone, viz., "If she wants 
to do good with her fortune, let her take up a little trade. 
She talks of the poverty of Jesus ; let us see her work at 
a trade as he did." That thought had much weight with 
me. I prayed for light, and took the place ; bought the 
estate, formed the plan for the house, and set about it. 
The first mark of the favour of God was, we had some 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 73 

of our work people converted, so that before half the house 
was built we had a good class. The desire after purity 
of heart was much revived among the neighbouring socie. 
ties ; and I found in many ways there was a wider field 
opened for doing good than I had ever before experienced. 
I had some among the members of my family also, who 
were very helpful in the work of God. By settling on a 
new plan, I found it more easy to draw things into my 
own hand. I removed some, and put others into their 
proper place. 

The building I found no cheaper than in the south, or 
but little so : it cost a good deal more than at first pro- 
posed. The farm took a great deal to stock, and bring 
into order ; and as most of my capital lay in an estate, 
(or in that sum my dear father on his deathbed so 
lamented that he had tied up from me,) I had not suffi- 
cient for all the expenses, with the purchase of the free- 
hold ; and was obliged to take up money on interest, 
which I hoped to pay off at fifty pounds per year. The 
malt kilns seemed to answer well, and cleared the first 
year fifty pounds above all expenses. 

Our call was a good deal abroad in the work of God, 
and we had encouragement therein. A few (and at that 
time but a few) in that part had a desire after holiness. 
Some years before this, sister Crosby had spent a little 
time in Yorkshire. She told them what a wonderful work 
of sanctification God was carrying on in London. Many 
were affected with her words, and two or three in this place 
retained the light and power then given to them. These 
we agreed to meet once a fortnight ; and unite our cry 
to the Lord, that he would pour out a spirit of conviction 
on his people, and that the neighbouring societies might 
be stirred up to seek for purity of heart. We had not 
met many times before the answer came ; one and another 
begged to join in our Wednesday night meetings, and 
our number increased to about fifty, ail of whom were 
ardently desiring, or sweetly brought into that liberty. 
When we grew too numerous, (for they began to come 
from many miles around,) I advised those who were able, 
to gather a meeting of the same kind, near their own 
homes. This was attended with many blessings. We 
sometimes visited those infant meetings, and they in- 

4 



74 



THE IIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEK, 



creased and spread as well as ours. It must be observed? 
none were admitted as members into our meeting, but 
those who were truly awakened to seek for holiness, as 
before they had been to seek for pardon. Others, if we 
judged them sincere, were sometimes occasionally admit- 
ted : but we were very careful whom we considered as 
fixed members. Of these I had a separate list ; and 
about once a quarter met them apart from the others. I 
felt myself led to enforce on them some particular obser- 
vations, which they frequently asked me to set down on 
paper. I did, therefore, set them down as follows : — 

As you have expressed a desire that I would give you 
on paper the few observations I have sometimes made on 
Wednesday nights, I will endeavour so to do, as far as I 
can recollect. And if my dear Lord is pleased to help 
you through so weak an instrument^ he shall have the 
more abundant praise. 

First, I would recommend you to be very careful 
whom you admit into your meeting. Consider no one 
as member thereof who is not steadily seeking after 
Christian perfection ; that is, a heart simplified by love 
Divine, and kept each moment, by faith, from the pollu- 
tion of sin. Whosoever agrees not with you on this 
point, will greatly interrupt your design. 

Secondly, See that you fix on your minds, — -We come 
together to get our faith increased f and expect as much 
that our souls should be refreshed by our meeting, as we 
do our bodies to be refreshed by our food. Come with a 
lively expectation ; and that your expectation may not 
be cut off, keep your spirit all the time in continual 
prayer ; united prayer can never go unanswered. Mr. 
Fletcher, on this head, has a lively observation : " When 
many believing hearts," says he, " are lifted up, and 
wrestle in prayer together, we may compare them to many 
hands which work a large pump ; at such times particu- 
larly the fountains of the great deep are broken up, the 
windows of heaven are opened, and rivers of living 
water flow from the hearts of obedient believers." 

Thirdly, Bear with each other's mistakes or infirmities 
in love. Consider the members as if they were your 
own children. How much will a man bear with in his 
own son that serveth him ? A threefold cord cannot be easily 



TIFE LIFE OF MRS* FLETCKEE. 



75 



broken. Satan will leave no stone unturned to disunite 
you ; — but O, remember the characteristic of the evan- 
gelical dispensation is, — - 

" The love that turns the other cheek*, 
The love inviolably meek, 
Which bears, but conquers alL ;; 

Fourthly, Be well aware of that deadly poison, so fre- 
quent among professors, — I mean evil speaking. It will 
cover itself under a thousand forms ; and, alas ! how 
many sincere hearts swallow this gilded bait before they 
know what they are about. Never repeat the fault of 
an absent person, unless it be absolutely needful. In par* 
ticular, speak not evil of dignities ; neither of our king,, 
on whose account we have the greatest reason to be 
thankful ; nor yet of any in authority under him. Neither 
those whom God hath set over us as spiritual teachers. 
If any of these do not speak just as we could have wished* 
never forget that one may have his gift after this manner, 
another after that. The exhortation not so immediately 
useful to your state may nevertheless be put into their 
mouth at that time for another person then present. 
Known unto God are all his ways ; and as he hath said, A 
cup of cold water given to a prophet, shall not be forgotten, 
how pleasing will it be in his sight, if by faith and prayer 
we hold up the hands of his praying servants. 

Fifthly, Hold fast the truth in a pure conscience. Let 
not one spark of your light be put out. Though all your 
teachers, brethren, friends, yea, the whole Church, were 
to turn against the truth, let nothing make you forget, 
The blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin ; and that he 
keeps that soul for ever clean, who day and night hangs 
on him by simple faith. 

Sixthly, Be always ready to give an account to those 
that ask you a reason of the hope that is in you. In 
order to this, let us pray for clear ideas of what we seek, 
and what we possess. Bear in mind, that to perfect holi- 
ness in the fear of the Lord, is no more than you have 
already promised : First, By your sponsors in baptism ; 
secondly, In your own person, when you made those vows 
your own by confirmation ; and, thirdly, Whenever you 
renew that covenant by coming to the Lord's table. 
*'You have engaged to renounce the devil and all his 



T6 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



works, the pomps and vanities of this wicked world, and 
all the sinful lusts of the flesh ; to believe all the articles 
of the Christian faith ; to keep God's holy will and com- 
mandments, and to walk in the same all the days of your 
life." And is not this vowing to perfect holiness in the 
fear of God 1 Does the first part of this sacred engage- 
ment, To renounce the devil and all his works, leave any 
room for the least agreement with the devil, the world, or 
the flesh ? Does the second, To believe all the articles of 
the Christian faith, make the least allowance for one 
doubt with respect to any one article of the Christian 
faith ? Or, does the third allow the wilful breach of any one 
of God's commandments ? Again, Do we not all profess 
to believe it to be our duty to love God with all our heart? 
and our neighbour as ourselves ? Weigh the depth of those 
two expressions. Do they not imply love made perfect, 
or, in other words, Christian perfection ] 

Seventhly, Remember that saying of Solomon, The 
wise man's eyes are in his head. Let your eye of faith 
be steadily fixed on your living Head, deeply conscious 
of that word, — 

{c Having done all, by faith I stand. 
And give the praise, O Lord, to thee V 

A holy man makes this observation : " Perseveving be- 
lievers are little omnipotents." Abide then every moment 
in the living vine, from whom you constantly draw your 
life, as the coal its heat from the fire ; it was all black, 
cold, and filthy, before it was impregnated with the fire 
that kindled it ; but if by any accident it fall therefrom, 
the shining perfection which it had acquired, gradually 
wears away, and it becomes a filthy cinder, the black 
emblem of an apostate. So true is that saying of our 
Lord, Witliout me ye can do nothing. 

Eighthly, Consider yourselves as united by a holy 
covenant to God and to each other ; aiming to advance 
the glory of God all you possibly can. 

" Ye for Christ your Master stand 
Lights in a benighted land." 

Beware then that your light become not darkness ; let no 
one be discouraged from seeking Christian holiness, by 
any thing they see in your life and conversation. We 
must become a whole burned sacrifice. The soldier enlist. 



THE LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 



77 



ed under the banner of his king, may neither leave his 
post, nor choose his employment. We have covenanted 
to be the Lord's ; and may not draw back one power, no. 
nor one thought, from his service. Be it then engraven 
on our hearts, as with a diamond pen, " Thy vows, O 
God- are upon me ; I have opened my mouth unto the 
Lord, and cannot go back." 

Glory be to God, it might be said of Cross Hall, (the 
name of our present habitation,) many a soul has been 
born in her, and many sweet seasons did we know with 
the Lord ; and I do at this day declare I shall ever adore 
the wisdom of God in bringing me down to settle in York- 
shire. It was good for the work of God. It was good 
for my own soul ;* but for a season it did not appear good 
for my temporal affairs. I had not been seven years 
there, before I saw myself brought into great perplexity, 
from circumstances I shall by and by relate. But what- 
ever occurred, I must ever praise the Lord, that his 
providence brought me there. I had a continual pre- 
sentiment my troubles were for an appointed time ; and 
that in the end deliverance would be given from every 
difficulty. 

I found my mind much united to brother and sister 
Taylor. I strove to remove their burdens, and went in 
person to their creditors. After meeting with some oppo- 
sition, I got their affairs settled, at the expense of between 
two and three hundred pounds. 

After the death of sister Ryan, my soul had many 
risings and sinkings. Sometimes I seemed to lose my 
way, and knew not where or what I was. For about two 
years, I sunk into fear, care, self-indulgence, and many 
wanderings. Yet my aim was toward the Lord, who, 
after that season, began again to renew in me a tender 
conscience, and as my outward sorrows increased, so my 
inward light and power began to revive. It was soon 
after that time that we began the meeting above men- 
tioned, as near as I can remember, though I have not set 

* Nothing could prevent such a devoted! person from bearing 
fruit unto God. In answer to the prayer of faith, He opens rivers 
in the high places, and streams in the desert. Mr. Wesley, speak- 
ing of her settlement in Yorkshire, observes, (see his Works, vol. 
iv,) " Saturday, July 7th, 1770, I rode to Miss Bosanquet's. Her 
family is still a pattern, and a general blessing to the country." — Ed. 



7$ 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



down the exact date thereof ; by my diary it appears to 
be about a year after my soul began again to walk by 
faith, These meetings were to me a singular blessing. 
They cost me many a wrestling prayer, and when the 
nights approached when we were to meet, O ! the sink- 
ing into nothing before God my spirit used to feel ! Of 
all the meetings I ever was employed in while in York- 
shire. I know not I ever felt my soul so conscious of the 
Lord's approval as in these. I must acknowledge it oc- 
casioned both expense and labour. Frequently I had 
many beds to make up. and many friends and their horses 
to entertain* But I saw it such an honour to be (as I 
sometimes expressed it) the Lord's innkeeper, that I could 
feel nothing but satisfaction therein. Those words were 
often applied with great sweetness. The birds of the air 
shall -rest under thy branches. 

I now found a fresh conviction of the necessity of Di- 
vine help, that I might go in and out before my family, in 
such a manner as would lead them into the most excellent 
way : and when any thing particular rested on my mind. 
I usually set it down in tire way of diarv. On looking 
over old papers. I rind the following remarks ; but am not 
quite clear as to the dates : — 

" This day I have been solemnly renewing my covenant 
with the Lord, and considering over our family rules, fasts, 
and meetings. I have been praying for fresh vigour and 
resolution in the use thereof: and while reading this 
morning the vision of Samuel concerning Eli. I was led 
to inquire how far it was my own case. Lord, thou hast 
made me the head of this family. Do I bear the s-ivord in 
vain 1 Show me. Lord, what I can do to help them, con- 
sidered one by one. and how I may help to put away, in 
each, whatever would offend. The thoughts which flowed 
into my mind were as follows : — 

u First. Love is the end of the commandment. Jf I would 
wish to be such a head as God approves. I must have no 
spring of action but love. 1 et when we have many tem- 
pers to suit ourselves to. all their burdens to bear, and their 
every want to supply, (even in narrow circumstances,) 
nature is apt to grow weary. It is very easy to give 
our neighbour what we can spare, but to pinch ourselves, 
and even to run the risk of debts and distress for their 



THE LIFE OF MKS. FLETCHER. 



79 



sakes, makes the work far more harcL How then shall I 
get and keep that spirit of love to each which is needful 
for my fulfilling toward them the place of a mother ? or, 
in some sense, to be a pillar in God's house, who is ap- 
pointed to bear the weight of the whole building ? 

" I will call over each member in my mind with solemn 
prayer, and search out every perfection of every kind ; — 
every trace of the image of God which I can discern in 
each, and enter them on paper ; adding thereto every fresh 
discovery — and then to each name affix a plan, denoting 
what is the best method of helping that person's infirmi- 
ties, and strengthening their virtues. If I do not thus 
study the tempers and dispositions of my family, how un- 
like will my carriage be to that of my heavenly Father 
toward me. I am also much convinced of the necessity 
of being exact in early rising, both for the good of my 
own soul, and that of my family ; and as I am now better, 
I trust to be able to execute my purpose. I shall also meet 
the family at stated times, for an hour, in order to inquire 
if brotherly love continues. And to remove all hinder- 
ances thereto, I will at those times observe, — 

" My design in having a family is to bring honour to 
God. If that end be not answered, I am disappointed, and 
the Spirit of God is grieved with those who hinder it. 

" But in order to this, it is needful to be aware of Satan's 
devices, who will be always endeavouring to throw in 
something to wound love; and among a large family, 
where there is a multiplicity of business, perplexities will 
arise, which sometimes have a tendency to break, or at 
least to interrupt, that sweet harmony of love, by which 
the Church below is rendered a shadow of that above. 

" To prevent this must be my constant labour. I be- 
lieve you all love me ; and I am, my heavenly Father 
knows, united to every one of you. But that will not do, 
unless you are united among yourselves. I would there^ 
fore inquire of each, one by one % — 

" First, Do you find want of love to any one here ? If 
you answer yes, give your reason, and it shall be searched 
to the bottom, though it be in myself. 

" Secondly, Is there any conduct of any member which 
you think might be mended ? 

66 Thirdly, We are to live only to and for God* You all 



80 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



can bear me witness, what we save is saved for the poor, 
and the work of God. Now, can any of you point out 
wherein we can save more ? This is to be done in little 
things : for instance, suppose twenty of you had each a 
candle to use, and each person were to run it into the fire, 
and waste a tenth part of the whole, that would be two 
candles lost per night* If each fire (we will say ten) burn 
one pennyworth of coals per day more than is needful, 
there are five shillings and tenpence per week lost ; enough 
to make two poor people, who love and serve the Lord, 
comfortable. The same may be said of every thing we 
eat, drink, wear, or make use of. Savingness gives a con- 
stant and profitable use of the cross ; as well as adminis- 
ters, by those small acts of self-denial, to the necessities 
of our brethren. If we are thirty in family, besides many 
strangers — -suppose every one by frugality to save (every 
thing being put together) but two pence per day, what a 
large sum will that make in the whole year — nearly a 
hundred pounds ! — and how many of the saints of God 
may be fed and clothed therewith ! 

" Fourthly, Time is a most invaluable talent ; and there 
is scarcely an hour but we may save some minutes, by 
doing every thing as to the Lord, that is, in the best man- 
ner we are able. It is a true saying, a thing once well 
done is twice done. For instance, if you sew a seam care- 
lessly, it will soon want doing over again. If you clean 
any thing by halves, it will want a repetition almost di- x 
rectly. If linen is badly got up, and not of a good colour, 
it will not wear half the time. Consequently, the next- 
wash will be larger, will require more time, more soap, 
more fire, &c. If you teach the children by halves, they 
will need so many more lessons, and be so much the longer 
before they are useful at home, or fit to go out ; so that 
the desire of saving time calls for the most diligent appli- 
cation in every thing. But in order truly to buy up this 
precious talent, there is a necessity of walking as in the 
constant presence of God. By that recollection, we shall 
cut off useless words and thoughts, which are the canker 
worms that eat up our time. 

" Fifthly, The power of speech is a great talent. It is 
an instrument of much good, or much evil. The tongue 
is a little member, yet how much good or evil is it capable 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



31 



of kindling ! A little spark may be the beginning of a 
flame powerful enough to destroy a whole city ; and one 
wrong word may draw on another, until the tongue, 
4 which is a world of iniquity, may set on fire all the mem- 
bers, being itself set on fire of hell. 5 On the other hand, in 
a large family, how useful may that member be ! While it 
possesses the honour of being God's advocate, and watches 
every moment for an opportunity to call in the minds of 
those around you to a closer attention to God. The right 
use of the tongue is of the utmost consequence, (especially 
in a religious community,) and worthy our strictest and 
most earnest endeavours ; since the apostle says, 6 He 
that offendeth not in word, the same is a perfect man, and 
able also to bridle the whole body.' " 

The next Friday, after this family meeting, I proposed 
as a fast — at twelve we were to meet for one hour, chiefly 
for earnest prayer. At these seasons I frequently found 
much of the presence and approval of God, and I believe 
they were blessed to many of the family. 

To return to my outward situation. When I had been 
a few years in Cross Hall, I had many trials of faith and 
patience. Sometimes I was all fears ; and at others, I 
had a lively confidence in that word, Stand to my will, and 
thou shah suffer no detriment, which was applied to me just 
before the period of sister Ryan's death. 

Various circumstances now agitated my mind ; and fre- 
quently with groans and tears have I said before the Lord, 
" O that I could meet with a friend as divinely enlightened, 
and as faithful as the one I have lost ! It would be worth 
going over red hot bars of iron to procure," But though 
I knew some of the excellent of the earth, yea, and had 
some of them under my own roof, yet friendship is so im- 
mediately the gift of God, we cannot form it when we 
will. There must be a similitude of mind, a something 
which God alone can give, and which he at this time was 
pleased to withhold from me, perhaps that I might learn 
to depend on himself alone. The point in which I was 
peculiarly sensible of the loss of my friend, was in the cha- 
racter of a counsellor. I wanted to know and do the will 
of God. I feared I was wrong in my present situation, 
because things did not answer ; and yet I did not know 
which way to mend them. But I have always found the 

4* 



82 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



best way is to stand still ; far I have learned by experi- 
ence, that when we have no light how to- get out of our 
troubles, and no way seems to open, the present duty is 
resignation. We have only to follow Providence- from day 
to day, making it our one business to persevere in a con- 
stant sense of the presence of God, and to he before his 
feet as poor beggars, waiting for his direction. 

Some time before this a circumstance happened, which 
though to appearance trifling, proved in the end very ma- 
terial. A gentleman, who about two years before lost a 
wife he tenderly loved, on hearing of me, and the close 
union which had subsisted between me and Mrs. Ryan, 
permitted a thought to dwell on his mind — -that perhaps I 
was brought to Yorkshire by the providence of God to re 
pair his loss. 

One day, as I was returning from a little journey where 
I had been to meet some people, we called at an inn to 
bait the horse. Mr. * * * was standing at a window of 
that inn. I came out, and stood some time at the block 
waiting for my horse. A thought struck his mind, " I 
should like that woman for a wife ; but instantly he cor- 
rected it with that reflection, I know not whether she be 
a converted or an unconverted person ; a married or a 
single woman. Just then Mr. Taylor came up with the 
horse. The gentleman knew him, and coming out to 
speak to him, was much struck to find it was I. But as 
there was not any thing striking to me in the occurrence, 
I had quite forgotten it, till he recalled it to my remem- 
brance some years after. 

As I was very free in making known my fears, lest my 
new undertaking should not answer, some friends have 
often said to me, " Why do not you consult Mr. * * * 7 
He is the only man for business in the country ; and hav- 
ing heard of your situation, he wishes to give Mr. Taylor 
some advice." Not long after a friend brought him to 
our house. I did not know at that time whether he were 
married or single. We soon fell into conversation about 
the farm. He gave me some directions, and interested 
himself much in my affairs. I frequently applied to him 
in difficult occurrences, and he became, in the common 
acceptation of the word, a familiar friend. 

My perplexities now increased. The farm had sunk a 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



83 



rery large sum to bring it into order, and the kilns took 
much money to work them, a great deal of which lay 
scattered up and down in debts owing to me from lesser 
maltsters, I applied not only to Mr. * * *, but to some 
other sensible men. They looked over all, and said I was 
too much afraid : in a year or two things would turn 
round. That I had a farm to make ; but it was now in 
such order, it would soon pay all again. This gave me 
some satisfaction, but did not on the wiiole remove my 
fears. I also saw Mr. Taylor went too far ; that he was 
inclined to venture much ; that he kept too many men ; 
and gave a great deal too much credit, 

This answered Mr. * * *'s design. By these things he 
was inclined to think God was constraining me to accept 
the offer, which by this time he had made me, of his 
hand, his heart, and his purse. His affections were 
strong, sincere, and constant ; his offers generous, and 
his sentiments tender. He loved my family ; and who- 
ever was kind to me, found favour in his eyes. This 
could not but operate on my gratitude. I was deeply 
pained. But I could not see him the man my highest 
reason chose to obey. First, I did not so honour the 
light he had in religion, as to believe it my privilege to 
be led thereby* Secondly, Though he was a good man, 
and helpful to people in every respect, yet he did not see 
the narrow path of walking close with God, as I could 
wish the man I took for a husband to do. Thirdly, 
Though I had a grateful love toward him, I could not 
find that satisfying affection which flows from perfect con- 
fidence ; and which is the very spirit and soul of marriage. 

I felt, however, in the keenest manner the need I had 
of his assistance in my affairs ; but I thought it ungene- 
rous to the last degree to accept of help and counsel from 
one whose growing affection I was too sensible of, but to 
which, however, I could make no return. I used the 
plainest terms in assuring him of the impossibility of our 
affection ever becoming reciprocal ; and proposed the 
breaking off all acquaintance. He alleged in answer, 
6 * You cannot do without me. You will be ruined ;— God 
hath made me your helper ; and if you cannot see and feel 
as I do, we will be only common friends. I will say nq 
more on a subject so disagreeable to you." 



84 



THE LIFE OF MRS* FLETCHER* 



I lessened my family all I could, by putting out some 
of the bigger children to trades, or servants' places ; but 
much expense attended it. Mr. Taylor also had several 
children while with me, so that the family still consisted 
of twenty-five persons. The majority, however, were 
grown persons. But losses still continually came on ; and 
my first seven years in Yorkshire being nearly expired, I 
found an absolute need of some change, since in all this 
time things grew not better, but worse. 

I consulted Mr. * * * and other friends about my situa- 
tion, but most were for some farther exertion in trade. 
That I knew would not do. Others said, " Turn off all 
those members of your family, and you have enough to 
live on alone, with a servant or two." No way, however, 
opened for thena, and several were old, sickly, or helpless. 
I could not therefore see how that could be done ; and if 
ever I thought on it, mountains of difficulty arose before 
me. Something seemed to whisper, a way shall be made 
quite plain ; yet I saw it my duty to do every thing in 
my power. I therefore consulted Mr. * * *, who knew 
my whole affairs as no other person did. He said, " There 
is but one way for you ; put the farm into Mr. Taylor's 
hand, entirely separate from yourself. Let him have the 
stock just as it is, and work the kilns as he can raise 
money. Let him pay you sixty pounds per year, and 
take his family to the end of the house. I verily believe 
he will live well, and lay up money ; and I will overlook 
all, and appraise every thing once a year." I did so*, 
Mr. * * * took great pains,, and Richard Taylor paid 
regularly. But as he was to have it free of debt, I found 
a good deal to pay which he had not brought to account ; 
so that before all was settled, I had money again to take 
up on interest, which was no small affliction to me ; and 
could I have sold the place, I would have chosen it rather. 

We went on tolerably for three years. Mr. * * * thought 
the farm increased in heart. The stock also improved, 
and all was cheerful, except in my mind, which foreboded 
deeper waters. This was soon realized. In the beginning 
of the fourth year Taylor was in debt to the amount of 
six hundred pounds. This was what I all along feared ; 
but I thought, I am not obliged to pay his debt ; let him 
break, and bear his own burden, Mr. * * * at first thought 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



85 



the same ; but soon we saw, either I must give up the 
stock, (which would be sold for half its value,) or pay the 
money. Besides, I was now informed that when he 
ceased to act as my agent, I ought to have advertised it, 
that no one might trust him through confidence in me. 
But this (being unused to business) I did not know. 

I deeply felt for the appearance it would have to my 
relations. I had before, with their knowledge, taken up 
money on the Laytonstone estate, and my brothers were 
very kind, and ordered all my affairs in the south to the 
best advantage. I did not therefore see it just or prudent 
to hide any thing from them. I wrote to my eldest bro- 
ther a full account of the whole ; but could not see, at 
that time, how 1 could pay ; nor was I quite clear it was 
required of me. Taylor's wife, now big with child, wring- 
ing her hands, entreated me, in mercy to her, not to let 
her husband go to prison ; and indeed she was clear of 
blame, for all along she had been afflicted with the fear 
of what was now come upon them. I knew not what to 
do : above all, the honour of religion was dear to me ; and 
it was too evident, without an appearance of dishonesty, 
I could not take back the stock, though really my own, 
and leave the debts unpaid. Besides, many of the persons 
were poor, and would be greatly hurt by the loss. We 
had also at this time a lively work ; for whatsoever else 
did not prosper by going into Yorkshire, the work of God 
did. Being at length determined on the payment, the 
next difficulty was, where to raise the money. I had 
now taken back all my affairs out of Taylor's hands, but 
was incapable of managing the business myself, nor could 
I get the place disposed of. Mr. * * * then offered to lend 
me the six hundred pounds on interest, and to become a 
partner with me in the farm and kilns, so as to take the 
management of all. Here I was quite at a loss. I was 
almost ready to say, " Darkness hath covered my path. 5 ? 
Prudence, delicacy, every lively sentiment, started back 
at the thought. What ! come under such an obligation 
to the man I am constantly refusing ! Besides, such a 
fresh connection will open the door to many trials. But 
there was no alternative ; I must accept his help or be 
ruined. I therefore followed what appeared to be the 
leadings of Providence. A little before this, I had a draw-, 



86 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 

ing m my mind to go for six months to Bath, Bristol, and 
the parts adjacent, believing it to be the order of God ; 
and I was not sorry for an excuse to get two hundred 
miles from poor Mr. * * *. 

One night, conversing with a friend on the difficulties 
of my situation, he said, " I cannot approve of your pro- 
ceedings ; I fear you fight against Providence. Here are 
several doors open before you. If you object to Mr. * * *, 
why do not you accept of some other of those good men, 
whom the Lord seems to have cast in your way ? You 
stand stiffly in the choice of a single life, and it seems to 
me, God fights against you in so doing. The end will 
be ruin. You will be brought to a prison, and all the 
reproach will be cast on religion. If you build on the 
former promise I have heard you mention, That the Al- 
mighty shall be your defence, and you shall have plenty of 
silver, I account you no better than an enthusiast. Have 
■ you not waited long enough ? You hoped for deliverance 
at the end of the first seven years ; but four are elapsed 
since, and if you wait till the end of the next seven, 
you will be no nearer." Though his words did not con- 
vince my judgment, they pained my heart. Nothing was 
to me more dreadful than the thought of getting out of 
God's order. I carried my case to the Lord, and striving 
to divest my soul of every prejudice, I offered up myself 
to God, that he might accomplish all his will upon me, — 
pleading before him, " Show me thy way, and I will walk 
in it." But the more I prayed, the clearer the light 
seemed to shine on my present path ; and the only answer 
I could obtain was, Stand still and see my salvation. 

Being one day at prayer about my situation, I thought, 
perhaps I shall sink lower still. Though Mr. * * * believes 
he shall make much of the business, he may be mistaken ; 
and should I lose more than my estate at Laytonstone 
and this place also will pay, then I shall have debts I can, 
not answer ; and while there is but a bare possibility of 
that, shall I eat and drink as if it was my own ? Ah ! 
no ; let me rather live on bread and water. I have no 
right, except merely to sustain life, till I receive from God 
some answer, or see, by sound reason, that all will be paid. 
I began to do so that very day ! But the following night 
I had a most particular time before the Lord ! He showed 



THE LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 



87 



me (by a light on my understanding) that all my trials 
were appointed by himself; that they were laid on by 
weight and measure, and should go no farther than they 
would work for my good. He pointed me to the time at 
Hoxton, causing me to remember how simply I had walked 
by faith, and showing me my sin in having drawn back 
from that close communion. That although I did, in a 
measure, still walk with God, yet I could not say, as then, 
I live not, but Christ liveth in me* I had depended on 
creatures for help, and therefore he had let me feel the 
weight of my burdens, that I might be constrained to cast 
them afresh on him ; and that when he had proved and 
tried me, he would deliver me from all my outward bur- 
dens. As a pledge of the inward liberty he would after- 
ward bring me into, and that the ways and means of my 
deliverance were in his own hands, and should appear in 
the appointed time, those words were again brought power- 
fully to my mind : If thou put away iniquity far from thy 
tabernacle — So shalt thou lift up thy face unto God. Thou 
shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee ; 
and the light shall shine upon thy path. Yea, the Almighty 
shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. 
He showed me that all my perplexities and trials were 
only the thorn hedge which his love had planted around 
me, to preserve me from running farther astray. It was 
a profitable and melting time. 

From that hour I began to take my meat again with 
gladness and singleness of heart. During the above time 
of prayer, while I was asking light for my immediate 
duties, it appeared to me best to take Mr. Taylor down 
with us to Bath ; and that from the time I did so, his 
family would no more be such a burden to me. And 
truly so it proved. For my sister met me there, and was 
greatly struck with compassion toward him. She helped 
him herself, and raised him many friends ; so that all the 
rest of the time the family were under my roof, the chil- 
dren were entirely supported with the help which arose 
from that journey. I saw much of the order of God while 
from home ; and after six months I returned with thank- 

* The truth was, I believe, she had not that lively sense of it. 
She was loaded with cares ; but they were all consistent with 
purity. — Ed. 



83 



THE LIFE OF MKS. FLETCHER. 



fulness ; though not without that kind of sensation which 
a scourged child would have in returning to the rod. 

I must here mention a circumstance which, in order of 
time, occurred some months before. In my deep troubles, 
especially after the conversation with the friend above 
mentioned concerning marriage, a thought occurred to my 
mind — " Perhaps Mr. Fletcher is to be my deliverer. May 
not that be the way to bring me out of these encumbran- 
ces ?" But I started from the very idea, lest it should 
be a stratagem of Satan. We had not seen or heard from 
each other for more than fifteen years. Yet when striving 
to find out some way, that idea would frequently present 
itself before me. 

In the month of August, 1777, going into a friend's 
house who was just come from the Conference, he said, 
" Do you know that Mr. Fletcher, of Madeley, is dying 7 
Indeed I know not but he is dead. If he hold out a little 
longer, he is to go abroad ; but it is a pity, for he will die 
by the way, being in the last stage of consumption." I 
heard the account with the utmost calmness. For some 
days I bore his burden before the Lord ; and constantly 
offered him up to the will of God. A few days after, an- 
other of my acquaintance wrote word — " Mr. Fletcher is 
very bad ; spits blood profusely, and perspires profusely 
every night. Some have great hope that prayer will raise 
him up ; but, for my part, I believe he is a dying man, as 
sure as he is now a living one." As I was one day in 
prayer, offering him up to the Lord, these words passed 
my mind: " The prayer of faith shall save the sick, and 
the Lord shall raise him up." I said, " Lord, I dare not 
ask it ; I leave it to thy sacred will : thy will be done !" 

The following thoughts occurred to my mind — If the 
Lord should raise him up, and bring him in safety back 
to England ; and he should propose such a step, could I 
doubt its being of God, after such an answer to prayer ? 
Yet fearing a deception, I cried to the Lord to keep me 
in his narrow way, whatever I might suffer, and felt an 
unaccountable liberty to ask the following signs, if it really 
were of him. 1. That Mr. Fletcher might be raised up. 
2. That he might be brought back to England. 3. That he 
would write to me on the subject, before he saw me, though 
we had been so many years asunder, without so much 



THE LIFE OF 3IES. FLETCHER. 



89 



as a message passing on any subject. 4. That he would, 
in that letter, tell me it had been the object of his thoughts 
and prayers for some years. It came to my mind farther, 
that should this occur in the end of the year 1781, it 
would be a still greater confirmation, as Providence seemed 
to point to me that season as a time of hope. 

We returned from Bath in the beginning of the year 
1778. I found crosses and troubles yet awaited me. Mr. 
* * * was still my partner, and I was enabled to pay him 
and every creditor the full interest of the money taken up ; 
but not to lessen the capital. Lideed, all along I was able 
to answer every demand. We continued our trade some 
time longer ; but, at length, Mr, * * * found my fears were 
better grounded than his hopes. Instead of a hundred 
pounds to put into my lap (as he expected) each year to- 
ward the debt, we found, on the strictest account of every 
grain of corn, pint of milk, or pound of butter, either sold 
or used in the family, that the farm did not pay its own 
way ; though he had put many things on a cheaper plan 
than before. The interest also swallowed up so great a 
part of my income, that it was not possible to keep more 
than half my family with what remained. As to the kilns, 
I had neither money nor courage to work them. I thought 
of many expedients. I strove, I worked hard, I prayed ; 
and at length proposed to the members of my family to 
disperse, and learn some little business, and I would allow 
each what I could. 

Great affliction now sat on every face. Tears were 
shed in plenty. They alleged — Till you can get rid of 
this place you must live here. If you leave it empty the 
house will be spoiled, and that will injure the sale ; and 
we know not what to do, nor how to turn. After being 
twenty years with you, (said one.) how strange will a new 
situation appear ! — And I, (said another,) after eighteen 
years ! And after being twelve years together, (said some 
others,) how hard it is to part ! It was a most painful 
time ; and I saw- there was no way, but first to sell the 
place and then disperse. 

But now a door seemed to open — a gentleman sent me 
word that he would buy the place, stock, lease, and all to- 
gether. He was a man both of fortune and of honour, 
and really wished to help me out of my difficulties. The 



90 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



price which he offered would bring me through all, and 
leave me a good income. Now I began to look up, and 
to form a plan for my future life, ho w to settle myself, and 
dispose of each member of my family. I gave an account 
of every particular, and the bargain was in part made. 
But, alas ! our wisdom is folly ! — He took a fever, and 
died in a few days ! To add to my difficulties, just at this 
time my brother wrote me word, that it would be throw- 
ing away the Laytonsione estate to sell it with so long a 
lease upon it ; and that it could not with any propriety 
be done. I now saw but one way — to advertise Cross 
Hall, and sell it for what I could ; and paying that away 
as far as it would go, strive yearly to lessen the remain- 
ing part of the debt by my income ; reserving only fifty 
pounds per year to live on, and out of it to help my friends. 
But I recollected, that I might not live long enough thus 
to pay the debt by my income. I had still a strong con- 
fidence in a promise given to me before I went to Bath — 
that no one should lose any thing by me ; yet I thought 
it was required of me to do every thing in my power to- 
ward it. 

I then proposed to myself to keep only twenty pounds 
per year. Nay, I thought, how can I have a right even 
to twenty ? Justice is before mercy. They must all shift 
for themselves, and I will do the same. I may perhaps 
find some little business by which life may be sustained, 
till my affairs take a favourable turn. It is true, nobody 
calls in their money, nor seems to have a fear concerning 
it ; yet it is my duty to take the more care for them, be- 
cause of their confidence in me. It may be supposed, as 
I was daily striving to part with the place, and expecting 
to turn out, that my thoughts were frequently occupied 
on what way of life I should choose, as most conducive to 
the glory of God ; and during this season, the Lord did 
teach me many lessons of poverty and resignation. It 
seemed to me no manner of life could be disagreeable, if 
I had but a prospect of having no debts. One day, as I 
was standing at a window musing on this subject, I saw 
a poor man driving some asses laden with sand, by which 
he gained his bread. As I looked on him, a spring of satis- 
faction ran through my mind, and I thought — I am per- 
fectly willing to take up the business of that man. If I 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



91 



preserve unsold one of the freehold cottages, the asses 
might graze on the common, and I could follow them with 
something to sell. There were but few trades which my 
conscience would suffer me to follow ; and my abilities 
were equal to still fewer. But to any thing in the whole 
world would I turn, that was not sinful, rather than re- 
main in debt. I do not mean that I decided to act thus ; 
but so conformed was my mind to poverty at this time, 
that the thought of even that employment, as it now 
glanced through it, gave me real pleasure. However open 
I had been with my relations concerning my affairs hither- 
to, I determined to conceal all personal wants ; for if I 
voluntarily gave up my income for the payment of my 
debts, I did not see it to be just to live on theirs ; and 
this would not have been difficult, as I had no relation that 
lived within two hundred miles. 

Sometimes it appeared to me quite clear, that Mr. 
Fletcher was the friend God would raise up for me. He 
was now much recovered, and about to return to England. 
However, I feared to lay any stress on that ; but while 
thinking on it, 1 received a letter from a friend, informing 
me that Mr. Fletcher had settled abroad, and proposed to 
see England no more. This was a false report ; he never 
had such a thought : but as it came from an intimate 
friend, I had reason to believe it. Thus was I cut off 
from the prospect of any human help ! but I kept to my 
old word, " My soul, wait thou upon God : from him com- 
eth my salvation." 

My heart was much oppressed. I had not advertised 
the place, because some advised me not, saying it was the 
way rather to hurt the sale ; nor did any one so much as 
inquire after it, though my mind was well known. I could 
now only stand still, for I knew not which way to go. 
During this suspense, conversing one day with my friend, 
Mr. * * *, he said, " Indeed I am at a loss what to do for 
you. I thought to have helped you greatly by the conti- 
nuance of the farm ; but, alas ! I wish I had suffered you 
to advertise and sell it for any thing six years ago ; and 
you then could have done it. It is now too late. The 
nation is engaged in wars : you would now sell it for a 
trifle. I consulted some friends the other day, who all 
agreed that, separate from the stock, you must not expect 



92 



THE LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 



above six hundred pounds for the whole place. You are 
ruined, madam ! You withstand the order of God. My 
fortune is enough for you and me. But you cannot see 
in my light. May the Lord stand by you ! But I cannot 
think of a partnership any longer ; the blame would fall 
on me ! ? ' 

It was now the summer of 1731. The seventh of June 
in that year. I entered into my fourteenth year in York- 
shire. I had all along an impression, that about that sea- 
son something would open. One day. as I was walking 
up a narrow lane which had a stile at the top, I saw a 
flock of sheep before me. The shepherd had hard work 
to drive them on ; they seemed determined to turn again. 
I thought, well they may, for there is no gate, no way 
through ; what can he wish them to do ? He forced them 
along, however, with dogs and sticks. I said in my mind. 
" These sheep are like me, drove on in a narrow path, 
without any way to get out." I followed at a distance, 
expecting every moment they would turn back upon me — 
when all at once they began to run, and I discovered a 
new made gate in a spacious field of turnips. In a minute 
they were dispersed, and fell to their full pasture with 
great delight. Faith whispered to my heart — So shall a 
door open before you in the appointed time. 

That passage of the psalmist was much impressed on 
my mind at this time : u The rod of the wicked shall not 
always remain in the lot of the righteous, lest the righteous 
put forth his hand to Iniquity." And frequently those 
words also came with power, The days shall he shortened ; 
by which I rather thought some change would take place 
in the beginning of the last year of my two apprentice- 
ship § in Yorkshire. And now the seventh of June came ; 
and I was almost constrained to say, TJwu hast not deli- 
vered tirj people at all. There was no appearance of any 
such thing ; all was dark. 

" All was with sable terror hung." 

I have continued the narrative unbroken through this 
cloudv and dark day. All was conflict respecting the 
creatures : but the Lord tempered the evil with occa- 
sional intimations that 

u Behind a frowning providence 
He hid a smiiing face.' 5 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



93 



Mrs. Fletcher was thus kept from " growing weary in 
well doing," and enabled to " believe in the faithfulness 
of Him who knoweth the way of the righteous ; and who 
" in every temptation maketh a way for their escape." 
The pious reader will wish to know her walk with the 
Lord, during this evil day. An extract from her journal 
will give a clear view of this ; and it will be seen, that 
although this blessed woman was thus cast down, she was 
not forsaken ; though perplexed, she was not, for a mo- 
ment, in despair : she still " looked, not at the things 
that are seen, and which are temporal, but at the things 
which are not seen, and eternal." She felt her weak- 
ness ; yea, her utter helplessness ; yet she was still con- 
fident. " She stood still to see the salvation of God." — Ed. 



Sunday, December,* 1772. — My health is yejfc far from 
good. My head is much affected, and it is often pre- 
sented to my mind that I shall have an apoplexy. It is 
a painful sensation. Sudden death does not appear to 
me as pleasant. I seem not to have my evidence clear 
for heaven. " Lord, spare me a little, that I may recover 
my strength before I go hence, and am no more seen." 
My nerves are very w 7 eak, and I feel a lowness which I 
thinks affects my mind as to spiritual things ; but 1 feel 
a determination, whether weak or strong, to rise early, 
and to visit the sick. Lord, give me to make the most 
of my short time ! and, Jesus ! give me power to keep 
my mind always fixed on thyself! 

January 16, 1773. — Waked early, and was going to 
rise, but unprofitable thoughts crowded into my mind. 
My distressing situation, as to outward things, seemed an 

s o 7 

intolerable burden, and I was betrayed into thinking of 
useless plans and schemes, how to avoid this (as I think) 
approaching ruin. Alas ! with all my anxiety and care, 
I can do nothing. All I strive for seems overturned. O 
Lord, give me the power to keep every thought stayed on 
thee ! This day I have been a good deal hindered by 
company from walking by my rules, and I see I ought to 
receive every thing that occurs more immediately from 
the hand of God. 

January 17. — Being very poorly, and the weather bad, 
I thought I would spend this day quietly at home, and set 



94 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEK. 



apart three hours for solemn examination, and fresh dedi* 
cation of myself to God ; and I found it good so to do. 
At night I felt much recollection, and had freedom in 
meeting the people. 

January 21, Friday. — For a few days past I have been 
enabled to keep in mind, That the cross is my chosen 
portion. Much taken up to-day in domestic affairs, in 
which I found my mind recollected. A good deal also 
with the poor and sick, wiio came for advice. I seemed 
to be in my own element. But when in a more public 
way, I do not seem as much in my place. Company 
does not agree with my soul. 

January 25. — Rose early, but not having much time 
for prayer, I was off my guard, and spoke very unkindly 
to A. T. I have not been with God much to-day ; yet I 
seem to have had a cry in my heart to him. At night I 
again gave way to a hasty spirit. Alas ! I seem to love 
to find fault, and to oblige others to see in my light, and 
so justify me. O how unlike that holy simplicity I felt 
for a little while when at Hoxton ! 

February 2. — Since I wrote last, I trust I have been 

in a growing frame. I went this day to A . Had a 

good time in speaking from those words, O Nebuchadnez- 
zar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. 

February 17. — This day, in reading Mr. Fletcher's 
Fourth Check, I found my soul much stirred up. O for 
the close walk with God which he describes ! 

February 28.— It was this week laid on my mind to go 

with Richard Taylor to A . I set out with prayer. 

When we had rode a few miles, the horse grew very ill. 
We stopped at a public inn just out of the town. In a 
few minutes a woman came in, who had observed us ; she 
said, " Here are two or three of us who are seeking the 
Lord, just going to meet together at a house hard by, — 
pray will you come in V 9 I answered, " If you will let a 
few of the neighbours know, that some strangers are 
going to have a meeting, we will come in for half an 
hour." In a short time several were gathered, and we 
had a comfortable season with them. When the meeting 
was concluded, R. Taylor said, " If any of you who have 
a larger house, will open the door, we will spend half an 
hour with you in the morning before we set off." Several 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



95 



offered. The largest house was fixed on, and in the 
morning we had a good meeting, and much of the presence 

of God. About ten we set out for the coal pit at R 

Here I saw a little of what the Methodist preachers see 
much, viz., deep poverty, dirt, and cold ; but the Lord 
gave me freedom of speech, and some seemed to have an 
ear to hear. Lord ! let me not be a delicate disciple ! 

July 24. — For a long time I have been ill, from the cold 

I caught at R , and my eyes being bad from riding 

so many miles in a strong east wind, I have been unfit 
for writing since. On the 29th of May I set out for 
Harrowgate, where I was advised to go to drink the 
waters. We got in on Saturday night. The next day 
we were afflicted with hearing the Sabbath greatly pro- 
faned both in the house and in the street. Under my 
window were a company of men playing at horseshoe. 
It seemed a heathen country indeed. We reproved 
them, and never observed the Sabbath so broke again 
while we stayed. On Monday I began the waters, and 
thought, If it does not please the Lord that I should get 
good for my body, I will strive to get good for my soul. 
I will give myself up to prayer and reading. I have no 
opportunity here to act for the souls of others. I had 
nearness to God ; but a great weight rested on my mind. 
There were no lodgings but at the great inns, and ours 
was full of ungodly company. They all ate at one table ; 
but this I could not bear ; therefore I got a bit in my 
own room when they had done. However, their talking, 
swearing, laughing, and music, I was forced to hear all 
day long. Sometimes a strange impression came on my 
mind, that I should be called to bear my testimony for 
God to all the company that were there ; but the pain 
that it brought with it was exquisite. 

After a few days, I was asked to go to Pannel, (about 
a mile from Harrowgate,) in order to hold a meeting at 
the house of a poor woman, who had taken the preachers 
in once or twice ; at which I found many had been 
offended, and threatened much, so that I did not know 
what sort of treatment 1 was likely to meet with. Never- 
theless I did not dare to refuse. We had a profitable 
time, and all was quiet. Two days after, I heard that 
some of the chief opposers were much affected. Glory 



96 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



be to G od ! While we were holding the meeting, a drunken 
man came by, and stopped awhile ; then went on to the 
inn where I lodged, and told some of the gentlemen that 
the lady who lived up stairs was preaching at PanneL 
He repeated also some of the words he had heard me 
speak. When we came home they watched us in, and 
my maid (who was a pious young woman) going into the 
kitchen, they flocked about her, asking, in many ques- 
tions, what her mistress had been doing at Pannel ? 

The following Sunday the company sent me a message 
up stairs, — " That they unanimously requested I would 
have such a meeting with them in the great ball room." 
This was a trial indeed ! It appeared to me, I should 
seem in their eyes as a bad woman, or a stage player ; 
and I feared they only sought an opportunity to behave 
rudely. Yet I considered, I shall see these people no more 
till I see them at the judgment seat of Christ. And 
shall it then be said to me, " You might that day have 
warned us, but you would not." I answered them imme- 
diately, That I would wait on them at the time appointed. 
They behaved very well, and the presence of the Lord 
was with us. The following Sunday they made the same 
request. Much more company came in, even from High 
Harrowgate ; but the Lord bore me through ; and glory 
be to him we had some fruit. The next day I returned 
home, better in health, and comfortable in mind. All praise 
be to the Lord ! 

Sunday, Oct. 17. — Reflecting on the condition of Israel 
at the Red Sea, I thought, there is the picture of my 
situation. I also then will " stand still and see the salva- 
tion of God. Thy will be done !" Yes, my adorable Lord, 
strip me of every penny ; bring me not only to poverty, 
but what I far more dread, to insolvency. Yes ! strip 
me even of reputation ; let me be as " the filth and off- 
scouring of all things," only let me have thy approval, 
and all shall be well. Yes, I will praise thee for all, and 
most for the severe. 

Oct. 18. — Finding the family (which now consisted of 
men and women, boys and girls) much laid on my mind ; 
in particular the children, some of the biggest of whom 
seemed getting into snares ; and considering that several 
must soon (because of my circumstances) be thrust out 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



97 



into the world, I spent some time in pleading with the 
Lord, that he would not let the expense and labour which 
had been laid out on these orphans be all in vain, but that 
they might be truly brought to God ; though I saw we 
must be dispersed, through the losses and trials which are 
come upon me. The Bible lay open before me, and I 
cast my eyes on those words, which were applied with 
power to my heart : " Yet, behold, there shall be a rem- 
nant that shall be brought forth, both sons and daughters,— 
behold, they shall come forth unto thee, and thou shalt 
see their ways and their doings ; and ye shall be com- 
forted concerning the evil I have brought on Jerusalem. 
And they shall comfort you when you shall see their 
ways and their doings ; and ye shall know that I have 
not done without cause all that I have done, saith the 
Lord." 

Saturday, Nov. 6. — I have received some upbraiding 
letters, asking me if I yet believed I should see those 
words fulfilled, " I will restore to you the ears the locusts 
have eaten." In the midst of my trials, it is sometimes 
presented to my mind, — Perhaps the Lord will draw me 
out of all this by marriage. Opportunities of this kind 
occur frequently ; but no sooner do I hear the offer, but 
a clear light seems to shine on my mind, as with this 
voice : You will neither be holier nor happier with this 
man. But I find Mr. Fletcher sometimes brought before 
me, and the same conviction does not intervene. His 
eminent piety, and the remembrance of some little acts 
of friendship in our first acquaintance, look to me some- 
times like a pointing of the finger of Providence. And 
yet I fear lest it should be a trick of Satan to hurt my 
mind. I know not even that we shall see each other on this 
side eternity. Lord, let me not be drawn into a snare ! 
Well, this I resolve on, to strive against the thought ; 
and never to do the least thing toward a renewal of our 
correspondence. No — I will fix my eye on the hundred 
forty and four thousand ; praying only to live and die to 
God alone. Whatever is the will of God, I believe he will 
show it to me, and may his holy will be done. A few 
nights ago, as my mind was burdened lest Satan was about 
to get an advantage over me, I cried to the Lord, and felt 
much sorrow. In order to compose my mind, (I did what 

5 



98 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



I seldom do,) I prayed the Lord to direct me in opening 
to some passage of Scripture which might draw me to 
himself, and compose me into a quiet frame. I took up, 
as I thought, a little Bible which lay before me, but (by 
accident) one of the maids had put her small Common 
Prayerbook in the place. With prayer I opened it, and 
cast my eyes on these words : " Almighty God, who at 
the beginning did create our first parents, Adam and Eve, 
and did sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour 
upon you the riches of his grace, sanctify and bless you, 
that you may please him both in body and soul, and live 
together in holy love unto your lives' end." I was struck 
with the words ; but saw the safest way was a quiet 
uttention to the will of my God, on which I strove to lean 
my weary spirit. 

Monday November, 8, — My mind is this morning 
affected in a solemn manner. It seems to me I have yet 
more of the cross to expect, and more bitter cups to drink. 

my Lord, what breaking do I need ! Well, do all thy 
will, so I may but feel that promise accomplished, Thou 
shalt walk with me in white, Last night I went to bed 
recollected, and in the spirit of prayer, but had a dream 
which I cannot understand, though I believe it to be from 
God. Perhaps what I know not now I may know hereafter, 

1 thought I was in a room with S. C., A. T., and some 
others. Mr. Fletcher was there, sitting with us, and 
speaking of the things relating to a walk with God. At 
last he said, as it were abruptly, " I must go to Bristol : 
will any of you go with me '?" A woman who sat by him 
said, " No, not for the world. You know not what you 
will have to suffer : the devil walks there, and you will 
have all the powers of hell to grapple with." He replied^ 
" 1 care not for ten thousand devils, for the name of Jesus 
will conquer them all !" He then, turning to me, said, 
" Will you go with me ? Not to help me to fight, but to 
help me to praise." I replied, "I will go; for while we 
trust in Jesus, all the powers of hell cannot harm us." I 
had no remembrance during my dream of his being a 
single man, or any thing that had passed in my mind be- 
fore. In all I said and did, I seemed acted upon by 
another spirit rather than my own. 

November 15. — In reading Mr. Elliott's Life this day 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



09 



I received a fresh conviction, how blessed an employment 
it is to receive and comfort the messengers of the Lord, 
who have left their houses, and all the conveniences of 
life, to preach the Gospel. God hath given me a home, 
though Christ had not where to lay his head ; and here I 
have the honour and privilege of giving a cup of water to 
his prophets. Lord, teach me to do it with more diligence ! 

December 2. — This day, as brother Brarnah was meet- 
ing my band, he related an anecdote of a young man, 
which was blessed to me. He was leader of a band of 
young men, all desirous of giving their whole hearts to 
God ; but it seemed to them they could not see the way 
elearjy. One night he dreamed he was at the bottom of 
a deep but dry well, with his little company. He told 
them if they remained there they must perish, and ex- 
horted them to strive hard to get out. Accordingly they 
exerted all their strength, endeavouring to get up, but all 
in vain. At last they were quite discouraged, and said, 
" What must we do ?" " Truly," said he, " I know not ;" 
but looking up, he saw in the sky a little bright spot which 
did not appear larger than half a crown. He looked at 
it for some time, when feeling himself move, he looked 
down into the well, and found to his surprise he was risen 
some feet from the bottom. As soon, however, as he looked 
down he began to sink again. " 0," said he, " now I have 
found the way out of the well ! It is by looking steadily 
on yonder bright spot on which fixing his eye, he was 
brought up in a short time, and his feet were set on firm 
ground. This discovery of the way of faith was greatly 
blessed both to him and his brethren. I am convinced, 
could I thus constantly look to Jesus as the author and 
finisher of my faith, the work of sanctification would be 
going on without hinderance. 

December 17. — Last Friday I went to Leeds to meet 
some classes. O how much do I suffer for every meeting 
I propose ! The enemy follows me hard with such buffet- 
ing fears and discouragements as I cannot express. How- 
ever, I determined to go, and leave the event to God. At 
Mrs. C.'s many came in to tea, and being a mixed com- 
pany, I thought, Lord, give me something profitable to 
say, or keep me silent ; and blessed be God it was a pro- 
stable time. After tea I conversed alone with one in 



160 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER 



deep distress, — -and read in the providences she mentioned 
a wonderful display of the wisdom, condescension, and 
guardian care of the Lord Jesus* When I returned into 
the dining room, a large class was ready for me, and the 
Lord was very present. Glory be to his name, he never 
fails his poor unworthy dust I Then Mrs, Clapham asked 
me if my strength would hold out to meet the children. 
I assented, and also found some liberty. Immediately I 
began the second class, and there I found the Lord was 
very good indeed ; but my strength almost failed. After 
the people were gone, I talked closely with Mr, H. ; I 
trust not quite in vain. It being now late, we got a little 
supper, and went to bed* I had but little rest, being very 
feverish. Indeed I am seldom well in a town. Next day 
we visited several in peculiar states and circumstances* 
and here also I saw the Lord's hand* In the afternoon I 
Returned home in peace. 

December 20. — This was on the whole a good day* 
Taking some time in the Hermitage, my soul was refresh- 
ed. My situation is perplexing ; but I feel myself calmly 
fixed on the will of God. I can, I do, believe he will not 
let me take any step that is not for his glory. And if I 
do not get out of his order, I care for nothing else. 

December 30. — Waked early, and after losing some 
time, (though kept from unprofitable thoughts,} I arose 
about five, and was blessed in prayer, but afterward 
found myself very stupid, dull, and heavy. I went to see 
some sick people, and their words were animating. I was 
humble while they recorded several meetings in which 
my words had been blessed to them. O my God, let me 
not help others into liberty, and myself remain in bond- 
age. I heard also to-day of some in Leeds that were 
brought into a fuller measure of love,-—- and that they had 
been blessed ever since my being there. Ah ! Lord, how 
will this rise against me if I am not filled with thee ! On 
all sides I hear of my words being blessed, and yet I am 
only a poor pipe through which it passes. Lord, let me 
never rest till I have full redemption in thy blood. Some- 
times all my soul is on the stretch ; but then I rest again, 
and other cares my heart divide. How long ! O Lord ! 
How long ! 

January 1, 1774. — And do I yet see another year? 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



101 



Lords with what improvement ? Shine on my soul, while 
I examine for an answer. Blessed be thy name ! I have 
more faith than last year, I have more power, and my 
mouth is more open to speak for thee. I am more deeply 
convinced of my vileness, which is such as none can con- 
ceive. I am also more on stretch for holiness. 

January 15, Friday night. — This day I set apart as a 
fast. All the morning I was tossed much with thoughts 
of temporal difficulties, R. T. being quite unwilling to 
come into any scheme I can propose. In the afternoon 
I found move liberty in prayer ; I was as in an agony. I 
said, " Lord, if it can be consistent with thy justice to 
make such a sinner as I entirely holy, do it ! Do it for 
thy name's sake ! Give me once more what thou gavest 
me at Hoxton. Do it, Lord ! in thy own way ; I submit 
myself to any condition; only make and keep me holy.' 
My life seemed as if it would go from me, and my hands 
were so strained by the grasp, (which I afterward found 
they had of each other,) that I could hardly use them for 
some time. But I did not gain the blessing I wanted. 

February 6. — Blessed be my adorable Saviour, I am 
kept from all condemnation I feel I am so born of God, 
J do not commit sin. But I have not that liberty of soul, 
that close communion which I want, and believe to be 
my privilege. O my Saviour, shine more clearly ! let me 
fully enter into the good land ] 

Saturday, February 19. — Glory be to God, I have been 
kept in peace this week, and my soul seems nearer to 
God. Yet I do not seem to have got " salvation appointed 
for walls and bulwarks ; v — I am but a little child. But, 
u Lord, I am thine, save me." As to my outward affairs, 
they are not now such a weight, I have cast them on the 
Lord, and I embrace his wilL He, without whom " a 
sparrow does not fall to the ground," will not leave nor 
forsake his poor helpless creature. 

Monday, 22. — Yesterday was a day of trial. Mr. * * * 
preached at Morley, and then came here. He really 
grows in grace, and his word is attended with power. 1 
was much pained in conversing with him to see the grief 
of mind occasioned by his attachment. O my God, 
indulge me in this] Show me some way out of this 
embarrassment. 



102 



THE LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER. 



Saturday, 27. — A solemn day to my soul.. I was kept 
in peace while busy in domestic affairs. Home always 
agrees with my soul. It is seven weeks to-morrow, since 
I have been constantly kept as the clay before the potter x 
yet still how far below my privilege I live ! 

Sunday, September 26. — I did not rise quite in so spi- 
ritual a frame as I wished. Lord, let me not lose ground* 
I was blessed in the meeting afterward ; — and in reading 
the Essay on Truth, in Mr. Fletcher's Equal Check, page 
162. Lord, give me to live in that constant act of faith ! 
It is the very marrow of the Gospel. How delightfully 
it is distinguished from Antinomian presumption ! It has 
of a truth been food to my soul. In prayer this night I 
found power to lay open all my troubles before the Lord? 
and to take fast hold on that word, " Seek ye first the 
kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these 
things shall be added unto you." I cannot tell how to 
express the power I felt in those words, All these things ! 
I saw Jesus had undertaken my whole cause. 

December. — I feel my faith rather increased. I have 
this day been examining the state of my soul as to the 
progress I have made this year, and inquiring of the 
Lord why I do not grow much faster, and sink into a 
much deeper acquaintance with God. It appears to me 
that the reason is, I do not valiantly resist every thought 
that presents itself, but suffer my eyes to be turned off 
from my Saviour. — In particular, I lose much time in 
searching for ways out of my present trials. It seems 
often a duty to do so ; and my mind is carried away, till 
recalled by that word, " Thou canst not make one hair 
white or black." 

February 1, 1775. — I was much blessed at the Wed. 
nesday meeting. For some time these words have been 
with me, " Delight thyself in the Lord, and he will give 
thee the desire of thy heart." 

February 28.— I fear my soul has lost ground this month, 
O what a narrow path do we tread ! How true also is 
that word, Without me ye can do nothing / In the begin- 
ning of this month I wrote that precious word, Delight 
thyself in the Lord ; but, alas ! instead of delight, I feel 
sorrow of heart ! A little time since I had a particular 
trial with # * *. What was proposed seemed hard and 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



103 



unreasonable ; and I forgot the Christian motto, " Do 
good, and suffer ill." I got my eye turned off from Jesus, 
and then I no longer felt the love that never faileth. This 
deeply wounded me. At night I felt a drop of healing 
balm, but my spirit remains to this day much discouraged. 

May. — I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My affairs 
are perplexing indeed ! Yet something seems to say, It 
is for an appointed time. But all this I should not regard, 
if my soul was always filled with love. I sometimes seem 
to get all obstacles removed, and then I reflect the image 
of my Saviour, and all is quiet, calm, and peace. Floods 
of trial do not seem to move me. But though I thus taste 
of the pure river now and then, I do not abide in the faith, 
and therefore I do not abide in liberty. 

May 28. — This day I set apart for prayer, to inquire 
of the Lord, why I am so held in bondage about speaking 
in public. It cannot be expressed what I suffer — it is 
known only to God what trials I go through in that re- 
spect. Lord, give me more humility, and then I shall not 
care for any thing but thee ! There are a variety of rea- 
sons why it is such a cross. The other day one told me 
" He was sure I must be an impudent woman ; no modest 
woman, he was sure, could proceed thus." Ah ! how glad 
would nature be to find out — Thou, Lord, dost not require 
it \ Mr. William Bramah observed to-day, " The reason 
why your witness is not more clear, is because you do not 
glorify God by believing, and more freely declaring what 
he hath done for your soul." He spake much on these 
words, " What things soever ye ask in prayer, believe 
that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." His words 
came with power, and my soul got a farther hold on Jesus. 
I do see that by his death he hath purchased perfect sal- 
vation for all vjho believe ; and that we receive it in pro- 
portion as we thus believe. " Be it unto you according 
to your faith," is the word of the Lord. Then I will, I 
do cast my whole soul on thee ! O let me find salvation 
as walls and bulwarks ! 

September 10, Sunday. — I rose this morning with a 
sore weight on my mind. It was given out for me to be 
at D— — . There was much wind and rain, and the roads 
were very bad. I feared the journey. I feared also I 
should have nothing to say when I came there ; — I leared 



104 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



all manner of things. Those words, however, came to my 
mind, " Take no thought what ye shall say." I then felt 
myself led to consider these words, " Repent ! for the 
kingdom of heaven is at hand." I found some liberty in 
speaking from them, and the people were affected. As I 
was riding back, I clearly saw I was called to stand still ; 
to live the present moment, and always to praise the Lord 
that his will was done, though I might have much to suf- 
fer. I had a clear conviction, God brought me to York- 
shire, and that I had a message to this people : and that 
notwithstanding the darkness which hung over my situa- 
tion, I was at present where God would have me. Well 
then, answered my heart, if I am but in his will I am safe % 
for where the Lord leads me, there he will be my light. 

September 12, Tuesday. — This day I am thirty-six 
years old. I have been throughout the day kept in the 
spirit of prayer. Lord, I ofFer up myself, body and soul* 
to thee ! It came to me, Thy captivity is long. Well, I 
will wait thy time, O Lord ! 

November 5, Sunday. — Did not rise early, but was kept 
recollected. In the morning I was watchful as to words, 
but at noon I talked too long with A. T. That is an ad- 
mirable rule of Mr. Wesley's, never to be more than an 
hour in the same company, where it can be avoided. I 
also spoke some evil of M. M. by repeating what was not 
needful. O when shall I know what that meaneth, " He 
that offendeth not in word, the same is a perfect man, and 
able also to bridle the whole body." 

November 12, Sunday.— Went to bed late last nighty 
but in a degree recollected, though rather hurried with 
fear lest I should lie too long in the morning. When I 
rose, I found the weather was very severe. However, I 
went to A . The extreme cold almost took away my 
senses. Yet we had a comfortable meeting, and many 
people. 

January 5, 1776. — I find it very hard to be recollected 
in private prayer. To-day I tried, the following plan with 
some advantage. I placed my watch on the bed, that I 
might know when the hour was out. I first strove to con- 
sider myself as in the presence of God— as before the 
throne, worshipping with the heavenly host. Then I strove 
with recollection to repeat the Lord's prayer, giving each 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



105 



sentence full scope in my mind. In the words, Our Fa- 
ther, I felt a powerful remembrance of Him " after whom 
the whole family in heaven and earth is named," and with 
delight I then repeated, Hallowed be thy name ! That sen- 
tence, Thy kingdom come, was much opened to my soul. 
I see that kingdom is the great promise of the Father, 
which Christ said he would send upon his children. That 
indeed is " the kingdom which suffers violence, and the 
violent take it by force." As I repeated, Thy will be done 
on earth as it is in heaven, I felt 

u The will of God my sure defence, 
Nor earth nor hell can pluck me thence." 

Give us this day our daily bread. Is he not our own Fa- 
ther ? Is he not engaged to provide for his babes ? Well 
then, thought I, freedom from debt is more to me than 
bread, and will he not preserve me from this 1 It was 
then brought to my mind, " The Lord is my Shepherd, I 
shall not want." In the next petition, Forgive me as I 
forgive, O I what a cry did I feel for more love ! Lord, 
must I say, 

" That mercy I to others show, 
That mercy show. to me V 

Ah no ! I will rather cry out, 

" Mercy, good Lord ! mercy I ask, 
It is the total sum ; 
For mercy, Lord, is all my plea, 
O let thy mercy come !" 

" With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you 
again !" O how would that cut me off from all hope, 
were it not for those words, " The blood of Jesus cleanseth 
from all sin !" Lead us not into temptation. How hath 
this prayer been answered to me ! How would I have run 
into ruin, but thou didst not suffer the temptation to ap- 
proach. Thou didst keep my powers as with bit and bri- 
dle, and conquered for me ; and that when I did not strive, 
or even know my danger. But deliver us from evil. Lord, 
I am a desolate woman, who hath no helper but thee. O 
keep me from evil of every kind ; " thoroughly purge away 
my dross, and take away all my tin." For all is thine for 
ever and ever. This I am assured of, when the soul turns 
inward to seek the Lord, that moment he turns to it and 
smiles upon it ; and if it abide with him, it will always 



106 



THE LIFE OF MES. FLETCHER. 



grow. But as of a healthy child, one does not see it grow, 
and yet it doth ; so the soul, surrounded by temptation, 
may not discover its growth ; nevertheless, the sun does 
not more freely give its light and warmth to the earth, 
than the beams of the immaterial Sun meet the seeking- 
soul. 

January 21. — I went to-day to see some sick, among 
whom was the mother of a young man, who, about four 
years- ago, came to our Sunday night's meeting. It pleased 
the Lord to awaken him, and soon after he died happy. 
On his deathbed he entreated his mother and sister, that 
they would attend the meetings as he had done. Some 
time after, the eldest sister came to me for advice among 
the other patients. Conversing with her, I perceived she 
had some convictions, and invited her to meet with a few 
persons whom I had collected. She did so, and seemed to 
drink in instruction as the parched ground the softening 
shower. After a few weeks she was set at liberty. She 
was now desirous her mother might share in her felicity. 
She begged me to visit her, as she was too infirm to come 
out. Accordingly I went, but found her so ignorant, and 
so exceedingly weak as to her understanding, that it seem- 
ed almost impossible to do her any good. After some time* 
she appeared under some concern ; and her complaint then 
was, to use her own words, " O that I could but get a 
smile from God !" Her convictions continued to increase, 
and she would cry, " O what shall I do ? Shall I never be 
saved ? O how easily did Betty come to it, while I can- 
not get one smile, not one look from God ! The face of 
the Almighty is all dark to me, as dark as darkness itself." 
The Lord was then pleased to lay her on a sick bed, in a 
very painful disorder. Finding nothing gave her any re- 
lief, and believing she must die, she was in great distress, 
and said to her daughter, " My dear, my pain is greater 
than I can bear ! I cannot live over this night. I pray 
thee go to mistress, and see if she can order me something." 
" O mother," said she, " I know not how to go, we have 
had so much in former illnesses. I fear it will seem as 
if we were imposing on her ; let me go to the doctor 
again !" The old woman lying in great distress, at length 
cried out, " Thou wilt order me a medicine, Lord ! I can 
believe thou wilt. But shall I have no share in thy glory V x 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



107 



Then, as she expressed it, " It went through my mind with 
power, 6 I will have mercy on thee ! I will receive thee at 
the eleventh hour !' O what did I then feel ! Such com- 
fort came over me as I can never tell. I did not mind 
the pain ; I believed it would be removed. But my soul ! 
O ! what a change did it feel ! Why, the dark face of 
God was all light ! I thought before, that he hated me 
for my sins ; but now I saw he loved me. Yes, I saw he 
had loved me all my life, and had been inviting me to 
come to him ; but I did not understand. And now, O ! 
how I love him ! Yes, I love my God better than I ever 
loved my best bairn (child,) O it is a brave thing ! And 
what a change it makes ! Why, one is quite a new crea- 
ture ! And it has made me see things quite different from 
what I did before. I used to chafe and fret, when any 
thing went wrong, and thought things were very hard ; 
but now I see nothing is hard ; all is love ! So I never 
•do complain now."* 

Her daughter came to me, and told me (as well as she 
could) how her mother was 5 but her disorder was so 
peculiar, and so badly described, that I was on the point 
cf saying, I cannot do any thing for her, when all at 
once a mixture came into my mind. I went and made 
it up. The first spoonful gave her ease ; and soon after 
quite removed the disorder. All I can say on this extra- 
ordinary case is, the Lord would have it so. The medi- 
cine was not an opiate, but in itself a very simple thing ; 
but when the Lord will bless, who shall stay his hand ? 
Thou art a God who hears and answers prayer. 

January 30. — Last night I met the classes at A . 

Much of the power of the Lord was present. But, O ! I 

* As it was in the days of the personal ministry of the Son of 
God, so it is in these his Spirit's Gospel days: — " He hides those 
things from the wise and prudent, and revealeth them unto babes. 
The weary and heavy laden, who believe," Matt, xi, 25-30. How 
easy it is to forget this ! How hard to keep it in remembrance, 
and to allow it its due weight ! Did ever any man, since the days 
of St. Paul, more fully, or more constantly, appreciate this than 
Mr. Wesley 1 It was the principle that governed and directed his 
whole life and labours \ and on which account he denominated the 
fruit of those labours, " The work o f God." A work which he be- 
gan, supported, and prospered ; and in respect to which Mr. T >Ves- 
ley, notwithstanding his unparalleled activity, always considered 
liimself as a mere passive instrument. — Ed, 



THE LIFE* OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



am not what I would be, Lord ! How is it I seem to get 
so slowlv forward 1 This morning I rose early, and found 
it good. Self-denial agrees with my soul, but I use too 
little of it. 

February 4. — Last Wednesday I had a remarkable 
preservation. Going to take my bark mixture, my mind 
being much taken up with what I had been writing, I took 
a bottle of laudanum, which through a strange providence 
was not then locked up, a circumstance which seldom 
happens. I took four teaspoonfuls and a half of it. As 
soon as I had swallowed it, I perceived what it was ; and 
thought I must take a large dose of ipecacuanha. I looked 
for it, but could not find it, though it stood very near me. 
I knew my life depended on the present moment : and 
thought, perhaps the Lord has appointed to take me this 
way. 1 found my mind calmly stayed on God, and those 
words came across it, " These signs shall follow those that 
believe : if they drink any deadlv thing, it shall not hurt 
them." I went into Mrs. Crosby's room, and told them 
what had happened. Having medicines in the parlour, 
we went down to look there for the ipecacuanha, but 
there was none. We returned to my room and found it. 
1 took about thirty grains. We then joined in prayer. 
For half an hour it had no effect. I "thought it would 
then have no power, as the opiate must in that time have 
taken hold of the nerves of the stomach. But it soon 
after operated, and brought up (it seems) both the lauda- 
num and ipecacuanha. Fearing the whole had not come 
away, they gave me another dose ; but that had no effect 
at all. I felt, however, not the least inconvenience. In 
the night, I a little rambled, and was restless, but not ill. 
On the whole, it was a comfortable dispensation. I had 
been always tempted to think, if I should be called to face 
death in full health, I should shrink from it. But now 
that I fully believed it to be just before me, my soul did 
calmly wait on the Lord, though not with joy, yet with 
quiet peace ! 

Last night I dreamed I was telling the Lord he was 
the loadstone, and my soul the needle. That his will was 
the north pole, to which my heart should turn, however 
tossed about. To-day Miss Ritchie came. I have had 
some profitable conversation with her. She is indeed a 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



109 



blessed soul ; and I feel more of the immediate presence 
of God since that conversation. 

May 5. — I had a meeting some days ago at B , 

where an odd circumstance occurred. I observed (as I was 
speaking on these words, The Master is come, and calleth 
for thee) a gentleman among the congregation, who looked 
with great earnestness. As soon as the meeting was over* 
I rode home, where I had not long been, till this man came 
after me. He is a stranger, and came into these parts 
about business. He felt a great alarm in his soul ; and 
declared he had always before thought himself very righte- 
ous ; but he now feared he should go to hell ; and insisted 
on telling me his whole life, and confessing (as he termed 
it) all his sins. He was very long ; and I feared there 
was in his mind a mixture of insanity. He told me he 
was building a house for an assembly, but he would go 
home, and turn it into a preaching house, if I would come 
and speak in it, that his neighbours might get the light 
he had got. I strove to prevail on him to return to the 
friend's house from whence he came, and to set off the 
next morning for his own country, where he told me he 
had a good wife and family ; but he insisted he would not 
leave me till he had found the Lord ! At length he said 
he felt some comfort, and would go and spend most of the 
night in prayer. Next morning he was more calm ; and 
on my promising to answer him if he wrote to me, he went 
away. Satan made use of this occurrence to bring me 
into discouragement respecting public speaking ; but some 
years after, I heard a most pleasing account of this gen- 
tleman, that he had indeed turned his assembly into a 
Methodist preaching house, and that himself and family 
were joined to the society. 

June 11, Tuesday. — Mrs. Westerman came here on the 
Thursday before Whitsunday, and stayed ten days. She 
came in full expectation of a blessing ; and in the Sunday 
night meeting, as I was in the last prayer, I felt it on my 
mind to plead with the Lord that he would seal some soul 
as his abode that night. Just then - the answer came. 
She felt the heart of stone taken away, and has ever since 

rejoiced with exceeding joy. Tuesday I went to B * 

When we came, we found the man at whose house we 
were to have been, died that morning. Another offered 



110 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEE. 



his barn, though with seeming fear ; hut when we came 
to the house, he either could not, or would not find the 
key. So we stood in an open place, with some serious 
people from other parts, and some of the careless inhabit- 
ants. However, all behaved well, and I found liberty in 
enforcing these words, " Acquaint now thyself with God, 
and be at peace, — hereby good shall come unto thee." 

July 20. — This day I found a good deal of liberty in 
prayer, especially in pleading, " If it be thy will I should 
be holy, — if it be the great design of thy death, — O, then, 
let it all be answered on thy poor creature ! Let all thy 
will be done !" It seems to me I fall short in every thing. 
I am continually making rules and plans, and yet I keep 
to none with any degree of exactness. Nevertheless, I 
see it well to make them ; for though I never come up to 
what I propose, yet I always gain something ; every fresh 
effort seems to put me a little forward. I have of late 
been reading Dr. Cheyne's works ; I see self-denial very 
beautiful, and of profit both for soul and body. 

July 24. — H. S. gave a good account of the work 
wrought on her soul. I think it is about three months 
ago I providentially met with her in a class, which I went 
to meet about a mile from home. She appeared that 
night all ear, and quite awakened to the desire of loving 
God iviih all her heart. I felt much liberty in conversing 
with her, and asked her to come to the meeting, which 
she did the first opportunity, and seemed quite broken 
down ; — expressing herself in such a manner concerning 
her inbred sin, as plainly showed the Lord had plucked 
away every covering. While we were at prayer, she 
felt a degree of living faith ; and last night she gave the 
following account : " After I left you I was very happy. 
I went to bed, wondering at the great miracle Jesus had 
wrought in saving such a sinner. When I awoke in the 
morning, (O, what a precious morning to me !) I had an 
impression as if my dear Lord stood just by me, and said, 
6 1 will cause all my goodness to pass before thee.' I cried 
out, 6 O, it is thee, my Lord !' Then the words came to 
me, 6 1 have set thee as a signet upon mine arm, as a seal 
upon my heart. Thy sun shall no more go down. I will 
be thine everlasting light, and thy God, thy glory.' O, 
what rapture did I feel, and so I do still ! He is all day 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



Ill 



long speaking so sweetly to me, and I have such views of 
his glorious love as I cannot express. O, never sure did 
the Lord do such a miracle ! For I do believe there never 
was such a vile polluted creature as I have been !"* 

August 30. — Yesterday it was given out for me to be 

at . For a whole month it lay on my mind. None, 

my God, but thyself, knows what I go through for every 
public meeting ! I am often quite ill with the prospect. 
When the day came, the wind was violent, which is a 
thing I have a great fear of, because it so affects my 
head ; for after riding several miles in it, I am scarcely 
in my senses. And I suppose it is worse to me, not having 
been used to ride on horseback till I came into Yorkshire. 
A little before I set out, I said, " O Lord, thou canst still 
the wind ; but thy will be done." When we had got about 
a hundred yards from the house, the wind fell, and we 
had no more trouble from it ail the way. My hearing* 
w T as much affected at this time, so that I feared I should 
not be able to converse with any person. But before I 
got to the place, my hearing was as good as ever it was 
in my life, — and I was not at all fatigued ! There were 
many persons got together ; and after spending about 
two hours with them, the time for the meeting drew on. 
W r e went to a barn prepared for that purpose by the 
kind friend who had invited us. There was a good 
congregation ; and I found some enlargement in speak- 
ing on those words which came then to my mind, " Hath 
the Lord as much delight in sacrifices and burnt-offerings 
as in obeying the voice of the Lord 1 Behold, to obey is 
better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of 
rams." As I was speaking on the word hearken, I felt 
the Lord peculiarly present. The people would fain have 
had me stay all night ; but for some reasons I thought 
it better to return ; — which we immediately did, and 
reached home a little before eleven. 

September 7, Tuesday. — Glory be to God ! this has 
been a comfortable day. My soul is sweet in expectation 
that I shall be filled with the' Spirit ; and that I shall yet 
see the time, when by my whole life I shall bring glory ta 



* There are ten thousand happy believers that would 
that point with her.— Ed. 



112 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



God. I feel power to abandon my whole cause into his 
hand. O Lord, thou hast undertaken for me ; I feel thou 
hast ; I feel also great resignation as to the life or death 
of thy dear servant. O keep him, Lord, as the apple of 
thine eye. I believe thou wilt order all right : and I shall 
regard him with an immortal friendship, that will be free 
from snares, and all Divine. But it is strange, when I 
am offering him up, the words come, " The prayer of 
faith shall heal the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up." 
I do not understand, but / stand still. 

September 14. — Yesterday I was a good deal oppressed. 
1 had undertaken to meet the old members of our society 
apart, and to propose to them a renewal of our covenant ; 
— to set our hearts and hands afresh to the work of God. 
Glory be to his name, I was carried better through it 
than I could have hoped for. Some little touches of 
enthusiasm were beginning to creep in among us, which 
I thought the more dangerous, as the meeting now grows 
very numerous, members being added from all sides. Yet 
was it a great trial for me to have to reprove them, — 
1. Because many are much farther advanced in grace than 
I am. 2. I was deeply conscious it is one of the most 
delicate subjects in the world, and requires both much 
wisdom and much love, to extinguish false fire, and yet 
to keep up the true. All the day I kept pleading before 
the Lord, mostly in these words of Solomon, — " Ah ! Lord, 
how shall I, who am but a child, go in and out before this 
thy chosen people ?" 

September IT, Tuesday. — Glory be to thee, my faith- 
ful Lord ! O that I could always trust ! Then I should 
always praise ! Last Sabbath morning I went, according 
to appointment, to Goker. I arose early, and in pretty 
good health. The day was fine, though rather hot. About 
eleven we came to Huddersfield, and called on Mrs. H. 
She had asked me to lodge there on my return, and have 
a meeting, saying many had long desired it, and there 
would be no preaching there on that day. I felt immedi- 
ately the people laid on my mind, and that I had a mes- 
sage to that place, — and said, If the Lord permit, I will. 
She then said, "We will give it out at noon." We rode 
forward. Benjamin Cock met us, and kindly conducted 
us over the moors. When we came to his hut, all was 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



113 



clean, and victuals enough provided for twenty men. But 
I was so heated with the ride, (near twenty miles,) and 
with the great tire on which they so liberally cooked for 
us, that I could not eat. My drinking nothing but water 
seemed also quite to distress them. They said the meet- 
ing had been given out in many places, and they believed 
we should have between two and three thousand people. 
That I did not believe ; but there was indeed such a num- 
ber, and of such a rabble as I scarce ever saw. At one 
we went out to the rocks, a place so wild that I cannot 
describe it. The crowd which got around us was so great, 
that by striving which should get first to the quarry, 
(where we were to meet.) they rolled down great stones 
among the people below us, so that we feared mischief 
would be done. Blessed be God, none were hurt ! I passed 
on among them on the top of the hill, not knowing whither 
I went. Twice I was pushed down by the crowd, but 
rose without being trampled on. We stopped on the edge 
of a spacious quarry filled with people, who were tolerably 
quiet. I gave out that hymn, The Lord my pasture shall 
prepare, &c. When they were a little settled, I found 
some liberty in speaking to them ; and I believe most 
heard. As we returned into the house, numbers followed^ 
and filled it so full we could not stir. I conversed with 
them, but could not get much answer. They stood like 
people in amaze, and seemed as if they could never have 
enough. Many wept and said, " When will you come 
again V We then set off for Huddersfield. I felt very 
much fatigued, and began to think, How shall I be able to 
fulfil my word there ? As we rode along, brother Taylor 
said, " I think I ought to tell you my mind. I wish we 
could ride through Huddersfield, and not stop. For I 
know there are some there who do not like women to 
speak among them, and I fear you will meet with some- 
thing disagreeable." I looked to the Lord, and received, 
as it seemed to me, the following direction : If I have a 
word to speak from him, he will make my way. If not > 
the door will be shut. I am only to show the meekness 
of wisdom, and leave all to God. Those words then came 
with power to my mind,— 

li The Lord my pasture shall prepare, 
And feed me with a shepherd's care ; 



114 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



His presence shall my wants supply, 
And guard me with a watchful eye ; 

My noonday walks he shall attend. 

And all my midnight hours defend. ; ' 

When we got to Huddersfield, I told them the conver- 
sation we had had by the way, and the posture of my mind ; 
which was calm as the limpid stream, and quiet as an 
infant. I perceived his fears were not groundless, and 
said, " Well, my friends, I will do as you will, either stay 
with you this night, or go forward directly, for I follow a 
lamblike Lord, and I would imitate his life and spirit." 
They said they believed but few of the principal persons 
had any objection, and the people much desired it ; be- 
sides, as it had been given out at noon, there would be a 
great many strangers, whom it would not be well to dis- 
appoint. It was then agreed that we should have the 
meeting in the house, where they usually had the preach- 
ing ; but when we came there the crowd was very great, 
and the place so hot, that I feared I should not be able to 
speak at all. I stood still, and left all to God. A friend 
gave out a hymn ; during which some fainted away. 
Brother Taylor said, " I perceive it is impossible for us 
to stay within doors, the people cannot bear the heat, 
and there are more without than are wuthin." We then 
came out. My head swam with the heat ; I scarce knew 
which way I w T ent, but seemed carried along by the peo- 
ple, till we stopped at a horseblock, placed against a wall 
on the side of the street, with a plain wide opening before 
it. On the steps of this I stood, and gave out, " Come, 
ye sinners, poor and needy," &c. While the people were 
singing; the hvmn, I felt a renewed conviction to speak 
in the name of the Lord. My bodily strength seemed to 
return each moment. I felt no weariness, and my voice 
was stronger than in the morning, while I was led to 
enlarge on these w^ords, " The Lord is our Judge, the Lord 
is our Lawgiver, the Lord is our King, he will save us." 
I felt great enlargement while endeavouring to show the 
purity of our Judge, whose eyes could endure no iniquity. 
That as a Lawgiver he was just and holy, and the thing 
gone out of his lips must stand c . — -The soul that sinneth 
shall die. But the Lord is also our King, and he will save 
us. First, by convincing us of the purity of his law, and 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



115 



the justness of our punishment, who have broken it. Se- 
condly, by making us tremble before that Judge whose 
eyes are as a flame of fire. Thirdly, by leading us to 
Him who is our " Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ 
the righteous," — who now manifests himself to the soul 
as the propitiation for oar sins. And, fourthly, as a King, 
he goes on in the believer conquering and to conquer, till 
the eternal reign of Jesus commences in the soul ; which, 
as the " morning light, grows brighter and brighter unto 
the perfect day ;" — till " the perfect love which casts out 
all fear," marks the soul as the abode and " habitation of 
God through the Spirit." Deep solemnity sat on every 
face. I think there was scarce a cough to be heard, or 
the least motion ; though the number gathered was very 
great. So solemn a time I have seldom known ; my voice 
was clear enough to reach them all ; and when we con- 
eluded, I felt stronger than when we began. 

They then desired me to speak to each of the women 
joined in the society, which took me till near ten. The 
room we went into for that purpose was a damp stone 
floor, so that I could hardly move my legs when I came 
out. But they kindled a fire, and after getting some re- 
freshment I grew better. About twelve I went to bed, 
and rested under the shadow of the Almighty till morn- 
ing, when I found myself remarkably well. After having 
. breakfasted with brother Goldthorp, where we had a lively 
conversation concerning holiness, I came home with much 
thankfulness and peace. 

October 8. — I was to-day at Clackhightown, and saw 
the hand of the Lord in many things. I have been more 
abundantly led to reflect on the difficulties of the path I 
am called in. I know the power of God which I felt when 
standing on the horseblock in the street at Huddersfield . 
but at the same time I am conscious how ridiculous I must 
appear in the eyes of many for so doing. Therefore, if 
some persons consider me as an impudent woman, and 
represent me as such, I cannot blame them. Again, man^r 
say, If you are called to preach, why do you not do it** 
constantly, and take a round as a preacher? I answer, 
Because that is not my call. I have many duties to attend 
to, and many cares which they know nothing about. I 
must therefore leave myself to His guidance who hath the 



116 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 

sole right of disposing of me. Again they say, " Why 
do you not give out, I am to preach ? Why call it a meet- 
ing ?" I answer, Because that suits my design best. First, 
It is less ostentatious. Secondly, It leaves me at liberty 
to speak more or less, as I feel myself led. Thirdly, It 
gives less offence to those who watch for it. Others ob- 
ject, " Why, yours is a Quaker call ; why then do you 
not join them at once ? You are an offence to us. Go to 
the people whose call is the same as your own ; here no- 
body can bear with you." I answer, Though I believe 
the Quakers have still a good deal of God among them, 
yet I think the Spirit of the Lord is more at work among 
the Methodists ; and while I see this, though they were 
to toss me about as a football, I would stick to them like 
a leech. Besides, I do nothing but what Mr. Wesley ap- 
proves ; and as to reproach thrown by some on me, what 
have I to do with it, but quietly go forward, saying, I will 
be still more vile, if my Lord requires it 1 Indeed for none 
but thee, my Lord, would I take up this sore cross. But 
thou hast done more for me. O do thy own will upon 
me in all things ! Only make me what thou wouldst have 
me to be ! Only make me holy, and then lead me as thou 
wilt ! 

August, 1777. — I heard Mr. Wesley preach from these 
words, " Dearly beloved, as strangers and pilgrims, abstain 
from fleshly lusts which war against the soul." A sweet 
discourse it was, showing the great danger of every 
earthly gratification. This lesson, he said, might be 
learned even from the body. As often as we take down 
food, we swallow so many seeds of death, by causing so 
many more particles of earth to adhere to, and clog our 
vessels, and so hasten our dissolution. And without great 
watchfulness so it would be with our souls. If we were 
not on our guard, human comforts received would also 
bring the soul nearer to death, instead of being a step to 
life. It is truly said of worldly joy, c< It does with 
powerful charm hold down the mind, and sensualize the 
soul." 

Sunday noon.— I heard him on these words, « If thou 
canst believe, all things are possible to him that belie v- 
eth." His strength was wonderful, and much power 
attended the word. Lord, be the strength of thy dear 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



117 



servant, and his portion for ever ! At night he lodged 
with us. 

August 14. — Last night dear Mr. Wesley came here 
again. After supper he read a letter from Lady Max- 
well, in which she expresses a most sweet state of soul ; 
observing that if the name of Jesus is but mentioned, her 
heart is like the key of a well tuned instrument, when 
its unison is touched. O how sweet a progress has she 
made ! Lord, let me do so likewise ! 

Last Thursday Mr. Wesley preached at Daw Green, 
on " I will give to every one of you according to your 
works." First, he considered, What were the works, 
Secondly, What the reward. The works, he said, were 
threefold. First, What the man is. Secondly, What he 
does. Thirdly, What he suffers. 1. All he is, that is 
right, shall have its reward : — all " the fruit of the Spirit,— 
love, joy, peace, long-suffering, meekness, patience, faith, 
self-denial, fortitude ;" — all these are the work of God, 
and all received through Christ, — above all, love, which is 
the image of God. 2. All he does, all his works of piety 
and mercy, all that is wrought in faith ; nay, the most 
common labours of his daily business, if done in a spirit 
of sacrifice, shall not be forgotten ; for it is said of ser- 
vants, by the apostle, for their encouragement, that when 
they " obey and serve men, with singleness of heart, they 
serve the Lord Jesus Christ." 3. All he suffers. Not 
one cross taken up in obedience to the will of God, but it 
shall have its reward. But what is the reward ? First, 
The very nature of each grace necessarily brings its 
reward. The more faith, patience, courage, and perse- 
verance, the more holiness will be brought into the soul, 
and consequently the soul will be rendered more like God, 
and more capable of fellowship with him : and in propor- 
tion to our fellowship with God must be our happiness. 
But beside these, there is a reward of infinite free mercy 
(over and above what flows from inherent holiness) be- 
stowed on each grace, and on each action done for God, 
and each cross borne for his sake. 

I felt it come with power to my soul. O for a full de- 
votedness to thee, my God ! J see I am quietly to wait 
on thee, though my crosses are very heavy in many ways. 
But the will of the Lord be done ' 



118 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEB. 



September 12, — This day thirty-eight years I was born. 
Solemn thought ! O how far have I spent these thirty- 
eight years for God ? What is my situation, outward and 
inward ? Outward it is very trying ; my circumstances 
are very perplexing. But I hold fast my former promises. 
" Christ charges himself with all thy temporal affairs, 
while you charge yourself with those that relate to his 
glory." I am determined to make Zion my chief care, 
though I know not what the Lord is about to do with me. 
I have a great family, and not an income left sufficient to 
keep them, which obliges me to sink something every year. 
The business hurts, instead of helping ; and though Mr. 
* * * is sure it will the next year do far otherwise, I can- 
not believe it. It appears to me deliverance will begin 
by bringing me out of this place, dividing the family, and 
contracting my wide-spread cares into one, viz., the cause 
of God only. But how this will be brought about I know 
not ; for though I keep putting out the children as fast as 
they grow up, yet that is attended with much expense, 
and I have many grown persons whom I know not how 
to provide for, nor find any way to dispose of. They are 
good sincere souls, and they live to God. Some of them 
also are very weak in body, and advanced in years. When 
I have settled all the accounts, I am led to believe it will 
be the order of God for me to go down to Bath and Bris- 
tol for six months. Nine months ago I got a fall, which 
hath made me in a degree lame ever since. Bath may 
help that ; but I believe I have something to do for souls 
in those places, and I shall be glad to be at a distance 
from poor Mr. * * # . O how sad it is ! I fear while he 
helps me, I hurt him. Lord ! what a situation is mine ! 

But how is it with me inwardly 1 On the whole I have 
found my mind more stayed on God this last year, and 
my confidence in his loving protection is a good deal in- 
creased. That sore temptation of fear, by which I have 
suffered so much in going out in the work of God, I have 
found a good deal removed by prayer. I have had free- 
dom, and some success, in dealing with souls. But I am 
not all athirst for full salvation. I do not feel that ardent 
desire after it which swallows up every other care and 
desire. I have yet some prospects on earth, which I can- 
not fully look over. They present themselves before me, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCKERo 



119 



and I do not feel — deeply feel — the force of these words, 
" It is far better to depart, and be with Christ." Again, 
many cares divide my soul. I know not if ever I shall 
get this place sold ; or ever pay my debts. Every thing 
sinks me deeper in that respect. It is amazing what losses 
and trials I have ! Yet I feel my anchor cast in the will 
of God. I fear, however, that I have departed from his 
close embrace, and therefore he hath encompassed my way 
with thorns. Well, I will, I do embrace his justice, as 
well as his mercy ! Both " his rod and his staff shall com- 
fort me!" 

It is an easy matter to believe when all goes smoothly 
about us. But now is the time for my faith to have its 
full exercise. Nothing but ruin in temporal things seems 
before me, and I am upbraided by many as being a fool. 
They say, " Why does not she turn them all out of doors ?" 
Nay, some who should know better, cast the same in my 
teeth ! Yet with all my endeavours I see no way out. To 
turn them out of doors ! — I have no light for that. Still 
I seem called to believe God will make a way for each, 
and remove them in his own time and manner. Still I 
trust that I shall see accomplished those words, so power- 
fully applied at Laytonstone : " Thou shalt lay up gold as 
the dust, and the gold of Ophir as the stones of the brook ; 
yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have 
plenty of silver." What I understand by these words is, 
that a time shall come when I shall owe no one any thing, 
and have plenty to carry on such designs as the Lord shall 
lay on my heart for his glory. That he will bring me out 
of this place, and provide some way for every member to 
be removed, so that I shall say, Now is fulfilled that word, 
" Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established 
unto thee, and light shall shine on thy path." But here 
is the difficulty ; how absurd does it appear to go on with 
a great household, running me out on every side ! How 
ridiculous will distress so brought on make me appear in 
the eyes of all ! That thought has made me strive and 
struggle every way to throw it off, but it seems the Lord 
always frustrates my endeavours, and I am forced to sit 
down at his footstool again, with that thought, " My time 
is in his hand, and he knows how to deliver." It is hard 
to believe against seeming impossibilities. Yet it comes 



120 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



to my mind, God does bless me in believing spiritual things 
that are above my powers ; but these are only temporal. 
Will he biess that exercise of faith ? It is certain Abra- 
ham's faith was tried in temporal things— and through the 
temporal difficulties, he held fast faith in the spiritual. 
Israel was called into a temporal Canaan, prefiguring the 
spiritual ; — and I cannot divide two ideas which continu- 
ally seem to dwell together in my mind, viz., that I shall 
be delivered from all my spiritual enemies, and brought 
into a most perfect liberty of soul, as soon as I am deliver- 
ed from the temporal ; and that I shall first praise the 
Lord for the fulfilment of the above promises, and then for 
full salvation ! 

October 28. — Glory be to God, he is yet working among 
us ! Last week Sally Lawrence was set at liberty, and 
the change is very evident. Yesterday as I was meeting 
her, she said, " O ! had I known what the love of God 
was, sure I should never have rested so long without it ! 
I have often found great joy, but there was always a sting 
in the end. Some thought or other would come and take 
away the pleasure ; but now I find a pleasure in God 
without any sting. Last week I felt a change, and many 
promises ; but I had not a clear evidence. Yet I thought, 
I do feel in many things as I never did before. However, 
as you were saying in the class last Tuesday, that we 
ought to rejoice evermore, and the way so to do was to 
praise the Lord for what he had done ; I thought, then I 
will try to do so. Accordingly, I spoke more freely than 
I should otherwise have done, and while I spoke, I found 
more power to believe. But on Friday, while you were 
meeting the children, I found my evidence quite clear ; 
these words were applied to my mind : 6 There is no con- 
demnation to those that are in Christ Jesus.' And since 
that time I have been very happy. I never knew such a 
week as this in all my life. I used to be tired, and I hated 
the washing week ; but I have now been kept in entire 
peace all through." 

Bath, February, 1778. — -On the 8th of December last, 
I set out for this place, and came here on the 12th. Much 
have I seen of the hand of my God here in many ways. 
Soon after my arrival, Mr. Wesley came to lay the first 
stone of the chapel. He preached from these words : 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



121 



" From this time it shall be said, What hath God wrought ?" 
He pointed out to us in what a wonderful manner the Lord 
had carried on his work in the three kingdoms, within 
these last thirty or forty years. It was a solemn time. 
The people were very attentive, though the cold was very 
severe. At night we had a lovefeast : I was led to speak 
with some degree of freedom. As I came out, several 
asked me where I lodged. I told them I should (with the 
Lord's help) be at home at such an hour every day. Seve- 
ral came to me, one after another, and the Lord's hand 
hath been with us of a truth. What amazing answers to 
prayer have I seen ! Lord, give me to endure to the end ! 
In the classes and bands, also, I find much freedom in 
speaking for God ; and he gives me to cast all my own 
burden on himself, and to believe Christ charges himself 
with all my concerns, while he, in some low degree, gives 
me to charge myself with those that relate to his glory. 
Here are many souls who seem to thirst for spiritual con- 
versation, as the traveller for the cooling stream ; and 
whenever we are together, our Lord is in the midst. 

March. — Conversing with a gentleman who knew some- 
thing of my situation, he said, " If I had had such losses 
as you have had, and was in such an encumbered situa- 
tion, I should stamp and tear, and go raving mad." I 
began to reflect on his words, and thought, How is it that 
I am kept so calm ? I saw and adored the hand of my 
God, and was constrained to cry out, " Lord, thou hast 
known my soul in adversity !" This is thy doing, and I 
will praise thee. 

April 4. — When I was in this city fourteen years ago, 
the Lord was pleased to give me some souls. I wondered 
often what was become of them ; but glory be to God ! I 
find them as simple and steady as ever ; — and some are 
much advanced. I asked of the Lord at my first coming 
at this time, that some soul might be particularly blessed, 
that I might be encouraged to think that I was come in 
his name. A few days after we came, the answer was 
given. Brother Cousins was restored to the love of God. 
But this was only the beginning of good things. Each 
day opened the providence of God more and more. Seve- 
ral persons got good, and I saw my call quite clear. One 
^ld disciple gave me much pleasure. She had long been 

6 



122 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 

a follower, and useful to others. The first time I saw her? 
she laid open her whole heart, and was simple as a little 
child. I scarce ever found so much of the power of God 
in conversing with any one as with her. Before we parted 
the Lord gave her a taste of the liberty she came to in- 
quire after. She sent others — among whom was one 
young woman, an upright soul, but who had got into sore 
temptation, and lost her peace. The Healer of the 
breaches again appeared, and she was filled with consola- 
tion, and found (as she afterward told me) she was a new 
creature. A man and his wife the next day called on me ; 
they had a measure of life ; but they were come (as they 
said) to inquire when, and hew, " the blood of Jesus would 
cleanse them from all sin." Such simplicity I hardly ever 
met with before. My heart was ready to melt with de- 
sire. I found such access in addressing the throne of 
grace as I cannot express. It was all " ask and have ! 5> 
I did ask, and, glory be to God, he granted my petition, 
&nd brought the dear souls into farther light and liberty ! 

April 24. — I am now at Bristol. Lord ! what shall I 
meet with here ? O let me be ever observant of thy will ! 

May. — I wrote and sent to my Wednesday nights' 
meeting, (consisting of about fifty persons, who meet at 
Cross Hall,) the following letter : — 

" Though various occupations in my Master's work 
have rendered my pen for a longer time silent than I at 
first intended, I can assure you with a pleasing sincerity, 
my heart has often been warmed when pleading before 
the throne in your behalf. Very dear are all the followers 
of the Lord to me in every place ; — but my little com- 
pany on Wednesday nights will ever hold a peculiar place 
in my heart. I also include the spreading branch in 
Wakefield. May lively grace rest on you all ! — and may 
you ever adorn your profession as a company of the 
choicest followers of the bleeding Lamb ! Many here 
inquire, 4 How goes on your Wednesday nights' meeting V 
There is a general belief of great life in Yorkshire. In 
this your fame is gone out into other Churches. O, how 
alarming the thought ! ' What manner of persons ought 
ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness ! A city 
set on a hill cannot be hid.' Either a ray of light, or 
a shade of darkness, will reflect from every professor* 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



123 



Adorable Jesus, fill us with that jealous, just concern, 
that our light may never become darkness ! In order to 
prevent this, let the most strict and ardent watchfulness 
keep your eye and heart for ever fixed on ' the Lamb who 
taketh away your sins !' For it is by those believing 
views that all the streams of consolation, wherewith our 
souls are replenished and refreshed, are given. I would 
have you praise the Lord for me, and therefore I tell you, 
I have, and do prove him to be a God of faithfulness and 
truth. 

" The account of a Jewess in this city may perhaps 
help your strains of praise to rise a little higher. I 
will therefore give it you in the best manner my memory 
will afford. 

" She was born in Germany. Her father was a famous 
Jew rabbi. He gave her a good education, and brought her 
up very strictly according to the laws of the Jews. ^Vhen 
she was about eighteen she found a strong inclination to 
come to England. This her parents much opposed, as 
they could well provide for her, and could see no reason 
why she should leave her native country. But she had 
no rest in her spirit while in Germany ; so at last they 
gave consent that she should visit their own people in 
England. They gave her a handsome sum of money, 
and sent her off with their blessing, in company with 
some friends. She continued to live some time in Eng- 
land, till at length she was cheated out of the greatest 
part of her money. She was then reduced to many hard- 
ships, and after a time went as a servant into a Jew's 
family. Her mistress liked her greatly, and used her as 
one of her own children. Here she thought her lot was 
-cast in a fair portion, for she loved her mistress, and 
rejoiced to do her service. But after a short time a great 
change took place. Her mistress was awakened to a 
sense of the things of God, and in the end found * there 
was no name under heaven whereby she could be saved, 
but the name of Jesus Christ.' This grieved the young 
woman beyond expression. She now hated her mistress, 
as much as before she had loved her ; and very often her 
behaviour corresponded with the feelings of her heart. 
The arrows of conviction, however, now began to fasten 
on her also ; and oft she reasoned with herself, saying,— 



124 THE LIVE OF MRS. FLETCHER 

What a difference there is between my mistress and me ! 
If 1 had such a servant I would turn her off at once. But 
my mistress seems all love since she believed in Jesus 
Christ as the Messiah ; but I am all hatred. Besides, 
she is happy, always happy, while I am always miserable. 
Then again, she would start at the thought and say. — 
What ! am I going to leave the true religion ? O, no ! I 
will never believe in Christ. I will pray to the true Mes- 
siah. Then she would go up to the top of the house, and 
(as she thought) looking toward Jerusalem, would cry, 
1 O Lord Jehovah, hear me ! Thou hast done great wonders 
for our people, and for our nation ; and when we were in 
the hands of our enemies, thou didst send deliverance for 
thy chosen people Israel. O hear me ! thou God of Abra- 
ham, Isaac, and Jacob, and send us our Messiah, that he 
may take away our misery ! Then 6 shall kings be our 
nursing fathers, and queens our nursing mothers,' and < we 
shall be restored again to our former privileges V It would 
then come to her mind, Jesus Christ, whom you despise, 
is the very and true Messiah I But that thought she thrust 
away with fear. 

" One night she went to bed in great distress, and 
dreamed she was walking on a common, and that a man 
came up to her whom she knew to be Jesus Christ. She 
looked on him, and between hope and fear said, 1 Tell me, 
are you my Messiah V He answered, 4 1 am your Mes- 
siah.' Yet she drew back, and was afraid to believe. In 
the morning she knew not what to think. Wherever she 
went she seemed always to see Christ as hanging on the 
cross ! And in her own soul felt so deeply the sentence 
of death, that she seemed to have no hope of salvation. 
At last she told the Lord, one day, she could almost be- 
lieve, and if he would give some sign, she thought she 
should hold out no longer. The sign which God gave to 
Israel, through Samuel's prayer, came strongly to her 
mind, as she waited before the Lord — her soul then strug- 
gling between faith and unbelief. It was at that time 
rather cold weather ; but the Lord was pleased, before 
the close of the day, to send a storm of thunder and light- 
ning, which terrified her beyond expression. While she 
was on her knees, expecting every moment to drop into 
hell, (which she now clearly felt she deserved,) she cried 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 125 

to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to hear and 
save her ! God did hear. Glory be to his free mercy, 
he made her to feel, 6 None but Jesus could do helpless 
sinners good !' In the same moment she felt his blood 
applied, and shouted aloud the praises of her Messiah ! 

" From this time she continued happy in the love of 
God. She then became sensible of the stirrings of inbred 
sin, from which she had no thought of ever being delivered 
tiU she should lay down the body. I found much blessing 
in conversing with her ; and after the first time she was 
much stirred up to seek a farther salvation. For some 
weeks she was tossed between hope and fear. — One day 
as I was meeting brother Sims's class, she seemed un- 
commonly oppressed with unbelief, yet she pleaded, 6 O ! 
can it be possible that I should be wholly delivered from 
anger, and live in a place where I have ten children to 
look after ? I recommended her to look to Jesus, who 
could and would 6 save her to the uttermost.' Several of 
us walked home together. As she was praying inwardly, 
and meditating on the all-sufficiency of the Saviour, sister 
Tripp said, 6 God kept Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, 
in the fire, and why not you V She answered nothing, 
but pondered the words in her heart. When she got 
home, she began to consider, He really did keep the three 
children in the furnace ! And he can keep me from 
anger. As she strove to believe, her faith grew stronger 
and stronger, till she could cast the full weight of her soul 
on Jesus, as her uttermost Redeemer. O my friends, 
praise the Lord!" 

Cross Hall, September 12. — This day I am thirty-nine 
years of age. O that I might live to Thee more than 
ever ! What have I either done or suffered for thee, in 
this last year 1 As to the state of my soul, I trust I am 
nearer to God than before I went my journey. But I 
am still a dull scholar in thy schooL I want that full 
baptism of the Spirit : God's promise to all believers. 
Mr. # * * is very kind and helpful to me in the care of my 
temporal affairs ; but what my trials are, none but God 
knows. To-day I was blessed in praying for him, with 
that word : " I will bless them that bless thee !" Amen ! 
Amen ! 

Sunday, November 15.— This day I found a blessing in 



126 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



putting in practice some resolutions I had formed for my 
daily walk. At seven we set out for Daw Green, where 
we had a good meeting. O what a desire did I feel for 
that people, while I was speaking on that word, "The 
Lord thy God is a jealous God !" 

March 26, 1779. — This day I set apart as a fast, to lay 
before the Lord the following particulars : 1. My present 
situation. 2. To ask for wisdom how to walk before my 
family. S. For more of his love. 4. For a blessing on 

my journey to -. 5. For my relations. On the whole, 

it has been a good day. As to the first petition, my pre- 
sent situation, I found much power and liberty in believing 
God would undertake and appoint me some deliverance ; 
yea, entire deliverance, in his own time and in his own 
way ; and I had more faith, I think, than ever before ; 
Tet, it was mixed with sweet resignation. 2. How to 
walk with wisdom before my family. I felt a great plead- 
ing for this, and some encouragement that I should yet 
" adorn the Gospel." The third, For more love. I felt 
freedom in asking it. The fourth, For a blessing on the 

few days I am to spend at . I feel much of the cross 

in this adventure ; yet, I think I must do it, and God will 
be with me. As to the fifth, I could find no particular open- 
ing, only a willingness to do, be, or suffer, any thing for 
their good. Perhaps the time has not yet come. The 
third time I went to prayer, all seemed swallowed up in 
that petition ; Lord, give me " the love that never faileth." 

Wednesday in Passion Week. — I have this day offered 
myself up afresh to the Lord, as a whole burnt sacrifice, 
O give me that situation, those friends, those comforts, or 
crosses, which will best stand with thy own glory ! ? Tis 
all I ask — 'tis all my choice. 

May 21. — Lord, my thirsty soul crieth after thee ; 1 
long for a fuller deliverance. Last night I met the old 
members of the W. band, and a sweet time we had ; the 
Lord was very gracious in helping his unworthy worm, 
and gave me, I believe, to speak to his glory. Since I 

returned from my journey to , I have been much 

drawn out in praise. O how good was the Lord ! He 
made hard things easy, and was better to me than either 
my fears or wishes. To-day, when at prayer, I had a 
sight of the necessity of contemplation ; I mean, of labour- 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



127 



ing to keep the mind on spiritual things, and to consider 
and weigh the word of God, his love, his fulness ! " Love 
without end, and without measure, grace I" 

August, 1780. — O Lord, how peculiar are thy ways to- 
ward me I What wouldst thou have me to do ? Here I 
am ; command what thou wilt. Bring me to a state of 
poverty, reproach, a workhouse, or what thou wilt, only 
let me not mistake my way. It is true I have more than 
I owe, and as yet an income for life, enough for myself. 
But I cannot support these expenses and losses. And yet 
it seems I cannot get deliverance from them ! Every an- 
swer to prayer is only " Stand still and see my salvation." 
Lord, I am ready to do so ; but all cry out, " It is mad- 
ness not to do something." And yet thou seemest to 
frustrate all I attempt. I strive to save in every thing, 
and many ways I have tried to do so ; but unless all did 
the same, it makes little difference. When I attempt new 
things of the kind, various difficulties arise ; and some are 
apt to say, " Save in something else ; you do not run out 
in this !" 

The other day a friend said he was desired to ask me.. 
" If I did not do wrong in spending so much time on the 
sick poor ? In making medicines, clothes," dec. ? And 
* * * * said, " It is a poor way of spending your time thus, 
for the bodies of the people. If that is your call, it is a 
mean call I" I have pondered the thought ; and having 
set apart a day for fasting and prayer, the result of my 
most serious reflections were as follows : — ■ 

What was my setting out, or first light ? Why, from 
seven years old, (the first time I felt a spark of faith,) 
my conviction was, — not to be conformed to the customs, 
fashions, and maxims of the world ; and my frequent 
prayer was, as a little manuscript now by me proves, 
Lord, bring me out from among the ungodly ! Cast my 
lot with the poor who are rich in faith ; and make me to 
have my delight with the excellent of the earth. And then 
I will not complain for toil, poverty, or reproach. 

When I was seventeen, my desires after holiness began 
to deepen, and I found a particular call to a farther dedi- 
cation of my soul to God, in those words of St. Paul to 
Timothy, descriptive of the character of those women, 
who in the primitive Church were chosen as deaconesses, 



128 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



" If she have lodged strangers, if she have brought up chil- 
dren, if she have washed the saints' feet, and diligently 
followed after every good work." When I was twenty- 
one, being brought to the choice of my own manner of 
life, I was enabled in a degree to follow the plans thus 
formerly laid down. 

As to my present way of life, of which a visiter had 
said a few days ago, " I think, madam, your call is a 
strange one, — to the care of cows and horses, sheep and 
pigs ;" — referring to my farm, — I considered, I am by the 
order of Providence made mistress of a great family, and 
in straitened circumstances. There is. therefore occasion 
for all my care and management, otherwise the embar- 
rassment would be much greater. And it is good for the 
uncommon pride of my nature to bow before that word, 
"In the sweat of thy brow shalt thou eat bread." It is 
true, I have bread enough for myself ; but having joined 
the interests of so many with my own, I am willing to 
act thus, that they may have bread too. The Lord hath 
been pleased, also, to enable me to help the sick : this 
calls for some labour, and some small expenses in prepar- 
ing and applying the medicines : but many souls have 
been blessed, and several brought to God thereby. Some 
rich persons, to whose ear I could never have had access, 
have, through the belief that I could help their bodies,., 
admitted the closest application to their souls ; so that I 
dare as soon cut off my right hand as bury this trifling 
talent in a napkin. The souls under my roof also call 
for more diligent care than I am conscious I bestow upon 
them ; and though some say, " I do not regard as any 
thing what you do for the family, that is only burying 
yourself in one house ;" yet I see it my duty, and I must 
apply thereto. 

Again, I believe I should strive to get at the neighbours 
who live within my knowledge, and do good to their souls, 
if I can. To this it is replied, " You spend too much 
time on one neighbourhood." But perhaps I shall soon 
be called to leave this neighbourhood, and this family, and 
then I shall not repent of that application. I am also 
called to keep together some precious meetings, in which 
the work of God flourishes, and to go sometimes to meet 
others in more distant places ; as well as to. write many 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



129 



letters on the concerns of the soul. And now I ask, — 
Lord, am I in my place or not ? To which it seemed my 
conscience gave the following answer : — The surest mark 
of true piety is to fill up the duties of our own station 
with the utmost fidelity. We may plan fine schemes, talk 
of many journeys, and see ourselves converting whole 
worlds, but in these airy phantoms there is much danger 
of self having a great mixture. Whereas in the appli- 
cation to the order of God, in the present time, as it opens 
itself from moment to moment, there is no room for choice. 
I have heard good people say, " I am weary of life, be- 
cause of the burdens which I have to bear. I want to 
spend all my time in a more excellent way." And yet as 
soon as they throw off one burden, the Lord finds them 
another. But the soul truly devoted to God finds no op- 
pressive burden in the opening of the present moment, 
which shows the Divine order of his providence, and brings 
with it, to the resigned soul, both light and power either 
to act or suffer. In a low degree I find that to be my 
case. I am called to work ; and therein I fulfil my cove- 
nant not to complain of toil, although my wages seem 
to be put into a bag full of holes, I cannot have my own 
choice herein ; nor do I complain of poverty. Thus I 
am often upbraided for walking in that order, in which 
(till I can get out of it) undoubtedly the Lord has placed 
me. I sink under his yoke, and if I can but keep free 
from impatience or discouragement, I may fulfil his will, 
and shall not complain of reproach. But, alas ! I do too 
often admit discouragement, and am ready to cry out, 

" Ah! whither or to whom shall I, 
Far from these woes, for kind protection fly 1 n 

Yet something says in my heart, a time is at hand when 
the Lord will bring me out of these deep waters, — and I 
am determined to stand still and see his salvation, 

November. — Last night I was led to pray much for a 
spiritual mind, both sleeping and waking. I went to bed 
recollected. I dreamed I was sitting up in bed with the 
Bible in my hand. I saw two shining appearances, but 
no distinct form. The appearance was as the heads of 
two glorious persons, and a ray of light came from them 
on the book in my hand, in which I was enabled to dis- 
cover something which quite delighted me, and I cried 



130 



THE LIFE OF 3niS. FLETCHER. 



out, — O had I known this before, I should have made the 
whole house ring with shouts of praise ! I then saw all 
around my bed a beautiful garden filled with evergreens, 
and on each tree, and on the ground, lay something like 
a light frost. I wondered at that, till these words came 
to my mind, " The dew shall lie all night upon thy 
branches ! ?J I then cried out, O what a delightful scene f 
What a lovely prospect ! Here shall I for ever rest ! I 
then threw my soul with such a Divine confidence on the 
Lord Jesus, as I think I never did before, and in that act 
I awaked. I could not recollect what the delightful dis- 
covery in the Bible was ; but a fuller sense of God than 
ever before has rested on my soul. 

January 11, 1781. — Many mercies have I seen within 
these three or four days. Nothing is so good to me, as to 
meet every thing in the will and order of God ; abandon- 
ing myself, soul, body, and family, into his hands, believing 
he will order all right. I find manv convictions about 
my household. I am not a faithful head. I neither lead 
them by e?:ample, instruction, or reproof, as I ought. 
Lord, teach me how to go in and out before this people ! 
I seem to have an impression that I shall not long remain 
with them. I seem to see another place, and another 
people, which I am called to ; and outward things con- 
firm the impression. One thing I have been very faulty 
in during the last year, I have not risen early with any 
degree of constancy ; and that is a general loss both to 
my own soul and my family. O Lord ! when shall I be 
ki all glorious within, and my clothing of wrought gold F' 
January 13. — -I have been to-day a good deal drawn 
out in prayer. My exercises as to outward things are 
very great. I have a most narrow path to walk in ! I am 
called to live by faith indeed. As I was at prayer this 
morning, I was led to ask of the Lord that he would bring 
me out of all my difficulties in his own way. Certainly 
the whole earth is the Lord's ; and I asked of him such 
a situation in life as will most glorify himself. It was 
brought before me, Perhaps that will be by bringing you 
to entire poverty. I asked my heart, Am I willing on 
that condition to be made holy I And I felt I could say, 
u Yes, Lord, yes." Again, the thought was suggested, 
But perhaps to a parish bouse, while your income goes 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



131 



each year for your debts ? I answered, Thy will be done ! 
It was then represented, as if I was on a common side, 
dying, destitute of every human help or comfort. In that 
I felt great sweetness. But the sorest stroke was still 
behind : What if you should die in debt, and leave noth- 
ing to pay 1 and so through you the Gospel be reproach- 
ed 1 This came the nearest of all ; but it was clearly 
shown me, that the fear of the Gospel being blamed, 
often arose from our fear of personal reproach ; for as to 
the truths of God, he would take care of them ; and if I 
was really wrong, it would be for the glory of God to have 
it made manifest ; and if he was but glorified, my soul 
was content Certainly, thought I, if it was in my power 
to break off my expenses, it would be right so to do ; and 
I do right in contriving every way I can toward it. But 
as all my endeavours are always frustrated, I see no way 
but to cast myself on the will of God, and embrace, as 
his will, poverty, and deep reproach ; and still continue 
to believe in the promises till I see, even by the time of 
my death, that there has not been an accomplishment of 
them. Perhaps after all I am right. Perhaps the day 
will come (impossible as it now appears) when 1 shall 
have plenty of silver, and then the light shall indeed shine 
on my way. 

Next June I shall be fourteen years from Laytonstone ; 
and the September following I shall be forty-two years 
old. It may be that soon after that time deliverance may 
appear. The words rested on my mind, " By the way 
that thou wentest, by that way shalt thou return. " Lord, 
thou knowest what they mean ; but I see all sorts of cru- 
cifixions are needful for me. O my hard heart ! what 
need hath it had of breaking ! 

February 15. — When I was at Leeds some time since, I 
had much proof of the goodness of God in many ways. 
On the whole it was a journey for good. I heard a dream 
of a good woman while there, which was made a blessing 
to me. She thought she was dying, and felt her soul 
leave the body. Immediately she found herself standing 
in the presence of God ! Jesus appeared to her as seated 
on a white throne ! He beckoned to her with his hand, 
and said, Come up hither. When she was by his side, 
she saw many of the saints with the angels. Among 



132 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER". 



them was William Bramali ; he shone very bright. Some 
others she knew also. Oar Lord then pointed to the 
crowns of some saints still on earth, and she understood, 
by the appearance of some of those crowns, that the per- 
sons were in great temptation. Our Lord and the glori- 
ous company seemed to sympathize greatly with them, 
and when by faith they conquered, a jewel was added to 
the crown, and the whole shone brighter ! But every time 
they gave way to any corruption, a gem dropped out, and 
the whole crown turned dark ! Sometimes there seemed 
joy in heaven over them ; sometimes a kind of mourning, 
She sat some time in sweet delight, and then awaking, 
found with amazement she was still in the body ! 

I am going to . It is a fine opportunity for speak- 
ing to a number of the most lively souls, out of various 
societies, and they begin to inquire all around when I will 
come. O my God, how these things break me to pieces ! 
What an unworthy worm ! If they knew me, how would 
they be astonished that the Lord should work by such a 
one as I ! But thou canst do whatever seemeth thee good ! 

March 20. — I have been poorly lately with a complaint 
in my eyes ; I can write a little. The cold this winter 
has been very severe, and I have felt it much. But Q 
how am I indulged ! A good house, a bed fit for a king, 
plenty of fire, food, <kc. ! while many of my Father's 
children know almost the want of all things ! I was much 
affected the other day when the preacher left our house* 
I thought, if I had in this snow and wind to ride over the 
moors, and through deep lanes, as he has, I could not sit 
on my horse. Truly I count it a great honour to be per- 
mitted to contribute in the least to their necessities ! O 
let me ever wash the feet of the servants of my Lord f 

I feel my soul does come forward. Constancy in early 
rising is a great blessing to me, both as a Christian, and 
as a mistress. The other morning I was waked with that 
word, " Ye have need of patience, that after ye have done 
the will of God, ye may receive the promises. " At night, 
as I was at prayer, that word also came with power, 
" Thou hast kept the word of my patience ; I also will 
keep thee in the hour of temptation !" Amen, Lord Jesus, 
Amen ! Give me to " keep the word of thy patience faith- 
ful unto the end L" 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



April. — My soul, wait thou still upon God, for of him 
cometh thy salvation. More crosses, more disappoint- 
ments ; but last night I had a ray of faith which revived 
me. I have of late had a very clear view of the absolute 
necessity of keeping the mind always stayed on God, from 
those words : " Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." 
Indeed he is a chained dog, and can go no farther than 
man's consent will suffer him. His works are chiefly 
carried on in the chambers of the imagination. These 
are indeed the chambers of imagery ! He fixes his first 
hold in the imagination, which is the antechamber of the 
heart. Afterward he passes on to the passions and affec- 
tions. These form the passage through which all passes 
to the heart, both good and eviL If the mind then is en- 
grossed by Satan, and he be suffered to rule there,, the 
benign influence of the Holy Spirit is prevented, and the 
soul is filled with all evil. Thus, " To be carnally minded 
is death ; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace !" 

April 25. — I have had some remarkable answers to 
prayer of late, and some directions by lot, which I shall 
lay up in my heart till I see the way of the Lord. O my 
God, give me just such a situation in every respect as 
will be most for thy glory ! Many blessings also I have 
of late received in visiting the sick, and strength has been 
given me above that which is common. I long for a closer 
walk with my God ! O that I may live to God every mo- 
ment, with every power ! 

May 6, Sunday. — I had liberty this day to entreat the 
Lord, to show me the surest and shortest way to holiness. 
Many things were showed me, which I hope to put in 
practice ; but above all, it was impressed on my mind.. 
Live by faith. 



134 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



PART THE FOURTH. 



HER MARRIAGE, AND REMOVAL TO MADELEY. 

The seventh of June, 1781, as I before observed, was 
the day that began my fourteenth year in Yorkshire. On 
that day I took a particular view of my whole situation, 
and saw difficulties as mountains rise all around me. Faith 
was hard put to it. The promise seemed to stand sure, 
and I thought the season was come, yet the waters were 
deeper than ever. I thought also, how shall I now hold fast 
that word so powerfully given to me, " The Almighty shall 
be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver I" 

At length " the cloud arose as a man's hand." The 
very next day, June the eighth, I received a letter from 
Mr. Fletcher, in which he told me — That he had for 
twenty-five years found a regard for me, which was still 
as sincere as ever ; and though it might appear odd he 
should write on such a subject, when but just' returned 
from abroad, and more so without seeing me first, he could 
only say, that his mind was so strongly drawn to do it, 
he believed it to be the order of Providence. 

In reading this letter I was much struck; — so many 
circumstances all uniting. 1. The season it came in. 

2. His writing on the subject before we had met, after an 
absence of fifteen years ; and without his having the most 
distant suspicion of my mind being inclined toward it. 

3. His mentioning, that for twenty-five years he had had 
the thought. All these particulars answered to the marks 
which I had laid down. His unexpected recovery, also, 
and safe return, so plainly pointed out the hand of Provi- 
dence, that all ground of reasoning against it seemed re- 
moved. Yet, on the other hand, a strange fear possessed 
my mind lest I should take any step out of the order of 
God ; — nor was Satan wanting to represent great trials 
before me, which he told me I should not have strength 
to stand in. 

We corresponded with opermess and freedom, till Au- 
gust the first, when he came to Cross Hall, and abode 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



135 



there a month, preaching in different places with much 
power : — and having opened our whole hearts to each 
other, both on temporals and spirituals, we believed it to 
be the order of God we should become one, when he should 
make our way plain. 

He then returned to his parish, a hundred and twelve 
miles from the place where I lived ; for we could not think 
of taking the step till my affairs were more clearly settled. 
So we took our leave of each other, committing all into 
His hands who " does what he will with his own." 

In about five weeks he returned ; but still all seemed 
shut up ; no way opened either for disposing of the farm, 
or of the family. Conversing one day with Mrs. Clap- 
ham, of Leeds, she said, " What do you stick at ? The 
Lord has done so much to convince you that this is to be 
your deliverance, how is it that you do not believe, and 
obey his order ? I verily believe if you would take the 
step in faith, your way would be made plain directly ; and 
I will now tell you what has passed my mind concerning 
it. When I was some months since at Scarborough, as I 
was one day in private, praying for you, and much drawn 
out in laying your trials before the Lord, I was as if taken 
out of myself, and saw by the eye of faith both Mr* 
Fletcher and you, and that you were designed for each 
other, and that much glory to God would arise fi om your 
union. But at the same time I saw that there were va- 
rious obstacles in the way ; — but the chief was the want 
of money. It seemed to me, however, if you would be- 
lieve and obey the order of God, all would be made clear 
before you. Then I saw a tall young man, (it seemed to 
me it was your youngest brother,) who poured down bags 
of gold, not once only, or twice, but several times. Some 
were small, others seemed large sums ; one was very large ; 
and it was impressed on my mind that all your trials of 
that kind were over, and that you would never experience 
those difficulties any more."* She then asked, " Have 

* This whole account is certainly very extraordinary. No pious 
person, however, will say that the Lord has not helped, or would 
not thus direct or comfort his servants, in peculiar difficulties ; and 
no person,, who was acquainted with Mrs. Clapham, will doubt 
either the truth of her declaration, or the sobriety of her mind,— 
Ed,, 



136 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



you more brothers than one ?" I replied, Yes, I have two, 
and the youngest is tall ; but I never received any thing 
in particular from him, nor have I the least reason to ex- 
pect it. Her discourse, however, with several concurring 
circumstances, made an impression on our minds ; and 
after asking direction from the Lord, we agreed to take 
the step in a fortnight. 

For the first week all remained as usual ; but in the 
beginning of the second, a gentleman came quite unex- 
pectedly, and bought the place, for one thousand six hun- 
dred and twenty pounds. Three days after, another took 
the stock, &c. A way seemed also to open for each mem- 
ber of the family ; so that with a little assistance, every 
one had a comfortable prospect before them. The case 
of one, a poor cripple, who had lived with me sixteen 
years, seemed difficult. Though she "feared and loved 
God, she had such infirmities no one was willing to take 
her ; and we had some reasons against taking her with 
us to Madeley. But this difficulty also was removed. On 
Sunday night, November the 11th, I received a letter from 
a pious lady, who had first recommended her to me, stat- 
ing that she would take her back and maintain her. 

All was now so far settled, that I did not need to sell 
Laytonstone estate. My income would afford to allow the 
pious souls of my dispersed family fifty-five pounds per 
year ; pay the interest of the money still owing ; and yet 
leave me such an annual sum as was about equal to my 
dear Mr. Fletcher's income ; and in case of my death, 
there was in Laytonstone more than would pay all. 

So on Monday, the 12th of November, 1781, in Batley 
church, we covenanted in the name of the Father, and of 
the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, " to bear each other's 
burdens," and to become one for ever. 

We agreed it would be best to leave all our furniture, 
except a few trifles, to be sold with the house. Pine would 
do for us as well as mahogany. I felt some attachment 
to my neat furniture ; but love to the order of God made 
me take the spoiling of them very cheerfully. The money 
was not to be paid in immediately for the estate ; we were, 
therefore, rather at a loss to settle all our accounts before 
we left the place, and to give that assistance to our friends 
we wished to do. On an exact calculation, we found a 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



137 



hundred pounds were wanting. We laid it before the 
Lord ; and the next post I received a letter from my 
youngest brother, with a bank note of one hundred pounds 
enclosed, as a present ; — though he knew nothing of our 
particular want, nor had I the least reason to expect his 
assistance, except the extraordinary communication by 
Mrs. Clapham, which I have related. 

On January 2, 1782, we set out for Madeley. But O ! 
where shall I begin my song of praise ? What a turn is 
there in all my affairs ! What a depth of sorrow, distress, 
and perplexity, am I delivered from ! How shall I find 
language to express the goodness of the Lord ! Not one 
of the good things hath failed me of all the Lord my God 
hath spoken. Now I know no want, but that of more 
grace. I have such a husband as is in every thing suited 
to me. He bears with all my faults and failings in a 
manner that continually reminds me of that word, " Love 
your wives as Christ loved the Church." His constant 
endeavour is to make me happy ; his strongest desire my 
spiritual growth. He is, in every sense of the word, tha 
man my highest reason chooses to obey. I am also happy 
in a servant, whom I took from the side of her mother's 
coffin, when she was four years old. She loves us as if 
we were her parents, and is also truly devoted to God. 

Madeley, Shropshire, May 30, 1782. — Where shall I 
begin, or how recount thy faithfulness, O my God ! G ! 
" What is man, that thou art mindful of him?" Above 
all, what am I, most sinful dust and ashes, that thou hast 
made my cup to run over above all I could think or wish 
for ! G for holiness ! Lord, let me be thine, and doubly 
thine for ever ! 

G the fears which filled my soul before and after our 
marriage ! but how causeless have they all proved ! I have 
the kindest and tenderest of husbands ; so spiritual a man, 
and so spiritual a union, I never had any adequate concep- 
tion of. He is every way suited to me, all I could wish.* 
The work among souls increases. I feel it is the Lord 

* Mr. Wesley observes in a letter to the late Mrs. Rogers, at 
ihat time (December 9, 1781) Miss Roe, " I should not have been 
willing that Miss Bosanquet should have been joined to any other 
person than Mr. Fletcher ; but I trust she may be as useful witi? 
him as she was before." — See his Works, vol. vii. 



138 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



who hath cast my lot here. For some months I suffered 
much through fears of various kinds ; all my situation 
being changed, I feared I should not be equal to the task 
allotted me, and that I should not be able to please the 
people " for their good." But O ! had I in every trial 
but believed all the way through, how sweetly might I 
have gone on ! Now I see what a gracious Providence 
hath superintended all ! " Praise the Lord, O my soul ; 
and all that is within me, praise his holy name !" 

June 7. — What a deliverance hath the Lord wrought 
for me ! A year ago, I thought there was nothing before 
me (temporarily) but ruin. This day twelve months, I 
cried out, " Thou hast not delivered thy people at all." 
How wonderful a chain of providences ! As soon as we 
determined to marry in a fortnight, and leave the event 
to the Lord, the house and all w T as sold in ten days, and 
a way made for every one ! But wanting a hundred pounds 
more to get out of that situation, we prayed the Lord to 
appear in our behalf, and immediately my youngest brother 
supplied our every need, though he knew not any thing 
of our necessity. 

" In all my ways thy hand I own ! 
Thy ruling providence I see." 

September 12. — I have seen forty -three years ! Lord, 
to what purpose ! Most of this day I have spent in secret 
prayer ; yet my soul is rather sorrowful. I have a variety 
of people and different calls of God to attend unto ; and 
I seem to want more wisdom, light, and love. My spiritual 
sphere of action is different. I have in many respects a 
wider call for action than before ; but such a one as re- 
quires the momentary teaching of the Lord, both in con- 
versing and writing. Yet I do not feel all that I felt at 
Hoxton. No, I do not so live by faith as I did then. But 
I lie before thee, O Lord ! Do all thy will on thy poor 
creature, for whom thou hast appeared in so marvellous a 
manner ! 

October. — The animating example of my dear husband 
stirs me up much. What a spiritual life does he live — 
night and day he is always on the stretch for God. I 
am a good deal encouraged for the people. I have much 
liberty in meeting them, and my soul feels sweet fellow- 
ship with some among them. 



THE LIFE OF MKS. FLETCHER. 



139 



November 1. — I feel the care which a new place, and 
a new situation, is apt to bring on, and it disturbs the 
peace which should be kept in my soul. " Lord, increase 
my faith !" There are many peculiar circumstances in 
our affairs, and strangers are concerned therein ; but in 
the end I have found it all work for good ; it has been to 
me a good and useful lesson. First, I find it a cause of 
rejoicing that I have found so much love to the persons 
concerned in it ; and secondly, while I was praying about 
it, it seemed as if the Lord showed me, as immediately 
from himself, that I was not required to have any anxious 
care, but that doing as well as I could, I might leave all 
to God. And if still I could not have things as I would 
wish, that it was the most profitable cross in the world ; for 
it may be helpful to the soul, after doing all we can, to ap- 
pear a fool in the eyes of men. Those words also bore 
much on my mind : — • 

" Fix on his work thy constant eye, 
So shall thy work be done." 

I now felt a sweet calm waiting on the will of God, and I 
could say, Lord, I leave every thing to thee ! " One only 
care my soul shall know !" As I was telling the whole 
affair to my dearest husband, he said, " Polly, do not 
encumber yourself for my sake. If we must be thought 
ignorant and awkward, let us submit to it. I require 
nothing of thee, my Polly, but to be more and more devoted 
to God." 

November 12. — Glory ! unceasing glory to my adora- 
ble Lord ! This day we have been married one year. O 
how does my soul praise God for his gracious providence ! 
What a helpmate is he to me, and how much better do 
we love one another this day, than we did this day twelve 
months ! On a close examination, I have reason to believe 
my soul is coming forward. I have seen this year many 
and great changes, had many trials and many comforts, 
and I have learned much experience in various things, 
which has been much blessed to me. O for the moment 
when I shall become a whole burnt sacrifice ! 

Having had some hurry by means of unexpected com- 
pany staying in the house, and some other things, and 
reflecting how hard it is to keep up uninterrupted com- 



140 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



munion with God in outward hurry, it was opened before 
me, that the very spirit of the Christian life stood in the 
strictest observations of these words : " If a man offend 
not in tongue, the same is a perfect man, and able also to 
bridle the whole body." Now, for want of this watchful- 
ness, I offend often, and that causes distraction of spirit, 
and much hurt many ways. If I had a more constant 
waiting, a more continual attention to the Spirit of God, 
I believe I should find much more room for silence than I 
usually do ; and that when it was my duty to speak, my 
words would have more weight. O my God, bring me to 
this by the way that thou knowest ; give me a watchful 
mind ! An eye always fixed on thee, and a far deeper 
sense of thy sacred presence ! I also want a greater power 
of faith to lead on these precious souls that are under 
my care to more abundant life. Many are now just on 
the river's brink, but it seems they want a better helper 
to assist in bringing them over. 

May 21, 1783.— This day has been a day of trial. In 
the morning as I walked out about six o'clock, Mr. * * * > s 
letter of last night came with pain to my mind. I do not 
like the good that is in my dearest Mr. Fletcher to be evil 
spoken of. Before dinner I strove to get near to God, 
bat having been up most of last night, I was very heavy. 
In the afternoon I could do but little, but I strove to pray. 
That passage in Mr. Wesley's Notes on the First Epistle 
of St. John, was much blessed, and very sweet to me. 
" Love is the beginning of eternal life. The same in 
substance with glory." Also St. John's words, " He that 
abideth in him sinneth not." I saw love comprised all in 
itself. For two hours I was led to lie before the Lord, 
though with many distractions, yet mingled with faith 
and longing desire. O when wilt thou take up in me 
thine everlasting abode ! 

May 22. — I have this day been engaged in company, 
and sweetly met the order of God therein. I was enabled 
to be watchful ; and blessed be God, my tongue has been 
kept. We took sweet counsel together, and I felt the 
Lord was the director of all within and without. 

August 5. — Since the above, (May 22,) what have I 
seen of the goodness of the Lord ! A fever has been in 
the parish, which took off many whom we saw it our duty 



'THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



141 



to attend. It brought eternity very near, and that always 
does me good. It came into our family ; and Sally was 
attacked with it. But my gracious God supported me 
under all burdens, and raised her up again in a wonderful 
manner. Soon after her recovery, Dr. Coke came in his 
way from Dublin. When I heard he was below, I felt an 
unusual spring of pleasure, with something of a conviction 
that he brought a message from the Lord. I instantly 
felt a spirit of submission, and as it were a listening to 
the will of God. So I have often felt when some convic- 
tion of fresh duty was about to be made plain to me. A 
few days before this, as I was one morning at prayer, I 
thought of one of our neighbours, (a speaker among the 
Friends,) who was gone to Ireland. It was suggested, 
Should I be called thither, could I resolve to go ? It really 
seemed I could not. The sea, to me ever terrible, appeared 
then doubly so, and I groaned under the thought, — where 
is faith and resignation ? 

When we came into the parlour, we found the doctor 
had brought some letters from Dublin to each of us, by 
which it seemed the cloud moved that way. We said 
but little then, but went to church, where the doctor 
preached. Before we came out, my soul was all readi- 
ness to go to the world's end, if my adorable Lord so or- 
dered it. 

When we came home, I followed my dear to his study, 
and told him if he saw it his call to go, I saw it mine to 
follow him. He tenderly objected my health, as I had 
been very poorly some time, and in such a state of relaxa- 
tion, that I waked for several mornings with blood in my 
mouth ; but I believed that was not to hinder. Since 
that day we have been preparing for our journey ; and I 
have enjoyed some communion with God in so doing. 
Satan is not wanting to suggest every thought that can 
raise fear. One day I was thinking, wiiat would save 
me from all painful fear. If the Lord was to give me a 
promise of our safe return, that my dear husband's health 
should not be hurt, and that we should have much success 
when there, would that do ? I hesitated, and my confidence 
seemed to be shook by temptation. I then thought, What 
will enable me to drink this cup to the glory of my Lord ? 
My heart presently answered, Nothing but an entire re- 



142 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



signation ; a losing of my whole will in that of my Lord's, 
and here I instantly found I was on a solid rock. 

The trial is not come single. My dear husband's health 
is not very good. What the Lord will do with us I know 
not. We are, however, ready for setting off. I feel my 
heart much enlarged, and my spirit so willing to do and 
suffer the whole will of God, that it amazes me. When 
I think of my dear husband's life or health being in dan- 
ger, I am not anxious as I used to be, but can rest in the 
love and wisdom of my unchangeable Friend. For this 
I praise him, because no words can express the treasure 
I possess in our union. It is such as I had no idea was 
to be enjoyed in a married state ; and in proportion as I 
get nearer to God, I find a daily increase of that union, 
and yet I am enabled so to give him up to the Lord, that 
it holds my soul in a quiet dependence and sweet adhe- 
rence to the will of God. 

William-street, Dublin, September 12. — This day of 
our birth calls for solemn praise. I say oar birth, be- 
cause, as far as we can learn, my dear Mr. Fletcher was 
born on the same day ten years before me. And why 
were we ever brought into being ? Here is the comforta- 
ble answer : " I have created thee for my glory : I have 
formed thee for my praise !" O let us answer that design 
for ever ! 

Many were my conflicts before we set out for this place. 
At one time it was represented to me, that when we were 
on the watery element, the prince of the power of the air 
would exert all his efforts against us. As the thought 
presented, in a moment those words sprang up in my 
heart : — 

" We shall be safe, for Christ displays 
Superior power and guardian grace." 

The Lord gave me to see the whole universe so under his 
command, as I cannot express. I saw him as " holding 
the winds in his fist," and " the waters in the hollow of 
his hand." And that sooner all nature should change, 
than one of God's promises fail. I am naturally inex- 
pressibly fearful, with all sorts of fear, beyond what words 
can paint ; and it was often represented, if I went among 
strangers, I should, by that weakness, bring much dis- 
couragement on the feeble ones of the flock. But the 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



143 



instance of Gideon was brought before me, and I was 
made to feel the Lord can get himself glory by the 
weakest worm ; and my heart answered, O will Divine, 
which I adore and love ! what a rest there is to be found 
in thee ! 

Well, in this will, with the prayers and blessing of 
many of our friends, on August the 12th we set off. As 
we drove from our own door, and my dear was commend- 
ing us to the protection of the Lord, that word rested on 
my mind with power. I am thy shield. When we passed 
the Birches, (where a few years ago that remarkable 
phenomenon occurred.) Mr. Fletcher pointed out to me 
the roads and fields which were so lately covered with the 
river. We could not but be much amazed at the stupidity 
of the human heart. Most of the inhabitants seem almost 
to have forgotten the whole transaction ! and we were led 
to observe how vain is the common objection to the mira- 
cles of our Lord, or to the sun standing still at Joshua's 
word, that they are not recorded in common history. Ah 
no ! That which does not take hold on the sinful affec- 
tions is soon lost and forgotten ! While we were convers- 
ing on the above subject, we passed the Eaton Constadine, 
a little village rendered famous by the birth of that great 
servant of God, Mr. Baxter, with whose spirit we joined 
oar feeble act of worship before the throne. 

At night we were affectionately received by Mrs. 
Glynne, of Shrewsbury, whose love to the children of God 
does not grow cold. May He who hath promised the 
prophet's reward, repay her in time and eternity. While 
my dear was preaching that night, on the danger of be- 
ing ashamed of the Gospel, my heart yearned toward the 
people of that place, and the cry of my spirit was, M O 
that these people might live before thee." The next 
morning we pursued our journey as far as Llangollen, in 
Wales ; but all the horses being out, we were constrained 
to abide there all night. Inquiring (as we walked about 
the town) whether they had any praying people among 
them, the poor things answered us in the best manner 
they could ; and after consulting together, they said, 
"Yes, sir, there are some people who pray in houses at 
the other end of the town, but we do not know what they 
be." Another said, " This very night there is a man to 



144 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



preach in the chapel belonging to these praying people." 
According to their direction we went to the place, and 
found a few poor people gathered in a building, I believe 
part of an old house. The preacher seemed very earnest 
and lively ; I say seemed, for we could not understand 
one word, except gogoniant and gwaed, glory and blood ; 
which, with much emphasis, he often repeated. After 
we were returned to our inn, the few who could under- 
stand English came to us, and desired my dear to give 
them a sermon in the morning, which he did on these 
words : " This is his commandment, that we should be- 
lieve on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one 
another, as he hath given us commandment." It was a 
good time, and several were present who understood Eng- 
lish. We then set off for Conway, and Friday afternoon 
reached Holyhead. Here, for some reasons, I wished to 
stop a little, and inquiring when a vessel would sail, we 
were informed not till next morning. Mr. Fletcher was 
but poorly. A swelling which he had on his face now 
broke, and gave him much inconvenience ; but on Sat- 
urday morning, we were informed that the packet 
was going off. Some of the people said, " The wind is 
quite contrary, you will have but a disagreeable passage ;" 
but believing it to be the order of God we embarked. 
Now I remembered how the Lord had shown me, " He 
measureth the waters in the hollow of his hand." The 
wind soon grew more favourable, and the sea so smooth, 
that it seemed to me as if I heard him say, Peace, he still ! 
Mr. Fletcher was not much affected by the sea, but I was 
very ill. About one o'clock on Sunday morning we cast 
anchor three miles from Dublin. We then got into a 
boat, which was rather troublesome, as the tide kept it in 
continual agitation ; but through the goodness of the Lord 
we arrived safe. After being hindered for some time by 
the custom house officers, we reached by five in the morn- 
ing the hotel on Dublin quay. 

We now abide with our hospitable friends, Mr. and 
Mrs. Smyth, in William-street, and have seen much of 
the Lord's hand in bringing us hither. My dear husband 
has been favoured with such an unction in preaching the 
word, that it distils " as the dew on the mown grass." 
The present preachers in Dublin, brothers Rutherford and 



THE LIFE OF FLETCHER. 



145 



Jackson, are truly simple, pious men, and respect that 
command, " In honour preferring one another," They 
heartily rejoice in the message my dear husband delivers 
among them. There are some spirits in this place in 
whom we find a degree of the primitive simplicity, re- 
joicing to see a stranger whom they believe the Lord has 
sent to be " a helper of their joy." 

I feel a faith riveted in my heart that before it is long 
there will be a great revival of the work of God in Dub- 
lin. I feel much liberty in meeting the classes. Here 
are a few souls truly at hirst for full salvation, and many 
who ino^iire after the most excellent way. Our kind and 
generous host and hostess allow us all freedom in their 
house, for the glory of God, and the good of his people ; 
and as their servants also are pious upright persons, we 
can here worship with them in calm and brotherly love. 

Jladeley, October '30. — How much of thy goodness, O 
my God ! have I seen since I last wrote ! On the seventh 
of this month we left Dublin, and embarked in a Liver- 
pool brig, bound for Holyhead. We had a long way to 
go in the boat, and about eight at night entered the ves- 
sel. The sea was then pretty smooth ; but in the night 
the wind grew high, and the captain thought the sea more 
swelling than he had seen it for some years. It was what 
they call very squally : and we were extremely sick, far 
worse than in going. Those words, given me before I 
left home, were much on my mind : — 

" And shall he not have 
The life which he gave, 
So precious a ransom for ever to save V' 

And also, " Though I remain in the uttermost parts of 
the sea, there shall his hand guide me, and his right hand 
shall hold me." I could not tell whether they were not 
a call to sacrifice our lives to Him who had sacrificed 
his for us : but I lay still before the Lord, in the spirit 
of resignation, saying, " Thy will be done." 

In going over, my dear husband's tender attention was 
a great alleviation to my suffering, but now we were both 
so ill (as was also Sally) we could scarce speak or look 
toward each other, but only wait before the Lord, that all 
his will might be done. Toward morning, the pump told 
us the vessel was leakv, but it was in a small degree, and 

7 



146 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEE. 



we were near land. It served to remind us of that worcu 
" There is but a step between me and death !" 

Since our return I have closely examined what I have 
lost or got in these last three months. I exceedingly 
praise the Lord that ever we went to Dublin, and that for 
various reasons. There are some souls there with whom 
my spirit found much fellowship ; at whose feet I sat. and ? 
I trust, learned many useful lessons. My dear Mr. 
Fletcher preached in several places beside the preaching 
house in Whitefriars-street, both to the French and Eng. 
lish, and we had some remarkable proofs that he was 
called there of God.* I have also learned more of my 

* Having visited Dublin soon after the departure of these ser- 
vants of God, I can add my testimony to the great and good effects 
which resulted from their visit, and their truly evangelical labours. 
JN"ever did I see such deep impressions made on the minds of that 
people, except, perhaps, in the very short visits of Mr. Wesley, 
But he had the care of all the Churches, and was occupied with that 
care in every place. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher had a liberty in that 
respect which our father in the Gospel could not have. They 
were the unencumbered helpers of the people's joy ; and it was truly 
the joy of the Lord. Those Divine impressions were deep and 
abiding : and, as Mrs. Fletcher hoped, a great revival of pure re- 
ligion followed in that society. It had usually consisted of about 
500 persons, but it soon increased to upward of 1,000, and has 
never since fallen below that number. Such longing after entire 
conformity to the Son of God, I never beheld ! It seemed to be the 
general sentiment of all. from the highest to the lowest of the peo- 
ple. How wide this sacred influence might have extended, who 
can tell, if a poor sectarian spirit had not limited the labours of 
the man of God. On their arrival at Dublin, their host, Mr. 
Smyth, a distinguished and most respectable gentleman, applied 
to the rector of St. Andrew's parish (in which he lived) for Mr. 
Fletcher to preach in his church, and as he was a beneficed minister, 
it was immediately granted. The church {commonly called the 
Round Churcli) was crowded to excess. Mr. Fletcher's text was. 
Almost thou persuadest me to be a. Christian, Acts xxvi, 28. He 
showed what it was to be a Christian, from the liturgy which had 
just been read; beginning with the general confession, and the 
authoritative declaration of pardon to those " who truly repent, and 
unfeignedly believe his holy Gospel;" and going on to that 
"cleansing of our hearts by the inspiration of his Holy Spirit, 
that we may perfectly love him, and worthily magnify his holy 
name, through Jesus Christ our Lord." He then proceeded to 
persuade them, with an earnestness and power that astonished the 
congregation, some of whom seemed to doubt if he were not more 
than human. But, alas ! It was soon known that Mr. Fletcher 
preached that same evening at the Methodist preaching house! 
The pulpits of the churches were immediately shut against hir% 



THE LIFE OF FLETCHER. 



147 



own weakness and ignorance. I know not I ever found 
a more humbling season than while I was there. My 
continual prayer was, Ah ! Lord, break me in pieces ! 
Melt me down and let me flow, and more fully take the mould 
Divine ! My soul is deeply convinced of the need of being 
filled with " ail the fruit of the Spirit," or I shall never 
bring glory to my God. O that thou wouldst accomplish 
all thy will upon me I 

Since our return, my dear husband has taken another 
journey of about two hundred miles, from which he has 
a good deal suffered. His face is not yet well. But the 
unwearied patience and resignation wherewith he goes 
through all, is to me a continual lesson, which I wish to 
imitate. 

November 12. — And do we see the anniversary of our 
blessed union yet another year ? And are we yet more 
happy and more tender toward each other ? Yes, glory be 
to God ! we are ; and what is better, I can truly say, our 
souls get nearer to God. We are more spiritual, and live 
more for eternity. What have we passed through to- 
gether since this day twelvemonth ! What a tender kind 
friend hath he proved himself to me in every circumstance 
of each situation ! And now Providence hath so graciously 
brought us again to our own country, and quiet habita- 
tion. O that we may live to him more than ever. 

Yesterday I was much blessed in offering up my whole 
self, with all my concerns, into the hand of God, believing 
he would appoint me all my work, and all my crosses. 
He showed me he would make his will known to me through 
that of my dear husband, and that I was to accept his 
directions as from God, and obey him as the Church does 
Christ. That I must give myself to his guidance as a 
child, and wherever we were called, or however employed 

with the exception of the French church. The first time he 
preached there, his text was, Call to remembrance the former days, 
in v:hich, after ye v:ere illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflic- 
tions, Hebrews x, 3*2. He thus brought before them the faith of 
their ancestors, and the persecutions that had driven them from 
their native land, and strongly enforced the inquiry, Do ye now be- 
lieve! When some of the people were asked, "Why did you go 
to the French church to hear Mr. Fletcher, when you could not 
understand one word he said 7" They answered, " We went to look 
at him, for heaven seemed to beam from his countenance !" — Ed. 



148 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER- 



in the work of God, I should always find protection, and 
glorify God, while I renounced all choice by doing the 
will of another rather than my own. This, indeed, I have 
always seen ; but it was now more deeply impressed on 
my heart, as I was assured there was no clanger in doing 
so, having his guidance. I saw how often, through that 
Unaccountable fear which presses down my spirit, I have 
been afraid to follow in the ways he hath pointed out, and 
so have hindered the order of God. Lord, from this day 
I covenant afresh to be in this particular at thy own 
disposal ! 

February 3, 1784. — This day my convictions have been 
greatly deepened concerning the sin of unwatchfulness in 
the use of my tongue. We must be willing to be dumb, 
and not open our mouth, when God's order calls us to it j 
and to be fools in the eyes of man, that we may receive 
the true wisdom. 

September 12. — This day I am forty-five years old. 
Lord, what hath my setting sun to shine on ? Must I say. 
A lost life ? O, how much of it hath been so ! What might 
I have been [ What might I have done for thee, O God ! 
Yet this day I have had such a sense of the goodness of 
God toward me as I cannot express. I am hTied with 
favours ! I have the best of husbands, who daily grows 
more and more spiritual, and I think more healthful, being 
far better than when we first married. My call is also 
so clear, and I have such liberty in the work, and such 
sweet encouragement among the people. My servant too 
is much improved, and as faithful as if she was my own 
child. An income quite comfortable, and a good deal to 
help the poor with ! O what shall I render to the Lord for 
all the mercies he hath shown unto me ! 

October. — As I was retired this morning at my ten 

o'clock hour, I was called down to Mary G . I asked 

her if she still retained her spiritual liberty. I found by 
her answers that she did, which caused me to praise the 
Lord. She gave me a strange account, which I shall 
insert as she related it. A short time ago, she said, she 
was one day going out to work in the fields, but thought 
she would first go up stairs to prayer. While on her 
knees, praising God for the care he had taken of her 
children, she was amazed to see her eldest son, about 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



149 



twenty -one years old, standing before her ! She started 
up, but thought, May be it is the enemy to affright me 
from prayer. Casting her eyes again to the same spot, 
she still saw him there, on which she ran down into the 
kitchen, calling on the name of the Lord. Still, wherever 
she looked, she saw him standing before her, pale and as 
if covered with dirt ! Concluding from this that he was 
killed, she ran to her mother, who, on hearing the account, 
went directly to the pit, determined to have him home, 
if alive. On her drawing near the pit she heard a great 
tumult, for the earth had fallen in on him and two other 
men, and the people were striving to dig them out. At 
length he was got up alive and well, and came home to 
his mother, pale and dirty, just as she had seen him ! She 
then fell on her knees, and began praising that God who 
hears and answers prayer ! Many of the ungodly neigh- 
bours having been witness to the whole transaction, are 
much affected, and I trust this very strange occurrence 
will work for good.* 

October. — Yesterday I was very much taken up in 
house affairs. Various things occurred which would at 
sometimes have been a burden ; but every thing seemed 
blessed. These words were all day the language of my 
heart, — ■ 

" With tkee delighted I forget 
All time, and toil, and care ; 
Labour is rest, and toil is sweet, 
If thou, my God, be there. 51 

It was a day of prayer and sweet recollection. This day 
also I have found much of the presence of God. O for a 
power of self-denial in all things to do his will ! 

November 12. — We have been married three years this 
day. A good day it has been to me ! My spirit has been 
much drawn out in prayer for a farther lift of faith, with- 
out which I am sensible I cannot obtain the fulfilment of 
that promise, " Her clothing shall be of wrought gold !" 
As I was this day reflecting on the wonderful goodness 
of God in my providential union with my dear husband, 
(so far, so very far, beyond my warmest wishes.) my heart 

* "Was not this extraordinary dispensation permitted for the good 
of these ignorant ungodly persons, who were not likely to be moved 
by more rational means 7— Ed. 



150 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



was enlarged with desire to render to my God a suitable 
return for all his mercies ! I cried from the bottom of my 
soul to the Father, that he would draw me to the Son ! I 
called on Christ as my living head ! It was a peculiar 
season. These words have ever since abode on my mind 

" See Mm to thy help come down, 
The excellence Divine." 

November 16.—- A thought struck my mind to-night, as 
I was looking over some part of my diary, that there is 
not praise enough for spiritual blessings. I express my 
wants, but I ought to praise the Lord without ceasing, 
that he gives me such an open door to pour out my wants 
into his bosom ; and the answers to prayer I have of late 
found, have been so quick, so certain, and so wonderful, I 
am amazed ! 

In July last, we believed the Lord called us to York- 
shire for a few weeks,* and many answers to prayer did 
we meet with in that journey. Soon after our return, my 
dear husband was called to take another journey. I knew 
he would meet with much fatigue therein ; and every jour- 
ney hurts him much ; but I was amazed at the calm resig- 
nation I felt ; the language of my heart was* 

" Happy to meet, yet free to part, 
Through thee for ever one in heart." 

This autumn I have been a good deal among the people, 
and have found great liberty both in public and private 
meetings. Two dear souls have been lately brought in ; 
and though persecution burns hot against them, they are 
yet firm, and rejoice that they "are counted worthy to 
suffer for the cause of God." Lord, keep them, and make 
them firm as the beaten anvil to the stroke ! 
\ Lord's day. — My dear husband was very poorly, and 
had much appearance of a fever. In the morning meeting 
I told the dear women we must hold him up by prayer ; 
and indeed I felt our prayers had free access to the Lord. 
It would have warmed a heart of stone to have heard Mary 
Matthews give her simple, yet solid and wise declaration 
of the goodness of God. She had been a long time creep- 
ing hither with her sore leg ; but she seemed scarce to 

* To attend the conference ; the last at which Mr, Fletcher was 
present. — Ed, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



151 



know which to praise God most for, the strength he had 
given her to do so. or the pain she had felt all the night 
before ! " For," said she, iji if I had not had pain, I should 
have slept. But instead of that, I had such a Divine visit 
from my Lord, and such sweet intercourse with him. I 
would not have been without it for all the world. " This 
woman grows much in grace ; she is to me a great con- 
solation, and a help in training up some of the lambs of 
the flock. She had been for some years in a mourning 
state, (though she still retained her faith.) but the first 
Sabbath my dear husband and I spoke in the kitchen, she 
was set at liberty while these words were sung : — ■ 

M The year of jubilee is come ! 
Return, ye ransom 5 d sinners, home !" 

January 5, 1755. — I have this day been looking over 
my many mercies, and my heart was melted into love ! 

what a prospect 1 Lord, speak again to my heart, 
" Thou shalt walk with me in white l" I cast my whole 
self on thy mercy ! So much I feel of it as makes me rest 
under thy shadow ! Thy will shall be my choice ! Some- 
times I think I am so surrounded with comforts. I shall 
not answer that character, " These are they which came 
out of great tribulation/' But I abandon myself to thy 
dear will,- only let me glorify thee to the uttermost ! Yea, 
with every power ! It was a good time last night also 
while at the prayer meeting. 

Yesterday I went with my dear husband to , but 

being taken ill, I was forced to return home. This is 
often the case with me. I am oft disappointed in what 
appears at first the will of God ; but at this time it was 
far otherwise. I felt a pleasure in appearing mean and 
good for nothing. Yes, I will glory in my infirmity, that 
the will of God may be done in me ! 

July 2. — Much blessed to-day while my dear husband 
was preaching the sermon to the club. I had a sweet 
sight how union with God could transform the soul into 
his own image. 

July 26. — This summer being dry, I have had much 
opportunity of going about. One day. at the Rough Park, 

1 had a peculiar instance of the goodness of God. A son 
c-f Belial, a wicked, rude fellow, bound himself and another 



152 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



young man, whom he had drawn in, under a blasphemous 
oath, that they would be there by the time we began, in 
order to make a disturbance. Accordingly, about six 
o'clock, he was for setting off, — when he was suddenly 
struck as with death. All about him really thought he 
was dying. He continued thus for some hours. O how 
easily ca.n the Lord put his bridle into the jaws of those 
he would restrain ! I gave it out to be there again that 
day fortnight, but in the meantime I walked to a distant 
place, rather beyond my strength ; however, we had a 
good time. On my return home, I felt very weary, and 
the thought passed my mind, My soul is too swift for my 
body ; for it seemed as if it would fly to those places 
where there appeared a call. My earthly frame, how- 
ever, was too heavv to drao; after it. That nigdit I began 
to grow ill, and it terminated in a fever. My limbs swelled 
a good deal, and I was covered with red spots ; but had 
not much pain. Now I had a fresh instance of the tender 
care and love of my blessed partner : sickness was made 
pleasant by his kind attention. When the day came for 
me to be at the Rough Park, he went himself, but was so 
penetrated with the thought of losing me, that he preached 
as it were my funeral sermon ; and the dear people joined 
him in his feelings and prayer. Daring this illness many 
thoughts passed my mind, which I can scarce account 
for. For a good while past my dear husband has joined 
with me in prayer in an uncommon manner. We are 
led to offer ourselves to do and suffer all the will of God. 
Something seems to tell me I must have more of the bit- 
ter cup ; and these words are much with me : " That I 
may stand in the evil day, and having done all — stand. " 
My prayer is, That the evil day may be before death, — 
not at the last. But, Lord, thy will — thy whole will be done ! 

Certainly I have now scarce any cross. Thou hast 
made my cup to run over ! Yea, thou hast made me to 
forget all my sorrows. It seems as if I had never suffered 
any thing ! There is not a comfort I can wish for which 
I have not ; — but, Lord, I want more grace ! 

October 25. — When I wrote last, (July 26,) I was in- 
deed arrived at the summit of human felicity ! My cup 
did indeed run over ! I often said, Lord ! how is this ? 
Am I indeed one of those of whom it is said, 64 These are 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



153 



they who came out of great tribulation?" My way is 
strewed with roses. I am ready to say, with Joseph, 
« The Lord hath made me to forget all my afflictions, and 
all my father's house !" 

But ! how shall I write it ! On the fourteenth of 
August, 1785, the dreadful moment came! The sun of 
my earthly joys for ever set, and the cloud arose which 
casts the sable on all my future life ! At half past ten 
that Sabbath night, I closed the eyes of my beloved! 
What a change ! The whole creation wears a new face 
to me. The posture of my mind at this season I will not 
trust to my memory to describe. I will leave it in the 
rough manner I then set it down. Perhaps some one 
walking in the same dreary path may find a little comfort 
therefrom. To others it may be dry and insipid. " The 
heart knoweth its own bitterness." 

On September 15, 1785, 1 wrote in my diary as follows : 
" I am truly a desolate woman, who hath no helper but 
thee." I remember a little before the translation of my 
dearest love, we were drawn out continually to ask for a 
greater measure of the Spirit — such a measure as was 
given at pentecost : or in other words, such a manifesta- 
tion of the loving nature of God, as should fulfil in us that 
promise, "Ye are the temples of the Holy Ghost." This 
I asked and pleaded for, and that on any condition. My 
dear Mr. Fletcher used to say, " That is right, Polly ; let 
us hold fast there, and leave all the rest to God, though 
he should be constrained to part us asunder to give the 
answer." 

On the Tuesday before my love died, when those words 
were applied to my mind, " Where. I am, there shall my 
servants be, that they may behold my glory," I felt such 
a power in them, as seemed in a great degree to take away 
the bitterness even of that dreadful cup. " To behold my 
glory !" That thought would for moments swallow up all, 
and I seemed to lose myself in the desire of his glory being 
manifested. But that awful night ! when I had hung over 
my dear husband for many hours, expecting every breath 
to be his last, and during which time he could not speak 
to, nor take any notice of me, a flood of unspeakable sor- 
row overspread my heart, and quite overwhelmed my spirit. 
I was scarcely in my senses ; and such a fear seized my 

7* 



254 



THE LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER. 



soul lest I should say or do any thing displeasing to the 
Lord, that I was torn as it were a thousand ways at once* 
My fatigue had been great : I was barely recovered of 
my fever, and this stroke so tore my nerves, that it was 
an inlet to much temptation. In former parts of my life, 
I have felt deep sorrow ; but such were now my feelings, 
that no words that I am able to think of can convey any 
adequate idea thereof. The next morning — O my God*! 
what a cup didst thou put into my hand ! Not only my 
beloved husband, but it appeared to me my Saviour also, 
was torn from me ! Clouds and darkness surrounded both 
soul and body ! The sins even of my infancy came be- 
fore me, and assaulted me as thick as hail ! I seemed to 
have no love, no faith, no light ; and yet I could not doubt 
but I should see the smiling face of God in glory ! Yea, 
that heaven would terminate all my sufferings ! There 
did not seem one dart thrown at my final salvation. An 
unshaken belief that Christ would bring me through all, 
was my great support ; and it seemed to me, that I must 
have been annihilated had I been moved from that anchor. 
No finite creature could have supported it. My agonized 
soul seemed to sweat blood ; and I felt the meaning of those 
words, " The pains of hell gat hold upon me ! M What, 
said I, is this the soul that but a few days ago delighted 
in the thought of " His glory !" But now he hath entered 
into judgment with me ! My soul was amazed, and in 
deep anguish ; and literally my life drew nigh to the 
grave ! 

When formerly I have read accounts like this, I have 
thought, These persons have a strong way of expressing 
themselves ; but, alas ! I solemnly declare, no expression 
appears to me strong enough for what I felt. That word 
passed my mind several times :— 

ct Even to his Father did he look 
In pain— his Father him forsook !" 

A host of foes seemed to surround me, and I was (as it ap- 
peared to me) given into their hands * Those words came 

* This whole account describes truly " the hour and the power 
of darkness. The blast of the terrible ones" was indeed "as a 
storm against the wall !" But this " follower of Christ," neverthe- 
less, " walked not in darkness." She, like her Master, could say, 
M My God ! my God !" when her " soul was sorrowful even unto 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



155 



often to my mind, " To know him, and the power of his 
resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings." Some- 
times I remembered that expression, " My God ! my God ! 
why hast thou forsaken me ?" I cast my mournful eyes 
toward the " Man of sorrows" who spoke them, but there 
seemed no answer; all was horror and darkness. 

Many times a day I visited my lovely corpse, remem- 
bering, as I knelt beside him, how he used to say, " Ah ! 
my dear Polly, must I ever see thee laid out on this bed !" 
But, alas ! he could no more speak to me — no more ex- 
press his tender sympathy ! Now " I trod the winepress 
alone," and truly " there was none with me." The rest 
of the day I sat mostly alone in the next room, where my 
window presented to my view the grave digging, and the 
churchyard visited by numbers to look at the vault ! Soon 
it occurred to my mind^ that before we married some let- 
ters had passed between us on particular subjects, which 
he had often told me I had better burn ; saying, " Thou 
puttest it off ; and if one of us should die, it will almost 
kill the other to do it then." Yet, being loath to part with 
them, I had neglected to do it ; but now being seized with 
a kind of palsy, and loss of memory, I thought, Perhaps 
in another day I may not be able to do it, and then I shall 
be unfaithful to my dear husband's command. The third 
day, therefore, I carried them to the fire. But O ! what 
did I feel at the sight ! I could not even avoid seeing 
some of the tender expressions they contained, which were 
now as barbed arrows to my heart. Next day came on 
the funeral. 

All this time my soul was as in the lion's den. The 
day after I heard that some reports were abroad concern- 
ing my dear husband's death — as if he had been delirious, 
and expired in great agonies. I believed I was called to 
write the truth ; and casting myself on the Lord, to be 
guided by his hand as a mere machine, I took up my pen 
and wrote to Mr. Wesley the following letter. I wrote it 
at one sitting, intending to copy it afterward ; but I had 
no more strength than just sufficed for the occasion. I sent 
it, therefore, as it was, to the press, and left it all to God. 

death." Thus, " Heaven its choicest gold by suffering tried." The 
saint sustained it — but the woman felt : and she no more disguised 
Jier feelings than our Divine Master did. — Ed. 



156 



THE LIFE OF MBS. FLETCHER. 



" August 18, 1785. 
" Rev. and Very Dear Sir : — Though but yesterday I 
parted with my beloved husband's remains, I must now 
endeavour to collect my wounded mind, as I would not 
have any of his words fall to the ground, and give, if pos- 
sible, some account of the awful, but, to him, glorious 
scene. 

" Our union increased daily, as did his health and 
strength ; his consumptive complaint appeared quite re- 
moved, and in my eyes the bitterness of death was past. 
The work was sweetly prospering, and in a variety of cir- 
cumstances the sun of prosperity shone around us. 

" For some time before this last illness, his precious soul 
(always alive to God) was particularly penetrated with: 
the nearness of eternity ; there was scarce an hour in 
which he was not calling upon me to drop every thought 
and every care, that we might attend to nothing but drink- 
ing deeper into God. We spent much time in wrestling 
prayer for the fulness of the Spirit, and were led in a very 
peculiar manner to an act of abandonment (as we called' 
it) of our whole selves into the hands of God, to do or suf- 
fer whatever was pleasing to him. On Thursday, August 
4, he was taken up in the work of God from three in the 
afternoon till nine at night ; when he came home, he said, 
' I have taken cold.' Friday and Saturday he was but 
poorly, though he, went out part of the day, but seemed 
uncommonly drawn out in prayer. On Saturday night 
his fever first appeared very strong. I begged him not to 
go to the church in the morning, but let a pious brother 
who was here preach in the yard ; but he told me he be- 
lieved it was the will of the Lord, and that he was assured 
it was right he should go ; in which case I never dared to 
dissuade him. As I was in the morning with a little com- 
pany of our pious women, I begged they would pray that 
he might be strengthened, and that I might have a grain 
of that faith which supported the faithful when their friends 
were martyred. In reading the prayers he almost fainted 
away. I got through the crowd with a friend, and en- 
treated him to come out of the desk, as did some others ; 
but he let us know, in his sweet manner, that we were not 
to interrupt the order of God. I then retired to my pew, 
where all around me were in tears. When he was a little 



TIIE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



157 



refreshed by the windows being opened, and a nosegay 
thrown into the desk by a friend, he went on ; and after- 
ward going up into the pulpit, preached with a strength 
and recollection that surprised us all. 

" In his first prayer he said, 6 Lord, thou wilt manifest 
thy strength in weakness ; we confer not with flesh and 
blood, but put our trust under the shadow of thy wings.' 

" His text was from Psalm xxxvi, < Thou, Lord, shalt 
save both man and beast ; how excellent is thy mercy, 
God ; and the children of men shall put their trust under 
the shadow of thy wings.' 

" After he had pointed out the Saviour of mankind, and 
observed, how some by sin had made themselves beasts, 
he showed that the promise, even in that sense, might be 
applied to the sinner, as well as to the beasts of the earth ; 
and in speaking to these, with his usual earnestness, he 
pressed, invited, and entreated them to return unto God, 
enforcing those words of our Lord when he came near to 
Jerusalem, and wept over it : 'If thou hadst known, even 
thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong to 
thy peace ! but now they are hid from thine eyes.' These 
words peculiarly pierced the hearts of many, as they have 
since told me. He continued to observe, in nearly the 
following words, 4 That the wings of the Lord are com- 
pared to those of an eagle for strength and protection,' 
Exodus xix, 6 I bare you on eagles' wings, and brought 
you unto myself.' And to those of a hen for love and 
care, 6 Like as a hen gathereth her chickens under her 
wings.' In the Jewish tabernacle, where was the holy of 
holies, two cherubim were plaeed, whose extended wings 
joining together overshadowed the mercy seat. When 
Christ died upon the cross, his arms were stretched out, 
and these were as wings of love which he opened, and 
still holds wide open, to receive all that come unto him ; 
let us then, when we see his love and power thus united 
to save and bless us, enter boldly into the holy of holies 
through the door of Divine mercy. A friend threw mo 
some flowers to revive me when I was faint, but the mercy 
of the Lord is far more reviving ; it is this I would hold 
out to you, and drop it into your very bosoms ; may it 
sink deep there, that you may 6 taste and see how good 
the Lord is,' and confess that his saving mercy is above 



158 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



the richest perfume, for 6 he saves both man and 
beast !' 

" After sermon he went up the aisle to the communion 
table, with these words : 6 1 am going to throw myself 
under the wings of the cherubim before the mercy seat.' 

" The congregation was large, and the service held till 
near two. Sometimes he could scarcely stand, and was 
often obliged to stop for want of power to speak. The 
people were deeply affected. Weeping was on every side, 
Gracious Lord ! how was it my soul was kept so calm in 
the midst of the most tender feelings ? Notwithstanding 
his extreme weakness, he gave out several verses of 
hymns, and various lively sentences of exhortation. As 
soon as the service was over, we hurried him away to his 
bed, where he immediately fainted away. He afterward 
dropped into a sleep for some time, and upon waking, 
cried out, with a pleasant smile, 6 Now my dear, thou 
seest I am no worse for doing the Lord's work : he never 
fails me when I trust in him.' After he had got a little 
dinner he dozed most of the evening ; now and then 
waking (as was usual with him) full of the praises of 
God. That night his fever returned, but not so bad as 
on Saturday ; nevertheless from Sunday his strength de- 
creased amazingly. On Monday and Tuesday we had a 
little paradise together ; he lay on a couch in the study, 
and was at times very restless, as to change of posture, 
but sweetly pleasant, and often slept for a good while. 
When awake, he delighted much in hearing me read 
hymns and tracts on faith and love. His words were all 
animating, and his patience beyond what I can express. 
When he had any bitter or nauseous medicine to take, 
he seemed to enjoy the cross, reminding me of a word he 
used often to repeat, that our business was to seek a per- 
fect conformity to the will of God, and then leave him to 
give us what comfort he saw good. I asked him, if he 
should be taken from me, whether he had any particular 
directions or orders to give me, since I desired to form 
my whole life thereby. He replied, 6 No 3 not by mine, the 
Holy Ghost shall direct thee ; I have nothing particular 
to say, only that the Lord will open all before thee ; and 
let not any one bring thee into bondage. If I stay with 
thee, I will keep thee from oppression ; but if I should be 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



159 



taken from thee, beware.' I said, Hast thou any convic- 
tion the Lord is about to take thee ? He answered, 6 No, 
not in particular ; only I always see death so inexpressi- 
bly near, that we both seem to stand as on the verge of 
eternity.' While he slept a little, I laid my trial before 
the Lord, entreating him, if it was his good pleasure, to 
spare my beloved husband a little longer ; but my prayer 
seemed to have no wings. It was held down, and I could 
not help mingling continually therewith, Lord, give me 
perfect resignation ! This uncertainty in my own mind 
made me rather tremble, lest the Lord was going to take 
the bitter cup out of my dear's hand, and give it unto 
me. The cup of separation he had for some weeks before 
very deeply drank of, when I myself was ill of the fever. 
At that time he often passed through the whole parting 
scene, and struggled for the fortitude of perfect resigna- 
tion. Sometimes he would say at that season, 6 O Polly ! 
shall I ever see the day when thou must be carried out 
to be buried ? How will the little things which thou wast 
accustomed to use, and all those which thy tender care 
has prepared for me in every part of the house, how will 
they wound and distress me ! How is it ! I think I feel 
jealousy— I am jealous of the worms ! I seem to shrink 
at giving my dear Polly to the worms !' 

" Now all these reflections returned with a millstone's 
weight on my heart. I cried to the Lord, and those 
words were deeply impressed on my spirit : i Where I am, 
there shall my servants be, that they may behold my 
glory.' This promise was full of matter as well as unc- 
tion to my soul. It explained itself thus : That in Christ's 
immediate presence was our home, and that we should find 
our reunion in being deeply centred in him. I received 
it as a fresh marriage for eternity. As such I still take, 
and trust for ever to hold it. All that day, whenever I 
thought of this expression, 6 to behold my glory,' it seemed 
to wipe every tear away, and was as the ring by which 
we were joined anew. 

" Awaking some time after, he said, f Polly, I will tell 
you what I have been thinking of ; it was Israel's fault that 
they asked for signs ; we will not do so ; but abandoning 
our whole selves into the hands of God, we will there lie 
patiently before him, assured that he will do all things weJL* 



160 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



*' 'My dear love,' said I, 6 if ever I have done or said 
any thing to grieve thee, how will the remembrance 
wound my heart, shouldst thou be taken from me !' 

" He entreated and charged me, with inexpressible ten- 
derness, not to allow the thought ; declaring his thank- 
fulness for our union, in a variety of words which remain 
written on my heart, as with the adamantine pen of 
friendship deeply dipped in blood. 

" On Wednesday, after groaning all day as it were 
under the weight of the power of God, he told me he had 
received such a manifestation of the full meaning of that 
word, fi God is love,' as he could never be able to tell. It 
fills ?ne 9 said he ; it fills me every moment. O Polly I 
my dear Polly ! God is love ! shout, shout aloud ! O ! it 
so fills me, I want a gust of praise to go to the ends of 
the earth. But it seems as if I could not speak much 
longer ; let us fix on a sign between ourselves, (tapping 
me twice with his dear finger,) now I mean 4 God is love, 
and we will draw each other into God : observe ! by this 
we will draw each other into God.' 

" Sally coming in, he cried out, 1 O Sally ! God is love ! 
shout both of you ; I want to hear you shout his praise.' 
Indeed it was a season of love. All this time the medical 
friend who attended him with unwearied diligence, hoped 
he was in no danger. He knew it to be the fever : but 
as he had no bad headache, much sleep, without the least 
delirium, and an almost regular pulse, seldom much quicker 
than my own, he thought the symptoms amazingly mild ; 
for though the disease was commissioned to take his life, yet 
it seemed so restrained by the power of God, that we 
truly, discerned in it the verity of those words, Death is 
yours. 

" On Thursday his speech began to fail. While he 
was able he continued speaking to all who came in his 
way. Accidentally hearing that a stranger was in the 
house, he ordered her to be called up. though uttering two 
sentences almost made him faint. To his friendly doctor 
he would not be silent while he had any power of speech ; 
often saying, 6 O, sir, you take much thought for my body ; 
give me leave to take thought for your soul.' And I be- 
lieve his words will remain with that friend for ever. 
When I could scarcely understand any thing he said, I 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



161 



spoke these words, 6 God is love.' Instantly he catched 
them, as if all his powers were awakened afresh, and 
broke out in a rapture, 4 God is love, love, love ! O for 
that gust of praise I want to sound !' Here his dear voice 
again failed. He was restless, and often suffered many 
ways, but with such patience as none but those who were 
with him can conceive. If I named his sufferings, he 
would smile, and make the sign. 

" On Friday, finding his dear bod}' covered with spots, 
I so far understood them, as to feel a sword pierce through 
my soul. As I was kneeling by his bed, with my hand 
in his, entreating the Lord to be with us in this tremen- 
dous hour, he strove to say many things, but could not. 
Pressing my hand, and often repeating the sign, at last he 
breathed out, 6 Head of the Church, be head to my wife,' 
When, for a few moments I was forced to leave him, to 
gather up some sheets of one of his manuscripts, which I 
feared would be lost, Sally said to him, 6 My dear master, 
do you know me V He replied, 6 Sally, God will put his 
right hand under you.' She added, 6 O my dear master, 
should you be taken away, what a disconsolate creature 
will my poor dear mistress be !' He replied, 6 God will be 
her all in all.' He had i always delighted much in these 
words : — 

Jesus' blood through earth and skies, 
Mercy, free, boundless rnerey cries 1' 

And whenever I repeated them to him, he would. answer* 
boundless, boundless, boundless ! and in allusion to them, 
he now replied, though with great difficulty, 

' Mercy's full power I soon shall prove, 
Loved with an everlasting love. 5 

" On Saturday afternoon his fever seemed quite off, and 
a few Christian friends standing near the bed, he reached 
his hand to each of them, and looking on a minister, who 
was weeping by him, he said, 6 Are you ready to assist 
to-morrow V Which recollection of his amazed us much, 
as the day of the week had not been named in his room. 
Most about him could not but believe he was better, and 
would get over it. One said, 4 Do you think that the 
Lord will raise you up V He strove to answer, saying, 
6 Raise in resur , raise in resur ,' meaning in tho 



182 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



resurrection. To another who asked the same question, 
he said, i I leave it all to God.' 

" In the evening his fever returned with violence, and 
the mucus falling on the windpipe, occasioned him to be 
almost strangled. He suffered greatly ; and it was feared 
the same painful emotion would continue and grow more 
violent to the last. This I felt most exquisitely, and cried 
to the Lord to remove it ; and, glory be to his name, he 
did remove it ; and it returned no more in that way. As 
night drew on, I thought I perceived him dying very fast ; 
his fingers could now hardly move to make the sign, 
(which he seemed scarce ever to forget,) and his speech, 
as it seemed, was quite gone. I said, 4 My dear creature, 
I ask not for myself; I know thy soul; but for the sake 
of others ; if Jesus is very present with thee, lift thy right 
hand.' He did so. J added, 4 If the prospect of glory 
sweetly opens before thee, repeat the sign.' He then 
raised it again, and in half a minute a second time ; then 
threw it up with all his remaining strength, as if he would 
reach the top of the bed ! After this his dear hands moved 
no more ; but on my saying, 4 Art thou in much pain V 
he answered, 4 No.' From this time he entered into a 
state that might be called a kind of sleep, though with 
eyes open and fixed, and his hands utterly void of any 
motion. For the most part he sat upright against pil- 
lows, with his head a little inclined to one side, and so 
remarkably composed and triumphant was his counte- 
nance, that the least trace of death was scarcely discerni- 
ble in it. 

44 Twenty-four hours my dearly beloved was in this 
situation, breathing like a person in common sleep. About 
thirty-five minutes past ten, on Sunday night, August 
14th, his precious soul entered into the joy of the Lord, 
without one struggle or groan, in the fifty-sixth year of 
his age. Often he had said, when hearing of happy 
deaths, 4 Well, let us get holy lives, and we will leave the 
rest to God.' But I, who was scarce a minute at a time 
from him night or day, can truly say that there was the 
strongest reason to believe, 

4 No cloud did arise, to darken the skies, 
Or hide, for one moment, his Lord from his eyes.' 

64 And here I break off my mournful story ! I could say 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



163 



abundance more ; but on my bleeding heart his fair pic- 
ture of heavenly excellence will be for ever drawn. When 
I call to mind his ardent zeal, his laborious endeavours to 
seek and save the lost, — his diligence in the employment 
of his time, — his Christlike condescension toward me, 
and his uninterrupted converse with Heaven, I may well 
be allowed to add, my loss is beyond the power of words 
to paint. O sir, you know I have trodden deep waters ; 
but 6 all my afflictions were nothing compared to this.' 
Well, I want no pleasant prospect, but upward, — nor any 
thing whereon to fix my hope, but immortality. 

" On the 17th his dear remains were deposited in Made- 
ley churchyard, amid the tears and lamentations of thou- 
sands, who flocked about the bier of their dead pastor. 
Between the house and the church, they sung these 
verses : — 

{ With heavenly weapons he hath fought 

The battles of the Lord ; 
Finished his couise, and kept the faith, 

And gain'd the great reward. 
God hath laid up in heaven for him 

A crown which cannot fade ; 
The righteous Judge, at that great day, 

Shall place it on his head.' 

" The service was performed by the Rev. Mr. Hatton y 
rector of Waters-upton, whom the Lord moved in a pathetic 
manner to speak to his weeping flock on the sad occasion. 
In the conclusion, at my request, he read the following 
paper : — 

" As it was the desire of my beloved husband to be 
buried in this plain manner, so out of tenderness he begged 
that I might not be present ; and in all things I would 
obey him. 

" Permit me then to take this opportunity, by the mouth 
of a friend, to bear my open testimony to the glory of 
God, that I, who have known him in the most perfect 
manner, am constrained to declare, I never knew any one 
walk so closely in the ways of God as he did. The Lord 
gave him a conscience tender as the apple of an eye. 
He literally preferred the interest of every one to his 
own. He was rigidly just, but perfectly loose from all 
attachment to the world. He shared his all with the 
poor, who lay so close to his heart, that on the approach 



164 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



of death, though his speech was so gone that he could 
utter nothing without difficulty, he cried out, O, my poor ! 
what will become of my poor ! I 'am dead to my poor / He 
was blessed with so great a degree of humility as is 
scarcely to be found. I am witness how often he has 
taken a real pleasure in being treated with contempt ; 
indeed it seemed the very food of his soul to be little and 
unknown. When he said to me, ' Thou wilt write a line 
or two to my brother in Switzerland, if I die,' — I replied, 
' My dear love, I will write him all the Lord's dealings 
with thee.' e No, no,' said he, i write nothing about me. 
I desire to be forgotten ; — God is all /' 

" His zeal for souls I need not tell you : let the labour 
of twenty-five years, and a martyr's death in the con- 
clusion, imprint it on your hearts. His diligent visitation 
of the sick, laid, to appearance, the foundation of the 
spotted fever, which, by God's commission, tore him from 
you and me ; and his vehement desire to take his last 
leave of you, with dying lips and hands, gave (it is sup- 
posed) the finishing stroke, by preparing his blood for 
putrefaction. Thus hath he lived and died your servant, 
And will any of you refuse to meet him at God's right hand 
in that day 1 

" He walked with death always in sight ; and about 
two months ago he*came to me one day, and said, 4 My 
dear love, I know not how it is, but I have a strange im- 
pression death is very near us, as if it be some sudden 
stroke upon one of us ; and it draws out all my soul in 
prayer that we may be ready.' He then broke out, Lord, 
prepare the soul thou wilt call ; and O, stand by the poor 
disconsolate one who shall be left behind. 

" A few days before his departure, he was filled with 
love in an uncommon manner, saying to me, 6 1 have had 
such a discovery of the depth of that word, God is love, 
as I cannot tell thee half, but it fills me, it fills me. O 
Polly ! my dear Polly ! God is love ! shout his praise X I 
want a gust of praise to reach to the ends of the earth.' 
And the same he testified as long as he had voice, and 
continued to testify to the end, by a most lamblike 
patience, in which he victoriously smiled at death, and 
set his last seal to the glorious truths he had so long 
preached among you. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



165 



il Three years, nine months, and two days, I have pos- 
sessed my heavenly minded husband ; but now, the sun of 
my earthly joy is set for ever, and my soul filled with an 
anguish which only finds* its consolation in a total aban- 
donment and resignation to the will of God : an exercise 
to which my dear husband and I had of late been par- 
ticularly drawn. When I was asking the Lord if he 
pleased to spare him to me a little longer, the following 
answer was impressed on my mind with great power, and 
in the accomplishment of this word of promise I look for 
our reunion, 6 Where I am there shall my servants be, 
that they may behold my glory !' Lord, hasten the hour ! 
" I am, Rev. and dear sir, &c, 

"Mary Fletcher." 

« The Rev. Mr. Wesley." 

My anguish was extreme. All outward support seemed 
to be withdrawn ; appetite and sleep quite failed me ; 
and even the air, I often thought, had entirely lost ail its 
vivifying powers. As I never before had any conception 
of the bitter anguish which the Lord saw good to visit 
me with at this season ; so I can give no just description 
of it. " Known unto God are all his ways and I was 
assured, even in the midst of my trouble, that all he did 
was well, and that there was a need* be for this heavy 
trial. But what bound all my other trials upon me was, 
I felt continually the keenest accusations from Satan, con- 
straining me by every possible suggestion to look at my 
extreme sensibility in suffering as being deeply sinful ! 
What, thought I, has made this change ! If Jesus was my 
all, should I not feel as keenly the sense of his having 
suffered for me, as I do in the thought of my dear hus- 
band's kindness, and in the dreadful feeling of my separa- 
tion from him ? And because I could feel but very faint 
touches of sensible communion with God, I was torn as 
it were in pieces. All my religion seemed shrunk into 
one point ; viz., a constant cry, Thy will be done /* I will, 
yes, / will glorify thee, even in this fire ! 

Yet it seemed to rne I did not glorify him ; and so 

* This is a fruit of the Spirit that never fails those who abide in 
the faith, even in the darkest hour.— Ed. 



166 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



afraid was I of turning to any human comfort, or stopping 
short of all the Lord would have me to do or be, that in 
the midst of this terrible furnace, I can say, — -that at 
every moment my conscience was " quick as the apple 
of an eye. the slightest touch of sin to feel." Yea, my 
spirit was all eye to discern its most distant approach. 
Yet in every thing I seemed to be accused, and also con- 
demned ; so that my soul was indeed sorrowful even unto 
death* 

One morning before I was awake, I heard singing 
voices, as just over my face : they answered one another 
with these words, — 

" Weep ye in Zioirs deep distress. 
In Zioirs sorrow mourn." 

Then one voice, which I well knew to be that of my 

dearest love, spake in distinct words, and with much 

emphasis, — 

<; Fight the good fight of faith with me, 
My fellow soldier, fight." 

It gave me some little comfort, and animated me to follow 
his bright example. 

One day these words were applied with much power 
to my heart, " These light afflictions, which are but for 
a moment, shall work out for you a far more exceeding 
and eternal weight of glory." What, said I, did the 
apostle, who had been in the third heaven, and knew 
well what he said, — did he call these afflictions light when 
put in the scale with that glory 1 It was answered in 
my heart, Yes, as a bubble ! " compared with the glory 
that shall be revealed." I got a momentary glimpse of 
our home above, in the celestial city ; and those words 
were spoken through my heart, — 

" Heaven is thy inheritance, 
Thou shalt soon remove from hence." 

Very many were these little inbreakings of light, yea, 
often in a day ; — yet my pain was unspeakable. I was 
constantly perplexed with that thought, that a believer 
can never be in darkness ; that they always " rejoice 

* In all this I believe the pious and well informed reader will be 
satisfied that, (as the Holy Ghost testifies of Job,) " she sinned not, 
nor charged God foolishly." — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER. 



167 



with joy unspeakable and full of glory ;" that nothing 
but sin given way to, can damp their joy.* This was an 
inlet to much temptation ; and now I had no one to tell 
my troubles to ! no partner to bear a share in them. 
In all our spiritual confiits we had been so entirely one, 
that cares, by being divided, were hushed into peace. A 
word from him would frequently light up, as it were, a 
candle in my soul ; and was enough to turn aside the 
keenest temptation. But now I trod the winepress alone, 
and felt my dependence had been too much on the crea- 
ture. I had clung to him as the ivy to the oak, and now 
seemed to be nothing ! I saw myself left in a howling 
wilderness alone ! Yet still I could say, — 

"With thee I on Zion shall stand. 
For Jesus hath spoken the word." 

But the Lord seemed to do by me as by the Canaanitish 
woman ; He did not answer me ! — I followed, and often 
said in my heart, (reflecting on all my unfaithfulness,) 
Ah ! " It is not meet to take the children's bread and cast 
it to the dogs !" It seemed I could to all eternity have 
praised him for the least drop of comfort ; and yet I felt 
the power of these words, — 

" A drop will not suffice, 
My soul for all thy fulness cries." 

In the midst of this dreadful conflict I felt some consola- 
tion from the thought, that by the account of his precious 
death, which surely the Lord himself prompted, and ena- 
bled me to write, (as I had hardly at the time, either sense 
or memory,) I had helped, in a little measure, that shout 
of praise to go forth, which, with his dying lips, he said 
he wanted to reach the ends of the earth ! And though I 
have lost my dear husband, and felt the force of the " hour 
and power of darkness," yet through all I believed I should 
conquer. So it is with me now ; but I do not seem as 
yet to have the privilege of shouting victory. 

As soon as the funeral was over, I found the dear chil- 
dren which my beloved partner had left behind, laid upon 
my mind. I saw there were many things to settle among 
them respecting the work of God ; some dangerous rocks 

* Yes, temptation can damp their joy ; but only sin can destroy 
ft. Her joy was not destroyed : she had " times of refreshing."— -Et>. 



168 



THE LIFE OF JIKS. FLETCHEK. 



to avoid, and some needful plans to propose. Therefore, 
before another week passed, I saw I must act among them, 
and meet the people the same as before : — and though very 
ill, and filled with sorrow, the Lord enabled me to do so — 
showing me the only way to bear the cross profitably was 
so to carry it as if I carried it not. About a fortnight be- 
fore my dear husband's last sickness, he was one night at 
the Wednesday meeting, when being greatly affected about 
me, as I was ill at that time, he could hardly get through 
it. He said to me afterward, " My dear, I could scarcely 
speak to the people. I felt, I knew not how, as if thy 
empty chair stood by me ! Something seemed to say we 
should soon be parted ; and I thought, Must I meet these 
people, and see my Polly's empty chair always by me V 9 
But now the cup was mine. Yea, and I have drunk it to 
the very dregs ! 

September 21, 1785. — Ah ! Lord, my soul is exceeding 
sorrowful ! How lonely doth my situation appear ! Torn 
from my dear companion, and made to walk in this dreary 
path ! But this is my greatest weight — I do not feel that 
union with thee that would make up ail. There are in- 
deed moments in which a glimpse of thy love seems to 
unite me to all good, and wipes away every tear. But 
these are transient touches, and I am deeply oppressed 
with that fear that I am not approved in thy sight, be- 
cause I do not rejoice evermore ! I well know I want a 
farther plunge into thy sacred will. I am not vet ;i the 
temple of the Holy Ghost." 

For some time back those words have been much on my 
mind, "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may 
stand in the evil day, and having done all, may stand." 
I have sometimes said, Lord, have I passed that evil day, 
or is it still to come ? And I always felt with submission 
a desire it might not be in death. O Lord ! do all thy 
will upon me, but make me wholly conformable with thy 
divine nature ! Glorify thyself in thy poor creature ! I 
feel as if soul and body would be divided by this terrible 
wrench ! Yet I acquiesce, fully acquiesce, in thy divine 
disposal. Yes, I see and admire thy wisdom ! I bow down 
to a dispensation I do not clearly understand ! The Lord 
hath done it ! and that shall be enough to satisfy me. I 
remember one of my dear husband's dying sayings was. 



THE LIFE OF HRS. FLETCHER. 



169 



Polly. let us not fear. God is love ! What canst thou fear, 
my clearest, when God is love ! I feel it is the truth ■ 
nevertheless. I do not feel perfect rest in that truth, for 
want of that perfect love which casteth out all fear. No- 
thing will do for me but the indwelling Deity ! u He that 
dwelleth in- love, dwelleth in God. and God in him." 

October 3. 1755. — My sorrowful soul waiteth on thee. 
O Lord ! O what a cloud there is on my whole situation ! 
Three months ago I was raised to the highest pitch of 
human consolation. I often thought ail that God could 
give of temporal comforts was poured upon me. T\ hen- 
ever I was hearing any one speak of the arrlictions they 
were under. I used to be humbled to the very dust. Some- 
thing would suggest, Ah ! you may well bear your crosses, 
and rejoice that ye have such a treasure continually aug- 
menting in your bosom : but let God only lay his hand 
on your husband, and see then whether you will bless h 
It seemed to me that I so honoured any of my fellow. crea- 
tures who were in trouble, that I could kiss the very dust 
from their feet, and was often filled with astonishment, 
why such a wretch as I was spared their bitter cup ! But 
no v.- I drink it indeed : yet at the same time I can say. I 
sp-e ir my privilege to follow the Lamb whithersoever he 
gceth." without asking where, or to what new cross Iv? 
will lead me. O what should I do were it not for the pri 
vilege of pouring out my soul in prayer ! Lord ! come 
and make thine abode in me ! 

One day. when I had some reason to think this house 
would be wanted, and that I must quit it. I began to con- 
sider where I had best remove to. I reflected on my dear 
husband's words, when he said, a little before he lost his 
speech. <; Stay here, my dear ; — I do not speak for the 
people only, but for thy sake. Thou wilt never be so well 
settled again. Here thou wilt be most out of the way 
from many things which would be a cross and a hinder- 
ance to thee." It was therefore very painful for me to 
think of taking one single step in any thing contrary to 
his advice. And yet I must own, had he not all along 
said I must stay here. I believe I could not have resolved 

so to do. for everv dav brought me some cutting trial. A 
. - - c 

new ministry, a new plan for the work, and various causes 
of anxietv and trouble. 

S 



170 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



But now it appeared I must remove. I began to think 
of one place and another, but every one seemed to bear 
the gloom of night. I could see no spot in the creation 
for me to rest in. A peculiar inward feelings also, seemed 
to turn from every place I could think of, as if the smile 
of God was not on my going there. I said, l^ord, show 
me what I shall do I Only show me what is thy will ! I 
thought on two places the most likely ; and had some de- 
sire to draw a lot concerning them. I had the paper in 
my hand in order so to do, when the remembrance of my 
dearest love was presented strongly to my mind, as speak- 
ing again those words, " Polly, do not let us look for signs } 
let us leave ourselves in the hand of God." I felt an im- 
mediate light of faith, and throwing the paper out of my 
hand, I took up the Bible, intending to read, and for the 
present to drop every other thought. It opened on those 
words : " God shall choose our inheritance for us." AH 
my spirit acquiesced, and I answered, " Yea, Lord ! Thou 
hast chosen for my dear the bright mansions above ; and 
thou wilt choose for me all my wanderings below." There 
Seemed for a moment such a communion opened between 
the family below and that above, as I cannot express. 

Soon after this I received a message from Mr. Kener* 
son, letting me know that I should never be turned out of 
the house, but might rent it ; which I received as an an- 
swer from the Lord directing my way. It also brought 
to my mind a dream I had some years before I married. 
I dreamed a man came to me to offer me some tithes. I 
replied, " Friend, I have nothing to do with tithes — I have 
no concern in any living." But soon after, I said to one 
of my family, " Hannah, I am going away ; I have a call 
from the Lord ; I must go." But again I thought, I know 
not where, not even into what country. However, the 
way of duty is the way of safety. I will set out, and God 
will lead me. Immediately I left Cross Hall, and after 
walking a few paces, I thought I was carried in a mo- 
ment, I knew not how, and set down in a churchyard — 
and some one said to me, You are to enter into this church. 
I went in, and walking up the aisle, I heard a kind of 
groan, and said, That is the sound of death. When I 
came out of the church, I entered into a house which was 
just by it. As I was on the steps, it was said inwardly 



TfiE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



171 



to me, This is the habitation which God hath chosen for 
you. I answered, O no ; I cannot live here. It is the 
order of God for me to live in Yorkshire. I went into 
some of the rooms, and found in one I passed through a 
man and woman. In the next was a young woman with 
a child on her lap. She appeared dying of a consumption, 
and in great conflicts. We soon entered into conversa- 
tion, and she seemed very spiritual. After a time she told 
me I must come and live here, and here abide. I replied, 
" O no ; I live at Cross Hall, in Yorkshire ; and have a 
great family and many calls there." But, said she, it is 
the will of God to bring you here. There is work for you 
to do. She added, Do not be frightened ; God will make 
you a comfortable habitation. I said, Have you the Gos- 
pel here 1 She replied, Yes. And who, said I, is the 
minister that brought it among you ? She replied, He is 
not here now. Then who, said I, is your present minis- 
ter 1 She showed me a name of three syllables ; — but 
though I read it over and over, I could only remember the 
two last—" nerson." I felt myself in great anguish and 
sorrow of mind, (though I could not assign any -cause,) 
and said, I must go away, I cannot stay here. I do not 
know that man and woman. I cannot live with them. 
She replied, " That man and woman will go away when 
you come. But here is a work for you to do, and you 
must abide here. Do not be frightened ; God will make 
you a comfortable habitation." Being determined, how- 
ever, to return home, I went down stairs, and seeing a 
coach ready to be hired, I beckoned to it ; the man opened 
the door, and as I was stepping in, he said, Where will 
you be carried to ? I strove to say, Cross Hall, in York- 
shire, but could not. Then I strove to name various habi- 
tations I had formerly lived in, but could remember the 
name of none. As he still persevered in his questions, I 
at last stepped back, and pointing to the house I came out 
of, I said, " That is my home, and God hath taken the re- 
membrance of every other out of my heart." 

I knew nothing of the situation of any thing in Madeley 
when I had this dream ; but when, some years after, I told 
it to my dear Mr. Fletcher, he said, " There was a man 
and woman who lived with me at that time — and a young 
woman, A. C, who was very useful in the work, to which 



172 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FL ETCH El?. 



she proved a nursing mother. She died of a consumption, 
in which she had many conflicts." I said, Was there a 
minister here whose name ended with nerson ? He replied, 
"No." But now I understand it all. Had I before re- 
membered the whole name, I should at once have known 
this dream would be fulfilled at my dear husband's death, 
as Mr. Kenerson was the patron, and his son now became 
our vicar. My dear Mr. Fletcher always said, if he died ? 
he believed I was to stay here f— and there are some cir- 
cumstances which reconcile me so to do. 

First, — I never was in any situation in which I had so 
much opportunity of doing good, (according to my small 
abilities,) as in this place, and that in various ways, public 
and private ; and to many who live at a distance also. 
These are providentially thrown in my way r and I find 
such clear leadings of the Spirit in conversing with them, 
that (painful as many circumstances are) I am constrained 
to say, If I choose for the work of God, here I must abide 
and fix my home.* 

Secondly, — Here I have a great many sweet, lively 
souls to converse with. My meetings are more satisfac- 
tory to myself than in any place I ever yet was in ; and 
still I feel it suited to me, as a soil which my soul grows in. 

Thirdly, — It suits my temporal affairs ; this house 

* At the last conference which Mr, Fletcher attended, viz., at 
Leeds, August, 1784, (about a year before his death,) I had the 
privilege of sitting very near him. About the middle of the con- 
ference he rose, and addressed Mr, Wesley respecting his parish, 
He said, " I fear my successor will not be interested in the work of 
God, and my flock may suffer,- I have done what I could ; I have 
built a chapel in Madeley Wood, and I hope, sir, you will continue 
to supply it, and that Madeley may still be part of the circuit. If 
you please, I should be glad to be put down in the minutes as a 
supernumerary!" Mr. Wesley could hardly bear this^ and the 
preachers were melted into tears. Turning to them. Mr. Fletcher 
expressed his hope that they would feed his sheep, and nourish 
them with the same truths which they had been used to hear. How 
wonderfully did the Lord provide for them when he was pleased 
to remove their angelic pastor! "My dear," said he to Mrs. 
Fletcher, " when you many me, you must marry my parish," 
She did so ; and as the new vicar did not reside, and as he had a 
great respect for Mrs. Fletcher, she was allowed to recommend the 
curate, whom the vicar invariably appointed, according to that re- 
commendation. The work of God has thus continued, and pro- 
ceeded, for thirty years in peace. May it never be interrupt- 
ed !— Ed, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



173 



feeing cheap, and several other circumstances also are 
advantageous. 

Fourthly, — I never found any other part agree as well 
with my health as this has done. From a child I could 
never live in London, nor in any close place ; and here I 
have had better health than ever before — only at this 
season, I find the waves of sorrow have thrown me some 
paces nearer my eternal home. Truly, also, that part of 
my dream (the sound of death) hath been accomplished 
in all its pomp ! 

Would any know the king of terrors ? Let them look 
on the corpse of a beloved husband, or tender friend^ 
and there discern the consequences of sin ! For a believer 
to look at death, as seizing on himself, has comparatively 
no terror I In the midst of the most pleasant scene my 
life had ever exhibited, I sometimes said, " I think, my 
love, I am selfish : it seems as if I should not fear to die 
and leave thee ! I am deeply sensible, however, of all the 
pain thou wouldst feel. Yet it seems as if we should not 
be divided even by death." But now the scene is turned ! 
It is my eyes that must for ever have before them that 
tremendous night. O ! what do I feel ! Thy will, O 
Lord, be done] 

From this time I haye been more and more convinced, 
my inheritance is appointed of the Lord, and that this is 
the spot I am to fix on, at least for the present ; and I 
rather believe I shall change no more, — -but that where 
he died, I shall die also. During this heavy night of 
sorrow, (attended with such aggravating circumstances 
as it is not needful to explain,) I have also seen an amaz- 
ing mixture of the tender care and fatherly protection of 
my God. He withholds his rough wind in the day of his 
east wind ; and will lay no more on his poor creatures 
than his power and goodness will enable them to bear. I 
know, assuredly, that my bereavement was wrought for 
the good of my souL I am, notwithstanding my inward 
trials, and deep sensibility of my loss, truly enabled to 
praise God even for the severity of the stroke. Yes, I 
love his will, I love his cross ! I am, I will be devoted to 
his glory ! And if that can be promoted by my keen 
anguish, I will delight in suffering all his wisdom shall 
appoint I 



174 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



I see also the goodness of the Lord in our bringing 
Sally Lawrence with us here. The day we were married, 
as soon as we returned from the church, and went up 
stairs to ask a blessing on our union, she came into 
the room, and falling on her knees before my dear hus- 
band, she entreated him not to part her from her dear 
mistress, who had brought her up. He told her he never 
would ; and now she is made to me a great comfort, hav- 
ing all the usefulness of a housekeeper, added to the affec- 
tion of the tenderest child. 

The Lord has also answered my dear husband's prayers 
with regard to the work of the Lord, beyond all expecta- 
tion. When he repeatedly expressed his desire that I 
should stay here, I replied, O how can I bear the place 
without thee 1 How can I bear to stay, and see perhaps 
a carnal ministry 1 He answered, " Thou dost not know 
what God may do. Perhaps there may never be a car- 
nal ministry here." And so it proved. The Rev. Mr. 
Gilpin and his wife, being on the spot, were at that sea- 
son kind and tender friends to me, and Mr. Kenerson 
desired him to supply the church till he should return to 
his own living, which was not for some months. The 
Lord then provided for us a precious young man, Mr. 
Melville Home, who had travelled some time in connec- 
tion with Mr. Wesley ; and concerning whom my dear 
Mr. Fletcher had (before his illness) expressed a desire that 
he might be his successor. We have also the Methodist 
preachers, and their labours are blessed. Brotherly love 
rakes root, and flourishes among us. The work goes on 
well : fresh converts are continually brought in, and 
several have with flowing eyes declared, that the words 
they once slighted, now seem to rise in judgment against 
them. They bow to the truth, and are constrained to 
acknowledge, concerning their deceased pastor, He being 
dead, yet speaketh. 

The Lord hath also looked on my temporal affairs, be- 
yond what I could have expected. I observed, soon after 
my marriage, that all was now made quite easy. I looked 
on the promise as already fulfilled, having in Layton a 
good deal more than would pay all. Some hundreds were 
however still on interest, though we had lessened the sum 
while my dear and I were together* But soon after he 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



175 



was taken from me, I received a letter from a person of 
whom I had borrowed some years before a hundred and 
fifty pounds, that he wanted it directly ; and I had at this 
season a good deal to pay on other accounts. As I wished 
to be free, for the remainder of my short days, from 
unnecessary care, I had a desire that the estate at Lay- 
tonstone should be sold, and the demands all settled at 
once. I found, however, that could not be done without 
loss, and therefore proposed to pay yearly all I could out 
of my income, which was now increased by the tender 
care of my dear husband. But my youngest brother, 
William Bosanquet, whom I had not seen for some years, 
came down on a visit to ma He expressed the greatest 
sympathy and tenderness toward me in this time of trial ; 
and, after staying with me some days, generously supplied 
me with all the cash I then needed. Some months after, 
an uncle dying without leaving me any thing, (and indeed 
I did not think I had any right to expect it,) my brothers 
wrote me word, that they were sorry I was not remem- 
bered in the will ; and my youngest brother desired me 
to accept of five hundred pounds (or more if I wanted it) 
to settle all my affairs. Here was the exact fulfilment 
of Mrs. Clapham's impression concerning us ! [See page 
135,] This very brother whom she then saw, (though at 
that time there was not the least reason to think of any 
such thing,) did afterward, as it was represented to her, 
bring me many smaller sums, and at last one so large as 
to remove all burdens at once from my shoulders ! And 
on January, 1737, 1 wrote in my diary, I now owe no man 
any thing but love : my income is quite clear, and I have, 
according to the promise, great plenty of silver. 



176 



THE LIFE OF MRS* FLETCHER* 



PART THE FIFTH. 



HEE SETTLEMENT AT MADELEY, AND THOUGHTS ON COM* 

MUNION WITH HAPPY SPIRITS. 

December 15, 1785. 

My soul is exceeding sorrowful. I feel the loss of 
my dearest husband in a manner I cannot express. Four 
months are now elapsed since I sustained that dreadful 
scene, yet it seems as if it was but yesterday. Nothing 
can comfort me but the blessing promised in those words, 
" I and my Father will come and make our abode with 
you." Nothing short of that baptism of the Holy Ghost 
can heal and satisfy my wounded soul. But I will endea- 
vour to recollect the blessings which attend even my me- 
lancholy situation, and strive by steps of thankfulness to 
raise my heart from gratitude to exulting praise. 

First, — I have the comfort of knowing my dear love is 
in glory. He hath proved the victory, — his " last enemy is 
destroyed !" Death shall no more threaten him with the 
cold grave ; it is conquered for ever, and shall be " swal- 
lowed up in victory." 

Secondly, — I had the consolation of being with him to 
the last moment, and hearing him, so long as he could 
speak, express how comfortable he was both inward and 
outward ; praising God often for the comfortable attend- 
ance he had in the needful hour, and many times saying 
to me, u I am most sweetly filled, but I do not seem for 
much speaking ; I am drawn inward." 

Thirdly, — I rejoice that he told me, " God would open 
all my way before me ;" and with his last blessing gave 
me to the Lord, saying, " Head of the Church, be head 
to my wife !" 

Fourthly, — He feels no more from the fear of losing 
me. Perhaps he is nearer to me than ever ! Perhaps he 
sees me continually, and, under God, guards and keeps 
me. Perhaps he knows my very thoughts. The above 
reflections, though under a perhaps, give me some help ; 
but could they be confirmed by reason, and above all by 



THE LIFE OF MUS. FLETCHEK. 



177 



Scripture, they would yield me much consolation. I will 
try if I can find this solid ground for them. 

It appears to me no way contrary to reason to believe 
that the happy departed spirits see and know all they 
would wish, and are divinely permitted to know, In this 
Mr. Wesley is of the same mind, (from whose writings I 
shall borrow some of my ideas) — and that they are con- 
cerned for the dear fellow pilgrims whom they have left 
behind. I cannot but believe they are ; and though 
death is the boundary we cannot see through, they who 
have passed the gulf may probably see us. Some small 
insects can see but a little way ; an apple would appear 
to them a mountain, but we can see a thousand of them 
at once, crawling on what we call a small spot of earth. 
When an infant is born into this world, how many senses, 
till then locked up, are on a sudden brought into action, 
and could the child reflect, a variety of new ideas would 
be awakened by which it would discern such a capacity 
of becoming useful and comfortable to its mother, as it 
never before had any conception of! It could have no 
communion with her but by one sense, that of feeling ; 
but now it is enabled both to see, hear, and to make itself 
heard by her. There was an apparent separation from 
the mother ; but in reality it has gained a more valuable 
possession, which every day increases its ability of enter- 
ing into her thoughts, and bearing a part in all her feel- 
ings. And may we not suppose, if the use of sight and 
hearing, as well as the powers of understanding, are so 
improved by our birth into this lower world, that some 
powers analogous to the above are, at least, equally opened 
on the entrance of a spirit into a heavenly state ; though 
perhaps small in the beginning, like the infant, compared 
with the measure that is to follow ? 

Nor doth it seem contrary to reason to suppose a spirit 
in glory can turn its eye with as much ease, and look on 
any object below, as a mother can look through a window 
and see the actions of her children in a court underneath 
it. If bodies have a language by which they can convey 
their thoughts to each other, though sometimes at a dis- 
tance, have spirits no language, think you, by which they 
can converse with our spirits, and by impressions on the 
mind, speak to us as easily as before they did by the 

a* 



178 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



tongue? And what can interrupt either the presence, 
communion, or sight of a spirit ? 

" Walls within walls no more its passage bar, 
Than unopposing space of liquid air." 

But may not our reasonable ideas be much strength- 
ened by Scripture 1 Some encouragement on this head 
I have lately drawn from the account of Elijah and Ulisha, 
(though I do not offer this as a proof, but rather as an 
illustration,), for as Elijah was to enter glory without 
passing through death, it is probable he was favoured 
before with a more than common intercourse and com. 
munion with the world of spirits, as we see in the works 
of Providence there is a gradual ascent ; and I the rather 
believe this from some passages in his story. Near the 
time of his translation, it was revealed to the sons of the 
prophets, who said to Elisha, Knowest thou that thy 
master shall be taken from 'thy head to-day? But to 
Elijah himself perhaps it was revealed long before, and it 
seems to me, he referred to this when he was in the 
desert of Arabia, under the juniper tree, 1 Kings, chap, 
xix, — where he requested for himself that he might die, 
saying, (to this effect,) " It is enough, Lord, I am not 
better than my fathers." The prophets before me have 
sealed thy truth with their blood, and why should I be 
exempt from the common lot of man I I had rather die, 
and come to thee now ! Why should I live any longer $ 
Thou hast enabled me to maintain thy cause against the 
worshippers of Baal ; yet my word hath little weight 
with them. " They have slain thy prophets, and I only 
am left, and they seek my life to take it away." Let 
them have it* for it is far better for me to depart and to be 
with thee. However* quite resigned to the will of God, 
he lays him down to sleep, till awaked by an angel of the 
Lord, who bids him arise, and take the refreshment a 
watchful Providence had provided for him. Here we 
have no account of any alarming fear. He doth not, 
like Daniel, fall down as one dead ; nor, like Zachariah 
and the shepherds, become sore afraid ; but after a mode- 
rate repast, he lies down to sleep again, and then receives 
a second visit from his bright messenger, for aught we 
see, with the same steady calmness as before. From 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



179 



which, I am led to suppose, he was accustomed to such 
communications. 

When his faith had gathered strength by his mira- 
culous preservation, forty, days and nights without food, 
full of holy expectation he arrives at Horeb, waiting a 
farther manifestation of the glory of God, as Moses, the 
giver of the law, had done in this very place before him. 
Nor can we suppose this illustrious restorer of the law 
could be totally forgetful of that prayer, " Lord, I beseech 
thee, show me thy glory !" The place would remind him 
of the great discoveries made there. What intercourse 
he might have with the spirit of Moses, we know not ; 
but it is certain they knew each other some time after 
on Mount Tabor. Waiting thus, like his great prede- 
cessor, for a time, the glory of the Lord was displayed 
before him, and the question put, " What dost thou here, 
Elijah ?" In his answer to which, he seems to intimate 
I have nothing to do here, Israel has departed from thy 
ways, and why should I abide on earth any longer. Let 
me now come up. As a pledge his prayer is heard — he 
is commanded to anoint Elisha to remain a prophet in 
his room. And when the appointed time was come, walk- 
ing with Elisha, he seems desirous of being alone, (per- 
haps the powers of darkness now made their last assault, 
endeavouring to shake his faith with regard to the great 
event just ready to take place,) and bids his friend again 
and again to tarry behind. But Elisha, unwilling to lose 
any part of his blessing, answers, « As the Lord liveth, 
and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee." He then 
asks him, What shall I do for thee before I am taken 
away ? Elisha answers, u Let a double portion of thy 
spirit be upon me," To which Elijah replies, "Thou 
hast asked a hard thing." Now if a double portion of 
holiness was all Elisha meant, it was an odd answer, for 
we know there are no limits to that petition. We may 
ask as much of the nature of God as we please, and 
he will do " exceeding abundantly above all we can ask 
or think." And no doubt Elijah knew enough of the 
mind of God to know that. But might not he mean, let 
me have the two portions of thy spirit, not only thy com- 
munion with God, but let my intellectual sight be opened 
&s thine. Let me also discern the heavenly company 



180 



THE LiFiJ OF MRS. FtETCHEIl. 



wherewith we are surrounded and commune with " the 
spirits of just men made perfect," though as yet I only 
by faith behold the Gospel day ? 

This, therefore, did seem a hard thing ; for, as Elisha 
was to die like other men, the prophet might not know 
whether this favour was to be granted to him or not ; 
and, therefore, as referring to the thing itself, he says, 
(as it were,) " If thou seest me when I am taken from 
thee," when the spiritual change hath passed upon me, 
then it shall be so, and then thy inward sight will be 
opened. But if I become invisible to thee, as to the sons 
of the prophets who stand afar off to gaze, it shall not be 
so. It is not the will of God concerning thee. But the 
"effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availed." 
Elisha saw both him and his heavenly convoy, while the 
sons of the prophets saw neither ; and, therefore, went 
on to the mountains to seek Elijah. And that this super- 
natural sight remained with Elisha, we have reason to 
believe ; for, being in Dothan, and surrounded with a great 
host come to take away his life, his servant said to him, 
" Alas, master ! what shall we do ?" The prophet at 
once answers, " They are more that be with us, than they 
that be with them ;" and adds, " Lord, open the young 
man's eyes, that he may see !" And " the Lord opened 
the young man's eyes, and he saw, and hehold, the moun- 
tain was full of chariots and horses of fire round about 
Elisha." It is remarkable this spirit which rested on 
Elisha was more conspicuous than that which rested on 
Elijah, — perhaps to prevent the thought, though the man 
who was to enter heaven alive was thus favoured, no other 
must expect it. Nay, but God, who delights to confer 
his greatest favours on the weakest objects, can confer 
on us all that which he bestowed on Elijah and Elisha* 
And, if under that dark dispensation, why not in this 
Gospel day, concerning which it is foretold, " Your sons 
and your daughters shall prophesy, your young men shall 
see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams ?" 

The apostle tells us, " We are not come to Mount 
Sinai," where Israel both saw the power and heard the 
voice of God ; but to Mount Zion, where we have com* 
munion " with the general assembly of angels, the Church 
of the first born, the spirits of just men made perfect, 



THE LtFE Or MRS. FLETCHER. 



181 



with Jesus the mediator of the new covenant ;" yea, and 
have access " to God," the judge of all." And were we 
better acquainted with the privileges of our dispensation, 
we should become, in a more full manner, inheriters with 
" the saints in light." But, though it is allowed we may 
have communion with angels, various are the objections 
raised against the belief of our communion with that other 
part of the heavenly family, the disembodied spirits of 'the just 

I shall consider these objections one by one. Lord, 
help me in so doing ! Let me at least strive to compre- 
hend something of 6t the length, and breadth, and depth, 
and height, of the great victory obtained for us over 
death ;" give me to see a little into that truth, "we are 
brought from Mount Sinai to Mount Zion." 

Objection the first. — If a good spirit loves those which 
it loved before, and is acquainted with all their proceed- 
ings, will not the sins and miseries of those they thus 
know and love, render them unhappy, or at least mar 
their happiness in some degree ? I answer, there are two 
kinds of love. If the persons they loved continue sinners, 
there will doubtless be a separation of spirit, yet I believe 
a remembrance and a pity will continue. It is said of 
the Almighty, that " it repented the Lord he had made 
man," and that " it grieved him at the heart ;" and again, 
that " he was grieved with their manners in the wilder- 
ness forty years." Nevertheless, his own immutable hap- 
piness was not interrupted thereby. Nov/, as the saints 
yet on earth are made partakers of the Divine nature, 
and much more " the spirits of just men made perfect," 
so I should imagine their happiness would, in that respect, 
remain as immutable as that of the holy angels did, when 
so many of their once dear companions they now daily 
behold as devils. I cannot let it into my thoughts that 
ignorance makes up any part of celestial glory, or that 
forgetfulness can be entered into by their nearer approach 
to Him, " before whom all things are open and manifest ;" 
and " in whom is no darkness at all." 

But, if an entire alienation of affection from the wicked 
should be needful, that is no proof it is the same with the 
righteous ] for, if the sins of obstinate sinners would afflict 
them, the growth of grace in the righteous would augment 
their joy ; and our Lord himself tells us, « There is joy 



182 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



in heaven over one sinner that repenteth." If you say, 
But this joy is only among the angels ; I answer, Can we 
suppose those faithful attendants on the heirs of salvation 
so carefully to conceal this joy within their own bosoms 
as to exclude the heavenly spirits who stand in a much 
nearer relation to us ? Can we believe they have not all 
their joys in common ? No, no ; in the Church of Jeru- 
salem they proved that " great grace was upon them all," 
by their community of goods. And shall our narrow 
hearts let in the thought that they have not all their joys 
in common in the Church above 1 Yea, verily, " the general 
assembly of angels, the Church of the first born," and " the 
spirits of just men made perfect," are but one innumerable 
company, concerning whom it may well be said, — 

" Lift your eyes of faith, and see 

Saints and angels join'd in one I 
What a countless company 

Stands before yon dazzling throne !" 

If, then, there is joy throughout all the realms above* 
yea, " more joy over one sinner that repenteth, than over 
the ninety and nine which went not astray," how evident 
it is to an impartial eye, that the state both of the one 
and the other must be known there, together with the 
progress of each individual. 

Objection the second. — Is not a spirit divested of the 
body, become of a quite different nature from what it was 
before, so as to be incapable of the same feelings ? I 
answer, Certainly no ; the spirit is the man. The spirit 
of my dear husband loved and cared for me, and longed 
above every other desire for my spiritual advancement. 
Now, if it were the body, why doth it not love me still ? 
You answer, Because it is dead. That is to say, the 
spirit is gone from it ; therefore, that which loved me is 
gone from it. And what is that but the spirit, which 
actuated the body, as the clock-work does the hand which 
tells the hour ? It therefore appears quite clear to me, 
that every right affection, sentiment, and feeling of mind, 
we have been exercised in here, will remain in the spirit 
just the same immediately after death. Nevertheless, as 
with the righteous, heavenly light and love will daily 
grow stronger, and with the wicked will be an increasing 
darkness, so there may be, perhaps, in a few days* a 



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much greater change on the newly glorified spirit, than 
in the understanding of a child in seven years. The 
point therefore to be considered is, Will not a continuance 
and growth in the heavenly state erase those affections 
and ideas so strongly impressed on the spirit at its first 
entrance therein 1 To which I reply, As spiritual union 
arises from a communication of the love which flows from 
the heart of Christ, I cannot but believe a nearer ap- 
proach to its centre, and a fuller measure of that Divine 
principle, must increase, and not diminish, the union 
between kindred souls ; and that their change will con- 
sist, not in the loss, but in the improvement of all that is 
good. 

Whatever agrees with the nature of heaven cannot be 
destroyed, but increased by their abode therein. Now are 
not love and gratitude natives of heaven, which dwell for 
ever there ? If in our present state an abundance of grace 
is poured out on the soul, what is the effect ? Doth it make 
us forgetful of kindnesses received? Doth it not rather 
raise the soul to such a pitch of gratitude, that it is ready 
to see favours where really there are none 1 And shall 
not the same love, when perfected in heaven, have the 
same effect in a more perfect degree ? The mistake lies 
here ; we forget that Christian love and union below are 
the same in kind, though not in degree, with those above ; 
and we might as well suppose, when we enter into the 
realms of light, that we shall plunge into darkness for want 
of the natural sun, as to suppose that Christian love and 
union must be destroyed by an abode in that kingdom, 
where the very element we breathe shall be eternal love. 
Doubtless we shall know, and gratefully acknowledge, the 
ministering spirits who have served us here, and be sen- 
sible that gratitude is immortal, and does not change its 
sentiments with its place. I think all this is clear from 
those words of our Lord, " Make to yourselves friends of 
the mammon of unrighteousness, that when ye fail on 
earth, they," viz., those whom you have helped, " may re- 
ceive you into everlasting habitations." 

Objection the third. — But are they not so taken up with 
admiring Jesus, as to lose every other affection in him ? 
I answer — That love of Jesus which fills the soul with the 
admiration of his graces, is a love begotten by that which 



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reigns in the heart of Christ himself ; consequently it is 
of the same nature. But is the love of Jesus a barren and 
inactive love 1 Did it produce in our Lord such an en- 
joyment of his own pure nature — or such a shutting up 
in the glories and delights of the Trinity, as to render him 
forgetful of his creatures ? Or did it bring him down to 
u die for his enemies, and receive gifts for the rebellious ']" 
When a powerful effusion of grace is poured out on our 
souls, are we not then most willing and ready to help our 
neighbour, and to cry out with that good woman, Jane 
Muiicy, " Methinks I am all spirit ! I have no rest day 
or night but in gathering souls to God." Surely, then, 
we may with safety believe that a holy, unembodied spirit 
feels the same effect from a fuller effusion of the same 
love ; and that as soon as he hears that word, " i will give 
thee many things to be faithful over," he immediately en- 
ters more fully than ever into the joy of his Lord, which is 
the joy of doing his creatures good. 

Objection the fourth. — But though it may be allowed 
that the angels are ministering spirits to the saints, in 
honour of their Lord, who hath taken our nature upon 
him, we do not know but the spirits of just men made per- 
fect, being of a higher order by their near relation to their 
Head, may be exempt from that servitude. I answer — 
To this objection may not those words of our Lord be ap- 
plied, " Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of V 9 
" He that will be greatest, let him be servant," saith Jesus 
Christ, who came himself " not to be ministered unto, but 
to minister ;" and if our Lord washed our feet, shall we 
be above the same employment ? Jesus, our Master, 
though in his glorified state, calls himself the " Shepherd 
of his sheep," and walks with jealous care amid his 
<f candlesticks of gold, holding the stars in his right hand 
and I can no more believe the divinest spirit in glory above 
the service of mankind, than I can believe there is pride 
in heaven. Abraham is represented as receiving Lazarus 
to his bosom, and as giving a mild answer even to a 
damned spirit ! And when souls at the foot of the altar 
cried, How Jong ? they were told * to wait till their fellow 
servants came also," Did they not then remember their 
fellow servants ? When the heart is full of grace, it de- 
lights in the meanest office, and feels pleasure in yielding 



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happiness even to an insect. We are sensible no part of 
our worship is more pleasant in the sight of God than 
obedience, and no employment more delightful to the saints 
than that of promoting the glory of God. Now the Lord 
hath said of his creatures, " I have created thee for my 
glory ; I have formed thee for my praise !" Shall not 
then the blessed spirits be very zealous in promoting that 
glory ? The glory of God and our interest are insepara- 
bly one. And are they not " one spirit with the Lord ?" 
And is not their highest delight in that in which he most 
delights, which is the salvation of his people 1 So that an 
exemption from serving the Church would rather create 
pain than give satisfaction. 

Again, the highest honour that can be conferred on a 
creature, is to have the nearest resemblance to its creating 
Head. Now he hath said to the believer, " I will dwell 
with you — I will come and make my abode with you." 
The soul who hath felt a small degree of pure love can 
answer this objection at onoe from the feelings of his own 
heart ; the language of which is, / love him continually, 
and therefore I will feed his lambs. 

Objection the fifth. — But as paradise is a place, as well 
as a state, and finite beings are not omnipresent any more 
than omnipotent, how can they be there and here in the 
same moment ? I answer — I do not suppose they can. 
But if I were to tell you of a minister who daily visited 
his flock, inquired into all their concerns, and knew their 
whole situation, would you say it was impossible, because 
he lives in that house, which is his home, and he cannot 
be in two places at the same time 1 And yet it is certain 
we are perfectly acquainted with the situation of many 
who do not live with us in the same house. If we see 
them but once a week, our shallow capacities can take in 
all they tell us of their past and present state. But if, 
instead of waiting for the slow and imperfect conveyance 
of words, we could by a cast of the eye read every thought 
in a moment, and without labour visit them as easily as 
the sun shines in at their windows, (though it still remains 
in its proper place,) our acquaintance would be much more 
perfect. We are now in the body, and have senses and 
faculties suited thereto ; therefore our human eye can at 
once measure the body of our child, and discern every 



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wound or bruise, or even a speck of dirt thereon. And 
have not spirits faculties suited to spirits, by which we 
may suppose they can as easily discern your soul, as you 
could discern their body when they were in the same state 
as yourself? And may there not be a way by which a 
spirit actually before the throne of God may still see and 
serve the souls committed to its care, supposing them to 
act as ministering spirits ? 

I ask, If you had never heard of a looking glass, would 
you understand me if I said, Though you stand at one end 
of that long gallery, and I at the other, with my back to- 
ward you, I can discern your every action and motion, 
and know every change 1 And yet such a knowledge the 
looking glass would convey to me. Now, if all things on 
earth are patterns or shadows of those above, may not 
something analogous to the glass represent to the world 
of spirits as just a picture of the changes of posture in the 
spirit, as the glass does those of the body ? Some have 
supposed the appearance or representation of every soul 
still in the body to be constantly seen in heaven. That 
this may be without the knowledge of the person con- 
cerned is evident ; because Ananias knew nothing till God 
said to him, (speaking of Saul,) " Behold, he prayeth ; and 
hath seen in a vision a man named Ananias coming in, 
and putting his hand on him, that he might receive his 
sight." Various dreams of pious persons, who have thought 
they saw their appearances in paradise, over which the 
heavenly company mourned or rejoiced — as well as the 
amazing instances of second sight — seem to strengthen 
this opinion. 

If this seem strange, let us consider how strange it 
would appear to us, if we had never heard of letters, to be 
informed there was a method among many nations of 
wrapping up their thoughts in a bit of paper, and by that 
means conveying them hundreds of miles into the bosom 
of their dearest friends ! As little could you conceive of 
the faculty of speech had you never known it ; or the 
commanding knowledge which the eye gives you over a 
large space and a number of persons in one moment, had 
you been born blind. But though I mention these similes, 
because some can only conceive of spiritual matters by 
gross ideas, I believe our union to be far more close with 



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187 



the heavenly host than to need these representations. 
What else doth those words of the apostle mean, " We 
are come to the general assembly, to the Church of the 
first-born, and to the spirits of just men made perfect ?" 
And if " He maketh his angels spirits, and his ministers a 
flame of fire," cannot a spirit be with me in a moment, as 
easily as a stroke from an electrical machine can convey 
the fire for many miles in one moment, through thousands 
of bodies, if properly linked together ? That the devils 
are about us and know our thoughts is evident. A sinful 
thought is suggested ; we answer it by Scripture. Imme- 
diately it is answered again. And shall not departed 
happy spirits, who are so much more of one nature with 
us, have the same power ? Mr. Wesley has a beautiful 
observation in his sermon on those words, " Are they not 
all ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who 
shall be heirs of salvation '?" He says, " That the guardian 
angels know our thoughts seems clear from the nature of 
their charge, which is certainly first for the soul, and but 
in a secondary sense for the body." And are not our 
kindred spirits more nearly related to us than the angels ? 
Why then should they not have the same discernment ? 

But to return to our first question. Can they be here 
and in paradise at the same time ? Otherwise, how can 
they constantly minister to us ? Perhaps we shall not be 
able to comprehend this till that word is accomplished, 
" Then shall we know even as also we are known." But 
if this cannot be, then we must give up all the agency of 
angels, for the same argument will hold good against that. 
And yet our Lord hath said, " Despise not these little 
ones ; for I say unto you, in heaven their angels do al- 
ways behold the face of my Father who is in heaven." 

Objection the sixth. — But is it not said of the dead, 
" They are gone into the land where all things are for- 
gotten ?" And is it not the design of the Almighty that 
our union should cease with our life, and that death should 
divide us ] As to the first part of the objection, I allow 
there is in Psalm eighty-eight an expression which implies 
forgetfulness ; but I think it is spoken of the body, which 
will remain in this state of forgetfulness till reani- 
mated by the spirit. But what has that to do with the 
soul? We hear of the souls at the foot of the altar, 



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who cried, " How long, O Lord, till thou judge and 
avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?" 
And they were told " to rest till their brethren and 
fellow servants should be slain as they were." Here 
was a remembrance both of friends and enemies, as also 
of the manner of their own death. Again, « the four 
living creatures, and the twenty-four elders" in their 
song of praise, have these words, " Thou art worthy, for 
thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood, 
out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation." 
They are also emblematically represented as having " vials 
full of incense in their hand, which are the prayers of 
the saints :" wherewith surely their desires (and conse- 
quently remembrance) are joined. Abraham is called the 
father of the faithful, because of his steadfast belief of 
the promise concerning Isaac, and is set forth as an ex- 
ample to us. Can we believe him to have forgotten that 
whole event ? Certainly the angel who called to Abraham, 
and said, " Lay not thy hand on the lad," remembers it ; 
for we cannot suppose him to have passed through any 
change of nature since that time. 

If you sav it was the Angel of the covenant, vet doubt, 
less many of the heavenly host were witnesses to that 
great and typical transaction : and must all the wisdom 
of God manifested by the Church, as the apostle observes, 
and " made known thereby to the principalities and powers 
in heaven," — must, I say, all the prophecies, types, and 
revelations, as well as their accomplishment, remain for 
ever the subject of admiration and praise among the 
angels, and yet " the spirits of just men made perfect," 
the subjects for whom, and on whom, all was fulfilled, — 
must they only be locked up in forgetfulness ? Are they, 
with ignorant amazement, to hear Gabriel repeat his con- 
versation with Zechariah ? Or does he in vain endeavour 
to stir up in Mary a remembrance of the salutation she 
received from the same bright messenger ? Shall Moses 
and Elias only remember the scene on Mount Tabor, 
while Peter, James, and John remember neither it nor 
them ? If you say, Doubtless every scene relating to the 
Saviour will be remembered, but we shall not remember 
or know one another ; I answer, The one cannot subsist 
without the other. If Abraham remembers the type in 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



Isaac, with the exercise of his faith when " he hoped 
against hope," he must remember Sarah, the removal of 
Hagar, with every remarkable circumstance of Isaac's 
birth. Will it not then be a great lessening of his praise 
and triumph, if he cannot know whether Isaac and Sarah 
are with him in glory 7 If you carry it a little farther, 
and say, doubtless he knows they are there ; then for 
what cause can he be forbid knowing and conversing with 
them 1 Or, is this privilege only granted to Moses and 
Elias, who, I again say, doubtless knew each other on 
the holy mount as well as the disciples knew them. 

Can we suppose Adam to have a just conception of the 
incarnation and death of the Messiah, and yet to forget 
the circumstances of his own fall, which occasioned this 
gracious union? Must he not then remember Eve, and 
eternally rejoice to see how the Seed of the woman has 
indeed bruised the serpent's head ? The account of the 
rich man and Lazarus alone is sufficient to answer every 
objection. They could see and know each other, though 
one was in heaven and the other in hell, — consequently 
each could see all on earth. Abraham knew the state and 
situation of both so as to say, Thou hast had thy good 
things and Lazarus his evil things. And the rich man 
could remember his five brethren. If you object and say 
this was a parable, (which there is no room to assert,) 
would our adorable Lord put forth a parable full of de- 
ceptions and wrong ideas, suited to lead us into error 
rather than truth 1 I do not wonder a poor heathen 
should dream of a river of forgetfulness, by drinking of 
which all former scenes were to be lost in oblivion : but 
for a soul enlightened by revelation, to forget that a day 
is coming in which every secret thing shall be made known, 
is indeed a melancholy proof that darkness hath covered 
the earth, and gross darkness the people. 

The second part of the objection we will now consider. 
Some have alleged, that though it is certain we shall 
remember and know one another, because without that 
remembrance many subjects of praise would be lost in 
oblivion, nevertheless will not all particular unions cease, 
and is it not the design of God that death should divide ? 
To answer this objection, I must premise, that what is of 
God shall stand. I plead only for that union which has 



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THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



God for its source ; and I think it would not be hard to 
prove, that what God hath joined together, death cannot 
put asunder. To that question, therefore, — Is it not the 
design of God that death should divide us ! — -I answer, 
Division comes not from God, but from the devil. God, 
both in his nature and works, is perfect unity, and his 
original design for our first parents was not sorrow, con- 
sequently not separation. If we suppose their friendship 
was not to have been immortal, we must suppose pain to 
he in paradise ; for Adam could not without pain inform 
Eve of such an awful secret, that when they had praised 
God together for a certain time, they must eternally for- 
get each other I That he should no longer remember he 
was formed out of the dust, nor Eve her miraculous and 
near relation to him ! Would not this information have 
been a bitter draught even in paradise 1 Or suppose he 
had said, Though we shall have a bare remembrance i>f 
each transaction, nevertheless that close union, that 
endearing oneness of soul, of which the love of God is 
the foundation, — that very union hereafter the love of God 
is to dissolve. This would indeed have been in itself ex- 
ceeding bitter, and therefore never was the original design 
of love. It was sin that brought in separation. It was 
owing to the hardness of our heart, for in the beginning 
it was not so ; for God created one man and one woman. 
Well may we, therefore, mourn for the separation death 
occasions ; and our sorrow is countenanced by Jesus him- 
self, who wept over the ravage of this dreadful enemy, 
when he saw the consequences of it in Martha's and 
Mary's tears. I allow that it is true most union- on earth 
are dissolved by death, because the friendships of the 
world are oft confederacies of vice, or leagues of pleasure ; 
and few can add, 

™ Ours hath severest virtue for its basis, 
And such a friendship ends not but with life." 

The Christian can say more ; it ends not even with life. 
In the Church below we are commanded to love our neigh- 
bour as ourselves, and to consider our fellow Christians as 
members of one body : but does this obligation prevent 
particular unions ? Let that soul be the judge who hath 
felt most of the love of God and his neighbour. For other- 
wise, there is, indeed, a love of propriety, or, in other 



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191 



woids, self-love reflected, which purity of heart will 
remove. But as similitude joins, and dissimilitude sepa- 
rates, so those spirits who are joined by their similitude 
of love and pure worship, who having been led in one 
path, (and probably prepared for one mansion,) can as 
easily retain a peculiar union without any diminution of 
their love to others, as a married couple can retain their 
love to each other, notwithstanding they have a dozen 
children to share it with them. My experience in the 
love of God is very shallow ; yet I have felt enough to 
satisfy me, that the more our love to God increases, the 
nearer will be our love to each other, and the more indis- 
soluble the tie ; and the stronger this union, the more it 
will reflect on all around ; and turning to its source, the 
love of Jesus will reflect back again with a perpetually 
increasing purity. 

But I build my strongest argument on those words, O 
death, where is thy sting ? O grave, where is thy victory ? 
If death can eternally separate kindred spirits, it hath 
eternally a sting ! And if the grave can eternally retain 
the body, it would have an eternal victory. But there is 
a covenant made with our dust. His elect shall he gathered 
from the four winds. Bone shall come to its hone, and not 
one forget its socket. And shall nothing be lost but our 
spiritual union ? Shall the grand enemy still have that 
one trophy left to glory in, and to insult over the saints 
of God 1 Shall we believe him when he says, " A day is 
coming in which your closest unions, your purest ties of 
friendship, shall be no more ! All that wonderful chain of 
providences, in which angels were employed in bringing 
you together, shall be sunk in eternal oblivion ! Indeed 
this was not the original design of the Almighty ; but I 
have overturned this one great design of love, and that so 
effectually, that the Saviour himself could not restore it ; 
and instead of having abolished all the consequences of 
death, it leaves the scar of separation for ever ! Now I 
am the father of death, and have so far conquered, that 
what God hath in design eternally joined together, I have 
eternally put assunder !" Ah, no ! glory be to our victo- 
rious Conqueror ! death shall be for ever swallowed up in 
complete victory ! He hath abolished it, with all its conse- 
quences, and brought life and immortality to light by the 



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Gospel. He hath broken down the wall, removed the 
veil ; and through him we are come to the Church of the 
first-born, to the spirits of just men made perfect. We are 
fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household, of God ! 
And having overcome the sharpness of death, he hath 
already opened the kingdom of heaven to all believers. 
Perhaps some may say, But if it be thus, why do not the 
Scriptures plainly tell us death is no division but on our 
side ; and that our friends still see, hear, and are about us ? 
I answer, There may be many reasons why a veil should 
be drawn over this heavenly secret. It is probable the 
primitive Church knew it more perfectly ; but what was 
the consequence ? When they left their first love, they no 
longer held the Head, but ran into the false humility of 
the worship of angels, instead of worshipping God only, 
and adoring him for the angelic ministry. Perhaps some 
communion with departed spirits caused the first step into 
the egregious errors of the Papists ; and man, ever prone 
to extremes, knew not how to throw away the abuse, 
without throwing away the use of this heavenly secret. 
Nevertheless, " The secret of the Lord is still with the 
righteous, and his ear is open to their prayers. He will 
manifest himself to them, though not unto the world ;" and 
he will grant to heavenly minds, when he sees good, a 
heavenly communication with the Church triumphant. 

About this time I had a letter from my brother-in-law, 
De la Flechere, in Switzerland, letting me know that his 
son was coming to England, and he wished him to spend 
some time with me ; hoping the sight of the place on 
which his dear uncle had spent so many years' labour 
might, with the blessing of God, raise some thoughts in 
his mind of the importance of a religious life. I laid the 
matter before the Lord, believing he would order all right ; 
for ever since the removal of my beloved husband, I have 
so experienced the effects of his last prayer, " Head of 
the Church, be head to my wife," that I was not permit- 
ted to doubt that all concerning me was under the Lord's 
immediate direction. And though my state was not for 
the present joyous, yet, through all, I inwardly believed 
the hairs of my head were numbered. Some particular 
circumstances, however, caused me to think it was the 
order of God I should go tu Bristol, Bath, and some other 



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193 



places, and that now was the time ; for after my return, 
it might be that the Lord had something for me to do or 
to suffer here. 

Since my marriage I had travelled a good deal with my 
dear Mr. Fletcher, and in these journeys had often suf- 
fered much through needless fears ; the most predominant 
passion of my soul by nature. And what, thought I, 
should such a poor creature as I do with only Sally, and 
under some disadvantages I had not then ? But still I be- 
lieved it to be the call of God. 

At the time I had appointed to set out, there was an 
appearance of much snow, which caused my friends to 
advise me to put off my journey a little longer ; but as 
this would have deranged some plans, I thought it better 
tx> follow the course which I had fixed. When all was 
ready, and I was waiting for the carriage, I cast my eyes 
on the Bible which lay open before me, at the thirty-fourth 
Psalm. Much of it was applied to my heart ; in particu- 
lar these words : O magnify the Lord with me, and let us 
exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he heard 
me, and delivered me from all my fears. Faith sprung up 
in my heart. I said, It shall be fulfilled ; and from that 
hour I have felt such a change, in regard to fear, as I can 
give no one an idea of, unless they should have suffered 
as I have done, from the same infirmity* 

All the way as I went through various things, which 
would once have been very painful, I could feel those 
words my own which for so many years I had longed 
after, viz., that " resignation left me no room for fear." 
No ; " The angel of the Lord encampeth around about 
them that fear him, and delivereth them." 

Many providences I met with in my journey, and very 
clearly did I see the hand of the Lord in various places 
and things. While I was at Bristol, in the house of my 
kind and affectionate friend, sister Johnson, I was agreea- 
bly surprised with the sight of Mr. H * * *, who had left 
his native place, and was just come to settle at Bristol, 
because he believed it most profitable for his soul. He 
presented me to his wife, a serious woman, saying, My 
dear, this is your mother also, for she is mine ; and both 
assured me of their determination to be entirely devoted 
to God* As there was something singular in this affair 





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THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER 



I will mention the particulars. In the journey which I 
took with sister Ryan to Clifton, for her health, when I 
was about the age of twenty-seven, we lodged in a house 
where the family were very ungodly. There was only 
my sick friend, myself, and the nurse ; and our whole 
apartments consisted of two chambers. After we had 
been there two or three days, we observed some things 
which we did not like very well. One night there was a 
strange noise below stairs, as of very rattling, wild com- 
pany. It may be supposed it did not well agree with my 
sorrowful heart ; for at that season I had nothing to ex- 
pect (humanly speaking) but to bury my dear friend 
there, or carry her back in a coffin, — only she had vari- 
ous promises to the contrary, which sometimes I believed, 
and sometimes doubted. On inquiring next morning, 
they informed us that " Mr. H * * * was come, and now 
they should be all alive." I had before asked the family 
(who did not appear to be persons of the best character) 
if they would choose to come up into my room in the 
morning to family prayer, as they were only women ? 
But they never, as I remember, accepted the invitation., 
However, some days after the above mentioned racket, 
they sent me word, " If I pleased, Mr. H * * * and them- 
selves would wait on me to prayer the next morning. " I 
did not dare to refuse, and answered they were welcome. 
God only knew what a cross I felt in so doing ! I had ail 
the reason that could be, to think they only wanted to 
divert themselves ; and the receiving a wild young gen- 
tleman, with such gay ladies, into my bedchamber, seemed 
to me a strange enterprise. The chapter I chose to read 
was the twenty-fifth of Matthew. I spoke with freedom 
on each of the parables, and found God was with my 
mouth. I did not much look off the book, till about the 
middle of the parable of the talents, I cast my eyes toward 
Mr. H * # *, and was surprised to find his earnestly fixed 
on me, and swimming with tears. When prayer was 
over, he respectfully returned me thanks, and went down 
stairs. After attending three mornings, he stopped be- 
hind the family, and told me, when they were gone, that 
he was convinced he had led a bad life, and he wished to 
learn how to do better ; that he was free from all business, 
had a good fortune, and was only here accidentally ; and 



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195 



if I would tell him where he could get instruction, and 
help for his soul, he would go any where ; " for this 
house," said he, " I must leave." From the first morning 
there was no more noise, singing, breaking glasses, or 
rude behaviour of any kind. As my friend grew worse, 
we were desired to leave Clifton, and try Bath. There 
she recovered to admiration ; and in a short time we re- 
turned to the orphan house at Laytonstone. Mr. H * * * 
made good his words ; and cultivating the friendship of 
some pious persons whom we had recommended to him in 
London, particularly brother George Clark, he became 
much confirmed in the truth ; and hath ever since re- 
mained a follower thereof, and a promoter of the pros- 
perity of Zion. At Bristol also I met with poor Fanny,* 
much grown in grace, and adorning her profession. And 
after a month's absence, I was brought again in peace to 
Madeley, and constrained to say, 

" In all my ways his hand I own-; 
His ruling providence I see/' 

I now found my dear love's relations in Switzerland 
laid greatly on my mind in prayer ; and sometimes when 
engaged therein, it has seemed to me as if his dear spirit 
so joined with me as I cannot express ; and for his 
nephew in particular, whom I expected, I was greatly 
drawn out in intercession. 

Being poorly one Saturday night, about ten o'clock, 
(the last week in May,) I was about retiring to bed, when 
word was brought me that my nephew was arrived. He 
could speak but little English, and I but little French. 
This was the first I had seen of my dear husband's rela- 
tions. He was of his own name, his godson, and his 
only nephew. But alas ! I now received him alone, and 
instead of showing him his dear uncle, and sw 7 eet instruct- 
er, I could only lead him to the silent tomb, and say, 
" Live as he lived, and thou shalt die as he died." 

I found him, as I expected, quite carnal, and very averse 
to the things of God. As my spirits were very w T eak, and 
his pretty high, I wished to have him rather as a visiter 
than one of my family ; and Providence so appointed for 
me. Mr. Home, the curate, understanding French, 

* The Jewess mentioned in the former visit. 



196 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEE. 



kindly offered to receive him into his house, until he was 
more perfect in the English language. I soon discovered 
he was of a sweet temper, a fine understanding, and out- 
wardly very moral ; but withal a strong Deist ; and as 
he delighted much in philosophy, he placed such confidence 
therein as to believe he could set us all right, if he might 
have but five hours' dispute with us. 

I inquired of the Lord concerning the method I should 
use toward him ; and saw, for the present, I was only 
called to show him condescension and love — to consider 
myself as his servant in Christ, and therefore to stand 
always ready to take up my cross, and in every thing 
innocent to do his will rather than my own. And as I could 
not say much to him in words, I must the more endeavour 
to show him, by the example of myself and family, that 
religion justly bears the character given her in those 
words : — 

11 Mild, sweet, serene and tender is her mode, 

Nor grave with sternness, nor with lightness free : 
Against example resolutely good ; 
Fervent in zeal and warm in charity." 

It appeared to me as if those four lines were given me 
as a direction which I must ever keep before my eyes. 
And much did I plead with the Lord, that nothing he saw 
in me, or mine, might tend to set him farther off from 
God. When we could converse in English with tolerable 
ease, I perceived he had not only imbibed many wrong 
sentiments, but had such a stock of Pharisaical righteous, 
ness as I scarcely ever met with before. 

One day, as he was talking in his free way, about the 
truths of the Gospel, a friend said, " If your aunt hears 
you talk at this rate she will be much grieved." He 
replied, " But I will not say these things to her ; though 
should my aunt talk much to me about religion, I fear I 
shall not keep my temper : for my uncle drove many 
people mad when he was abroad. I do believe there were 
three hundred who were quite mad ! They talked of being 
-filled with love, and kept praying and running together, 
not only while he was there, but since that time also." 

Hearing of this, I said, " Tell him I will promise to 
keep my temper whether he does or not, for my love to 
him has a better foundation than he can shake." In 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



197 



order to improve in the English language, he proposed to 
read to me some hours in a day ; and I was to choose the 
books. Mr. Wesley was so kind as to send him Beatty's 
Evidences of the Christian Religion, which he read with 
some pleasure : but as yet his heart remained untouched. 

I was very conscious I had none of that wisdom which 
in cases of this kind is often very useful ; and where it 
is joined with Divine unction, does beautifully illustrate 
the truths it endeavours to defend. But that word was 
remembered with pleasure, " I will choose the foolish 
things of the world to confound the wisdom of the wise." 
And again, " My strength shall be made perfect in weak- 
ness/' 

Well, thought I, if I have no philosophical arguments 
to bring, I will so much the more cry to the strong for 
strength. I cannot do w r ith the armour I have not proved : 
but the stone of conviction, and the sling of faith, is that 
which I must depend on ; and when these are directed by 
the Spirit of God, nothing can stand against them. 

Many of the Protestants in Switzerland are Deists ; 
they are nevertheless very strict in bringing the young 
people to the communion ; and they esteem it a reproach 
to do otherwise. My nephew expressed a desire of join- 
ing with us in that mean of grace ; for having been from 
home some years at the university, he had not yet been 
brought to the table. Mr. Home told him freely his 
scruples in receiving him as a communicant ; but after 
much conversation, he perceived a degree of conviction, 
and a desire to know the truth, and consented to admit 
him, 

The first time he came to the table, as he was kneeling 
beside me, and Mr. Home was speaking those words, 
" The blood of the Lord Jesus Christ which w T as shed for 
thee"— I found sueh a power of prayer spring up in my 
heart, it seemed as if I claimed a ray of the Divinity just 
then to penetrate his soul. He hath since told me he 
felt something very particular at that moment. My 
greatest difficulty, however, lay here, he did not believe 
the Scriptures. I was therefore cut off from drawing 
any arguments from them, and could only hold to this, 
the necessity of a change, in order to be capable of en- 
joying the Supreme Being* 



198 



THR LIFE OP MRS* FLETCHER. 



I observed to him, You believe heaven to be a state* 
and a place of holiness, and the happiness there to be 
separate from all sin ; — is there not then an absolute need 
of having a disposition suited thereto ? — This he readily- 
allowed ; but added, " Then I will make myself this new 
creature. The Supreme Being hath not left his work 
imperfecta He hath given me powers sufficient, if I do 
but use them ; and if I am to do all by this grace of God, 
as you say, then what has God to thank me for ?" I 
endeavoured to convince him of our utter helplessness, 
except through that assistance which we draw from union 
with God through the Saviour, without whom we cannot 
do any thing. He replied, " Indeed, aunt, that is not my 
case. I do not know how it may be with others, but for 
me, I do assure you, there is no snare I cannot avoid, nor 
any passion I cannot overcome." 

As he abhorred the doctrine of the fall as much as that 
of the Divinity of our Lord, I did not speak often on those 
heads. I sought rather to convince him he was fallen, 
whether through Adam, or any other way, and that he 
was a sinner and unfit for heaven : and narrowly did I 
watch for every opportunity of pointing out any disposi- 
tion that would help to prove my argument, though it 
was very difficult to bring him to a consciousness of any. 
At last I observed he had an abhorrence of the sin of 
envy, and a sensibility of having felt it. I then, on every 
proper occasion, enlarged on the happiness of the blessed,, 
as consisting in love, the very contrary to selfishness^ 
which was the principle from which envy took its life ; 
and therefore he must become a new creature to enter 
into that state. This he now began to see, and some- 
times to feel ; but all my hopes appeared to be overturned 
at once by a circumstance which occurred. He had 
fixed his affections on a lady from whom about this time 
he thought he received some encouragement. Elated with 
joy,, he w:as carried out of himself ! There was nothing 
left for me to take hold of. He had no ear to hear but 
on one subject. I returned to a silent waiting before the 
Lord. 

One night about the beginning of November, I dreamed; 
I was in a church, standing by a communion table, on 
which lay a large Common Prayer Book, open in th^ 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



199 



service of matrimony. I observed it was all marked, as 
my dear husband used to mark those books he much ap- 
proved. I beheld it with pleasure, for being near the 
12 th of November, I took it as a token that he remembered 
with approbation the transaction of that day, — our mar- 
riage. I was conscious of the presence of his dear spirit, 
as sent to communicate something to me. As I looked 
on the book, he signified to me the whole was emblematic, 
though few entered into the spirituality of it : adding, 
u This is a great mystery : I speak concerning Christ 
and the Chureh." As I cast my eyes on that word, 
"Who giveth this woman to this man V 9 he pointed me 
to that text, " None cometh to the Son but whom the 
Father draweth." As nothing was spoken in words, it 
is difficult to describe the ideas which were conveyed to 
my mind. A gleam of light seemed to break forth in my 
soul, by which I discovered in how full a sense the souls 
of the redeemed are given by the Father to the Son, as 
his bride ! I then thought on those words, " The marriage 
of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made hersell 
ready." In this acceptable moment, my nephew came 
to my mind. I said with a groan, O for our nephew ! 
Immediately I saw a little bird fly around and around. 1 
said, That is the emblem of my nephew's spirit. If it 
come to me and I take it up, his soul will be given unto 
me. I had no sooner spoken the word, but it came and 
alighted on the table before me. I took it up, stroked it, 
and let it fly again. A thought then struck my mind, — 
O, but he does not believe the Scriptures 1 The bird 
came, and I took it up the seeond time. As it flew again, 
I thought, O, but he does not believe in the Divinity of 
our Lord ! Immediately it returned, and I took it up a 
third time. I no more saw it flying, but a beautiful large 
bird stood with great solemnity before me, and I awoke. 

As I was in prayer a little time after the above dream, 
these words bore on my mind, " He setteth the solitary 
in families, and maketh them households as a flock of 
sheep.' ' Also, " Thy sons shall came from far ; and thy 
daughters shall be nursed at thy side." It was on the 
Monday night I had the dream here related ; and on the 
following Friday, my nephew received a flat denial from 
the before-mentioned lady. Here all his philosophy and 



200 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



boasted reason failed. He was as one driven to despera- 
tion. The next night he told me all his heart, saying* 
" O aunt ! if you could see into my breast, you would see 
how troubled I am for the pain I have caused you. But 
now I see you are in the right. No ! we cannot do with- 
out the help of God. I thought I could conquer every 
passion, but now I find they are taller and bigger than 
I." After telling me how many trials and disappoint- 
ments he had met with in life, he added, " Do, dear aunt, 
pray with me," I did so, he weeping all the time with 
groans. When we rose from our knees, he said, " Ah ! I 
am in the wrong, I thought all religion stood in the ab- 
horrence of outward evil ! but now I see there is some- 
thing more." f told him my dream : when I came to 
that part of it relating to himself, he was much moved, 
and said, " O, aunt, if it depend on me, it shall be accom- 
plished, indeed it shall." 

The next morning, he told me that after we had parted 
the last night, as he was striving to pray, he found all his 
troubles gone, and felt for a few moments such a tran- 
quillity as he had never known before. But his trouble, 
as well as his reluctance to believe, returned again ; yet 
with this difference, — he had now a consciousness that 
he was wrong, and expressed a great desire to. know and 
embrace the truth. 

From some concurring circumstances, I believed it to 
be the order of God to invite him to live with me the 
remainder of the time he had ta stay in England ; but 
remembering what a friend had said, " I cannot converse 
with him any more ; he tears open all the wounds of un- 
belief ;"— I said, " Lord, shall it be so with me VI and 
was answered by the application of that word to my mind,. 
" I will not send you a warfare at your own charges." 
And glory be to my adorable Lord, so it proved ; for all 
he could say served but to light up a fresh candle in my 
soul \ Every time I read the Scriptures, a new lustre 
shone on every part, and the Divine evidence rose higher 
and higher in my heart. I could now observe he heard 
with deep attention ; and one day he said to me, " Aunt, 
it is not now that I will not believe, but that I cannot ; for 
when you read the chapter night and morning, and tell 
your thoughts upon it, it seems unanswerable. But then 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



201 



something comes — some thoughts, — I do not seek them> 
but they come and throw me all back again." 

His state was now very uncomfortable. Sometimes 
he was just ready to receive the Scriptures as truth : then 
a variety of objections would start up in his mind, and 
cause him to cry out, " How can these things be V 9 If 
we cannot be saved without believing that Jesus is God, 
why did he live and die in such obscurity ? Would not a 
merciful Being have rendered every thing quite clear that 
he required his creatures to believe, upon pain of their 
salvation ?* He added many arguments frequently used 
by Deists, such as, " How clearly doth the whole creation 
prove a Supreme Creator ! The day and night, the sun 
and moon, and all creatures ! We cannot help believing 
they have a Maker. Why is not the Divinity of Jesus 
Christ made as easy to be believed as these things ?" I 
replied, the belief of those things you have mentioned, are 
by the outward senses ; but religion is an inward prin- 
ciple, which God must open in our souls, and which 
changes every power and passion thereof. If all you are 
to believe could be comprehended by the outward senses* 
the greatest sinners might be as good believers as the 
most holy persons. But the sense which God opens in 
the soul, and which we call faith, makes you acquainted 
with spiritual things, and capable of communion with 
God. He then answered in haste, " God hath never 
opened such a sense in my soul, and of course he will not 
condemn me for not using a power he hath not given." 
True (said I) it is not opened in you ; but it is because 
you shut your eyes and heart against it. Your state is 
exactly descried in the word of God, whether you will 
believe it or no. This same Jesus whom you have de- 
spised, was " to the Jews a stumbling block, and to the 
wise Greeks foolishness ; but to us who believe," we feel 
him to be " the wisdom of God, and the power of God." 

It was a precious time to my own soul ; I had such a 
sweet view of the whole plan of redemption ! A ray of 
light shone upon the amazing wisdom, as well as love, 
contained therein, and filled my heart with a sweet liberty, 

* The God of infinite mercy, justice, and truth, has made all 
clear. The evidences of his being are not stronger than the evi- 
dences of the religion he has revealed.-*-'EtD, 

9* 



202 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



while I was attempting to lay before him the hidden gfo* 
ries of the adorable Jesus, when he appeared without form 
or comeliness, and by his deep humiliation marked out all 
our way ! How well suited this plan of salvation was to 
break down the high aspiring thoughts of man, and to 
bring him into that absolute dependence, and perfect sub- 
mission, which make the joys of heaven ! I observed also, 
that a far greater salvation was wrought out for us, and 
a far greater glory would redound to God, by this wonder- 
ful act of free grace, than could have been if we had never 
needed such.: a Saviour. 

I now daily discerned some advances — lie gave back 
more and more j and the word of God began to be more 
honourable in his eyes. But yet he would say, " Every 
man hath the right of private judgment. Can I not be 
saved without believing on Jesus Christ ? If I address 
my prayers to the Supreme Being, and strive to obey 
him, why should I be condemned for not believing what 
I cannot understand ?" To. this I answered, " God so 
loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that 
all who believe on him should not perish, but have ever- 
lasting life." Now, said I, there is the condition : " If 
you believe on him whom the Father hath given." He 
seemed in a struggle to believe, and said with vehemence, 
" But I cannot believe God would become a man, and die 
for me. I am not worthy of it. The thought is absurd ! 
Why, aunt, if I were condemned to death, do you believe 
tlie king of England would die to save my life ?" No,, 
said I, I believe he would not. 66 Now, there is the thing," 
replied he, — you start at the thought of the king dying 
for me ; and yet you want me to believe that God hath 
died in my place !"* 

I observed the different relation he stood in to God.. 
The king (said I) did not create you ; you are not his off- 
spring ; neither can the love of a finite being bear any 
comparison with that pure unmixed love which dwells in 
the heart of God. The king did not voluntarily take all 
your condemnation on himself. But the Almighty Saviour 
has done so. He acts by us as if some great potentate 
should receive into his favour a poor beggar—make her 



* What a genuine instance of carnal reasoning!— Ed, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



203 



his spouse — take all her debts on himself — give her a right 
to his treasures — a part in his throne — and a share in all 
his titles. " Thus God so loved the world, that he gave 
his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him," 
should by virtue of that union inherit all things ! Here 
is the condition ; but you will not comply therewith. Only 
suppose, for one moment, that the king had died to save 
your life ; but that when you was informed of his unpa- 
ralleled love, you would give no credit thereto, even though 
one should say to you, Only look through this glass in my 
hand : I hold it to your eye ; only look through it, and 
you will see him hang bleeding there ! But you turn away 
your face with contempt, and will not so much as look on 
him who bleeds for you ! Would you not in that case be 
a monster of ingratitude ? Now this word of God, this 
book, is the glass ; if with simplicity and prayer you look 
into it, you shall there discern that supreme Being, (whom 
unknown you worship,) and that " He was in Christ re- 
conciling the world to himself : and that there is no other 
name given under heaven whereby you can be saved." 

One afternoon, as he was reading to me, I pointed him 
to the experience of Brother Story, believing it was suited 
to his present state. But contrary to all I had for a long 
time seen in him, he appeared quite hard, and cavilled at 
almost every sentence. I answered his objections for a 
long time, till I was quite spent. Then looking solemnly 
at him, with tears in my eyes, I put out my hand to take 
the book. He was moved, and said tenderly — " What, 
aunt ! What ! No ! I will read any thing, any thing you 
give me ! You think me in a bad spirit, aunt \ n I re- 
plied, Why, my dear, I do not think you are in a very 
good one. That book does not suit you to-night. He 
then read on, till he came to a part very applicable to his 
present feelings. He dropped the book at once, and re- 
mained silent. After a time I asked him what was the 
matter. He replied, " I know not what is the matter ! I feel 
a horrible sensation ! O ! what do I ail ? How have I been 
speaking to you ! Dear aunt, the more kind you are, the 
more ungrateful I am. What is the matter with me ? I 
am worse and worse !" I strove to comfort him, saying, 
It is well ; the Lord is beginning to show you your heart. 
« Ah i" replied he, " you say very well, but I say very ill ; 



804 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



for I am worse than before I came to England. O ! I am 
ashamed to think how I spent my life ! I thought I had 
done all things for the glory of God. But now I see I 
have done all for myself, and to please myself only." After 
some time of silence, he said, " I will now tell you what I 
have been doing. All this week I have strove to address 
my prayers to Jesus Christ, as you advised me, but, alas I 
I am more dull and cold in them than I ever felt before ! 

! if he is God, why doth he not help me ! You said, 
aunt, he would answer for himself! 5 ' Then in an agony 
he added, " Why does he not answer ? Why does he not 
answer ?" While I was making a few observations on the 
long time the Lord had waited for him, &c, Mr. Home 
came in to meet the men's class, to which he was that 
night to go up for the first time. When he came down, 
he said his mind was more composed^ and he wished he 
had frequented that meeting before. 

After supper, being alone, we renewed our conversa- 
tion, and I repeatedly assured him the Lord would shine 
upon him if he would only persevere. His cry was still, 
" Why does he not answer ?" It being late, we parted. 

1 then went again to the throne of grace, to pour out my 
complaint before the Lord. I saw we were come to a 
point, and could go no farther without his immediate help. 
I had staked all on the faithfulness of my God, and had 
declared the answer would come ; and now there was no- 
thing more for me to do, but to obtain it of the Almighty ► 
Sometimes I felt all faith and hope ; at others, as if cold 
water was thrown over the fire of expectation. Satan 
was not idle. He suggested, You will find him to-morrow 
as you left him to-night. I pleaded with the Lord that it 
was no new thing I asked* He had shown his approval 
of sacrifices by fire from heaven ; he had wrought for his 
people ; he had given signs and wonders ! " His arm was 
not shortened," and I besought him to appear in such a 
manner for this young man, as should convince him of the 
truth. Sometimes I felt all discouragement, but I did not 
mind that ; I knew from whence it came. I said, Lord, 
thy word stands always sure ; it is not my feelings, but 
thy faithfulness, that I depend on. Lord, thou hast said, 
" Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, I will 
do it." I ask this in thy name [ I leave it in thy hand, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



205 



assured of the answer. The next morning he went out 
early. On his return at night, he said, " Aunt, I have a 
great deal to tell you. After we parted last night I 
thought I would pray ; but that it was right to consider 
what I wanted most. Then I thought, why I want most 
light on this point, about Jesus Christ. But will God so 
condescend as to answer me ? Then, aunt, I heard a voice 
(not with my ear, but I did hear it) say, Yes, he will. 
Then I began and made prayer — and an hour went away 
like a minute — and I could say, Through the Lord Jesus 
Christ ! O ! dear aunt, I thought I must have come up 
and told you, but you were gone to bed. And again I 
thought, may be to-morrow God will confirm this. And 
so he has, for when I was at Waters Upton, Mr. G. H. 
began to make pleasantry of the miracles of Jesus Christ., 
I said in myself, Yesterday I could have smiled at this, 
and heard it with pleasure; but now it was a horrible 
sensation ; I could not bear it ; I was forced to go out of 
the house. Was not that a sign, aunt, that there is some 
change in me ?" 

Soon after he had a particular dream. He thought he 
was in Switzerland, and attempting to converse with one 
of his old acquaintances on the things of God ; but was 
much surprised to find he could only speak in English. 
Afterward, as he stood at a window with his father, he 
saw eight full moons all at once, and said in his mind, It 
means eight months. A beautiful city then rose up be- 
fore his eyes, and as he looked thereon, he beheld a lovely 
appearance, and thought, Is that St. John ? He looked, 
till dazzled with the beams of glory which surrounded the 
face as it passed over the city, he cried out, See ! father, 
see ! The Lord Jesus ! The Lord Jesus ! and so awoke. 
This dream seemed to make a deep impression on him, 
though he attempted no explanation. About a week after 
this, coming honfe one night late, from visiting a sick 
neighbour, on my inquiring after bis state, he answered, 
" Aunt, I have not found the evening long, for I have been 
in deep recollection almost all the time you have been 
gone. And now I can say, 6 Faith is the evidence of things 
unseen,' for if I had seen my Lord, I could not be more 
assured than I am," From this time the change has been 
more and more evident. He attends all the meetings with 



206 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 

me, and our dear friends are not a little delighted to hear 
the nephew and godson of their beloved minister telling, 
in his broken English, that his eyes, which had long been 
accustomed to see darkness, do now behold the light of the 
Lord. 

Some time after, writing to a friend, he uses these 
words : " I have altogether left Mr. Home's house, though 
fully satisfied with all there ; but it would have been very 
disagreeable to me to have been forced to ride daily, and 
at night, over one of the worst roads in the kingdom. I 
have now for three months enjoyed the happiness of living 
with my aunt, and I feel more and more the immense ob- 
ligation which I owe to her, not only for all the temporal 
care she hath taken for me, but much more for the bless- 
ing of my soul. Yes, she hath shown me, clearly, that 
the knowledge of mathematics, and a vain philosophy, are 
not sufficient to procure us true happiness ; but the know- 
ledge of Him only w T ho giveth wisdom liberally to those 
who ask it. She hath taught me to distinguish the things 
which are situated within the reach of our understanding, 
from those wMch are beyond it ^ for I must own that the 
idea which I had before of the strength of my understand- 
ing, and the extent of my knowledge, was so false, that I 
thought nothing to be out of my sphere. But now, blessed 
be God ! not only I feel that it is not permitted to men to 
scrutinize with profane looks the mysteries of religion, 
but I believe them with a holy respect ; and far from being 
ashamed to acknowledge Jesus for my Saviour, I set my 
glory in it, and that persuasion makes me happy !" 

He is indeed a new creature ; and his conscience ap^ 
pears to be so tender, and his convictions of the need of 
a farther ehange so strong, that I am sunk in amazement 
and wonder ! O what a prayer -hearing God have we to 
do with ! " Ask, and you shall receive," is more than 
ever written on my heart ! On the finst of January, he 
was much blessed, and told me he had found such a power 
to renew his covenant with the Lord as lie had never done 
before. He broke out in prayer with such simplicity as 
delighted the whole congregation ! In a few months he 
must leave me and return to Switzerland— I trust in the 
power of the Lord, to be a messenger of glad tidings fa 
the dear family of his precious uncle. O my God ! what 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



201 



hast thou done for thy poor worm in the day of her ad- 
versity ! " Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is 
within me bless his holy name !" 



PART THE SIXTH. 



HER RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE AT MADE LEY/. 

December 3, 1785. 
Last night I had a peculiar sense of that truth, " Thy 
Maker is thy husband !" I saw great depth in that decla- 
ration. The thought of belonging only to Jesus was pre- 
cious ! These words were powerfully on my mind : — 

" Be bold in Jesus to confide, 
His creature, and his spotless bride L 

Thy husband's power and goodness prove. 
The Holy One of Israel he ! 
The Lord of hosts hath chosen thee^ 
In faith, and holiness, and love t" 

I saw and felt all things are possible to persevering 
faith ; but in the midst of this exercise my old temptation 
presented, Thou art not in joy ! And some say, " No 
more holiness than joy." It was as cold water cast on 
a fire. My feeble sore spirit trembled under the sugges- 
tion, and sorrow's waves around me rolled ! I said, true, 
I have not joy ! Again it came to my mind, others believe 
because an overflowing power constrains them so to do ; 
but I believe, as it were, because I will believe.* Yet I 
thought, is not that the way of faith ? Ought I not to hang 
on Jesus in the midst of the fire ? What is " the abiding 
in the secret place of the Most High ?" Is it not taking 
shelter in Jesus, and keeping fixed there, whatever storms 
may surround 1 I cried to the Lord, and sometimes the 
faith of Abraham was set before me. These words of our 
Lord were also applied, " Blessed are they who have not 
seen, and yet have believed." But still the weight hung 

* So must they in the hour of temptation. — Ed, 



208 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



over my soul. At night I went to bed oppressed, yet 
struggling to maintain that faith which u staggers not at 
the promise," but gives glory to God by believing. 

I dreamed I was in a room with Sally, and saw a pic- 
ture, or rather the ground work for a picture, on which 
was only painted one small sheep lying down : the rest 
was all plain. I said to her, Sally, look on that picture, 
and what the Lord says, your dear master will draw it 
out for me to read 2 I then saw letter by letter come 
out, as if wrote, (though without any hand or pen.) as 
follows : " She that dwelleth in the secret place of the 
Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." 
I felt it a confirmation of my faith ; and said, there is no 
better path than to repose the soul in God, and to go on 
in quiet resignation, whatever we may feel. As I was 
making that reflection, I heard, though yet asleep, my 
dear husband's voice, as if close to my face, speaking 
these words, — ■ 

" Shout, all ye people of the sky ! 
And all ye saints of the Most High : 
Our God. who thus his right obtains, 
For ever and for ever reigns !" 

The beginning I heard in my sleep, but as it waked 
me. the rest was heard afterward : and I could have known 
his voice among a thousand. I saw from it we never 
render to God his right till we abandon, by a perfect resig- 
nation, all our concerns, spiritual as well as temporal, into 
his hand, and learn to lie still before him, in the posture 
of a little child, hanging each moment by faith on his 
mercy. I see how the art of Satan has hindered me. 
Indeed my present state is not joyous. I feel, keenly feel, 
my loss ! I am as a poor sheep alone on the mountains. 
I feel a sorrow no pen can describe. I am penetrated 
with fiery darts, and my health so broken, my nerves so 
weak ; with a variety of trying affairs which quite weigh 
me down. But this morning, the Lord showed me, I was 
not to set joy as the mark,* but a ready submission and 
quiet resignation to his will. That I was to fix this on 
my mind, * ; Whoso trusteth in the Lord shall never be 

* It is a real part of the {: kingdom of God.'' Rom, xvii, 14, but 
not sensibly discerned while the believer is " sifted as wheat/' — Ei>, 



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209 



confounded.' ' That I was to lie still as clay in his hand, 
that he in his wisdom and love might save me in the way 
that he knew. My only care should be, to embrace the 
cross with a ready will ! 

February 6, 1786. — My soul is waiting on the Lord. 
I believe he will bring me into his unclouded presence ! 
I do feel the truth of these words, — 

" They shall, as their right, his righteousness claim." 
I also feel that, 

" I shall, as my right, his purity claim." 

I do claim it, and feel a share therein. He keeps me ; I 
know " He that abideth in me sinneth not." My soul 
doth abide, looking by faith to Jesus ; and I do not feel 
any sin ; yet my sorrow and mourning is deep. I also 
feel sore temptation ; not to any thing earthly of any 
kind. No, I believe " the world is crucified to me," and 
I " unto the world !" It has no charms for me ; but I 
am tempted with great terrors, which come over my mind 
in a moment, and my weak nerves, which have been af- 
fected even to a degree of palsy, help to let in the tempta- 
tions. At times the Lord Jesus gives me such a view of his 
feithfulness and full power to save, that I seem to forget 
for a few moments all my sorrow ! This is the case often ; 
but then the vision shuts again, and grievous temptations 
return. I want a full liberty, such as was given at the 
outpouring of the Spirit on the day of penteeost. I be- 
lieve there is a degree of union which shuts out all sor- 
row,* — the soul having so entered into the element of 
love, as to be incapable of receiving any idea but what is 
consonant therewith, or in other words, a " dwelling in 
God," and possessing the fulness of that promise, " I and 
my Father will come and make our abode with you." 

February 16. — I found to-day some refreshment in con- 
versing with that dear old saint, Mary Matthews, one of 
my dear love's first children, who endured much persecu- 
tion for the truth's sake many years since. She was 
called under the first sermon she heard him preach ; and 
after feeling the spirit of bondage nearly two years, was 

* No ; our Lord was a man of sorroics. But all rebellious soiv 
row we mav be savp.d from, — Ed. 



£10 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHBR* 



very clearly set at liberty, and walked many years in faith 
and love. It was she who was so blessed the first Sab. 
bath my dear husband introduced me into the kitchen 
among those who met there ; and she has enjoyed a fuller 
liberty ever since. She told me, that on the day after 
the preaching in the last week, having undertaken to 
open the door in time for the morning service, she took 
the key of the room for that purpose, and believed the 
Lord would awake her in time. About two in the morn- 
ing (instead of five) she was awaked with an extra- 
ordinary power of God. She thought, I must rise and 
pray. She came down and broke up the fire, and being 
in a little house all alone, she sat down to meditate, and 
give full scope to the Spirit. She took up her hymn book, 
but could not read ; for, said she, " All around me seemed 
God ! It appeared to me as if the room was full of hea- 
venly spirits. I laid the book down, and falling back in 
my chair, I remembered no more of any thing outward, 
but thought I was at the threshold of a most beautiful 
place. I could just look in. The first thing I saw was 
the Lord Jesus sitting on a throne ! There was a beau- 
tiful crown over his head ! It did not seem io bear with 
a weight, but as if it was suspended there, and as he 
turned his head, it turned with him. A glorious light 
appeared on one side, and all around him was glory ! I 
thought on that word of St. Paul, — Who dwelleth in light 
unapproachable! Turning my eye a little, I saw close 
to my Saviour my dear minister, Mr. Fletcher ! He 
looked continually on the Lord Jesus with a sweet smile. 
But he had a very different appearance from what he 
had when in the body ; and yet there was such an exact 
resemblance that I could have known him among a thou- 
sand ! Features and limbs just the same, but not of flesh. 
It was what I cannot describe, all light ! I know not 
what to call it ! I never saw any thing like it. It was, 
I thought, such a body as could go thousands of miles in 
a moment.* There were several passed who had the same 
appearance ; and I seemed to have lost my old weak, 
shaking body ! I seemed to myself as if I could have 
gone to the world's end as light as air ! I looked on him 



* "What a description ! Far beyond her powers.— Ep, 



THir LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



211 



a long time, and observed every feature with its old like- 
ness. He then turned his eyes on me, and held out his 
hand to me just as he used to do. After this the whole 
disappeared, and I came to myself, and found it was just 
the time when I should open the preaching house door." 
I found her words a comfort to me.* Ah I my dear hus- 
band was a suffering member here ; but he is now a bright 
star in glory. 

I am amazed to see how the Almighty appears for me 
in outward things. Night and day I have a sense of 
safety. I feel as if the angels of the Lord encamped 
around about me 1 Though we are alone, I and the two 
girls in this house, sometimes only Sally and I, no long 
winter night seems to have any thing dreary to me ! In- 
deed life and death are equaL the will of God is all ! I 
feel also a quiet acquiescence in the will of God. His will 
shall be my choice ! I have no other rest on earth. Yet 
I have not joy ! But I will lie in his hands for this also. 

Some thoughts have arisen in my mind on this subject. 
There has long been a question between two sorts of reli- 
gious professors, both devoted to God. The one part say, 
• ; A child of God, labouring up perfection^ hill, may be 
in darkness and obscurity for a time, in order to his far- 
ther purification." The others say, " Nay, there can be 
no darkness but from the displeasure of God ! neither is- 
there any true holiness but in proportion to this joy." 

But what do we mean by darkness ! And what do we 
mean by joy ? Many blend the idea of darkness with 
deadness. They suppose such to have no savour of Di- 
vine things. They do not mourn after Jesus, as one ivJio 
mourns for her first-born. They can be content with 
worldly rest. They look more to. men and means for 
help than singly to Jesus. They are indeed pained some- 
times because they have no more life % but their treasure 
Is still here. Such darkness certainly the true believer 
does not feel. The experience of Mr. Brainerd is a fine 
comment on this. A soul thirsting (in general) after the 

* How wonderful are the ways of God! Instead of that "joy 
unspeakable, and full of glory," which this devoted woman so 
earnestly desired, he took this 'way to comfort her ! And what a 
mystery of love even in this that he should give it to her 5 not 
directly, but at second hand !— Ed. 



212 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



full mind of Christ, — whose conscience is truly tender, to 
whom the world is crucified, and who has no relish but 
for the things of another life, — whose eye is really fixed, 
" not on the things which are seen, but on the things 
which are not seen ;" — to whom the prospect of a nearly 
approaching death is pleasant, from a firm confidence of 
final salvation, though that confidence may be oft as- 
saulted ; and who feels an intense, though mournful desire 
after the whole mind of Christ, — and an abiding filial fear 
of offending God. Such a soul may find sometimes great 
obscurity, as if its Saviour was hidden — as if the Lord 
shut himself up within stone walls, which prayer could 
not pass through ; — so that even strong supplication and 
prayer shall seem to feel resistance. As when Jacob 
wrestled with the angel, it seemed as if he wanted to get 
loose from Jacob's grasp, without giving him the blessing. 
As when our Lord gave that (seemingly) harsh answer 
to the Canaanitish woman, " It is not meet to take the 
children's bread, and give it unto dogs !" Was it to dis- 
courage and drive her back ? Was it from wrath h e 
spoke ? Ah, no ! It was to try and to strengthen her 
faith by exercise ; and to increase her blessing, when he 
pronounced that word, " O woman, great is thy faith ! be 
it unto thee even as thou wilt." We have often a wrong 
idea of faith. When the apostle says, " I have fought 
the good fight, I have kept the faith," — how do we under- 
stand him ? Some say, " He fought against sin, — he was 
firm in persecution, — and he always believed. His soul 
was so full of light and power that he could not help 
believing." Was there then no conflict in believing? 
When St. Paul says, Cast not away your confidence, does 
he mean that they could not cast it away ? Were they 
to hold it fast, when it needed no holding ? And is it 
thus that it should have great recompense of reward ? 

But does not the whole tenor of Scripture speak of the 
Christian soldier as "fighting the fight of faith?" And 
what is faith, but " the believing of things unseen ?" 
" Blessed are they who have not seen, and yet have be- 
lieved." And to Nathaniel, our Lord says, " Because 1 
said, Under the fig tree I saw thee, believest thou ? Thou 
shalt see greater things than these." 

It seems to me, therefore, that the way of holiness is 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



21S 



to strive every moment to " look unto Jesus as the author 
and finisher of our faith ; and while the soul is so con- 
tinually hanging on him, let it not esteem it a strange 
thing, if it should feel the powers of darkness surround 
it, inducing horror and dismay ! If the believer feel as 
though the Angel of the covenant struggled against him ; 
as if he would go away and leave the soul unblessed. It 
may seem to have even a rebuke instead of a blessing, 
like the Canaantish woman ; nay, it may feel as if all its 
strength was failing, so that it could wrestle no longer. 
Perhaps the day begins to break ! Death seems at the 
door ! and the fainting soul cries out, O, what is all my 
wrestling come to ! My day of grace is gone, and I am 
not saved ! But the very next moment may bring the 
" new name of Israel ! As a prince thou hast power with 
God, and hast prevailed." 

June 19. — I now see clearly what I want. My soul is 
not brought fully into the element of love. There is a 
fulness of love, or, " a perfect love, which casts out all 
fear." I have not perfect resignation ; yet my will never 
seems to oppose God. I have not perfect peace ; it is 
disturbed by temptation. I have not perfect union with 
God ; clouds come between. In short, that salvation I 
felt at Hoxton, and which I now feel, is like Israel when 
on the borders of Canaan. But I am not put in full pos- 
session. I do not dwell in love. I am determined, how- 
ever, never to rest short of it ; and I believe that is the 
meaning of the promise so impressed upon my mind, " An 
abundant entrance shall be ministered unto you into the 
kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ." Lord, hasten the 
hour ! I have no hope but from thee. " It is not of him 
that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that 
showeth mercy ! Not by might, nor by power, but by my 
Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts !" 

Well, — if I am thus perfectly saved, I shall be the 
greatest monument of mercy ! for since that time I was 
blessed at Hoxton, how often have I sunk back from that 
liberty of faith ! and though the Divine change has ever 
since remained on my soul, yet there have been times in 
which I have been a monster in my own eyes, for I have 
many times found self, and from that root every evil 
springing up in my soul. 



214 



THE LIFE OF ]£&S. FLETCHER. 



I would give a list of the evils I have felt, but, alas ! 
when I attempt it, I am lost ! I cannot find any words to 
express myself in. But this I will say, for the comfort 
of some who have known these things, and into whose 
hands this account may fall, that wherein they have 
lamented their inbred corruption, I have much more cause 
for lamentation. 

O ! if I were but for one hour permitted to enter hea- 
ven, that I might throw myself at the feet of all whom I 
have offended, or hindered, by my pride, self-will, and 
other evils, it would yield me some consolation. Yet I 
believe I shall be delivered from them all, and even from 
this painful reflection. Yes, I shall ; the God of love hath 
said, " Thou shalt walk with me in white — I will make 
thee worthy !" And my soul has of late felt a great re- 
newal of that promise. Yes, I shall overcome ! I begin 
though but faintly, to shout victory ! I shall overcome ! 
for I singly trust in Jesus. 

Friday, June 23. — Three days ago, as I was thinking 
of the above words, " I am not brought into the element 
of love," a thought came into my mind. Thou waitest 
and pleadest to be brought into another state : — Abide in 
Jesus ! That is the way to love, and to bring forth all 
good fruit. I weighed it over in my mind, and saw that 
it was so. I have Jesus ! and have I not all in him ? 
Those words shone with light on my heart, " Christ is 
made of God unto you wisdom, righteousness, sanctifica- 
tion, and redemption." I felt I ought to rejoice in my 
privilege ; the privileges of my present dispensation. I 
am brought into a state of love ; and that I do not abun- 
dantly grow therein is because I do not abide every mo- 
ment in a quiet, peaceable confidence, believing the Lord 
will enable me to glorify him in and through every thing. 
These words were yesterday, and are still, the language 
of my soul, — 

" No condemnation now I dread, 

Jesus and all in him is mine ; 
Alive in him, my living head, 

And just in righteousness Divine, 
Bold I approach th' eternal throne, 
And claim the crown through Christ my own." 

Friday, July 21. — O, the union my spirit feels with my 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



215 



dear husband ! Time makes no difference to me. As I 
was offering up my trials to the Lord to-day, these words 
came to my mind, " Ask of the Lord grace to suffer as 
much, and as long as he pleases." I thought, so I will, I 
will not even wish to have it mitigated. 

Saturday, July 22. — Yesterday I was at the chapel in 
Madeley Wood, and found much freedom of spirit while 
speaking on these words, " Bring my soul out of prison, 
that I may praise thy name." This morning I feel my 
soul cast on the Lord, and was blessed in reading those 
words of Fenelon, " Your letter leaves me nothing to wish 
for. It confesses all that is past, and promises every 
thing for the future. With regard to the past, you need 
only leave it to God with an humble confidence, and repair 
it by a constant fidelity. You ask what penances are 
required for the past ! Can we perform greater, or more 
salutary ones, than bearing our present crosses ? The 
best reparation of our past vanities is the being humble, 
and content that God should humble us. The most rigor* 
ous of all penances is, notwithstanding all our dislikes and 
weariness, to do daily and hourly the will of God rather 
than our own."* 

Thursday, July 27. — For some days I have felt keen 
darts from the enemy, and such a sense of being alone in 
the world as I cannot express. But last night, in the 
midst of these feelings, I felt a strong impression that my 
trials were increased by my not courageously believing 
every moment that the Lord has absolutely undertaken 
my whole cause. And I am convinced that when Satan 
pursues me with glooms and threatenings, I ought to 
believe that all is permitted to exercise my faith and pa- 
tience. I feel at all times that my heart has embraced 
the glory of God, as my one sole care, and therefore I have 
nothing to do even with my state, whether it is joyous or 
sad, but only to cling to the covenant I have entered into, 
of being a whole burnt sacrifice to the Lord ; and leave 
Him to choose for me every moment, who is in himself all 
wisdom and love. This thought brought with it a sweet 
peace ; and these words were applied to my soul, " Cast 
not away therefore your confidence, which hath great 

* How well some Romanists have written on Christian obe- 
dience I O si sic omnia ! — Ed. 



216 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



recompense of reward, for ye have need of patience, and 
after ye have done the will rf God, ye may receive the 
promise." I see also that I must singly trust in Jesus, 
resolved to believe that he will make me more than con- 
queror through all. " None ever trusted in him, and was 
confounded." My one cry therefore shall be, " Lord, 
glorify thyself in thy poor creature, and that is enough." 
In the night I was exercised with pain more than com- 
mon, but my mind seemed to be fixed on this, — Lord, 
glorify thyself ! I slept ; and waked in that thought, and 
it brought peace. 

August 3. — This time of the year returning affects me 
much. This day twelve months was the last in which 
my dear husband enjoyed perfect health, and the last in 
which he visited his people. O ! how does every hour 
present the past scenes to my view. But I find power to 
live in the spirit of sacrifice, As I was this morning 
reading Mr. Wesley's note on Judges, chap, iv, 14, it was 
made a blessing to me. It is said of Barak, " He went 
down from Mount Tabor." Mr. Wesley adds, "He did 
not make use of the advantage which he had of the hill, 
where he might have been out of the reach of Sisera's 
iron chariots. He boldly marches down into the valley, 
to give him the opportunity of using his chariots and 
horses, that so the victory might be more glorious." So 
it seems to be w r ith me. When I had every help and 
every comfort, he brought me into the valley indeed ! 
unto the loss of all my earthly comforts ; and into deep 
and fierce temptation. And yet those very things which 
would have been a great tried to me, and a great alarm to 
my fears, when I had my dearest companion with me, are 
nevertheless rendered easy ; and my Captain going before 
seems to gain for me an easy victory. He is my light in 
difficulties, my protection in dangers, and my continual 
shield. But that word of the Lord spoken to Gideon, 
" The people are too many for me to deliver Israel, by 
them," casts a still clearer light on my path. I was the 
happiest of women ! I had every thing which friendship, 
the most heavenly and refined, could give. My helps 
were too many : I could not feel my deep nothingness. 
God has stripped me of all ! Yet I will look every mo* 
ment for the complete victory. 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



217 



Monday, August 14. — How awful a Sabbath was yes 
terday to me ! The remembrance of the tremendous scene 
that day twelve months, deeply penetrated my heart. 
The whole of the last week has been to me very solemn. 
Every hour has pointed out some part of the bitter cup 
which I have drunk, and do still deeply drink of. 

This day has also been a time of deep examination. 
What difference do I find between this and the last four- 
teenth of August, the day of my dear husband's death ? 
I find a good deal, many ways. First, I have more vehe- 
ment longing after Christ. Secondly, 1 am stripped of all 
desire of human comforts, and dead to earth in a fuller 
degree than I ever was before in any part of my life. 
Thirdly, That fierce conflict of temptation which I 
endured at that time has wrought for my good. Fourthly, 
I am more constant and faithful in private prayer ; in- 
deed it is my one business : and I have a more Watchful 
spirit. Fifthly, I feel a more perfect resignation ; and 
though my wound continually bleeds, yet I can continu* 
ally say, Thy will be done. Yet nothing can supply the 
place of the full indwelling Spirit. The Lord is ever with 
me. I have surprising helps and deliverances, and victory 
in every trial. I feel I am crucified to the world ; but 
yet I want the 'promise of the FatJier in its fulness, 

Tuesday, August 15.-— Yesterday being (according to 
the days of the month) the annual return of the time 
when my dearest love departed this life, I set it apart for 
prayer and close examination, to know what I had gained 
or lost in this black year. Most of the day I was in 
heaviness ; but by the light of God I clearly discerned 
his powerful hand was upon me, The entire deadness I 
find to every thing worldly ; the purity in which the Lord 
continually keeps my soul ; the increasing vigour of my 
spiritual affections ; my great love for souls, and abundant 
liberty in speaking to them, with the many degrees of 
resignation to the Divine will which I feel my soul sunk 
into ; and that spirit of love which ever prompts me to 
turn the other cheek, all give me good hope. Now, 
thought I, though I felt a measure of all this before, is not 
the increase of all these an evident mark that the work 
of God is deepened in my soul ? I saw it was so, and was 
constrained to cry out, This hath God wrought f 

10 



218 



THE LIFE OF MKS. FLE'f CIIEK, 



I then was led to reflect on my union with my dear 
husband, and saw how much of the heavenly state we had 
enjoyed together ; and it seemed as if I so longed to give 
up all for God, that I offered up to his divine will even our 
eternal union, (if it was in reality, as many suppose, that 
separate spirits forget all they have known and loved here,) 
that nis will might be done. I seemed content, so my 
dearest love and my own soul were lost in his immensity, 
and should know each other no more ! I then found, as 
it were, a conversation carried on in my mind. The ques- 
tion arose, What part of our union can heaven dissolve ? 
It will take away all that was painful — such as our fears 
for each other's safety, our separations, &c. But what 
of the pleasant part can heaven dissolve 1 I answered from 
the bottom of my heart, Nothing, Lord, nothing ! Clear 
as light it appeared before me, that heaven could not dis- 
solve any thing which agreed with its own nature. Let 
two drops of water, two flames of fire, or any two quanti- 
ties of the same element, be put together, they would not 
destroy each other, but would be increased. So what 
came down from God would, when returned to its source, 
live for ever, and be corroborated, but not lessened. 

I am quite at a loss for words to describe the feelings 
of that hour ; but it fixed in my soul an assurance of our 
eternal union. And as it increased my tender affection 
toward my dear husband, so it seemed to spread it to all 
around. I felt it reflect, as it were, backward and for- 
ward, to and from all the heavenly host : all seemed doubly 
dear, through that endearing love I found to him. At the 
same moment a peculiar sense of union with my friend 
Ryan sprang up in my soul ; and I seemed to worship 
with them both before Ihe throne. As I rose from my 
knees, I had an application of these words, as from his 
own dear mouth : — 

" The days that in heaven they spend, 
For ever and ever shall last." 

\ what did I feel ! My eyes overflowed with tears, and 
my heart with praise ! 

"November 15. — Last Sunday (the 12th) was to me a 
heavy day. That was the day my dear husband gave 
himself to me, and that I gave myself to him, or rather the 
Lord gave us to each other. But I was enabled to go 



THE LIFE OF MRS. I LETCHER. 



219 



through the duty which the Lord called me to that day, 
with calmness and resignation. 

This day I had, at my ten o'clock hour, much freedom 
in pouring out my heart to the Lord. I prayed that I 
might have an increase of faith. I then opened an old 
book, which helped me to make some reflections very suit- 
able to the present posture of my mind. I had been con- 
sidering whether I might expect as fully to glorify my 
Saviour as one who had been less guilty and sinful. For 
tw<^ days that question had been uppermost in my heart, 
and the following words much in my mouth 

If so poor a worm as I 

May to thy great glory live !" 

But to-day I was led into the following considerations : 
The Lord Jesus hath said, TJiey to whom much is forgiven, 
hove much, but they to whom (comparatively) little is for- 
given, love little ; and this is corroborated by three para- 
bles, The lost sheep, the piece of money, and the prodigal 
son. But why is it so ? Can 1 find sufficient ground for 
my faith to set its foot upon ? The following thoughts 
occurred to my mind -.—First, We generally love best 
what has cost us most. My Saviour has drunk a more 
bitter draught for me than for many ;* therefore he hath 
paid a higher price for me. All the pain, shame, and evil 
consequences of sin " he hath borne in his own body ; he 
hath borne my grief, and carried my sorrows." Weil, 
then I have more to love him for than any other. 

Secondly, The author observes, « It is certain we may 
believe that God will give them the first place in his es- 
teem who have glorified him most in this world." But 
who are they ? Doubtless those who believe most — who 
come nearest to the faith of Abraham ; for to believe in 
God's faithfulness to his promises, and in his power to 
perform them, is to give him glory. Rom. iv, 20, 21, " He 
staggered not at the promise through unbelief, but was 
strong in faith, giving glory to God ; and being fully per- 
suaded that what he had promised, he was able also to 
perform." From hence it follows, that to believe the 
truth and faithfulness of God in his promises, and in his 

* Here is a fine illustration of those words of the apostle, " In 
lowliness of mind, let each esteem the other better than himself." 
Can we keep the unity of the Spirit without this 1 — Ed. 



220 



THE LIFE OF MRS. 



power to perform, (even in those cases where the per- 
formance is most difficult and rare,) is a greater glorify- 
ing of God, and shows a higher degree of faith, than to 
believe in ordinary cases only, wherein the belief is not 
so generous and noble, or so remote from the common 
principles of reason. The high commendation of Abra- 
ham's faith, by which he is said to give glory to God, (i. e., 
in a very signal and transcendent manner,) is expressed 
in these words, who against hope believed in hope. His 
faith breaking through the strong oppositions which the 
dictates of reason and nature made against it, was highly 
pleasing to God, and cast an abundance of glory upon him 
in that respect. Hence he pronounced him the father of 
the faithful, and made him the father of many nations ; that 
is, he conferred and settled this great dignity upon Abra- 
ham, to be for ever after reputed and acknowledged the 
great exemplar, or pattern of all, who to the end of the 
world should believe ; and who, for their number, should 
equalize many nations. Therefore, that believing in God 
which accords most with this faith of Abraham, hath most 
of the spirit and power of that grace. That which lifteth 
tip itself in the soul against the strongest assaults or en- 
counters, must needs glorify God more than that which 
hath only the common impediments and obstructions to 
overcome. Now it is plain that he who hath been an in- 
veterate and obdurate sinner, and the most deeply ungrate- 
ful ; and who hath on his conscience a heavier burden of 
guilt than any other ; — when he believes, I say, he hath 
much communion with Abraham in the excellence of his 
faith, and believeth against many fierce lions and bears in 
his way t against the strongest and most violent tempta- 
tions to diffidence and despair. Whereas, he who hath no 
such mountains in the way for his faith to leap over ; he 
who hath no such armed fears, no such imperious contra- 
dictions of sin to encounter ; his faith, though it hold good 
correspondence with the faith of Abraham, in the nature 
and truth of it, yet it is far beneath it in that crowning 
property whereby it gave glory to God so abundantly.* 

* " The weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den." 
To a mind less devoted than Mrs. Fletcher's, these speculations 
might be dangerous. They might lead to Antinomianism, which, 
as Mr. Wesley observes, (in the Minutes of one of the first confer- 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



221 



December 12. — In prayer this morning I was led to see 
the beauty of faith in reposing the whole soul on God. 
Surely, O Lord, thou requires! nothing of me but to be- 
lieve on thee for all I want I I rind the strongest dart of 
Satan is against my faith. He tells me. all day long, that 
x believe because I will believe, and not by the immediate 
gift of God — not by the operation of his Spirit. It seems 
that is the only hold Satan has on my soul. But was not 
my first word (when seven years old) an invitation to 
believe ? 

u Who on Jesms relies, wi.th.out money or price, 
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys." 

The same is often applied to me now : and does not the 
whole Scripture lead to, and require, believing? Were 
not the Jews rejected for unbelief I Was it not esteemed 
hardness of heart in Israel because they would not believe 
the bare promise of God. and so enter into the good land % 
I feel a continual power to trust my all to Jesus, and the 
more I trust, the more it unites me to God. Then I do, 
1 will trust him, though legions of temptations appear to 
hinder ! What mercy ! I have no temptation to sin ! — 
no ; my soul hates all that God hates ! But every stroke 
is against my faith, as if I believed too much. I prayed 
the Lord to direct me to some book on the subject, and 
found, as soon as I rose from my knees, one which I never 
saw before, among my dear husband's collection. I opened 
it on this subject — Christ the example of our faith." 
The writer observes on these words, " He is near that jus- 
tifies me : who shall contend with me l M that Christ is 
brought in, as if uttering them before the high priest's 
tribunal, when they spit upon and buffeted him. When 
he was also condemned by Pilate, then he exercised faith 
in God his Father : " He is near that justifies me ;" and 
as in his condemnation he stood in our stead, so in this 
hope of his justification, he speaks in our stead also, and 
as representing us in both. And upon this the apostle 
pronounces in like words, concerning all believers, Rom. 

ences,) conies, in doctrine, within a hair's breadth of the highest 
truths of the Gospel. Mrs. Fletcher, however, was preserved from 
this danger, anc 1 always found Divine aid in the exercise of faith. 
Br it she overcame,— Ed, 



222 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



viii, " It is God that justifieth ; who is he that condemn- 
eth?" Christ was condemned; yea, hath died — who, 
therefore, shall condemn ? We have this communion with 
Christ in his death and condemnation ; yea, in his very 
faith. If he trusted in God, so may we ; and we shall as 
certainty be delivered. Observe, Christ also. lived by faith. 
We are said, John i, 16, to " receive of his fulness, and 
grace for grace>" that is, grace answerable and like unto 
his, and so among others, faith. 

" To explain this — First, In some sense Christ had a 
faith for justification like to. ours, though not a justifica- 
tion through faith> as we have. He went not out of him- 
self to rely on another for righteousness, for his own was 
perfect : He was 6 the Lord our righteousness.' Yet he 
believed on God to justify him, and had recourse to God 
for justification. He is near (says he) that justifies m& 
If he had stood upon his own person merely, and upon his 
Divinity, there would have been no occasion for such a 
speech ; but as he stood in our behalf there was ; for what 
need of justification, if he had not been, in some way, ex- 
posed to condemnation ? He must therefore be supposed 
to stand here at God's tribunal, as well as at Pilate's, with 
all our sins upon hinu And so Isaiah tells us in chapter 
Uii, * God laid on him the iniquities of us all. He was 
made sin and a curse, 5 * and stood not in danger of Pilate's 
condemnation only, but of God's too, unless he satisfied 
him for all those sins. x\nd when the wrath of God for 
sin came thus upon him, his faith was put to it to trust and i 
wait on God for justification, that lie might take off those 
sins and his wrath from him, and acknowledge himself 
satisfied, and the surety acquitted. Therefore, in Psalm 
xxii, he is brought in as putting forth such a faith as we 
here speak of, crying out, 3Iy God / my God ! when, as to- 
sense, Sis God had forsaken him. Yea, at the sixth verse, 
we find him laying himself at God's feet, lower than ever 
any man did ! I am a worm, and no man. a worm which 
all tread on, and no one thinks it wrong to kill ; — and all 
this because he bore our sins ! 

" Now his deliverance and justification from all these, 
(to be given him at his resurrection,) was the matter, the 
business he trusted God for : even that he should rise 
again, and thus appear acquitted from them all.. Se^ 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



228 



condlv, Neither did he exercise faith for himself only, 
but for us also ; and that more than we are put to it to 
exercise for ourselves : for he. in emptying himself, and 
dying, trusted God with the merit of all his sufferings be- 
forehand ; there being such a countless multitude of souls 
to be saved thereby to the end of the world. God trusted 
Christ before he came into the world, and saved millions 
of souls upon his voluntary offering and engagement, and 
then Christ at his death trusted God again as much.* In 
Hebrews ii, 12, 13, 14, it is made an argument, that Christ 
became a man like us, because he was put to live by faith, 
and the apostle brings in these words as prophesied of 
him, ' I will put my trust in him,' as a proof of his being 
so constituted. Now how should the consideration of 
these things help us to believe, since, in this example of 
Christ, we have the highest instance of believing that 
ever was. Hast thou the guilt of innumerable sins upon 
thee I Consider what Christ had, though not his own. 
Luther boldly says, < Christ was the greatest sinner that 
jwer was' — that is, by imputation. And yet he trusted 
God to justify him from all, and to raise him up from 
under the wrath due to them. Dost thou say, Christ was 
God, and knew he could satisfy ; but I am a sinful man ! 
Well, but if thou art one who castest thyself on Christ, 
and believest on him, thou art made one with Christ, and 
Christ speaking these words, He is near that justifi-eth, 
spake them in thy name as well as his own, for he stood 
in thy stead. It was only thy sins, and those of others, 
which exposed him to condemnation ! and thou seest what 
his confidence was beforehand, that God would justify 
him. And if he had left any of them unsatisfied for, he 
had not been justified. But by his being justified from 
all sin, shall all sinners be justified who believe in him? 
Certainly for this very reason our sins shall not hinder 

* 11 Great is the mystery of godliness, " especially in every thing 
respecting the holy Trinity. Eternity will be employed in deve- 
loping the divinity and giory of our redemption. That the Father 
should become the God of the Son. by the incarnation ! and that 
*'• God manifest in the flesh/' should believe, obey, and suffer; and 
• ; through the eternal Spirit" thus '''offer himself a sacrifice to 
God." in the truth of the nature which he had assumed — what a 
depth i> here ! Angels desire to look into it." The whole universe 
is interested in it, and will be afiecled by it for ever. — Ed. 



224 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



our coming to God. He then brings in those words, John 
xvii, 6 For their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also 
may be sanctified through the truth.' Showing how we 
possess all spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus." 

I found a sweet and clear light shine on the above, and 
many other passages of the book ; and praised God for 
the answer of prayer. In short, I felt we have all in 
Christ, and that they feel it most who believe most ! 

December 2.8.. — My soul seems entirely fixed on the 
glory of God ! For some days that thought has been con. 
tinualiy in my mind, O that I could really know that he 
did glorify himself in me !* If I was sure that all I feel 
is according to his will, then whatever sorrow or conflicts 
I endure, I should have a continual heaven. I entreated 
the Lord to show me what it was to glorify him ; and in 
what manner the soul could bring him most glory. 

In a few days my prayer was in part answered. He 
showed me, if a lamp were set in the middle of a table, 
and several crystals around it, some more, some less clear, 
that the clearest crystal would best reflect the brightness 
of the lamp. As to my question, Which were the souls 
that brought most glory to God ? I was taught that I 
must judge nothing before the time, for no true judgment 
could be formed till that day " when he should come to 
be glorified in his saints and admired in all them that 
believe ! 55> Then those who had been most emptied of self, 
most deeply humbled, and most fully prepared to receive 
and reflect the image of Christ, should eternally bear the 
highest resemblance to their Lord. I saw all good, all 
glory was in him, and nothing could bring honour to God, 
but our becoming nothing, that he might be all in all ! I 
say I saw it, but I mean in a far deeper sense than ever 
I did before ! O how short are words ! I used to feel a 
pain in writing a diary because my words seemed to con- 
vey more than I meant ; but now for some time I have 
felt just the contrary. I feel more than I can express. 

January 2, 1787. — My mind has been yesterday and 
to-day much affected with the thought of beginning a 
new year. This day five years I left Cross Hall in com. 

* The " unction of the Holy One," giving a consciousness of 
our conformity to the Son of God, and to his word, can alone pe- 
stow or continue this high privilege ^Ed^. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



225 



pany with my dearest husband. O, what have I seen in 
five years ! And what may I see before the end of the 
two next ? Those words have been much with me for some 
days, " Stand stili and see the salvation of the Lord." 

that I may learn to do it in the most perfect manner ! 

I am amazed at the goodness of the Lord in many 
things. I see him opening all my way before me day by 
day. He cuts out my work, and shows me how to employ 
every hour. My heavy affliction, which I continually 
feel from the loss of my dearest love, I do find power 
to offer up each moment to the Lord ! Yea, I praise him 
in the midst of my sorrow that I have such a sacrifice to 
offer. What hath my Saviour done and suffered for me ! 

1 shall not repent when I get to glory that I have suffered 
a little for him. Though of all I have felt, nothing ever 
came near this ! It has left the finest strings of nature 
bleeding ! But all is well. I feel my mind drawn to live 
on that word, Thy will he done. In that I rest, and will 
for ever rest. My soul, wait thou only upon God, for of 
him coineth my salvation. A deep watchful spirit is what 
I am praying and waiting for. I mean that continual 
cleaving to Jesus, which is implied in that word, — Thou 
wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on 
thee. 

January 9. — Thinking this morning of my temptation, 
that my feeling of God is not sensible, and consequently 
my joy but weak, the following thought came to my mind, 
Do I not believe the whole world lieth in the wicked one, 
and that he leadeth tliem captive at his will 1 But was I 
conscious of his presence or power in any manner that 
could be called sensible 1 I was not. Do I not believe 
this was my own state ? I do ; I know I abode in the 
wicked one, and was led captive at his will* But I know I 
was in him, by the way and disposition I walked in. I 
walked in the way to hell, adding sin to sin ; except when 
now and then a touch of God interfered. I walked in 
the disposition of loving and caring for life ; I took my 
own care on myself, and sought my own happiness out of 
God. But I called all this following my reason, and my 
understanding, so that all the work of the wicked one on 
the spirit was invisible, and hidden from me. Now the 
apostle says, " As ye have rendered your members ser- 

10* 



226 



THE LIFE OF >IRS. FLETCHER. 



vants to iniquity, so render them unto righteousness/* 
Thus the work of God on the spirit is invisible, and hid- 
den many times. But I have known the sensible deliver- 
ance, and the converting power ; and now also he leads 
me in a way and disposition just contrary to what I 
was — in the way to heaven, for I feel my treasure is there, 
though I seem to know only the marks of his feet. I feel 
my wishes dead to all of earth. I feel his will is my re- 
fuge ! and as to my disposition, I long for full conformity 
to him. I live in an act of offering up my whole self to 
God almost every moment with a blessed degree of peace- 
ful earnestness. And therefore I will rejoice in this. If 
I knew before that I was in the evil one, and led by his 
will, though I had only a hidden communion ; I know now 
I dwell in God, and am led by his will, though I have not 
what some call sensible joy.* But I seem to have gives 
my hand to God, as a child to its mother, and he leads 
me hour by hour. The above thought was much blessed 
to me. A sweet light shone on the work of grace in my 
soul, and I have since quietly leaned upon the bosom of 
my Saviour. 

January 10.— All day yesterday my faith seemed to 
grow stronger, and more nakedly to hang on Jesus. Now 
and then also sweet glimpses of the glorious power of faith 
opened before me. I said, Lord, give me- a word to be as 
a sword in my hand ! Immediately it came into my mind> 

"I shall o'ercome- through faith alone, 
And stand entire at last." 

April 30. — Having been called to take a journey, I 
often thought, while changing from place to place, and 
meeting with some things rather difficult, that I was as a 
ball which could never fall wrong. I left all to God, and 
every thing came right. Yet my loss and painful remem- 
brance of what the circumcising knife of death had done, 
seemed to be renewed by every scene. Herein I learned 
a lesson* Many had said a journey would help me ; 
variety of objects would tend to lessen my grief. But I 
did not find it so. My health was more poorly than at 

* How greatly was she perplexed on this point by the injudicious 
conversation of some of her friends, whom the Lord, for wise and; 
good reasons, led in a way more directly sensible Ep. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 227 

home, and sorrow seemed increased, and not lessened, by 
ail I met with. Nevertheless I saw the will of God, and 
can say, He gave me to acquiesce every moment ; and 
whatever my body might feel, my soul gained good, and 
my faith is much increased by a thousand instances of 
the love and care of my adorable Saviour manifested to 
me in that season. Deep humiliation attended me in all 
my exercises, public or private ; and I know the journey 
was of the Lord. 

May 3. — Since my return home, I have felt my soul 
sink deeper into God. Some time ago I was awaked with 
these words, — 

M Give to the winds thy fears, 
Hope, and be undismay'd ; 
God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears> 
God shall lift up thy head." 

Two days ago I was stirred up with reading those 
words in Dr. Doddridge's Life, " There must be an 
enlargement of soul before any remarkable success on 
others, and a great diligence in prayer and strict watch- 
fulness over my own soul previous to any remarkable and 
habitual enlargement in my ministry ; and deep humilia- 
tion must precede both." 1 cried for power to redouble 
prayer. I was afterward much tempted, but in prayer I 
saw how perfect a sacrifice Christ had paid to the Father 
for all my sins ! I at this moment exult in the thought, 

" Fully absolved through this I am, 
From fear and sin, from guilt and shame." 

August 16. — All this last fortnight has been a time of 
great trial to me ; I think as deep as in the last year. 
Every hour presented some part of the awful scene. A 
few days before the anniversary of my dear love's death, 
I waked one morning out of a dream, in some measure 
spiritual, but could recollect little of it. I was thinking, 
will the Lord indulge me on that day with such a com- 
munion with my dear love as he did on the last fourteenth 
of August 1 These words w T ere then applied to my mind, 

" Be in all alike resign'd, 
Jesus' was a patient mind. 5 ' 

From which I thought I would not look for it ; I saw 



228 



THE LIFE <?F MRS. FLETCHET?. 



the leading of the Spirit at this time was quiet resigna- 
tion. In that posture, therefore, I have held my soul be- 
fore him : and on that day I did not find any such com- 
munion as on the former anniversary. 

December 8. — Sally being ill with a bad cough, which 
that morning seemed worse, her head also much affected, 
and some fever, I asked of the Lord, in submission, her 
restoration. She scarcely coughed afterward ! Her head 
was no more affected, and she found herself, from that 
time, quite well ! This particular answer ta prayer raised 
much thankfulness in my heart. O, Lord Jesus ! I ask, in 
thy name, to be made the temple of God through the Spi- 
rit ! O Lord, in Jesus' name I ask, do all thy will ! 

December 10.— For two days various texts have dwelt 
on my mind relating to suffering ; and, yesterday, an 
observation which Mr. Home made in his sermon was 
blessed to me, viz., that those virtues were most valu- 
able that most prepared us for suffering, because by that 
we were most conformable to our suffering Head. I know 
not the cause, but my spirit has all day been much de- 
pressed. I am very poorly in body ; and the sense of my 
separation from my precious love seems to enter as iron 
into my soul. But, blessed be the Lord, it does not pre- 
vent me from following the order of my God. 

December 17. — These words were given me, with some 
power, " With the Lord is plenteous redemption, and he 
shall 3a ve Israel from all his sins." I have found some 
answers to prayer this week, and my soul is thirsting and 
waiting for the fulfilment of this promise. Lord, show me 
how I may be most perfectly pleasing unto thee ! Desire* 
increases in my soul ; yet there is a want unsupplied. I 
long to know how to get into a full and close communion. 

It seems to- me since prayer this afternoon, that there 
is but this one way, a looking continually unto Jesus, as 
the Israelites to the brazen serpent. 

January 10, 1788. — And do I see the beginning of 
another year t I can still set to my seal, the Lord hears 
and answers prayer. O that this year may all be devoted 
to thee, my adorable Head. 

January 17. — I was blessed last night in what Mr. Home 
said of his former experience, that " he took those words, 
Pray without ceasing, in a literal sense, and strove every 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



229 



moment to be in the real act of prayer. Soon after he 
was brought into so spiritual a frame that wherever he 
went he carried such a sense of the awful presence of 
God as cannot be expressed." O my Saviour, I want 
more of this ! My soul has been kept this day going out 
after God ; but I want a fulness which I cannot think 
but it is the will of God to give. These words are much 
on my mind, Let patience have its perfect work. And y 
After ye have suffered awhile, he will strengthen, stablish, 
settle you. I have strangely seen the hand of God in all 
things ! Every thing tells me the hairs of my head are 
numbered. Yet I cannot rest till I can more fully glorify 
my God. Lord, increase my faith ! 

January 29. — My way is the way of heaviness. There 
is a weight of sorrow lies on my spirit ; I cannot account 
for it. Others have much joy ; I have but little. My 
dear husband used to express the same thing ; but O ! I 
did not then understand him. Had I but now the advan- 
tage of his dear company, how different a use could I 
make of it ! Then I had him to flee to in every trouble, 
and " cares by dividing were hushed into peace." Now 
I remember he used to say, " What others were satisfied 
with, he was not." And really so it is ; for I am sure I 
have more of God than I had then. And yet I was then 
quite satisfied very often ; and had I kept the presence 
of God, as I do now, I should have called it walking in 
constant peace. But O ! I want a clear passage into the 
heart of my Beloved ! I think I can truly say, " I wrestle 
not with flesh and blood," I feel no temptation to any sin, 
but I am fiercely attacked with weights of sorrow, and 
thoughts that, like barbed arrows, tear my heart. 

This day I have covenanted afresh with the Lord, to 
try what a total abandonment will do. From this day, 
(four o'clock in the afternoon, January 29,) I abandon 
myself without reserve, delivering up myself into the 
hands of God, to the end that he may execute on me his 
whole will, whether in the way of justice or mercy. I 
will embrace all sufferings of every kind ; though I should 
see that they are the consequences of my former sins, or 
present follies. Yea, I am thine, my Jesus, save me ! If 
thou wilt not save me, I am lost for ever ! But I will 
singly trust in Jesus ! I will turn to no other for help. I 



230 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



have loner tried what creatures could do, but all in vain. 
]\ow I will renounce all reasonings — all reflections on 
my state ; and only fix the eye of my soul on Jesus, 
always content with what thou givest me, Lord, though 
it should only be a bare remembrance of thy presence, 
and an alabrity to meet thy will : and this thou dost give. 
The strongest desire of my soul is, that thy will may be 
done in me. 

I was blessed to-day by an observation in a spiritual 
writer, " Not to come out of abandonment, in the extreme 
pains through which we pass, is something ; but the not 
coming out of repose in this abandonment, whatever trials 
we may pass through in all the rough paths where we 
may tread — this it is which is very precious in the sight 
of God. ,? * Again she observes, " Like as he who is in a 
ship moves not himself, but leaves himself to be moved 
by the motion of the ship in which he is ; so the heart 
which is embarked in the Divine good pleasure ought 
not to have any will of its own, but leave itself to be car- 
ried by the will of God." 

February 12. — This morning, in my hour of prayer, I 
had some sweet glimpses of the all -sufficiency of Christ. 
He bore the whole weight of my sins before I had com- 
mitted one ; yea, before I was in being he made a full, 
perfect, and sufficient sacrifice, oblation, and satisfaction, 
" for the sins of the whole world." Again, I had a feeU 
ing sense of these words, " He is made of God unto us 
wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and re- 
demption." I was led much to cry for a strong and 
powerful faith, and for deep humility. I find, on reflect 
tion, I love to be abased, yea, I embrace contempt as with 
open arms ; but I do not properly aequiesce when the 

* This high attainment in the Divine life may not be easily 
understood, as expressed by this " spiritual writer." The inspired 
writers express it with the utmost plainness and simplicity. It is 
indeed the being saved from all self-will, and in consequence, the 
resting every moment in the will of God. It is thus only we can 
" rejoice evermore, and in every thing give thanks." The faith 
by which we are thus saved can only be sustained by " praying 
without ceasing;" as Kempis finely expresses it,. "To thee is my 
heart without a voice, and my silence speaketh unto thee !" Such 
is the victory given by Christ's dwelling in the heart by faith/' 
Ephesians iii, 17. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



231 



trial presents itself. I rather start back,* and only em- 
brace it in the second thought. Therefore, I am not so 
sunk into Christ as to be fully a new creature. Lord, 
grant me this, and I shall have an incontestable evidence 
of what thou hast done ! 

February 23, Thursday. — On Tuesday night, as one 
was saying, M I do not desire to look on myself at all, I 
only want to look at Jesus Christ, for when I look on my- 
self I reason I felt it come with power to my heart, and 
ever since I have felt a farther lift in faith. 

April 3. — Last Friday, Mr. Wesley came. It was a 
time of hurry, but also of profit above any time I ever 
had with him before. I could not but discern a great 
change. His soul seems far more sunk into God, and 
such an unction attends his word, that each sermon was 
indeed spirit and life. In preaching on the Trinity, he 
observed it was our duty to believe according to the word 
of God ; but we were not called to comprehend : that was 
impossible. Bring me, said he, a worm that can compre- 
hend a man, and I will show you a man that can compre- 
hend God. He observed, that if three candles were burn- 
ing in a room, the light was but one.f 

Many answers to prayer I found during the season they 
were here, and though my body is now too weak for any 
hurry, yet all was ordered well, and we were carried 
through with tolerable ease, and every opportunity was 
blessed to my soul. 

Yesterday I heard, that dear Mr. Charles Wesley died 
on Saturday last ! O, how often have we, in years that 
are past, taken sweet counsel together ! It has left a deep 
solemnity on my spirit. 

April 11. — Last night I felt a peculiar liberty in prayer, 
in begging for mercy in behalf of my friends in Switzer- 
land. It seems to me it will be answered through my 
nephew. He grows in grace, and at some seasons ap- 

* We ou^ht to feel a repugnance, yea, <! an abhorrence to that 
which is evil. ;; But this should be attended with resignation to 
the Lord. In this abhorrence, and in this resignation. " the mind 
of Christ.'' principally consists, and they were constantly manifest 
io the whole of his blessed life and conduct.— Ed. 

t O that men were satisfied thus to believe , and wait upon the 
kisk and lofty One, that they misfht comprehend, in its glorious 
irfccts. the doctrine of the sacred Three.— Ed.. 



232 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEE. 

pears to enjoy very deep communion with God. 0. how 
shall I praise the Lord for his great goodness and abun- 
dant faithfulness to his poor creature ! 

May 2. — I often wish I had more time to attend to my 
diary : such wonderful answers to prayer are given to me 
as ought to be recorded. 

;; Why should the wonders he hath wrought 
Be lost in darkness and forgot." 

May 15. Monday,. — It is amazing how the Lord answers 
prayer. I nave written letters. (I may say in faith.) about 
this preaching house, and have met with success beyond 
all expectation. If we can but get the ground, all will be 
well. I do think the whole hundred will be made up be- 
fore we strike one stroke. On Saturday evening, con- 
sidering these words, Nothing shall be impossible to 
you.'' I acted faith on the Lord for spiritual blessings, — 
for that fulness I long for, I prayed that I might have 
the next dav a better Sabbath than common, and so it 
was. In the morning meeting. I round a farther decree 
of resignation, and entire confidence in Jesus : and in 
that spirit I passed the day. during which I had to en- 
counter such a variety of incumbrances and trials as 
were quite uncommon. This encouraged me much. Both 
Mr. Home's sermons were blessed to me. and the noon 
meeting was attended with an extraordinary power. 1 
find it best to carry every thing to Jesus, and draw all 
from him. determined to believe that he who hath under- 
taken my cause will not leave his work imperfect. 

June 11, — For some days I have had a clearer sight of 
the perfect Saviour than ever in my life be tore ! I was 
much blessed in considering the type of the brazen ser- 
pent. The folk wing observations, as I read them in a 
book which fell into my hands, made a deep impression on 
my mind. First. It may seem strange that a serpent 
should be an emblem of the amiable and dovelike Re- 
deemer : but Moses' serpent was void of poison, and had 
no sting, but was only in the form of a serpent. So • God 
sent his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh.'" but an 
utter stranger to the venom of sin. Again, it was a 
thod of cure solely constituted and appointed of God. Who 
could have thought that looking at a dead serpent, and of 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



233 



brass, could have cured the bite of a living one ! Espe- 
cially if it be true, what some affirm, that the sight of 
burnished brass is naturally pernicious to those who are 
bitten of serpents ; and that to look on the shape of any 
venomous creature increases the torment of the unhappy 
sufferers who are bitten by them. So the method of our 
recovery by the cross of Christ is a device which claims 
God himself for its Divine author : and thus the whole 
method of Gospel salvation is, 4 to them who perish, fool- 
ishness ; but to those who believe, it is the wisdom of God, 
and the power of God.' Secondly, It was a method of 
cure that never failed ; being no less sure than strange. 
Not an Israelite died, as Moses assures us, who looked at 
the brazen serpent : and who were ever confounded that 
trusted in Christ ? Thirdly, It was a method of cure easily 
put in practice by an Israelite. If he received his wound 
in a remote part of the camp, and was too ill to draw near, 
yet if he turned his eye and looked at the serpent lifted 
up for him, it was enough ; he was healed ! Fourthly, It 
was a remedy that might be repeated as often as there 
was occasion for it. So 4 Christ is the propitiation for 
our sins,' to whom we may warrantably have recourse as 
often as we are wounded, and in every time of need. 
Fifthly, It was a remedy that proved effectual, though the 
sight of the wounded person was ever so weak. So weak 
faith is saving in its degree, as well as strong, because the 
object is the same." I had such a clear view how all our 
wants were supplied by Jesus as I cannot express. Yes, 
he has atoned for all our sins ; he has " reconciled us to 
God while we were yet enemies !" But we must look to, 
and trust in him alone ; and we may look every moment. 
The following day, Sunday, as also Monday and Tuesday, 
I had much outward exercise, but was carried through all 
as in the arms of the Almighty. 

July 16. — I was this day led to consider the advantage 
of living longer, if the Lord should not take me at the 
time sister Ryan's dream seemed to point out, viz., the 
beginning of next year. This subject I set myself to con- 
sider, lest any murmuring thought should present itself in 
the disappointment. First, If I should live, it must be the 
will of God, and is not his will dear to me 1 It is true, I 
may have mueh more to suffer, but is not that suffering 



234 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



the will of God? Perhaps I can serve God's children, 
both their souls and bodies ; and did not my Lord absent 
himself from the joys of heaven to become a man of sor- 
rows for me ? Nor is it to be despised if I can thus help 
my Lord's people by my income. Mr. Baxter says, " Do 
good to men's bodies, if you would do good to their souls. 
Say not, things corporeal are worthless trifles, for which 
the receivers will be never the better. They are things 
which nature is easily sensible of ; and sense is the pas- 
sage to the mind and will. Dost thou not find what a 
help it is to thyself to have at any time ease, or alacrity 
of body ; and what a burden and hinderance pains and 
cares are ? Labour then to free others from such burdens 
and temptations, and be not regardless of them." Indeed, 
I see it a great honour if I am permitted to sweep the dust 
from under the feet of the saints. Again. I believe there 
is a mansion appointed for each, a state and employment 
for which we are to be fitted. It does not appear I am 
fitted for the lowest mansion there ; but then I know my 
Tesus can do the work of a thousand years in one day, 
md I know I may, as my righteousness, claim the Lord 
my Saviour. 

August 5. — Last night I had a powerful sense, in my 
sleep, of the presence of my dear husband. I felt such 
sweet communion with his spirit as gave me much peace- 
ful feeling. I had for some days thought that I was called 
to resist, more than I did, that strong and lively remem- 
brance of various scenes, both of his last sickness and 
many other circumstances, which frequently occurred 
with much pain. This thought being present to my mind, 
I looked on him. He said, with a most sweet smile, " It 
is better to forget." What, said I, my dear love, to for- 
get one another 1 He replied, with an inexpressible sweet- 
ness, " It is better to forget ; it will not be long ; we shall 
not be parted long ; we shall soon meet again." He then 
signified, though not in words, that all weights should be 
laid aside. His presence continued till I awoke. 

August 15.— -Last night was the anniversary of my 
dear husband's death. Three years I have now passed in 
solemn, awful widowhood ; but, glory be to my God ! I 
have found it three years of prayer. Never did I know 
three years of such suffering, and never did I know thrcQ 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



235 



years of such prayer. Sometimes I have sweet glimpses 
of the millennial state brought into my soul. At others 
my way seems thorny, and as if I walked wholly by faith, 
like my dream of the little star.* Yet I am conscious of 
a great change : but I want a more abundant evidence 
that not only many, but " all things are become new." It 
seemed as if my dear husband remembered the season, for 
I had a most particular dream. I thought the side of his 
tomb was opened, (I mean the wall on which the iron 
plate lies,) and I saw him lying under it, while I lay at 
his side. We remained so a considerable time, and I felt 
that sweet, tranquil composure that I always do when he 
seems sensibly present. He then said, with a sweetness 
which I cannot describe, " Put thy arm over me and feel 
what companions I have ; they must be thy companions 
too." I put my arms, and felt bones and broken coffins,, 
at which nature seemed to shrink, but I did not speak* 
He tenderly answered to my thought, " Thou wilt lay thy 
head upon me." I felt some regret at the thought of his 
being there. He again answered to my thought, " I en- 
tered this habitation with great comfort and satisfaction." 
Then I thought two gentlemen came up, and stood by the 
tomb, and said one to the other, " It is a pity Mr. Fletcher 
was laid here ; it would have been better to have carried 
him to Mr. Ireland^ vault." My dear love looked on them 
and answered, " There was no need of that. We count it 
our privilege to be laid together, and we ought to count it 
our privilege both to rise from one spot." 

August 28-. — -All this week my soul has been drawn out 
after that promise, " He shall baptize you with the Holy 
Ghost, and with fire." Indeed it is a narrow wan, I seem 
fighting with principalities and powers ; but, blessed be 
God, I do not seem ever to be fighting with sin. Yet I 
am not at rest :• I am not entered into perfect rest. I can 
say, " I wrestle not now, but trample on sin ;" but I want 
what I have not, and which I firmly believe I shall have. 
Yet when I think death is near, I seem almost impatient 
for that fulness, that I may begin to live to my God in the 
full sense. 

January 1, 1783.— I feel my soul affected much at the 



* See- page 90, 



236 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



thought of seeing the beginning of another year. Perhaps 
this will be the last with me. May I live each moment 
as if I were sure it would be so ! Lord, be with us in re- 
newing our covenant this night ! I have for some time 
been praying for an enlightened understanding in Divine 
things ; and light has reflected more clearly on the won- 
derful work of redemption. These words are sweet to me, 
" In the Lord I have righteousness and strength !" Tho 
account I have received of my clear Mrs. Caley's death is 
precious. She was not in high rapture, but in profound 
tranquillity and peace. Such has been her life, and such 
her death. Lord, let me follow her as she has followed 
thee !* Nurse Peters has also reached the goal. Glory 
be to thee, my dear Lord, that I had the honour of send- 
ing her that one guinea, and to have her last message — 
that "it helped her to praise thee more abundantly." O 
how many dear friends have I on the other side the river ! 
And I too am on the wing, only I w r ait a little till the Lord 
renew my spiritual strength — 

" Till of my Eden repossess'd, 
From self and sin I cease. J> 

January 7. — I have been reading over some of my old 
diary, and found it much blessed to me. It brought to my 
mind many past scenes, which increased faith and thank- 
fulness ; also, it cast a clearer light on my present state. 

* Mrs. Caley, well known in that day in London, was a woman 
of the most devoted spirit, and of the most elegant and polished 
manners. She drank deeply of the cup of affliction, but rejoiced 
evermore in the will of Him who gave it to her. Mr. Wesley 
preached her fimeral sermon, in London, from Philippians iv. 8, 
" Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things 
are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, 
whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good re- 
port; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on 
these things." He declared that he never knew one who thought 
more upon this Divine assemblage of graces, or with more success. 
Speaking of her loving- and unwearied efforts to win souls for God, 
he quoted that line of Prior, 

u Manna was on her tongue, and witchcraft in her eyes." 

Nurse Peters was also well known in London. She was a plain, 
good woman of admirable sense, and deep experience in religion. 
Ir is with great pleasure that I embrace this opportunity of em- 
balming the memory of those excellent women, by uniting them to 
that of their admirable friend.— E> 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



237 



Comparing my present state with that I felt at Hoxton, [ 
can truly say, now I not only feel all the purity, all the 
spiritual mindedness, and all the resignation I did then, 
but in many things I prefer my present dispensation to 
that. Yet my soul is not satisfied, for I see a far greater 
salvation before me. In short, it is not the gift, but the 
full possession of the Giver, my spirit longs for. 

March 6. — Last Sunday, as I went to the Lord's table, 
I renewed my covenant, determining to consider Jesus 
more immediately as the husband to whom I am joined in 
every sense of the word ; — as he who hath undertaken all 
for me. Since that time I have more particularly found 
my soul abiding in his presence, and he every moment 
carrying on the work of purification. The great promise 
of my life, on which he hath made me to hope, is that 
given me when eighteen, " Thou shalt walk with me in 
white," and repeated in these words, " Thou shalt walk 
with me in white ; I will make thee worthy." The pos- 
ture of my soul is that of a poor beggar before the Lord, 
holding before him that petition, " Lord, accomplish to me 
the word on which thou hast made me to hope !" 

Wednesday, March 24. — Yesterday dear Mr. Wesley 
left us in apparent good health. What a miracle is he ! 
Eighty-six years old, and thus supported ! He is going 
directly to Ireland, and thinks to visit every society there 
this summer. The Lord preserve him, and accomplish all 
his will upon him ! As he was speaking on Monday, on 
these words, " God has not given to us the spirit of fear, 
but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind," what an 
unction attended the word ! O may we never, never rest 
till fully restored to that perfect soundness he described ! 

April 11. — This Lent I have found a deep sense of the 
sufferings of my Lord. Yesterday, being Good Friday, 
we had a solemn meeting at night, but I did not find quite 
as much life in speaking as at some times. The men 
(many of them with families) who are come to work at 
the navigation lay much on my mind. We ought to do 
something for their souls. Lord, open the way ! O let 
them not go without some light at least. 

April 27. — My soul is all upon a stretch for God. Last 
night and this morning, as I was repeating in prayer, Thy 
will be done f my words were lost. I felt the desire of 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER-, 

his adorable will being done so strongly, that I was forced 
for some time only to groan. I am continually led to 
offer up my free will to God. I long to be as mere clay 
before him. I plead that word on which he hath made 
me to hope, " Thou shalt walk with me in white ; I will 
make thee worthy." Yet my faith hath a strange draw- 
back ; something would suggest that it only meant in 
eternity, and that I should never glorify him here as I 
longed to do. Were I to die immediately, this would not 
be so great a trial ; but my health is now much better. 
I thought 1 saw the port, but I seem put back again ; and 
perhaps I may live some years. And must I always live 
at this poor rate ? My very heart and soul seem to groan 
for a closer communion with my God ! At some moments 
(I think every day) I feel as it were a sweet rest ; I seem 
centred in Jesus. But in a few minutes it draws in again, 
and then I seem to be always believing and longing, but 
yet without any immediate answer. It is true, faith does 
not fail ; it is in constant exercise, and often seems to 
hope against hope. But all this I would not mind. 
Though Naaman was made whole in seven dips, I would 
not mind if the Lord made me dip seventy times seven. 
But my grief lies here, I am condemned, often once or 
twice a day, for some word, or thought, or action — chiefly 
in words. Indeed the condemnation does not seem to be 
from the Lord, as if it would come between my soul and 
him. But I see I have spoken unadvisedly with my lips, 
and I cannot bear the horror of the view. There are 
some persons with whom I have much business to trans- 
act, who do not see alike, or cordially love one another. 
In some things both are right, in others both are wrong, 
I have this connection at present two ways, personally, 
and by correspondence, and I find it a hard thing to bear 
my testimony against that which is wrong, and to approve 
that which is right in both, and yet neither to write nor 
speak but exactly so far as truth and love require. O 
that I may from this day see, as in letters of blood, before 
my eyes continually those words of the apostle, " He that 
oftendeth not in tongue, the same is a perfect man, able 
also to bridle the whole body." Ah, Lord ! how far am I 
yet from this perfection. 

April 29. — I had some liberty in prayer three times to- 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



239 



day, the most in the three o'clock hour in the room. I 
was praying for a clear discovery of the grace or state I 
might ask for and expect. It came before me as a repre- 
sentation of Christ as the vine, and of my soul as being 
a branch ingrafted therein. Then I saw clearly that 
every believer was a branch in him, in part united ; but 
When the branch is perfectly united, it is absolutely a 
part of the vine. The sap runs freely through every 
part, it is completely of one nature with it. Then the 
mind is in ns which was also in Christ. We live no longer 
but Christ liveth in us, and are preserved from moment to 
moment by faith. Now if any knot or impediment were 
in any of the branches, it would hinder the free circula- 
tion of the pure sap through it, and that branch would 
wither, and in a degree be barren. Hence I saw sancti- 
fication in a clearer light than ever. It is to be perfectly 
ingrafted into the vine ; to have no impediment remain- 
ing to hinder the flow of the sap, and while the soul thug 
abides by faith, it brings forth much fruit, and experi- 
mentally knows the meaning of those words of St. John, 
" He that abideth in him sinneth not." 

April 30. — My soul hath been led to-day to look at the 
wondrous love of the Father ! " He spared not his own 
Son ; he so loved the world as to lay on him the iniquity 
of us all" — and " shall he not with him freely give us all 
things." 

June 4. — Satan is striving hard to draw my mind back, 
but I have found this day a liberty to commit my whole 
cause into the hands of God. I feel a strong encourage- 
ment from these words, Every one that asketh receiveth. I 
ask in Jesus' name to be made a holy soul ! O that all this 
day I may be kept, and directed by the Lord, and walk 
as in his immediate presence. O for that mind that was 
in thee ! 

June 28. — Various providences of late have more and 
more convinced me of the need of a farther change. I 
have it at times ; but something arises that seems selfish ; 
and again, like anger for a moment, which though never 
abiding, clearly convinces me I have not yet entered fully 
into rest. I long to be all devoted to my Lord, and to 
bring glory to him by every power. 

July 6. — At the class, as I was saying, it was not any 



240 



THE LIFE OF M&3. FXETCIIfilt. 



peculiar or sudden comforts that so tended to the soul's 
sanctirication, as a constant abandonment and resignation 
of the whole soul, with every concern, iuto the hand of 
Jesus ; I felt in a moment such an insight into the love, 
faithfulness, and wisdom of Christ, as I cannot describe* 
O the security I saw in abandoning my soul to him ! It 
was for a minute glorious indeed. I kept looking, but it 
drew back, as if a curtain was for a moment drawn up, 
discovering some glorious scene, and then gradually let 
down again. But it has left an increase of confidence* 
O could I always feel what I felt just then, it seems to 
me it would be a real heaven, and banish all sensibility of 
fear and suffering. It was what I never felt before in 
that degree. 

July 15. — I had some liberty in prayer this morning, 
as also at the ten o'clock hour. I found a blessing also 
in reading Mr. WhitefieldV account of the dealings of 
God with his soul, written on board the ship in his way 
to Philadelphia. He prayed for the humility of Jesus ; 
and observes, " From my first awakening to the Divine 
life, I felt a particular hungering and thirsting after the 
humility of Jesus Christ. Night and day I prayed to be 
a partaker of that grace, imagining that the habit of 
humility would be instantaneously infused into my soul. 
But as Gideon taught the men of Succoth with thorns, 
so God taught me humility by the exercise of strong 
temptation." I was thus led to consider the point ; 
and though I clearly discerned the same workings of 
Providence over myself, how often have I been led to pray 
more for humility than for any other grace, because by 
nature it is the virtue I am most contrary to ; but in my 
deep affliction I now discern this was the Lord's way. 
There have been many seasons in which, through pride, 
imprudence, and sin of various kinds, I have brought great 
humiliations on myself ; and even where they are caused 
by our own sin, if they are borne with subjection of 
spirit to the corrections of God, they work in the end for 
the salvation of the soul. But at the season I refer to, 
that of the death of my dear husband, although it really 
seemed I spoke and acted in an upright spirit, and am 
now conscious how tender my heart was with the fear of 
offending, yet I said and did many, very many, unwise 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



241 



things which tended to lessen me greatly in the eyes of 
others. how needful for me to lie still in the hand of 
God, making it my only business to accept of every thing 
as from the Lord's hand, hanging on that word by faith, 
Thou shalt walk with me in white ! I am convinced that 
the most profitable of all humiliations, are those that 
arise, through his grace, from a view of our own blunders, 
and even from our corruptions. 

September 14. — I have been much drawn to pray that 
the great design of the Lord's coming may be answered, 
tJiat he may destroy the works of the devil, I see, through 
his grace, my understanding is darkened. I ask in Jesus' 
name this work to be destroyed ; for by the knowledge 
of Christ alone can I be changed into his likeness, I see 
Satan raises false fears, false views, and wandering imagi- 
nations : I ask deliverance from all these !* My soul lies 
before the Lord in a waiting posture : in particular I ask 
power to consecrate the faculty of speech to the service 
of my God, so that I may never again speak an unadvised 
word. 

September 15.— Last Saturday (September 12) I was 
fifty years old. O my God, how little have I gained of 
thee in fifty years ! Lord, let this be a jubilee year to 
me ! I will try what prayer can do. Lord, give me a 
measure of that spirit in which thou didst spend whole 
nights in prayer ! Never was I more stripped, more empty ! 
I have no dependence but on thyself. I long for close 
communion. My soul pants after it. I have wonderful 
answers to prayer ! And I feel that my humiliations do 
me good. Yet I do not embrace them as I ought to do. 
It is perhaps a minute before I rightly enter into the gra- 
cious design. When I look to the Lord, all is right ; but 
I want such an habitual look as shall enable me to receive 
them as a hungry man does his food ! Not only to take 
up, but to glory in the cross of the Lord Jesus. I 
seem to walk much more by faith than by sight. My 
soul seems to go out in desire and silent prayer. I am 

* It is not clear that those great and 'precious, promises, by which 
we are made partakers of the Divine nature, secure to believers such 
a deliverance from these attacks, that they should not trouble them, 
and at times even agonize the soul. But they secure to them such 
an abiding in Christ, that none of those devices should prevail t© 
unsettle their fai.h, or separate them from his love,— Ed. 

11 



242 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



mostly in the act of crying, Come ! But there seems 
silence on the side of the Lord ! He does not answer by 
sweet comforts, only by power over sin, purity of mind in 
a good degree ; and an almost constant act of sacrifice.* 
I love his will, bitter or sweet, but I want him as the bride 
in the Canticles, to kiss me with the kisses of his mouth? 
for his love is better than urine, 

September 16. — This morning at the ten o'clock hour, 
I had freedom in praying for an entire change. I thought, 
my situation, as to outward things, is the most advanta- 
geous to a religious life that can be. I have no cares ; 
indeed I have no need of care, I have plenty of all I 
can want. Sally, though a tender child, is one of much 
ability ; laying herself out to serve and please me in all 
things. Matty, my other servant, of a most quiet and 
peaceable spirit, and rigidly honest and faithful. Blessed 
be God, her soul also comes forward in the Divine life. Re* 
fleeting on this, I drew from it the following encourage* 
ment : If I am thus favoured, is it not plain the Lord de- 
signs me to be one of those who are brought into close 
fellowship with himself ] May I not attain to a fuller sal- 
vation than when involved in all my perplexities ? My 
heart was encouraged. I thought on these words, " Men 
ought alwaj^s to pray, and not to faint." Again, " I am 
come that they may have life, and that they might have it 
more abundantly." My soul longs for this more abundant 
life. Lord, pour out on me thy light and truth, and make 
me, in a complete sense of the word, a new creature ! I 
was led to think of the familiar manner in which our 
Lord conversed with the women and his disciples after his 
resurrection. He met them and said, " All hail" (i. e., 
happiness attend you,) and bid them " tell his brethren he 
would see them in Galilee" — probably on Mount Tabor, 
where his glorious transfiguration was manifested before 
them : and where they heard the voice of God, declaring 
him " the beloved Son whom they were to hear." They 

* And was there no Divine comfort in all these glorious marks 
and fruits of the new creation 1 There was. Comfort high as 
heaven, and which hell can never imitate I Far superior even to 
those sweet consolations which are so graciously bestowed on 
young converts, and which some sincere souls so greatly need 
throughout the whole of their pilgrimage — the lartibs that he carries 
in his bosom. — Ed. 



THfj Li**. oF MRS. FLETCHER. 



243 



were also commanded to " tell the vision to no man, till 
the Son of man should be risen from the dead." The 
thought struck my mind, — perhaps in this very assem- 
bly they were first to tell it ! All this encouraged me 
greatly. 

October 5, Monday.-— This has been a day of recollec- 
tion and prayer, glory be to God ! I have had some views 
of the great designs of God on his redeemed^ how through 
the Sox, he will form his own bright and glorious image 
in us. We are Appointed to be conformed to the image of 
the Sox, and is he not the express image of the Father f 
A little glimpse of what the Saviour is, and will be to me, 
now and then for some time beamed forth, and set my 
soul in a longing posture. Yet it is but like seeing through 
the lattice. I long to know whether what I see before 
me, and grasp after, may be attained in this life, or must 
^ die to prove it 2 O my Divine Director, my Prophet, 
speak and tell me ! This is all that keeps me back, not 
knowing what I may ask, having been so great a sinner. 
Something says, I shall not fully enter into the good land 
here.* To-day 1 was reading those words, " In the last 
day, Jesus will present himself as judge, to angels, men, 
and devils." I asked myself, Do I embrace with all my 
soul, Jesus as my judge ! My heart sprang at the thought ! 
Yes, my adorable Judge ! I choose thee with all my 
powers ; I acquiesce beforehand in thy sentence, be it 
what it will : yea, and in all thou shait appoint from this 
moment to that time ! Many times to-day these words 
have been my food, " The Lord God Omnipotent reigneth !" 

October 6. — I was ill most of last night, but was recol- 
lected, and had a sense of undeserved mercies. Reflect- 
ing to-day on that point which hath so often hindered 
me, viz. : Some say, when we have sinned we should wait 
for a fresh pardon, a fresh sense of it, before we believe. 
•I prayed for light, how to walk in my present state ; and 
the following reflection arose in my mind. I feel my will 
is turned to the Lord. He who knows all things, knows, 
I long, I pant, to love him perfectly, and to live every 

* Certainly not the good land of perfect enjcwment ; but " the 
good land of perfect love," inducing perfect submission, and prompt 
obedience, we may enter into this day. See Mr. Wesley's sermon 
•entitled, " The Scripture Way of Salvation." — Ed. 



244 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



moment to his praise, with the full exertion of my powers. 
But sometimes, when I am waiting before God, it is sug- 
gested, I have indulged in the last meal, or I have spoken 
unadvisedly at such a time. These things have kept me in 
bondage long. But to-day, I clearly see my one business 
is to maintain faith. How is it that the soul is ever re- 
ceived after any fall ? Is it not at last by believing Christ 
hath atoned for that sin ? Now I feel I could, on the recol- 
lection of any stumble, immediately fly to, and weep on 
the bosom of my Lord. But that thought has presented 
itself, Am I not an Antinomian 1 But I will no more take 
man, but the word of God for my director. What were 
my Lord's words to Peter ? "I have prayed for thee that 
thy faith fail not." So then this faith ought not to fail, 
though he denied his Lord with oaths and curses ! And 
what a word was that, when his Lord, foretelling his fall, 
added, " And when thou art converted, strengthen thy 
brethren." What tenderness was showed unto him ! He 
wept bitterly, but he still claimed his interest in his Sa- 
viour, for he ran to the tomb to seek him. And how did 
our Lord wipe away his tears ! He was seen of him be- 
fore any of the eleven, 1 Corinthians xv, 5. He was the 
first preacher at pentecost. The first messenger to the 
Gentiles. An angel must wait on him to bring him out 
of prison ; and at last, he received the crown of martyr- 
dom. Did not Christ on the cross foresee, and die for 
all my sins before I had a being ? Did he not pay the 
price for all 1 But it is only mine by believing. Then 
if I always believe, does not that word belong to me, 
" There is no condemnation to them who are in Christ 
Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit ?"* 
It is true, if the will and affections draw back, the soul 
will find it hard so to believe as to return to the former 
fellowship. And yet there is no way for them but by 
believing. The case I mean is, — I see it my privilege to 
live always under the atonement ; and though I do wrong, 
and fall short continually, yet I may and must run di- 
rectly to my God, just as I did with my husband. If he 
said, Polly, thou shouldst not have said or done so ; I 
asked his forgiveness, and had no fear of his loving me 



* See the note on the 230th page.— Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



245 



the less. Nay, usually I found more tenderness when I 
acknowledged my fault, than before I fell into it. That 
word also came to my mind, " Blessed is the man to whom 
the Lord will not impute sin." And again, " If thou 
canst believe, all things are possible. He that believeth 
is justified from all things." 

October 31. — These words have made a great impres- 
sion on my mind of late — -when one of the scribes asked 
our Lord, " What he should do to inherit eternal life ?" 
He replied, " What readest thou in the law ?" The scribe 
answered, " Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all 
thy heart, and mind, and soul, and strength ; and thy 
neighbour as thyself." Our Lord replied, " Thou hast 
well said ; this do, and thou shalt live." I discerned a 
fulness in this passage which I never did before, and all 
my soul cried for the possession of that spirit of love, to 
which this absolute promise of life is made. Many times 
I have observed, in prayer, or at some peculiar seasons 
in other means, such a spirit of purity, humility, and love, 
has overwhelmed my soul, as is hardly to be expressed. 
At other times, the Divine glory appeared but dim. I 
saw at once the cause. At the former times, the soul 
turned from every intervening object, and sunk into her 
proper place, discerning the immense distance between a 
holy God and sinful self. Then she begins to shine in 
his brightness. Her light is come, because the glory of 
the Lord is risen upon her. But if she rises out of her 
deep absorbment, and lets in self-esteem, what wonder if 
she then reflects the odious image of sin, instead of the 
beauty of the Lord Jesus. I perceived also, that there 
is a great difference between humble thoughts and de- 
spairing thoughts. Humble thoughts, though they may 
cause much pain by the horror and detestation which 
they cause the soul to feel, yet they exalt the Saviour, 
and make the soul admire the justice as well as the mercy 
of God. But despairing thoughts, injected by the devil, 
drive the soul from God, and represent him as " a hard 
Master, gathering where he hath not strowed." The 
faithful soul will find many such attacks, therefore the 
safest way is continually to give up herself to the Lord, 
crying, Thy will be done } That is a weapon Satan can- 
not stand against* 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER-. 



November 12. — -This day, being the day of our mar- 
riage, many painful remembrances would present them- 
selves to my mind. Each year I wrote, " we are happier 
and happier !" But I feel a great thankfulness that I 
have such an offering to bring to Him who gave up all 
for me ! Yes, I praise thee, my Lord, that thou hast 
done thine own will, and not mine. At ten I took my 
hour before the Lord, and felt some power afresh to dedi- 
cate myself to Jesus — entering into a marriage covenant 
with him. A light shone on my soul to discern how the 
husband hath undertaken the whole cause of the wife^. 
and I saw both body and soul safe in his hands. I then 
entreated my adorable Husband to take all the freedom of 
my will into his own hand ;• and, as we say to the sur- 
geon, bind me, (for an operation,} so I entreated my Lord 
to conform me to himself in any way that he pleased i; 
only that he should be glorified. A thought again pre- 
sented itself, what if, in eternity, it be his will that I 
should neither know nor have any communion with my 
dear husband I I was enabled to answer. Lord, thv glory 
is all in all to me ! I felt that he should choose for me.. 
And I was enabled to give up soul, body, life, death, time, 
and eternity to him, and covenanted to live on his will 
alone ! And henceforward I will consider this day as my 
wedding day with the Lord, holding my dear husband in 
him, whose soul I know will have joy in heaven upon 
every nearer approach which I make to his Saviour and 
my Saviour ! his all and my all ! 

November 14. — After I had spent some time in prayer 
this morning I felt an increasing freedom in imploring 
that the whole mind of Christ might be brought into mv 
soul. Those words are much in my thoughts, " Be ye 
not afraid, neither doubt, for God is your guide." 2 Es^ 
dras xvL 75. Lord, increase my confidence ! I saw how 
impossible it was to have union where there was not simi- 
litude and my cry was, Fulfil that word. O Lord, on 
which thou hast made me to hope ! Make me clean 
through thy word * and present me to thyself without spot ! 
Afterward, reading the Life of Ignatius Loyala, and espe- 
cially what pains he took, and what labour he went 
through to gain souls, I could not but be struck at the 
glaring difference between him and me,. One day, having 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



247 



taken a step he believed to be his duty, but which caused 
him both pain and ignominy — and being rebuked by a 
friend, he replied, " I should not object to traverse all the 
streets of Paris barefoot, with horns on my head, and 
clothed in the most ridiculous habit, could it but gain 
one soul to Gcd." # The conviction immediately struck 
me, that all I wanted was to be filled with the love of 
God, and that would produee every effect in its proper 
order. Lord, let my incessant cry be for this ! O give 
me this most excellent gift of charity I 

January 7, 1790. — And now another year is gone, and 
I am so much nearer eternity ! Yes, my faithful Saviour ! 
I will rejoice in the thought, because thou art faithful, 
and I do believe for the fulfilment of all thy promises : 
they are yea and amen in thee, on whom I rely. I believe 
I shall walk with thee in white ! O carry on thy work ! I 
long to be just what my God pleases. 

In the last month I have had a peculiar experience. I 
was often tempted to think that the deadness I felt to all 
earthly things might be produced by my great affliction 
on account of my dear husband's death, and I was some- 
times damped by that thought in my ardour of praise. 
But a few weeks ago, I was permitted to feel all the temp- 
tations I ever felt, except resentment, and I was conscious 
I could fall into the same desires of comfort on earth from 
which I had been so long delivered. My soul was grieved 
exceedingly ; yet strange, I seemed nearer to God than 
before ! I was amazed ; but these words came to my 
mind, " Know that from Jesus alone is your salvation." 
I cried to the Lord that he would graciously prove it by 
removing the temptation, and so it proved. Glory be to 
my complete Saviour ! It is now like a dream, but I know 
and feel the Divine reality, 

I seem to be surrounded with blessings, and see such a 
care of the Almighty over all that concerns me, as I can- 
not express. Sally has been very ill, but raised again in 
answer to prayer as by miracle. My house is a sweet 
rest, and " a secret place in the wilderness to hide me in." 
?>Iany storms are without, but none can touch me. I seem 

* Pious Protestants well know how to appreciate this. True 
piety is of no sect : it is truly catholic,— Ed, 



248 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



hid from all the evils of which my letters inform me. I 
have peace within, resting in hope ; and peace in all my 
borders, I have communion with my friends above, and 
none below can harm or injure me. As to temporal 
things — I inherit now (and have done some years) the 
fulness of that promise, given to me in my deep poverty, 
M Thou shalt be the head and not the tail : thou shalt lend 
and not borrow." It is amazing how many I can help, 
both by lending and giving ; : and when I made up my book 
this last Christmas, I was surprised to see on how little 
we had kept the house, and how large was the poor's ac- 
count ;* yet a little is always left to go on with. He does- 
bless my bread and my water. I want for nothing. I 
live better than I think I need, and yet, according to the 
promise, I have always plenty of silver, 

January 13. — Two days ago a gentleman and his wife 
came to see me from a considerable distance. He told 
me that for two years he had walked in the full liberty of 
the sons of God : but for the last ei^ht years he had been 
in the darkness of unbelief. I was led to speak freely on 
the way of faith ; and mentioned an instance I had lately 
heard of a good woman who, when in prayer, her eyes 
being shut, had a sight of paradise* where she saw our 
Lord as sitting in the midst of the glorified spirits. There 
proceeded from him such beams of purity, light, and glory, 
as penetrated them till they were all irradiated, and shone 
with his glory. She saw also the same glory stream down 
on the saints below, and they, in the same manner, keep- 
ing their eyes on the Lord, were divinely changed. But 
when any of them turned away their eyes, they received 
his beams no longer. The same gtory still shone round 
them, but they complained of being barren and dry, and 
that they could get no answers to prayer. I observed that 
I thought this was his case. If we keep faith in exercise 
we shall and must receive, for we may have of God what 
we will take of him. As I spake I said in my heart, If 
this is the truth a~s it is in Jesus, Lord, set to thy seal ! 
And so he did, for the power of God came down on the 
gentleman, and constrained him to cry out, O ! now I feel 

* In an account for one year. I find the whole expense of her 
wearing apparel amounted to a trifle more than two pounds.: — Ed 



THE LITE OF 1VIRS. FLETCHER. 



249 



it again ! I feel the power of God go through me ! When 
I came into this room my heart was as hard and as heavy 
as if the whole world lay on it. But now it is all gone, 
and I feel the power of God penetrate my whole frame. 
His wife also was much affected, and I trust the blessing 
will abide. 

January 25. — A dream which was told me the other 
day by S. Colley was blessed to me. She thought she 
was surrounded by dangers, but looking up she saw a 
large eye always fixed on her, which much encouraged 
her faith in an overruling Providence. Then she thought 
she got into a river, and began to sink. It was very deep 
and clear, and she was much afraid ; but looking down 
she saw this great eye underneath her, which caused such 
a faith to spring up in her soul, that she laid herself down 
on the water with as much comfort and ease as if upon 
her bed. She felt she could not sink with the power of 
the Almighty underneath her. 

January 27. — My soul was yesterday and this day much 
drawn out in prayer. Those words are often before me, 
u None knoweth the Father but the Son, and he to whom 
the Son is pleased to reveal him." 

I long for this revelation. I feel it is, in its fulness, the 
thing I want. Thus only St. Paul's prayer can be an- 
swered, Ephesians iii, 14-21. O for this revelation of thy 
love ! I wait for it moment by moment. And thou sayest, 
" They shall not be ashamed who wait for thee !" I wait 
for the salvation " which shall be brought in at the reve- 
lation of Jesus Christ." 

February 11. — The seventh of this month (on which 
was our quarterly meeting) I found a good day. My soul 
saw the way of faith, and felt a degree of that liberty 
which from believing flows. At our class on Tuesday 
night we agreed to unite our prayers the ensuing week 
for power over imaginations, (2 Cor. x, 5,) especially dur- 
ing the time of prayer ; and, blessed be God, I find some 
answer. 

February 26, Friday. — I have found this a comfortable 
day. While talking with brother T. the way of faith 
was more and more beautiful in my eyes. In prayer I 
had a sweet discovery of the depth contained in those 
words, " Whatsoever things ye ask in prayer, believe that 

11* 



250 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 

ye receive them, and ye shall have them." Yesterday I 
proved that truth. I asked in the name, and in the right 
of my Lord, that his will might be done without interrup- 
tion in me all day ; and that I might be kept and taught 
in every word and action, and enabled to abide as in the 
presence of God. And though I had no sensible joy, yet 
I found the power of God keeping me, and approving me 
each moment since that time. I have been poorly in body,, 
but I so see the hand of God in all, that I seem like a 
little babe held in the arms of its mother. As brother T. 
was speaking, I saw the way of enjoying pure love clearer 
than ever. O ! wherefore did I ever doubt ? According 
as I believe, so it is ! Surely of late the Lord is increas- 
ing my faith, and teaching me anew to walk with him- 
self. Mr. T. observed that " God brought his children 
through different dispensations, sometimes of sorrow, some- 
times of joy. That it was our part to trust him in all y 
believing all would be right in its season ; and equally 
accepting either correction or comforts God knew what 
he was about to do with Job, and Job had only to lie still 
under the hand of God ; for a time was coming in which 
God would surely lift him up. He had no need to plead 
his own cause, for he was safe in God's hand, who was 
then making him a spectacle of glory before angels and 
devils ; though to man he appeared very different." 

June 26, Saturday. — I am much led this morning to 
pray for a resigned will, to stand to the beck of my Lord 
with a ready mind. — Yes, he shall da with me and mine 
as seems to him good. Company in the house is a great 
cross ; they consume much time, and the serving tables 
seems to clash with my Sabbath employment. But in this 
also thou, my Lord, shalt dispose and direct : only give 
me a watchful mind, and then set me to entertain all the 
strangers thou pleasest. I know not what blessed angels 
may come with them as their attendants, and I will keep 
to my old motto : — 

" O that my Lord would count me meet 
To wash his dear disciples' feet! 
After my lowly Lord to go, 
And wait upon his saints below ; 
Enjoy the grace to angels given. 
And serve the royal heirs of heaven !" 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



251 



But I see there needs a determination to be singular. 
Some professors, when they have company in the house, 
sit chatting with them all day. This I must not do. It 
was one of the first lessons God taught me, to keep my 
rules of retirement ; to do my business, as to writing, 
visiting the sick, meeting the classes, &c, leaving them 
to their freedom, a,nd taking mine, One part of my work 
must not overturn another. 

August 14. — What have I seen within these five years ! 
This day five years my beloved was on his deathbed. But 
how is it with me now ? I answer, and from the ground 
of my heart, "It is well." — I have nothing to do but to 
praise ! I love him at this moment as much as ever I did 
in my life ; but I love the will of God still better. — Yes, J 
adore thee, my almighty Saviour, that thou hast done thine 
own will, and not mine ; and that my dearest love has been 
five years in glory ! O that I might be permitted to feel 
a little of what he now is — lost and swallowed up in thee ! 
Lord, are we not one ? " The head of the woman is the 
man, as the head of the man is Christ and " whom God 
hath joined together none can put asunder." Adam and 
Eve were never intended to be separated : and shall sin 
so overturn thy original design, as that it cannot be re- 
stored by the Saviour ? Surely, no ! As thou hast taken 
away the sting of sin, so thou hast taken away the smart 
of separation. We are yet one ; and shall I not feel a 
communication from thyself passing through that channel ? 
Lord, make me spiritually minded ! — " meet to partake of 
the inheritance of the saints in light." 

August 24. — My soul is much stirred up by the thought 
that I have lost time more than any one that has really 
walked in the ways of the Lord. It seems to me that I 
begin to see a fulness in the word of God-^such a depth 
in the promises, that I have been looking hitherto only for 
the first principles of Christianity. O for that baptism 
of the Spirit ! that sanctifying grace ! It seems as if I 
wanted the Lord to come and take away the last breath 
of nature's life ! I see a great deal in these words, " The 
kingdom of heaven is at hand s" the kingdom of abiding 
" righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. " Surely 
that is " the kingdom of heaven," of which our Lord said 
that the least member of it " was greater than Jolin the 



252 



THE LIFE OF MttS. FLETCBTETT. 



Baptist." Lord, bring me into that liberty ! I ask it in 
the name of my Saviour and Advocate. 

Last night I prayed that I might not have so disturbed 
a night as I have found of late, but that the Lord would 
keep away those hurrying dreams which often disturb the 
quiet repose of my spirit. And it was so :- I found a dif- 
ference. About the middle of the night I saw my dear 
husband before me. We ran into each other's arms. I 
wished to ask him several questions concerning holiness, 
and the degree to be expected here, &c. But I found 
something like a dark cloud on my memory, so that I said 
in myself, I cannot frame the question I would ask ; I am 
not permitted. At length I asked, My dear, do you not 
visit me sometimes ? He answered, " Many times a day." 
But, said I, Do not " principalities and powers" strive to 
hinder you from communing with me ? He said, " There 
is something in that." And does their opposition cause 
you to suffer in coming to me ? He answered, " There is 
not much in that." But do you know every material 
thing that occurs to me 7 "Yes." And may I always 
know that thou art near me when I am in trouble, or pain r 
or danger ? He paused, and said faintly, " Why, yes ;" 
then added, " but it is as well for thee not to know it, for 
thy reliance must not be upon me." He mentioned also 
some in glory who remembered me — and said, " Mr. Hey 
is with us also ; he bid me tell thee so ; and by that thou 
mayest know that it is I that speak to thee." Mr. Hey 
died a short time before, very happy in the Lord, 

September 14. — As I was in prayer about ten to-day, a 
thought came into my mind, God is incomprehensible ; 
but we are called to walk by faith, therefore I am to be- 
lieve what I cannot comprehend. And O ! what sweet 
condescension did I see in that stupendous goodness ! He 
took our nature that we might be able to form some con- 
ception of him. He stooped to me to lift me up to him- 
self. " God so loved us as not to spare his own Son. 
Then wilt he not with him freely give us all things ?" I 
see clearly it is the infinite desire of the blessed Triune 
God, to communicate himself to the creature. — Ah ! why 
is it then I do not enjoy more of him ? 

September 17. — I was much struck with the compari- 
son of the sun drawing up the vapour, and purifying it 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



253 



as it draws. As I was walking to the Lloyds' I thought 
much on it, and said in my mind, How shall I know, and 
coincide with this attraction ? Immediately it came to my 
mind, by that word, " Thy will be done ;" by this resig- 
nation we instantly enter into the attraction, whatever 
state we were in before :* and by a simple look to Jesus, 
a waiting on the Spirit to do its office on us, we continue 
therein. Lord give me so to wait every moment ! I was 
comforted in my visits yesterday morning, and again to- 
day. Glory be to God, souls come forward, and I have 
been enabled to walk about more this summer, than for a 
long; time. Lord, make me to be as a leaf to the wind 
before thee ! ready to obey all thy will. Great liberty 
and power I have found for some months, both in public 
and private meetings. O what a favour to be permitted to 
speak a word in thy name ! 

September 22. — I was thinking to-day, What is sin ? 
It is a turning out of the presence of God, and departing 
from union with him ; drawing back from the attraction, f 
While that is kept up, no sin is imputed. Many blunders 
may be made ; but while the heart keeps attached to Jesus, 
cleaving to him by faith, these words stand good, " There 
is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." 
The will being still fastened to his cross, all that is want, 
ing is a closer attention to the Spirit. Then these blun- 
ders would be rectified. My one concern must be, to 
keep in this presence of God, lying before him as clay, 
and he will do all his will in me. 

September 30. — I have found it on my mind some time, 
that something more should be done for the souls in the 
lower part of the town. We have had preaching there, 
and prayer meetings, and yet they seem all dead and cold. 
Sally thought of several persons, and w r e got the names 
of twenty-eight families. We both laid it before the 
Lord, considering that our good class, which meets on 
Tuesday night, were all raised at first by inviting them 

* But the call to " repent and believe the Gospel " must be first 
obeyed. — Ed. 

t St. John tells us, " Sin is the transgression of the law; the law 
written in the heart," or recorded in the word. But Mrs. Fletcher 
evidently means, How does sin revive in those believers who were 
dead to sin ? In this view of the question, the remarks that follow 
may be profitable. — Ed. 



254 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



to a meeting. We proposed to do the same with these. 
But Sally did not feel freedom to meet them. At night, 
in prayer, the Lord laid it on my mind to take this meet- 
ing also. Therefore she and I set out in faith, determin- 
ing to call on as many as my strength would reach. We 
saw much of the Lord all the way. I have got a promise 
from all we have asked, which is fifteen. We visited 
many more, but did not see the time come to ask them. 
We have many still to go to. I have appointed ten o'clock 
on Tuesday morning for this new meeting. The Lord 
pour his blessing upon it ! I was pleased to find some old 
ones, on whom my dear husband had spent much labour, 
seemingly without fruit, now begin to feel, and they attend 
the public meetings. 

October 8. — The following observation was blessed to 
me as I read it this day. " There is among men here on 
earth, an almost infinite diversity of gifts, talents, know- 
ledge, inclinations, &c. The scale of humanity rises 
through innumerable steps, from the brute man to the 
thinking man. The progression will continue no doubt 
in the life to come, and will preserve the same essential 
relations ; or in other words, the progress which we shall 
make here in knowledge and virtue, will determine the 
point from whence we shall begin our progress in the 
other life, or the place we shall there occupy."* What 
a powerful motive to excite us to grow continually in 
knowledge and love ! The Judge of all will render to each 
according to his works ; according to the use he hath made 
of his talents ; and to him who hath, shall be given. It 
follows that the degree of perfection acquired in this life, 
will determine in the life to come the degree of happiness 
or glory which each individual shall enjoy. Certainly, 
the degrees of glory will be as various as the degrees of 
holiness have been ; and therefore w T e have the clearest 
reason to suppose there will be an eternal advance from 
one degree of perfection to another. And because the 
distance between created beings and the uncreated Being 
is infinite, they will tend continually toward supreme per- 
fection ; though without ever arriving at it. 

November 12. — My soul has for some days been in a 

* This may be admitted, if the blood of Christ have previously 
xemoved all guilt. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS; FLETCHER* 



255 



particular exercise ; but I was enabled not to regard the 
violent suggestions of the enemy. I strove to pass over, 
or through the thoughts, as they presented themselves,, 
and took refuge in the Lord. O, how important it is not 
to give in to one thought ! The least turn of the eye of 
the mind may be sufficient to let in the tempter. It has 
been an amazing trial ! Truly we wrestle with principali- 
ties and powers I In the midst of it the Lord said, / have 
redeemed thee : tJwu art mine I Sometimes it seemed as if 
I had lost all strength. I could not feel condemnation, 
and yet I would fain have condemned myself, for I hardly 
knew what thoughts were my own, and what were inject- 
ed. But, strange to say, during this season, though I 
almost trembled to speak for God, my words seemed to be 
attended with more than common profit to others ! Lord, 
awaken the spiritual powers of my soul! This day I have 
been renewing my solemn dedication to tlie Lord. On 
this day I took my dear husband, now in glory ! And I 
will ever consider it as my day of marriage with the Lord, 
January 1, 1791. — Last night I found much desire that 
I might awake so as to devote the first breath of the new 
year to the Lord ; and I found it in some measure. Be- 
tween five and six I got up, and read the Psalms for the 
day, but did not find any thing particular, except that 
word, which has remained on my mind, " Salvation be- 
longeth unto the Lord, and his blessing is on his people !" 
My soul is waiting on him, and my expectation is alone 
from him. 

April 20. — The posture of my soul is, I still wait in 
full reliance that the Lord will do his whole will upon me. 
Souls come forward, and it seems as if every one grows 
faster than I do. I am much pained that I do not feel 
more under the means. It seems as if the word preached 
had a more powerful effect on others than on me. Lord, 
why is this? Reading is to me the greatest of means, 
except private prayer. I think the Lord is giving me to 
see myself in a clearer light than ever. 

July 13. — Mr. Valton's* visit I have, found blessed to 
me. His word came with power ; and while we were 
talking together of faith, I felt my soul refreshed. O how 

* A travelling preacher and a member of the Methodist con- 
ference j now with God, — Ed, 



256 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



clearly could I see the way for him ! and that all his trials 
arose from his not believing more, — from his not claiming 
the privilege of his state. Just then I saw clearly for 
myself also. O my Lord, let thy light ever abide ! God 
is faithful to do for us all we trust him for. Well, I trust 
to be kept from all sin — from all departure from God ; 
and I find it is to me according to my faith. 

Last night at the intercession I was not able to speak 
one word, having such a hoarseness as I never had in my 
life before. I once attempted to pray, but could not, so I 
was silent all the rest of the time. I looked on the con- 
gregation, who were all expecting me to speak to them, 
and could not even say, I love and pray for you. And it 
may be, the Lord is about to take this power from me. 
My eyes fail ; my hand is weak with a rheumatic pain, 
and I can write but little. Mv feet fail ; I can now walk 
but a short way. My breath is short, and if my voice be 
also taken, then I have no more to do, but to care for my 
own soul and others in silence. Well, I am quite content, 
and am as willing to be silent as to speak. O thy dear 
will, my Lord, let it be done for ever ! 

July 15. — Reading Mr. Valton's experience, I was yes- 
terday much struck to see the difference between him and 
me, and my soul has this morning received a fresh con. 
viction to offer up every thought in a deeper manner than I 
have ever done. Lord, thou art faithful to keep that which 
is committed unto thee. I here commit my every thought, 
with all the powers of my imagination. Lord, keep them 
in one constant going out after thee ! 

August 11. — This has been a very solemn week to me* 
It was six years last Friday since my dear love began to 
be ill. This year, each scene falling on the same day of 
the week, as well as the year, brings all afresh before me. 
Last Sunday was the awful day in which he took his last 
leave of his Church and people, and began to die in their 
immediate service ! It was our quarterly meeting at the 
Wood. I was in full exercise all day, and felt my spirit 
deeply resigned, and a good deal drawn out in the Lord's 
work, though it was a suffering time. Each day I have 
passed through every scene, and had some calls to 
take up other crosses, and to be much employed for the 
Lord. I feel he sustains me, and gives me to say and 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



257 



feel, Thy will be done! Last Lord's day I felt a stir- 
ring up in my soul, with an encouraging hope that I 
should yet be brought into a closer walk with God than 
ever. Yesterday was a day of more than common recol- 
lection. I seemed to bear in mind the nearness of Jesus, 
and felt all good come from him. I find we have nothing 
to do but keep uniting our mind to him by faith and love ; 
and if we keep the tree of life, we shall be sure to have 
each fruit in its season. 

August 17. — Last Sabbath was the day which closed 
the sixth year of my dear love's inheritance in glory. I 
had many outward calls all day in the work of God, and 
found support and comfort therein. 

" What cannot resignation do 1 
It wonders can perform ! 
That powerful charm — Thy will be done I 
It lays the loudest storm." 

November 15. — It is a great cross, this change in our 
ministry. Mr. H. going away, now wo were so settled* 
is a trial. Lord, undertake for us, and order in the way 
thou pleasest. Only let me do as my dear husband ever 
did, sink under every humiliation and cross, and rise by 
all nearer to thee ! I long to be more abundantly the tern-, 
pie of the Holy Ghost. 1 feel it is a narrow way. But O, 
keep me ever under the atoning blood. I cast me thereon, 
I rest alone on thee ! 

I shall now make a few observations.-^First, I must 
observe, I have been led all the way through my pilgrim- 
age by an exercise of faith in a very particular manner. 
Two great promises have been given to me, on which the 
Lord hath made me to hope. One in which spiritual 
and temporal blessings are united ; and the other relating 
wholly to spiritual things. The first was sealed on my 
heart in a time of particular trial, at Laytonstone, " If 
thou return to the Almighty, thou shalt be built up ; thou 
shalt put away iniquity far from thy tabernacles. 
Then shalt thou lay up gold as the dust, and the gold 
of Ophir as the stones of the brook ; yea, the Almighty 
shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of 
silver." "Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be 
established unto thee ; and the light shall shine upon thy 
ways." This promise hath supported me through the 



253 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



rough path in which I was called to walk. But the words 
of the apostle, impressed on my mind when I was seven- 
teen years old, viz., " If she have lodged strangers ; if 
she have brought up children ; if she have washed the 
saints' feet ; and diligently followed after every good 
work," — the Lord has enabled me also to attend to-. After 
all my wanderings, I am returned to the Almighty ; and he 
hath built me up. Iniquity, glory be to God! is- put far 
from my tabernacles. My beloved nephew is brought ta 
the Lord. My family are pious and upright : nor have I 
any thing to lament under my roof, as displeasing to God. 
My prayer seems to have free access to the throne, and 
the speedy answers amaze me ! I wished for a large com- 
modious place for the people to meet in, as their number 
greatly increases, and though it seemed impossible, it is 
now accomplished. I wished for a hundred pounds to 
build a meeting house at the Bank, remembering how 
much my dear husband desired it. Laying it before the 
Lord, that word was again applied, " Thou shalt decree a 
thing, and it shall bo established unto thee ; and the light 
shall shine upon thy ways." I subscribed thirty pounds, 
and have now the whole sum ready before the ground is 
prepared to build it on. I desire nothing, in earth or 
heaven, but for the glory of God. I feel the Almighty is 
my defence, and to confirm my faith in spiritual things by 
temporal, he does give me great plenty of silver. 

The other great promise of my life was, " Thou shalt 
walk with me in white : I will make thee worthy." Lord, 
how far is that accomplished 1 O shine on thy poor 
creature, and let me clearly discern and make known the 
work of thy hand ! Thou art the author of all good. 

That salvation I experienced at Hoxton was certainly 
a drop from the living fountain ; but I had not then a full 
discovery of sin. Since that time. O what a depth of 
iniquity, what huge mountains of ingratitude have I 
mourned over ! I once thought I could not set down on 
a level with the greatest outward sinners. In repeating 
those lines, — 

c: O misfftt I as the harlot lie, 
As those dear feet transfix'd for me !" 



I have stopped and thought — I fear I am not right. I 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 259* 

cannot feel myself the chief of sinners. I cannot repent 
of the sins which (through preventing grace) I have not 
committed. But, alas ! the sight I have had of inbred 
sin ; the base departure of my heart from a close walk 
with God ; and the depth of self and pride I have there 
discovered, is in my eyes more dreadful than outward 
transgression. I have sometimes looked on those sinners 
universally despised by men, and felt in my heart that I 
preferred them to myself, while the depth of " that carnal 
mind which is enmity against God," struggled for the 
mastery. In these conflicts of soul, how often have I 
thought, if I did but know there was as great a sinner as 
myself before the throne, who nevertheless had been here 
filled with the fulness of God, after all that he had felt 
and done, it would bring a heaven inta my breast ! How 
often have I wept over those words, — 

" If so poor a worm as I 
May to thy great glory live." 

h feared,, though the Lord was gracious, that I must not 
look to be saved, except as by fire ; and that I should 
never bring that honour to God which my soul desired. 
But now, glory be to God ! that fear is done away. I 
seem to have forgotten myself ! I am wholly taken up with 
Jesus ! The more I look at him, the more my faith in- 
creases. He applies to my heart these words, " The sin 
of Jacoh shall be sought for, and there shall be none ; and 
the iniquity of Israel, and it shall not be found." He hath 
shown me the way to rise above the mountains of inbred 
sin. He hath enabled me in hope to believe against hope> 
and so come nearer to our great pattern, " the father of 
the faithful, who, staggered not at the promises, but was 
strong in faith, giving glory to God !* He is the author 
and the finisher of my faith !" Yes, he will make us 
worthy. I sink into nothing, and look at the Lord my 
righteousness, and I feel those believing, views are trans- 
forming views ; and the more entirely I abandon myself 
into his hands, the more permanent is my peace. 

I now praise the Lord, " that where sin hath abounded, 

* O that all who feel their spirit oppressed in beholding these 
mountains would take this way ! How soon would they all sink 
i&ta a plain 1— En,. 



260 



THE LIFE OF SIRS. FLETCHER. 



grace doth much more abound." The clear light I have 
into the mysteries of redeeming love, causes my strains of 
praise to run the higher. Yes, they shall love him most 
who have most forgiven ! I do not know that I ever feel 
my will and affections depart from him. I feel a child- 
like simplicity ; and a purity which, it seems to me, my 
very outward person must express. Yet I am always 
committing blunders, and even showing roughness ; when 
really there is nothing but love. I used to feel just the 
contrary. I used to strive to act as a Christian ; but it 
was a constraint ; and though, by the power of God, I 
kept within the line, yet it was not free and natural. 
Now I often feel, if I could be turned inside out, I should 
bring more glory to God than I do. But that there still 
should be these blemishes in my deportment deeply humbles 
me, and for inward and outward defects I cry,— 

" Every moment, Lord, I need 
The merit of thy death I" 

One day, lamenting before the Lord that I did not in 
my conversation more adorn the truth, it was brought to 
my mind, that gold must be kept in the fire till purified 
from all dross ; and that even then it would be liable to 
be sullied. For that, however, a rub would suffice. This 
was very different from the purification it needed at first. 
I must ever be ashamed before him ! and if any one igno- 
rantly ascribes any thing to me, it gives me a pain I 
cannot express. Yet I think that word is more exempli- 
fied in me now than when I was at Hoxton, (though I 
then used the same expression in a lower meaning.) " I 
live not, but Christ liveth in me." I now, however, dis- 
cern such a vastness therein, that I am constrained to cry 
out, — 

" A point, my good, a drop, my store. 
Eager I thirst, I pant for more !" 

I am not led to speak much of my state ; I am more 
drawn to a quiet waiting on Jesus ; but on this occasion 
I feel a call from the Lord to give my last testimony to 
his faithfulness. I sit at my Saviour's feet. " I am poor 
and needy, but the Lord careth for me !" Therefore " I 
am not afraid for any evil tidings, for my heart standeth 
fast, believing in the Lord." I think I discern the near 



tttE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



261 



approach of dissolution, and am daily made sensible of 
decay.* But swelled legs, short breath, and other morbid 
symptoms, give me no dreary prospect. The will and 
order of God is my choice, in whatsoever way it mani- 
fests itself. Sometimes it is suggested that I shall be 
called to endure great conflicts in death, both outward 
and inward. Well, I have no care about it. Once I 
wished to be able to express some joy in death, in order 
to encourage those I leave behind. But now I see things 
in a different light 4 My life hath been a life of backslid- 
ings and unfaithfulness. I know not, therefore, what kind 
of death will bring most instruction to others, and most 
glory to God. All is in his hand, and all my prayers are 
lost in this, " Father, thy will be done." I feel a bleed- 
ing wound from the loss of that dearest and best of men. 
But I am conscious he is not dead ! No ; he that " be* 
lieveth in Jesus shall never die." And the will of God is 
so dear to me, I rejoice it is done ; though against my 
tenderest feelings. He is wise, and I kiss the rod. I 
admire and adore ! I have communion with my dearest 
love before the throne ! He waits for — he beckons me 
away ! I rest in the will of God ; and at this moment 

" Not one wave of sorrow rolls 
Across my peaceful breast !" 

I have found of late much comfort in those words, in- 
finite WISDOM ! INFINITE POWER ! INFINITE LOVE. O, 

my God ! Thy infinite wisdom swallows up all my choice ! 
Thy infinite power forbids my fear ! And thy infinite love 
makes all my own ! 

And now I know this day in my heart and in my soul, 
that " not one of the good things hath failed mc, of all 
the Lord my God hath spoken !" Therefore, looking for 
salvation and victory alone " through the blood of the 
Lamb, and the word of our testimony," I conclude with 
Simeon's words, " Lord, now lettest thou thy servant de- 
part in peace, for mine eyes have seen thy salvation." 

* How true is that word, Life is yours, and death is yours — all 
shall be ordered for your good ! She lived twenty-four years after 
this time.— Ed, 



262 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



f>ART THE SEVENTH. 



EXTRACTS FROM HER JOURNAL. 

We have now gone on with Mrs. Fletcher, from the 
time when in early youth she obeyed that call of God, 
" Come ye out from among them, and be ye separate, 
saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing ; and I 
will receive you, and be a father to you, and ye shall be 
my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." We 
have seen her, like the great father of the faithful, " go 
forth and follow the Lord, not knowing whither she went" 
We have seen her pass through the wilderness of cares, 
and fears, and sorrows, " leaning upon her beloved ;" not 
forgetting, however, his warning voice, " Remember Lot's 
wife." We have beheld her wading through the depths 
of self-knowledge, made manifest by the law, and the 
painful process of which is so strikingly displayed in the 
seventh chapter of the Epistle to the Romans. We have 
travailed with her in birth while she groaned oppressed 
with the " carnal mind," yet thanking God, and not de- 
spairing of deliverance, " through Jesus Christ our Lord." 
We have anticipated the victory while she " encouraged 
herself in the Lord her God." We have seen her struggle, 
not in vain, till the opening heaven, displayed in the 
eighth chapter of that glorious epistle, claimed and re- 
ceived her whole heart ! We have seen this Divine pro- 
cess continue, without any of those unscriptural abstrac- 
tions or subterfuges which have obscured or deformed 
" the work of the Spirit" in other devoted souls. What 
remains but to see if she -carried her blessings through the 
trials of her remaining years ? If she maintained the 
same undeviating path ? If she held fast simplicity and 
love in all her intercourse with her fellow creatures ? If 
she continued to " deny herself daily, and take up her 
cross ?" If she persevered to the end of her race, " trust- 
ing in the Lord, doing good unto all, and especially to the 
household of faith •?" An extract from her journals, which 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



268 



firre very copious, will furnish us with a clear, and, we 
hope, not a tiresome answer to these very important 
questions. — Ed. 

January 1, 1792. — This has been a solemn day. At 
the sacrament I gave myself afresh to the Lord. At night 
we renewed our covenant ; — my soul strove for a perfect 
dedication. It is the last time, I suppose, that Mr. and 
Mrs, Home will be with us on this occasion, which added 
to the solemnity.* 

Friday, 6th. — A day of solemn prayer in many parts 
of it ; yet much temptation and distraction at others. O 
how does mv soul Ions for the full union ! I feel a fixed 
reliance on Jesus, and an increasing desire after him. c< O 
tell me, thou whom my soul loveth, where thou makest thy 
flock to rest at noon !" I long after thy meridian bright- 
ness. This day ten years I came first to Madeley, and 
my dear husband led me through the house. We pra} r ed 
together, and gave ourselves up into the hands of the 
Lord. What have I seen since that time ! Well, blessed 
be the Lord, I am nearer to him, and more free to serve 
God, both inwardly and outwardly, than I was that night. 
But I want to be a meet partaker with my dear, dear, 
holy husband, now in light ! I want to feel a fuller de- 
gree of the spirit in which he lives ! Lord, thou hast said, 
" Whom God hath joined together, let no man put asun- 
der." Are we not still one ? Thou knowest, O Lord, our 
union was far more in the spirit than in the flesh ; and 

" Can death's interposing tide 
Spirits one in thee divide V 3 

Surely no. O then make me " a partaker of the inherit- 
ance of the saints in light !" 

7th. — Received to-day a striking conviction how care- 
ful I ought to be not to expose the fault or infirmity of 
any one. I want so to love my neighbours as to feel all 
their concerns as tenderly as if they were my own. When 
I err in the least from this I feel the Lord's rebuke. 

12th. — A day of recollection. I prayed last night that 
I might not offend with my tongue all the day. I knew 
I should be exposed to some hurrying circumstances, and 

* Mr. Home, curate of Madeley, was then preparing to go to 
Sierra Leone, as chaplain to that settlement. — Ed. 



264 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



I pleaded in faith that there might not come one word out 
of my mouth that I could have a sorrowful thought for \ 
and, blessed be his holy name, I have found a constant 
sense of a Divine monitor warning and keeping me the 
whole day. Yes, thou hast answered my prayer, glory 
be to thee, Lord ! I have this day also found a sweet 
idea of Christ's condescending love, and gentle manner in 
reproving his disciples. And is not his heart the same in 
heaven 1 Yes, it is ! " He is the same yesterday, to-day, 
and for ever." Then he does pity and bear with me ! 
Yes, his blood hath atoned for all. 

li Jesus protects ; my fears begone ! 
Who can the Rock of ages move ] 
Within thine # arms I lay me down, 
Thine everlasting arms of love 1" 

&5th. — Last Saturday Mr. Home and his family set out 
from our house for Sierra Leone, the place of his mission 
in Africa. For three weeks we have been a good deal 
taken up in helping them to prepare for this great under* 
taking. I found much of the approval of God in all we 
had to do, and a delight in the thought that so poor a 
worm can in the least contribute toward what appears so 
much for the glory of God. The next day was solemn. 
Mr. Gilpin kindly assisted us, and encouraged us to be- 
lieve we should not suffer for what we had given up in 
obedience to God's order. His sermon was attended with 
unction. In the afternoon he was obliged to leave us, and 
return to his own congregation. I had a meeting in our 
room, as there was no service in the church. There was 
a weight on my spirit. I now missed my dear husband. 
Our being without a minister may cause many disagree- 
able things ; and I alone feel the burden. Here is no 
Mr. Home, thought I, to consult with. However, we had 
a very sweet time i The Lord was present in a more than 
common manner. I felt liberty and freedom to speak, but 
we were greatly crowded. Numbers went away for want 
of room, at which I was grieved. Lord, direct us in all 
our ways ! 

There is a good spirit in our people ; they feel the loss 
of their minister, and yet seem resigned to the will of God, 

March 4. — Since the above I have passed through va- 
rious scenes. Our room being too small for the Sunday 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



265 



congregation, I thought it a call to go to the Dale, and 
believed the badness of the roads was not to hinder. But 
the Lord has been pleased to visit me with illness, and 
has quite confined me to my room. I found much peace 
in the Divine appointment. One day the doctor told me 
he thought my case very bad ; and I had reason to believe 
I was very near my Father's house. I felt all my soul 
acquiesce in the Divine disposal ; and though I had no 
particular joy, but rather darts from the enemy, neverthe- 
less 1 felt my soul lie down as it were on the will of God, 
as on a soft pillow. Soon after it appeared I should, for 
a time, be better. All was still right. O the blessing of 
having a God to trust to ! 

I am now again enabled to attend the meetings, and I 
find an increasing power and freedom; but we are still 
without a minister, which causes many difficulties. Every 
day, and almost every hour, things occur to make me feel 
afresh the want of that shepherd w T ho so naturally cared 
for our souls, and so tenderly led this flock for such a 
number of years. But I feel a pleasure in the cross. It 
is a favour, a great favour, to suffer any thing for my 
God. A new ministry has something awful. Should it 
be carnal, what a pain will it be to me to see my dear's 
pulpit so occupied ! Should he be a spiritual man, yet 
perhaps he will not ^agree with the Methodist preachers, 
and that will cause dissensions, a thing unknown at Made- 
ley as yet. But in all I stand still, determined to be well 
pleased with all that the Lord provides. Should there be 
a disagreement, I must bear the weight on both sides. O 
thou great Shepherd and Bishop of souls, I hang on thee ! 
I hide me in the cleft of thy side, and, as it were, wrap 
me in thy will ! Crosses are very profitable. I have one 
foot in the grave, and often but a rough path. It re- 
minded me of a dream I had when about twenty-three, 
before my soul had lost that liberty it got at Hoxton. I 
thought I was looking through my breast at my heart, 
and it appeared very smooth and white. Presently I saw 
the finger of a hand with something like the blade of a 
penknife. It began to scrape ; immediately all was rough 
and brown, till after a time I saw one spot like white velvet. 
Then it was spoken to me, You must endure that circum- 
cising knife till the whole is like that spot ! There was 

12 



266 



THE LIFE OF MRS* FLETCJHEH. 



a great change at that time, and a real renewal as far as 
it went. But when afterward the keen and close knife 
was laid to, all appeared rough. O let me endure till thy 
whole will is done ! O the perfect atonement ! Yes, the 
blood of Christ cleanseih from all sin! When a room is 
dark, let in the sun and it is light. Yet there is no light 
from the room, it is all in the sun. So the soul, uniting 
itself to Christ by faith, is made pure by that union, and 
kept pure by the continuance of it. As I was pleading 
that word to-day, " In this is my Father glorified, that ye 
bring forth much fruit," I thought, it is only union with 
Christ that can make me fruitful. I had a glimpse of 
that union, and saw it was all free gift. Therefore I may 
ask and have the fulness of the Spirit ! Hallelujah ! 

June 22. — What cause have I to trust in the Lord ! 
On May 31st Mr. Walter came to reside. Nearly live 
months I had the cross of being without a minister, but 
now the Lord hath provided one, who I trust will prove a 
man after his own heart. I have only to stand still and 
see his salvation in all, and my spirit finds rest in so doing. 
I have of late had some very comfortable seasons in speak- 
ing to the people, and much of the presence of God. I 
have had a dream, from which I derived some profit. I 
seemed to be assaulted by Satan. Immediately I saw a 
man at a distance, partly covered with a cloud. He 
seemed to take no notice of me for a long time ; at last ha 
came up to me. As he drew near, Satan fell back. The 
man laid his hand on my arm, and said, " Be strong." On 
which I felt a strength go through me I cannot describe. 
He then returned to the same spot, and seemed to take no 
more notice of me. After a time the enemy came again, 
and struggled hard with me. I often looked toward the 
man, but he appeared to take no notice. When my strength 
was almost gone, I raised my left hand and weakly put it 
against the enemy, saying, The Lord Jesus bruise thee be- 
neath my feet from this time for ever ! upon which he fell 
flat to the ground. The man behind the cloud then said. 
" Do you hear that ? Do you all witness it ?" To which 
a great number of voices, as in a musical note, answered, 
We do ! we do ! we do ! They seemed above me, around 
me, and on every side ! And their voices were so loud 
the sound awoke me. It seemed to point out, to me two 



THE LIFE OF MKS. FLETCHER. 



267 



great truths. First, That at those times when the Lord 
appears not to answer as my soul could wish, I am still to 
see him as looking upon me, and equally trust him when 
he does or does not speak. Secondly, That we are con- 
tinually in the sight of the eternal world. Indeed this T 
always knew ; but I felt it more deeply impressed. I seem 
peculiarly conscious of the presence -of the heavenly host, 
and would act, think, and speak, with the deepest re- 
verence. 

August 16, Thursday.-^— On Tuesday last was the anni- 
versary of my dear husband's death. Seven years have 
passed since that awful scene. Seven years has he been 
in glory ! And I, a poor mournful widow, walking below 
through my pilgrimage alone. But what mercies have I 
seen in those seven years ! O, had I at first known I 
should have stayed so long here, it would have looked very 
sad. But I feel more and more we are to live the present 
moment, and I find help and strength is given for every 
hour. It was a solemn but good day to me. My husband 
seemed unspeakably dear and near to me ; but the love 
of the will of God kept me all day above every painful 
feeling. 

September 12. — This summer I have been much called 
to speak in the name of the Lord ; and such a way has 
been made for me, as to weather and conveyance, and va- 
rious circumstances, that it fully convinced me I have no 
need of care. O how sweet is that command, " Cast thy 
burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain thee !" I do 
not know also that ever I felt such help and liberty from 
the Lord in all my life, as I have done in speaking this 
year, both winter and summer, at home and abroad. It 
is a cross to the flesh, but, glory be to thee, thy light doth 
shine on my ways. 

This day I am fifty-three years old. O that I may from 
this day begin a new life ! Once more we are free from 
company ; and I am led to give myself more abundantly 
to private prayer. Since w T e have been alone, a deep con- 
viction has rested on my mind of the shortness of time, 
and how little longer I may retain any degree of health. 
Therefore I determined to seek for an increase of the 
Spirit to unite me more to himself, as he sees good, so I 
may but glorify him. I seem to be threatened with a 



268 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



cancer, and rather seemed to shrink at the prospect. But 
it may be the answer of my own prayer ; and I still say, 
Only make me holy ! 

October 4. — I was led this morning to offer up my 
whole self to God. First, My body, for any suffering he 
saw good. I leave it all to him. If any means are to 
be used, I believe the Lord will himself direct what shall 
be done. Secondly, My reputation, to be esteemed or de- 
spised. Thirdly, My substance, to be continued or with- 
held. Fourthly, My soul, I commit it altogether to the 
Lord. He knows I want to be fully saved ; and I will 
consider it as my one business. Lord, get thyself glory 
upon me! The other morning I was awaked by those 
words powerfully impressed,— 

lc O glorious seat, thou God our King, 
Shalt thither bring our willing feet !" 

Last night those words were precious, " With favour will 
I encompass them as with a shield." My spirit seems to 
long for a closer communion. I have thought on those 
words, " If any man love me he will keep my words, and 
my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and 
make our abode with him." I see I must apply myself 
more to " do the will of God," watching each word and 
thought, and taking up every cross with cheerfulness. 

October 12.— I have been reading over, with deep 
attention, the Life of Mr. David Brainerd. O what a 
deep-searching book have I found it ! Many times before 
have I read it through, but never so entered into the spirit 
of it as now. He observes, it was always his heaven to 
do the will of God, from his first conviction ; and he could 
never rest, but in doing something for the Lord, even 
when death was upon him ! Lord, make me to be of that 
mind ! To have our happiness in doing and suffering the 
will of God, is indeed the strongest assurance the soul 
can have of future glory. For, can any thing separate 
God's will from himself 1 Neither life nor death can then 
divide the soul from his eternal presence. Glory be to 
God, I feel some little measure of this spirit. My delight 
is, that the Lord reigneth, and my rest is in his will. As 
I was thinking the other day, perhaps I may be called to 
have the cancer cut out of one breast, perhaps out of 
both, as there is pain in the other, and formed the idea 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEK. 



269 



of the handkerchief tied over my eyes, and my arms 
bound to the chair. As I was offering myself up to the 
will of God, I felt those words applied, " I am ready not 
only to be bound, but to die for the Lord Jesus." 

On Monday morning I had a peculiar sweetness on my 
spirit in meeting the people ; and at night I read and 
spoke from the 21st of Matthew. It was a good time, 
and some souls were blessed. On the Tuesday, being our 
intercession, I do not know when I have found such lib- 
erty. The Lord was very present, and a deep solemnity 
rested on the congregation ; some of whom have since 
told me the Lord wrought much on them that night. 
Blessed be God, he still gives me to bear his message to 
the people. O that my little remaining strength and time 
may all be devoted to him. Yet I have of late been much 
tried with such a stupor upon me in the morning, that I 
cannot rise till near seven o'clock. This pains me much. 
Lord, make me more active in thy work ! I have since 
observed some answer to prayer, with regard to rising 
in the morning ; Lord, give me to persevere ! 

November 1. — The Lord give me to abound in charity 
as to the outward act ! But where is the difficulty of 
being so, when the Lord hath made my cup to run over ? 
If ever my charity was great, it was when I had little, 
expecting a prison for myself, while I was helping others. 
Yet at that time I am not sure it was cheerfully done ; a 
necessity seemed laid upon me. But now, though 1 give 
much, and am much employed for the poor, yet I fear I 
do not save all I might for them out of what is spent on 
my worthless self. How has the Lord appeared for me ! 
Another's grace, another's wisdom, another's manage- 
ment ! My father's and husband's money all devoted to 
my service ! all gathered together to serve me ! While 
these thoughts came rolling over my mind, those words 
presented themselves, " When I sent you without purse 
or scrip, lacked ye any thing ? And they said, Nothing." 

November 13, Tuesday. — Yesterday concluded eleven 
years since my dear husband and I were made one. It 
was a solemn day to me. I strove to renew my marriage 
covenant with the Lord ; but it was a day of gloom ; I 
had no near access. Much of it was employed among 
the people, as Monday usually is, In the morning meet- 



270 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.. 

ing I had same liberty, and more at night, while reading 
and speaking on the 12th of the Hebrews. 

December 1. — I was much encouraged in considering 
that it is the office of Jesus to "baptize with the Holy 
Ghost." How is it we so neglect to look for the fulfil- 
ment of that office of our Lord ! Did he not say, " He 
that belie veth on me, out of his belly shall flow rivers of 
living water I And this he spake of the Spirit," which 
they w r ho believe on him were to receive. This gift of 
the Holy Ghost is therefore the very thing believers are 
to look for. No matter what they call it— a clean heart, 
salvation from evil tempers, purity, or what they will — it 
makes no difference. There is a baptism of the Spirit 
for believers to receive, and w T hich I have had a taste of ; 
but I want the fulness. The Lord is faithful — it shall 
come. Yes, I see it, I come near it, I feel a touch of it 
while writing ; yet my faith wants a farther lift. Lord,, 
it must be all thy own doing ! 

December 2. — I was talking yesterday with one who 
told me many were much alarmed about the nation. That 
inflammatory papers were throwing about among the 
army, and it is feared they will raise among them such a 
spirit as reigns in those of France. I was led to consider 
that and various other things which appeared to me as 
signs of the times. At night I felt much liberty in plead- 
ing for our good king, and that God would restrain the 
evil ones, who are striving to raise a spirit of ingratitude 
and rebellion in our nation. I felt comfort in. my old. 
word^ " The Lord reigneth !" 

December 11. — This has been on the whole a good day. 
I cannot say I have found so much liberty in the times of 
family prayer as I usually have ; but in the five times of 
my private approaches to the Lord I think I have each 
time had a greater degree of it. 

December 16, Sunday.— My spirit pants after God ! O 
Lord, glorify thyself upon me ; this is what I long for, 
and pray for. I seem like a poor beggar waiting at 
mercy's door ; oft full of hope, and then again the door 
seems shut. I want the spirit of prayer. I want also a 
more self-denying spirit. Last night I dreamed my dear 
husband wrote a line for me to read. I took up the paper 
with desire, and read, " Those who closely follow Jesus, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



271 



Christ can discern the mark of the thorn in his steps."' 
As soon as I was dressed, I lighted a candle, and opened 
the Bible to read, when I cast my eyes on those words, 
" Seeing Christ hath suffered in the flesh, arm yourself 
also with the same mind." I see it. If I would walk 
with Christ, I must know my path by that very mark. 
A constant death to my owm will. Lord, show me how 
to walk thus ! Give me a steady power to rise the very 
moment the alarm goes off. To watch against sloth all 
day, and to use more abstemiousness in my food. I be- 
lieve this would be good both for soul and body ; and 1 
have asked it of the Lord, that Sally may see it in the 
right light, and not fret and be unhappy when I do not 
take what she thinks I ought. This is oft a mighty hin- 
derance to me in little mortifications which I would use. 
I am quite clear I have no right to hurt my body. I am 
not, I think, in any danger of that. But often self-denial 
promotes health. I hope to begin to-morrow, a day which 
we had set apart to pray for the nation, and for the 
children on whom the Lord had begun to work. I pro- 
pose to keep a watch over my appetite each day, and this 
indeed the Lord hath already given me ; but to this I 
would add a shadow (for I cannot call it more) of a fast, 
twice a week. On Mondays and Fridays I would omit 
butter in the morning, eating dry bread, and as usual 
rosemary tea without sugar. For dinner, water gruel, 
with salt and pepper, and, as on other days, tea for my 
supper. This cannot hurt my health, and may be a kind 
of remembrancer that there is such a duty as self-denial. 

February 9, 1793. — The watch night, the last evening 
of the year, and the intercession, the first of this year, 
were both favoured with much of the presence of God, 
and some souls were a good deal stirred up. Blessed be 
the Lord, the work does not cease* How melancholy did 
our situation appear when Mr. Home was called away \ 
But we are comfortably provided for in a minister. O, 
how good it is to stand still, and commit all our ways to 
God ! This day my spirit has been waiting on the Lord, 
and enabled to keep in his presence. 

March 20. — This morning I felt a power to ask that I 
might be kept from grieving the Holy Spirit all the day. 
I knew there would be much hurry and many distractions 



272 



THE. LIFE OF MRS. Fi*ETCHEiR*. 



Glory be to my Goo! ! I found Jesus a sweet refuge, and 
a freedom from all confusion or hurry of thought all the 
day. The presence of the Lord keeps all in peace. This 
day I have experienced afresh the fulfilment of my former 
promise of having plenty of silver. Among other things 
I have had some singular opportunities of helping the 
Church, and the poor, each in small portions. O, how 
can I praise the Lord sufficiently for such an indulgence ! 
What numbers of his dear children am I enabled to assist I 
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless 
his holy name ! 

March 26. — This morning having some painful 
thoughts respecting the cancer, I carried them to the 
Lord. A sweet calm came over my spirit. I could freely 
offer up all to God. He knows, if I saw my way clear, 
I am ready every hour to submit to the operation. While- 
I waited in calm and peaceful resignation, that word 
occurred to my mind, " Can there be evil in the city, and 
the Lord hath not done it ?" I said, No ! it is all in his hand. 
It can rise no higher than he pleases. I thought, also, if 
my dear husband was with me, and had power over the 
complaint, should I be under any concern about it. I 
answered, No, I should not. My tender partner would 
direct and help me through all. Well, said my heart, my 
heavenly Bridegroom is powerful, more loving, more 
present, than the dearest human friend can be. I have- 
nothing to do but stand still, and he will instruct me in 
the way I should go. I have his own promise, aU shali 
work together for my good. Even my mistake, if I am 
under one respecting this disease, all shall be for good. I 
am alone, and have none to direct me. Therefore, I give 
up all to my Lord ! and as we order for an infant, so will 
he order all for me. Whatever is his choice is mine. 

April 1. — Yesterday, being Easter Sunday, I felt a 
desire to give up all my concerns into the hands of God, 
by a. fresh dedication of myself to him at his table. I 
was much troubled the night before with a suggestion 
that I ought to have the cancer cut out, and that I should 
see it so by and by. I ventured to pray that if it were 
the will of God that I should stand still and wait on him, 
he would give me a peculiar blessing on the morrow. My 
prayer was graciously heard. So comfortable a Sabbath 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



273 



I have not had for years. I gave up soul and body into 
the Lord's hand, with a firm confidence that he would 
order for me, as a tender husband for a wife ; and when 
I went to the table I was enabled to consider it as the 
seal of our mutual covenant, and my faith has ever since 
found an increase. The marks of death seem to be upon 
me, and they are a great blessing ! ' I seem continually 
called to offer myself up as in martyrdom ; and so many 
sweet promises come before me, assuring me of the tender 
care of my Lord, that I sometimes think never was a 
creature so safe and so happy* 

April 4. — Reflecting this morning on the various ways 
in which different persons express themselves concerning 
sanctification, or what is called Christian perfection, I 
was led to think, may it not be thus expressed^ — I feel 
a degree of faith which continually unites me to God, 
through the atoning blood. " I abide in Christ," through, 
whom I am always accepted, and I feel nothing contrary 
to love. Yea, I am far from what I ought to be ; and I 
obey with joy my Lord's admonition, " When ye have 
done all, say, I am an unprofitable servant*'* Being taken 
into Christ, as a drop of water into the ocean, I lose my- 
self in him, and find in him my all for time and for eter- 
nity ! Now a measure of this state I do feel ; and I feel 
strong drawings to expect a clearer fellowship — a throw- 
ing open the everlasting doors of my soul, and a more 
powerful entrance of the King of glory t 

Saturday 6* — I went this morning to see a sick family 
lately come into the town, and ill of a putrid fever, of 
which the father died. O, how dark did I find all those 
who were recovered ! The various places I called at 
yielded little satisfaction till we came to D. The girl 
was just on the point of marriage with a pious young 
man, and every way to her advantage. But instead of 
this, she is now brought to death's door by a painful and 
dangerous disorder. She told me she did not find her 
inclination at all to this world ; that she had much rather 
die than live. She added, " How good is the Lord in all 
he does ! The apothecary gives me bitter medicines to 
do me good, and I love him for it, though he may mistake 
and do me harm. But God cannot mistake, and shall I 
sot love him ? 0. he keeps my mind so a^uiet I can leave 



274 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEK.. 



all unto him. Sometimes I have great temptations, and 
reason whether I have not brought it all on myself, by 
taking too hard a place." I observed. But you went 
there believing it to be for the best 1 " Yes," she replied, 
" and the Lord soon comforts me again, if such thoughts 
come.. The other night I dreamed I was dead. I thought 
I was looking down on this bed. and said, there is the 
spot on which my crown was brightened, and I have not 
had one pain too much ; and so I shall say when I get to 
glory." Her words were exceedingly animating to me. 
When she first met with me among the children, I always 
observed her deep attention. O, how she has grown in 
grace ! 

May 14. — The first Sunday of this month I was at the 
Dale. We had a crowded house ; but I felt such liberty, 
both of mind and voice, as I but seldom remember to have 
had. I spoke near an hour from that word, " They shall 
ask their way to Zion, with their faces thitherward." 
In the last meeting we had great liberty, blessed be the 
Lord ! On Monday night I found also uncommon free- 
dom at our home meeting, and the congregation was very 
large. Tuesday's class was also good ; but from that 
time I have been laid up with pains in my head, face, 
and all over me, attended with a slight fever. During 
this season I have been led to consider what numerous 
mercies I am surrounded with ! My cup runs over. 
Though I have not that near access to my God I lonof 
&r, yet I do feel such safety,, such confidence in his love, 
that I am, in the midst of all. enabled still to say and 
feel,— 

iL One only care my soul shall know, 
Father,, all thy commands to do." 

July 1. — Last night a man called, whose daughter lies 
in this infectious fever which has carried off so many. 
He said she desired to see Sally, as she was much dis- 
tressed in her soul, and it was too far off for me to go- 
there. Sally asked me what she should do ? Finding 
her own mind quite free to it as the call of God, I felt it 
come near, for she is my greatest consolation, next to 
God, and useful as a right hand. I looked up, and felt 
the power of these words, " The hairs of your head are 
all numbered." I said in my heart, If the Lord should 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



275 



have appointed to take her from me by this mean, shall I 
say to him, What doest thou.? No, I will cling to that 
word, " Thy will be done on earth as it is done in hea- 
ven." It was suggested, You lost your husband by a 
putrid fever ; perhaps Sally may be taken also by it. 
But shall I refuse her devoting her life to the glory of 
God ? Shall I hold back the dearest thing I have upon 
earth from Jesus, who gave himself for me % My soul 
cried out, No, my Lord, my Saviour, no ! I offer up every 
Isaac to thy will. She went and found the woman under a 
concern for her soul. All consequences I leave to my God. 

I am amazed how free my mind is from care ! Those 
things which used to burden me are now as nothing. I 
have learned to stand still, and Jesus, my adorable Saviour, 
takes care of all. 

August 14. — This has been a solemn day. And is it 
indeed eight years since my dearest husband went to 
glory ? What a night was that to me ! I was at this 
hour waiting at his bedside, with my eyes immovably 
fixed upon his dear, calm, peaceful, dying countenance. 
I have this day gone through the scene ; but glory be to 
God, in a different manner than when we seemed on the 
point of separation. Yea, already parted, for he could 
not show any sensibility toward me. But this day it has 
been constantly on my mind, as if we thought and did all 
together. Yes, thou dear spirit, well didst thou say to 
me in that dream, " I am not dead, I live !" Yes, thou 
dost live : and I have no doubt hast helped me this day 
to feel an uncommon peace, such as I sometimes have felt 
when dreaming, and having, in a peculiar manner, a sense 
of the presence of heavenly spirits. There are seasons 
when the mind, joining itself to the Lord, and abiding in 
that posture, feels a kind of anticipation of the blissful 
union enjoyed in the realms of light, and has communion, 
more or less sensible, with the spirits before the throne. 
Some faint touches of this I have felt this day. At my 
first waking in the morning, my soul cried to the Lord, 
that it might be indeed a day of consecration and dedica- 
tion of all my powers to that God whose I am, and whom 
I desire perfectly to serve* 

December 21.-— My soul has for some days been in a 
peculiar exercise. O Lord, keep me from every snare, 



276 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETGHEK; 

and never let me be drawn into any thing but according 
to thy will ! I wish to help souls, and to obey thy order ; 
but in so doing, it is hard to avoid many things disagree- 
able. Lord, give me a fuller plunge into thyself, that my 
conversation may be always in heaven ! And the desire 
to please, or fear of contempt, remove far from me ! O 
for a single eye fixed alone on God ! 

The lump in my breast is removed, in a wonderful man- 
ner, in answer to prayer ! I could not find freedom to 
use any of the things I was advised to, only the goose- 
grass juice, a quarter of a pint twice a day. After some 
months, the upper lump became less, and is now quite 
gone, as far as I can perceive ! nor do I find now any 
pain in either. Glory be to God ! 

May 7, 1794. — I had some encouragement in prayer 
last night and this morning ; and I was led to plead that 
my soul might be filled with the Spirit, that my tongue, 
being touched with the fire of heavenly love, might be 
enabled to plead the cause of truth in a different manner 
to that which it now doth. 

We have been encouraged in seeing some souls brought 
in. G. M., for whom we have long waited, sometimes 
with hope, sometimes with fear, has now found the Lord 
most clearly. O what a change does grace make ! She 
is indeed a new creature ; and her mouth is open in his- 
praise who hath brought her out of darkness into his mar- 
vellous light. 

June 4. — What answers to prayer have I seen of late \ 
My gracious Lord seems to count each hair indeed. When 
I was at the Dale again last Sunday, he gave such a 
liberty in speaking as I have seldom experienced. The 
congregation was very large. As I entered the chapel, the 
heat was almost ready to beat me back. When I had got 
through to my seat, the sun lay on it, and there were but 
a few small openings to admit air. One of these is by 
my seat, but I observed no air come in that way. It 
appeared as if my voice must be lost with the heat. I 
looked to the Lord, and said, My Father, turn the air this 
way, if thou seest good ! The time being come, I began 
giving out the hymn, and forgot my prayer. But as I 
was just ready to faint, such a fine breath of fresh air 
came in as quite revived me. Then I recollected what I 



THE LITE OF MRS. IT ETC HER. 



277 



had asked. The next two lines which I had to give out 
were, 

" For our Shepherd and King 
Cares much for his sheep." 

how my heart went with the words, and set to its seal 
that they were true ! Contrary to what is usual with me, 

1 was an hour and three quarters. My strength held out, 
and the dear people, though violently crowded, stood like 
wax work ; and many wished the service had been longer. 

An affair which perplexed my mind, I find quite re- 
moved by prayer. I can do nothing but in that way. O, 
my Lord, did ever a soul feel more of that word, Without 
me ye can do nothing ? But I wait for a revelation of Jesus 
Christ in my soul more full and strong than I ever had. 

June 10. — While I was this morning speaking to a 
backslider, I had such a sight of the narrow way, as greatly 
animated my soul. I see there is no way to keep life and 
communion with God, but by strictly adhering to the 
words of St. Paul, " I am determined to know nothing 
among you but Jesus Christ and him crucified." There 
must be a shutting the door of the soul against any thing 
else ; not only sin, but any care or meddling with what 
we are not called to attend unto. 

August 1 . — I feel my health decline. This very hot 
summer affects me exceedingly. My legs swell greatly,, 
unless constantly bound with many yards of flannel. I 
am very weak, and my breath very short. Yet I am en- 
abled to keep all my meetings both abroad and at home,, 
and have found the Lord much with me all the sum- 
mer in this respect. He gives me out strength for my 
day. Some remarkable providences have happened lately^ 
I think them worth preserving. A short time since a 
man and his wife, who lived near some of our good 
brethren, were by them oft invited to the preaching that 
has been lately established in that place ; but thev turned 
it off, sa\~ing, they had something better to do. W hen 
the Bridgenorth races came on, they were preparing ta 
go. R. W. then reminded them- of their plea against 
hearing the word, that " they must mind their work, and 
had something better to do." But the man said they 
were determined to go, and have two good days there 
in the first day he got so heated that on the second he 



2TB 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER"- 



came home in a fever, and died the day following ! How 
little did he think, when setting off for the races, that he 
had not three days to live ! 

Another awful judgment was as follows : A young man 
was working with brother Williams in the Forge. He 
swore in a dreadful manner. Williams reproved him, 
urging the destruction such a conduct would bring upon 
him. He turned all into ridicule, saying he was a match 
for the deviL Presently after he went to the alehouse* 
and got drunk. He then got into a wagon which was 
going his way. As he sat on the side, he fell backwards^ 
and was taken up dead ! O, the little day of life, how 
eminently precious I 

August 14. — Nine years this day my dear love has been 
in glory ! But I have seen much of mercy in this time, 
and have learned more abundantly to trust in the Lord. 
All convinces me, in a deeper and deeper manner,, of that 
truth, All my ways are in his hand, and he directs my 
paths. Though my dear husband seems as dear to me as 
ever, yet I can praise the Lord for full resignation. Re- 
flecting the other day on the manner I was affected at the 
awful season of his death, I could not but see in it cause 
of praise. Though his life or death was the closest thing 
under the heaven to me, yet each day and hour of that 
most solemn week, I could never once ask his life, without 
adding, T1iy will, thy will be done ! 

August 22. — I grow very poorly in body. My taber. 
nacle seems taking down. I feel an almost constant fever, 
with great confusion and dizziness in my head. I can 
scarcely do any business ; and the writing a letter seems 
to affect me strangely. In this state I have been some 
months, so that the least exertion wearies me, and gives 
me pain all over. Yet when the hour of meeting, whether 
of people or children, comes, I am enabled to get through 
the duty, and sometimes with uncommon power ! Glory 
be to God ! My nights also are very restless, yet I get 
some sleep, and am not in any violent . pain. My Lord: 
does all things well. 

September 12. — This day, if my dear husband had lived, 
he would have been sixty-five years old, and I am fifty- 
five. I have lived more than half a century. Lord, to 
what purpose ? I know the Lord is still graciously work* 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



ing in my soul. I feel a more constant going out after 
God. My spiritual senses seem more awake, and yet I 
never found it harder to pray when on my knees ! The 
resistance of principalities and powers I have been made 
particularly acquainted with. Indeed it is a narrow way. 
With regard to outward things, I see nothing but mercy, 
miracles of mercy ! Every thing appears so in the hand 
of God as I cannot express. Even the smallest occur- 
rence in my affairs seems directed of God ! I wished, or 
rather thought, if the room could be enlarged it would be 
a blessing. And now, on account of the church being 
taken down, the wardens, in order to accommodate the 
parish, are enlarging it for the Sunday service to be there. 
By this means the meeting will be enlarged without any 
expense to me.* 

September 30. — I found this mornings while at prayer 
with the family, and with the work people who were 
taking up the potatoes, that the Lord was present. I felt 
him so. At the time of morning prayer in private, I had 
also an unusual liberty. I then had a foreign letter to 
write, in which I sensibly felt the help of my gracious 
Lord. He rendered some things easy which were in 
themselves difficult. O Jesus, thou art made unto us wis- 
dom! It appears to me, and experience confirms it, that 
it is peculiarly pleasing to the Lord that we should look 
up to him for help in the least things as freely as the 
greatest. He who numbers every hair will lead us as a 
child is led by its mother, and carried in her arms over 
every difficult path. 

December 5. — My soul has been much drawn out lately 
to ask a close walk with God ; more brokenness of heart,, 
and a clearer sight of my utter helplessness. I have found' 
this week that several souls have been blessed. I seem 
the only dry fleece. * The Lord has been pleased that I 
should suffer some humiliations, which always do me good ; 
yet he is much with me in speaking in his name. This 
morning, as we were rising, Sally told me what a sweet 
dream she had in the night. She thought she was meet- 
ing the people, and while at prayer she was so over- 

* Henry the Fourth, of France, used to say to his great and faith- 
ful minister, u Sully, mind my business, and I will mind yours."— 
Ed. 



280 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



whelmed with the power of God, and had such a sense of 
the Divine Trinity entering into and purifying her soul, 
that she said in her heart, This is the baptism of the Spirit 
which hath purified my heart from all sin ! And such a 
light shone in her soul, as seemed to bear a clear witness 
thereto. She thought, I will tell the people, that they may 
glorify God. Immediately it was suggested, No, stay till 
you have got through the trials which are before you. She 
answered, No ; I will glorify him now ; and in earnestly 
pressing the people to seek the same liberty, she awoke. 
I can never enough bless and praise the Lord for the great 
favour he hath done me in this dear young woman. She is 
niece to my honoured friend, Mrs. Ryan ; and truly she 
partakes of her spirit, and her whole soul seems to be en- 
gaged in the work. This has been a day of recollection* 
I have felt my want, and followed after God ; and I think 
have found, in some sense, each thought brought into sub- 
jection unto Christ. 

December 24.— Many mercies have I seen of late. 
Some circumstances of expense occurred, and immediately 
some increase of necessitous objects followed. I felt this 
to be a weight. When Sally or myself visited the poor, 
and beheld great straits, we were sometimes constrained 
to withhold help, because my calculation would not allow 
it, though I had cut off what expense I could, according 
to my best light. This I therefore laid before the Lord, 
and felt thoroughly content, either to help or not, as should 
be most for his glory. In a few days I received a letter 
from my brother, with a proposal so to dispose of a part 
of my money as was likely to raise me several additional 
pounds this year. One called also and promised the pay- 
ment of five guineas, which I had quite given up for loss. 
In a variety of little incidents I have discerned such a 
guiding hand of Providence, as hourly confirms the truth 
of that word, " The hairs of your head are all numbered." 

April 7, 1795. — Glory be to God ! He hath been work- 
ing on some souls of late ; and I see a spirit of mighty 
prayer poured on one in particular. Yet it seems as if 
Satan was striving to bring hinderances among us. Some 
things, I fear, will cause offence ; in particular this child, 
whom the Lord hath certainly blessed in a wonderful 
manner. Lord, keep out all wrong spirits, I beseech thee ! 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



281 



I know the wisdom of men cannot comprehend thy work ; 
but let no real enthusiasm enter ! Keep us steady and 
firm, resting only on the sure foundation. 

Some days ago I called on Mrs. Yate.* We had a close 
and comfortable conversation. She told me she had for 
some months had a very sweet and solid rest ; and all her 
words in the class had expressed the same. She had been 
long very poorly, but she had strove to bear up under it 
without complaint* She now felt her strength fail, and 
had an almost continual pain in her right side. Her 
peace, however, continued, and she could leave all to the 
Lord. She farther observed that she had for some time 
found such a full sense of the all-sufficiency of God, as 
she could not express. Shortly after, as she was one 
night lying awake, she felt a powerful application of that 
word, " Cast thy burden on the Lord, and he will sustain 
thee." In a day or two more she was confined to her 
bed, the fever strong, the pain in her side severe, and often 
forced to rise in the bed to breathe. In this situation she 
had been several nights ; and this morning she has been 
confirming to me what she had already observed, that the 
Lord kept her every moment. I have (said she) never 
found a shadow of impatience. I can neither eat nor 
sleep, but I have no desire for either. My strength goes 
fast, but I feel myself perfectly content with all the Lord's 
dispensations. I used to feel great fear of death, but I 
have not any of it now ; and the thought of leaving my 
children, whom I so much desire to bring up for the Lord, 
used to fill me with much pain. But I feel strangely free, 
and can with confidence put them in the Lord's hand, and 
leave them there ! Her words were to me refreshing and 
animating. I can bear witness what a pattern of tender 
conscience and meek submission she has been. She is now 
better, and I trust will be spared to us a little longer. 

May 22. — I had a sweet lesson from the Lord thi& 
morning. I was inquiring why I did not hold the bless- 
ing of sanctification more steadily ? and it seemed that 

* Mrs. Yate was daughter of the late Nathaniel Gilbert, Esq., 
speaker of the house of assembly in the island of Anrigua. He 
was an intimate friend of Mr. Wesley-, and the first preacher of the 
Gospel to the negroes in the West Indies. He endured that cross, 
despising the shame.— Ed. 



282 



THE LIFE OF HRS. FLETCHEK. 



the Lord answered me, that it was because I forgot the 
observation I have so often made to the people, of the 
rattlesnake and the squirrel, till through tear sue droos into 
his mouth.* So when my soul is striving to abide in 
Jesus, under some peculiar trials, a temptation to discou- 
ragement presents itself ; I look at it and grow discou- 
raged. Instead of that, I ought " to reckon myself dead 
unto sin, and alive unto righteousness." In so do in 2: 
I should u resist the devil, who would soon flee from 
me." Also. I clearly saw that I should watch in con- 
versation, and never contradict, unless for conscience' 
sake ; remembering that command, " Let your gentleness 
be known unto all men." as carrying that consciousness. 
*• The L : rd is a: hand." 

June 24. — Glory be to God 1 I have experienced many- 
very particular answers to prayer of late. For some time 
past I saw it the call of God that I should go out every 
S-iniay to the Woo: and Dale alternately tor a time. I 
reared :he heat of the nouses, but the Lord took care for 
that. If the weather was ever so hot in the week, it was 

iys cool on the Sabbath Bles- : : 
with us of a truth, and I experienced both inward and 
outward help beyond my expectation. 

August 14. — Ten years this day I have been a widow* 
Last night I found liberty in pleading with the Lord for 
the fulfilment of my dear love's last prayer. u Head of the 
Church, be head to my wife ;" and this day I have been 
renewing my covenant with the Lord to be wholly at his 
disposal. To abandon my whole self, body, soul, and spirit, 
with every concern for time and eternity, into his hand. 
Often I have done this, but on this day I peculiarly love to 
renew the solemn dedication. I have found a deeper view 
than ever into the sinfulness of sin, — I mean what an 
aggravated burden my sins added to the sufferings of my 
Redeemer ! Those words, u Ye are not your own, ye are 
bought with a price, 5 ' were impressed on my mind. Then 
I thought on that word also, " They to whom much is for- 
given, shall love much :" and I had some power to claim 
that abundant love my spirit so pants after. But I dis- 
cerned so many blemishes in all I have ever done. said, 
or thought, that I was forced to look to my great Sacri- 

* The illustration is good, whatever becomes of the tact. — Re 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 233 

fice. There I could see infinite perfection. " It pleased 
the Father, that in him should all fulness dwell." Cast- 
ing my eyes on the Bible open before me, it presented the 
cure of Naaman. I was led from that to consider, how 
easy it was with the Lord to perform as perfect a cure on 
my soul as on Naaman's body ! 

September 12. — Had a good time this morning in 
prayer. Afterward in reading the account of Prudence 
Williams, (Magazine, vol. xii,) I was much struck to think 
how the pow r er of God was seen in her great salvation. 
In the bloom of youth — a good husband, whom she had 
been happy with for one year — a fine boy likely to live — 
affectionate relations — every thing to hold her here ; and 
yet with what noble freedom did she leave all, preferring 
her heavenly Beloved to every earthly joy ! It brought 
to my mind a word given me the other day in prayer, 
The glory of the Lord shall arise upon them, and his glory 
shall be seen upon them,. This day I am fifty-six. O 
Lord, how little of thy glory has been yet seen upon me ! 
O, let my remaining life be spent to thy praise ! 

21. — We began the Monday meetings again this morn- 
ing, which had been stopped a few weeks on account of 
the women being in the harvest. Blessed be God, they 
have not lost as much as I feared they w T ould. In this 
the Lord hath heard prayer indeed. B. T. spoke sweetly ; 
her words animated my soul. And B. B. observed in a 
very lively manner, what a difference she found between 
this and former harvests, and plainly described the fruit 
of the new creature. She was astonished to think what 
unthankfulness she used to feel. But, said she, every bit 
I picked up this year, seemed so to come from the Lord ! 
and her heart overflowed with praise and thanksgiving. 
Poor Jane also gave good proof of a mighty change, 
though a few months ago an open sinner ! 

October 8. — The Lord has been in a very particular 
w r ay showing me the depth of iniquity which hath been 
in all my life.*- O, what a scene ! the heights of folly, 

* What a mystery is this unveiling of the human heart, to the 
self-satisfied, self-righteous world ! When God discovers to his 
children, (for to none else can it be discovered,) "by his holy law 
written in their hearts," not only the iniquity that is manifest 
the re h but all that their hearts are " capable of;" this is a scene- 



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and the depths of selfishness ! What did my Jesus bear 
for me ! Yes, he hath borne it all. He hath made a full 
and perfect sacrifice for me ! I can come to him as my 
full atonement. But I cannot bring him that glory I 
would, without a fuller change. I seem to have a hold 
of God more firm and steadfast, and a great expectation 
from his mere mercy. He hath done the work indeed for 
me, and I believe he will do it in me. So I shall become 
the " little child, to whom it is the Father's good pleasure 
to give the kingdom." 

Last night our tickets were renewed. It was a very 
solemn time. We had four new members. Mr, Baldwin 
preached on, " Are there few that be saved !" He showed 
how out of a company of professors, few might be truly 
in the " narrow way." That it called for the full exer- 
tion of all our powers, that we may " enter in at the strait 
gate." I found it a very sweet season. Afterward while 
he met the men's class, Mrs. Walter and I had a com- 
fortable conversation on holiness ; and as I was speaking 
to her, O, how did I see all depended on having the mind 
stayed on Jesus ! That our one business is, to look at 
him, our complete Saviour. 

Tuesday, November 10. — I awaked this morning with 
these words, — 

To keep your armour bright, 

Attend with constant care, 
For ever walking in his sight, 

And watching unto prayer." 

At my time of prayer, I found a cry in my soul that I 
might do so. When pleading for the people and the work, 
that it might be carried on in any way the Lord sees 
good, I felt my mind divested of any choice. Some 
slighting things had been said of late by one, with whom 
I have taken much pains, as if he could now do far better 
than his teachers ! I brought this to the Lord ; and felt 
my soul quite willing to be hid and covered in all he called 
me to, or blessed me in ; and my heart sprang with joy 

indeed ! Let those to whom these discoveries are made, take heed 
that " their faith fail not. The blood of the covenant," and " the 
great and precious promises," will fully reach their case. This 
discovery is a needful preparation, in order to their being " cleans- 
ed,, by faith, from all unrighteousness." — Ed. 



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285 



at the idea of his Spirit being poured out through any 
channel. As I was thus hiding myself in Jesus, and 
enjoying the slighting things thrown out, on what I think 
a sweet revival which we have had of late, I felt what I 
know not how to describe, — I saw myself as espoused to 
Jesus my husband, and consequently one in interest with 
him. Before I was aware, I cried out, If thou art glori- 
fied, I am glorified ! Struck at my own words, I stopped ; 
when it came to me with much power, " They that are 
joined to the Lord are one spirit.'' It also followed, 
they that partake of my humiliations shall partake of 
my glory. O, how willing did my spirit feel to wait for 
that day ; and such a sight was opened before me of the 
great blessing of being nothing in the eyes of man, as I 
can better feel than write. 

Last night at the meeting we had a great congrega- 
tion, and, blessed be God, I felt liberty. Two more notes 
of thanksgiving were presented for spiritual blessings re- 
ceived. When I came out a person desired to speak 
with me. She gave me a blessed account how the Lord 
had given her the full assurance of peace and pardon ! 
and M. D., who came in with her, appears to be sinking 
much deeper into God. Glory be to his holy name ! 
Many of late are thus brought in, and several are either 
seeking the great blessing, or do " love the Lord with all 
their heart." 

November 12. — A solemn sense of the mercies received 
in these last fourteen years, has deeply sunk into my soul. 
How different was my state this day fourteen years, when 
I first became a wife ! How tossed was my mind with a 
thousand fears, not yet fully knowing the " angel of the 
Church" to whom I was joined ; and also encumbered 
with various difficulties. But now this night there is not 
one clog left ! What a marvellous change ! My dear 
love's blessing does rest upon me ! The Head of the 
Church is indeed my head ; and mercy with overflowing 
goodness does follow me all the day long. And with 
respect to the work. O my God ! Thou didst not call us 
to have children according to the flesh ; but what an 
accomplishment do I see of those words, " Thy sons shall 
come from afar, and thy daughters shall be nursed at thy 
side." Yes, I see them coming on every hand, 



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" Better than daughters, or than sons, 
Temples Divine of living stones. 
Inscribed with Jesus' name !" 

According to my usual custom on my wedding day, I 
have been renewing my covenant to be all the Lord's 5 
and beseeching him to possess every thought, and to 
reveal himself more abundantly to my soul. May I from 
this moment be all activity in following hard after God ! 
I am filled with blessings ; O that I may be filled with the 
spirit of praise ! 

Monday, December 21. — Yesterday was a fatiguing 
day to the flesh, but I trust the Lord was glorified among 
us. In the morning I awoke about two, and being afraid 
to lose the early opportunities, I could hardly sleep after- 
ward. Between four and five I rose, but was so poorly, 
I could but think, and offer up my soul in prayer. At 
the nine o'clock meeting I found the Lord was with us* 
At half after ten, (as Mr. Walter was from home,) I had 
to meet the congregation. For an hour and three quar- 
ters I felt much freedom, and some life in speaking, sing- 
ing, and prayer. In the other meeting, (when Sally had 
taken that of the two o'clock, in which she had a great 
company and much of the power of God,) I spoke to about 
twenty young beginners ; and, blessed be the Lord, they 
came forward. A company at tea, and a private meet- 
ing in the evening, seemed to break me down. Between 
six and seven I retired, and for an hour and a half my 
soul was refreshed by being enabled to look, by faith, to 
my adorable Surety now 44 at the right hand of the Ma- 
jesty on high," fully set free from all my sins wherewith 
he had charged himself. I saw him 64 delivered to death 
for my transgressions, and raised again for my justifica- 
tion." I had a sweet view how the believer, though weak 
and feeble, continued thus free. The Saviour 44 bears the 
iniquity of our holy things." How true, how sweet is 
that word, 44 If thou canst believe, all things are possible !" 
Yes, he hath said, 44 He that cometh unto me, I will in no- 
wise cast out." My soul rested on his satisfaction with 
peaceful enjoyment, and I fed on those words of the pro- 
phet, 44 And he shall build the temple of the Lord." Yes, 
I depend on thee, 44 my Priest, my Atonement, my Inter- 



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287 



lessor," I depend on thee alone to make my soul and 
body " the living temple of the Holy Ghost." 

January 4, 1796. — This year has begun with a solemn 
sense of eternity on my soul. On the first day we had 
the covenant with peculiar solemnity, and many were 
blessed. On the third Mr. Walter preached in my room 
on, Cut it down, why cumbereth it the ground. It was a 
precious time. 

January 5.-— This day I have been fourteen years in 
Madeley. It seems but as yesterday. What crucifying 
scenes have I passed through ! Yet not one too much. No, 
my adorable Lord, thou hast done all things well ! 

April 27. — Reading a little diary of dear Mrs. Yate, 
has been as marrow and fatness to my soul. It searched 
me deeply. O how much earnest agonizing do I discern 
in her soul ! And yet she is ever complaining of sloth. 
O my Lord, what am I % Yet I feel the Lord does keep 
me more steadily looking to himself. But I do not get 
into the full rest I want, every moment feeling an all-suf- 
ficient God. 

Tuesday, May 11. — These words were powerful — They 
that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. But I 
did not continue on my diligent watch. Some useless 
thoughts crept in ; and though I have been striving most 
of the day, I seem as if I could not feel as I did yesterday. 
O Lord, heal me ! Thou knowest my unfaithfulness, and 
thou alone canst make me what thou wouldst have me to 
be. A circumstance occurred yesterday which I found 
good. One who came to me told me some things that had 
jeen said, which to nature would be grating, and once 
would have been a great trial. But I found power to 
embrace the humiliation, and could share with joy his lot 
*vho was " counted a worm, and no man, the scorn of 
nen, and the reproach of the people." 

Considering my various complaints, I see death not far 
off, and it seems my business, and one concern, to bend 
all my thoughts that way. O, to awake up after his like- 
ness ! Lord, get thyself glory on me ! I pant to be all 
like thee ! 

June 10* — Last night for some hours I could not sleep, 
having much fever. But I found it a good time of plead- 
ing with the Lord, that he would glorify himself on me* 



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THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



I pleaded that blessed word, " They who have much for*, 
given shall love much." 

December 31. — Another year is almost at an end. How 
is my soul ] Lord, what have I gained this year ? I feel 
more liberty in prayer, more hunger and thirst after God ; 
yet only in a small advance to what I would be. I feel 
an unspeakable nearness to eternity, and a deep sense of 
its importance. O that I may live to God as I have never 
yet done ! This morning pleading that word, Whatsoever 
ye ask in my name, I will do it, I felt my confidence in- 
crease, and can firmly rely on the word of the Lord. 1 
did, and do now, ask such a state of soul as will most 
glorify my Lord. I ask to dwell in love. It appears to 
me there can be no witness equal to this, When I dwell, 
constantly dwell, in the element of love, there can be no 
room for a doubt. But my hindrance from entering fully 
into this state, is the want of looking every moment to 
Jesus. I am sensible I should grow fast if I unremit- 
tingly kept my eye fixed on him. But since I have more 
ardently desired this, it seems as if all hell opposed it,* 
and, as it were, forced away my mind, or brought black 
clouds between me and my views of heaven. Yet will I 
persevere ; yea, I will hang upon thy word, believing the 
cloudless day shall come. 

January 4, 1797. — Much comfort I have had in meet- 
ing the Tuesday class in the morning. They almost 
every one seem to have renewed their vigour with the 
new year. O, how did they praise God, saying they had 
never known such a Christmas ! Several of these were, 
a few months since, strong in the devil's service. They 
are now rejoicing in the Lord ! But poor C. D. — nothing 
could comfort him. He seemed locked up in dark de- 
spair, till at the covenant on Sunday night the Lord set 
him at liberty. On Tuesday night while he was speak- 
ing, how did my heart leap for joy ! O, what an answer 
to prayer ! On Wednesday morning the meeting was 
also very lively, and several seem to have begun the new 
year in the most solemn spirit of prayer. How many 

* The devil knows it is the very thing that will overcome him* 
It is this alone that will deliver us from that worldly spirit which 
is the element in which he works. Every thing is little compared 
to this faith. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



289 



of these likewise were a few months ago dark sinners ! 
O, Lord, we hope to see more and more of thy power 
among us. 

March 20. — " Gracious is the Lord, and merciful." O, 
how much of his faithfulness have I seen of late ! More 
and more do I discover how he orders all for us. Some 
affairs of late have threatened distress to the nation, and 
loss to me. But the tender care and wise disposal of the 
Lord was so set before me, that I was enabled to praise 
him as I could not have done had not these things oc- 
curred. And he made me to know in the end, that he 
does indeed make a hedge about me, and all concerning 
me. O, what a treasure do I see in those words, " I will 
be your God, and you shall be my sons and daughters, 
saith the Lord Almighty !" 

April 1. — -For some days my soul has been keenly tried 
by an accusation of the enemy, on account of a former 
transaction in which it was represented I had injured my 
neighbour. I cried to the Lord to make it plain if it were 
so, for he knew it would be the very joy of my heart to 
make amends. Yet I had reason to think it was a snare 
of Satan, because when my soul was most drawn out in 
prayer, it came as a fiery dart that I must first inquire 
into, and set that matter right, before I could expect a 
blessing — though it was not possible at that time to do 
any thing. And so it proved. But it seemed whenever 
the accusation came, immediately some word of the Lord, 
or some plain answer, presented itself to my mind. During 
this trial, which was very painful, O what a view I had 
of my state by nature ! What depths of pride, folly, and 
all kinds of evil, were apparent from my infancy. I can- 
not express what I saw and felt ; but I carried it all to the 
Lord, and every view, as it came before me, seemed to 
have the effect of driving me more to the bosom of my 
God. 

April 8. — After the trial already mentioned, I have 
found a stronger faith, and more firm reliance on the 
Lord Jesus ; and one day reading that passage in Job 
xxii, which has so often been applied with power to my 
heart, I felt it more than ever so ; and looking to some 
of the marginal references in the great Bible, a sweet 
light shone into my soul. Meditating on that verse, 

13 



200 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHET3* 



" Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and 
shalt lift up thy face unto God," I turned to the refer- 
ences, Job xi, 15, " For then shalt thou lift up thy face 
without spot ; yea, thou shalt be steadfast, and shalt not 
fear ; because thou shalt forget thy misery, and remember 
it as waters that pass away. And thine age shall be 
clearer than the noonday. Thou shalt shine forth, thou 
shalt be as the morning ; and thou shalt be secure, be- 
cause there is hope. Yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and 
thou shalt take thy rest in safety. Also thou shalt lie 
down, and none shall make thee afraid. Yea, many shall 
make suit unto thee." In how many particulars is this 
already accomplished ! But that word, " Thine age shall 
be clearer than noonday," in the margin, shall arise above 
the noon> was powerfully applied ; which gave me to dis- 
cern a prospect that my old age shall be favoured with a 
far closer communion than my noon was. O, my Lord, 
I see the dawn, but I wait for the Sun of righteousness 
fully to arise on my souL 

April 18. — Mrs. Walter's death has been much blessed 
to me* Had I such sufferings to go through, O my God ! 
I could not bring glory to thy cause by patience as she 
did, unless thou gavest me a fuller change. From the 
first of her coming to Madeley, I observed in her an 
earnest upright desire of living to God. As soon as she 
knew of our private meetings, she inquired into the nature 
of them, and begged to be admitted as a member ; ever 
showing by her whole carriage that the language of her 
heart was, — 

" Number 'd with them may I be 
Here, and in eternity." 

She had experienced the pardoning love of God before 
she came into Shropshire in a very clear manner, and 
often felt a wish her lot might be cast among some people 
who walked closer with God than any she had yet seen. 
And when her husband became curate of this parish, she 
felt a strong impression that her prayer was about to be 
answered. She loved her children tenderly, and was 
exemplary in her care both of them and of her household. 
She had many conflicts with the evil of her heart, yet 
often telling me what sweet returns she felt in private 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



291 



prayer : in the practice of which duty she was truly vigi- 
lant. She longed for the day when she should find those 
words verified in her soul, — - 

" No anger mayst thou ever find, 
No pride in my unruffled mind, 
But love, and heaven-born peace be there." 

For some weeks, when near the hour of nature's sorrow, 
she was most sweetly carried on, often declaring she could 
feel no fear, for the Lord poured in his precious promises, 
and so filled her with his consolations as to keep her mind 
in perfect peace ; assured from his own mouth, He would 
make all her bed in her sickness. 

On Saturday, March the 4th, she was seized with a 
violent shivering. Then the enemy came in as a flood, 
w r ith that thought, that she must die and leave her dear 
children. This conflict was severe ; but she was enabled* 
as a true daughter of Abraham, to overcome. From this 
season her will appeared to be entirely lost in that of 
God. The next day she was delivered of a child, which 
died the same night ; and soon after she proved to be in 
a strong fever. Her sufferings were great and long, as 
she lived to the twenty-first day after her seizure. But 
she was a pattern of patience and thankfulness. What 
adds to both her and our trial was, the inflammation lay 
so on her lungs that we could scarce understand any thing 
she said. But in this trial also she showed no impatience ; 
and when a blister was brought for her back, (by which 
she had formerly sufl'ered much,) she looked on it some 
moments, and said, My dear Saviour gave his back to the 
smiters, and so will 1. She constantly declared the Lord 
was with her ; and one day, when my Sally reminded her 
of that promise, that " the Lord would make all her bed 
in her sickness," she answered, " He doth ! he doth !" 
On the Tuesday she told me with tears of love and praise, 
how very sweet those words had been to her, — 

" All thine afflictions my glory shall raise, 
And the deeper thy sorrows, the louder thy praise !" 

Twice she had a sweet view of the invisible world, and 
the attendance of many of the heavenly hosts. Of this 
she would no doubt have told us much, but we could un- 
derstand but little of her speech. One time as she was 



292 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEK. 



saying, " Hard work, hard work," Mrs. Purton (who was 
almost constantly with her) said, " What is hard work V 9 
She replied, " To leave the dear children. But the Lord 
says, Leave thy children to me, I will preserve them /" 
Inquiring one day how she found her mind, her answer 
was, " I have no will ; it seems all lost in God. If he 
were to give me my choice, I do not know whether to 
choose life or death. But if the Lord should raise me, I 
am determined to live more to God than ever, and above 
all, to be more faithful in private prayer." The last night 
Mrs. Yate said, Is your mind as calm as ever ? She re- 
plied, " Quite so." And is Jesus as preciously present as 
he hath been all along ? Her answer was, " More so than 
ever." On Friday, March 24, 1797, she appeared to be 
just going about eleven o'clock ; breathing very hard, as 
she had done some hours. We went to prayer, and found 
the Lord very present ; after which, as I was looking on 
her, I repeated, — 

({ A convoy attends — 
A ministering host of invisible friends ! 
Ready wing'd for the flight, 
To the regions of light, — 
The horses are come, 
The chariot of Israel to carry thee home I' 5 

And in a few moments her happy spirit left this vale of 
tears, to mingle with the blaze of day ! She was in her 
thirty-third year. Her disorder was such as called for a 
very uncommon degree of attention and care. And O, 
how did we see the faithfulness of God ! Such friends 
were raised, and such helps given in the hour of need, as 
made us say in truth, He counts our every hair ! My 
Sally was enabled to be a great comfort to her, and oft 
did she express it. One day looking earnestly on me, 
she said, " I have a deal to tell you, but I cannot speak 
it." When we meet above, she will perhaps tell me of 
some glorious views, and Divine consolations, wherewith 
she was favoured, though she could not utter them here. 

June 8. — My faith seems increasing. I have clearer 
views of the fulness of the Saviour, and of the unbounded 
privilege of believing. Many have observed, " You have 
what you believed for, and some have made bad use of 
that privilege, not understanding what it is truly to be- 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



293 



lieve." But it is stiil a great truth, " Whatsoever ye ask 
in prayer, believing, you receive. God speaks of the 
things that are not, as though they were." So does faith. 
It sees the blessing of sanctification, and takes hold of 
the promise, and cries, Through Christ it is mine! I 
am not in full possession ; yet, like a man that has an 
estate left him, he claims it as his own ; and, though 
opposed, struggles to get into the possession, and does not 
quit his claim, though often repulsed by him who unlaw- 
fully pretends to the right. The believing soul says, It is 
the will of God that I should feel evil no more, — that is, 
I should no more let it in, however tempted. It is his 
will I should always conquer. My Lord tells me in his 
word, " This is the victory by which we overcome, even 
our faith." I must therefore use my weak faith, that it 
may grow stronger, which it certainly does by use. I 
must hold fast that strong rock. First, " Jesus hath borne 
all my sins in his own body on the tree ;" therefore they 
are atoned for, and the atonement is mine by believing. 
Secondly, " Christ is made unto me of the Father, sanc- 
tification." He hath by his one offering perfected the 
whole work needful for the purification of the heart, and 
this is mine also by believing. He hath received the 
Holy Spirit to pour it out on his Church, — therefore it is 
mine, as far as I can believe, and so unite my soul by 
faith* to God. Abiding in him, I am so far sanctified ; 
and by the exercise of this hope, the soul is said (by St. 
John) to purify itself even as God is pure. Not in degree, 
but in becoming of one nature. The light of the candle 
is fire, as really as the sun. So it may be said that little 
flame is as the sun: both are of one nature. The 
promise of the baptism of the Spirit is to me. I claim it. 
Yea, and my dear Lord hath told me, " Thou shalt walk 
with me in white. I will thoroughly purge away thy 
dross, and take away all thy tin." I believe it is his 
will to do it this moment, but the way he hath appointed 
is faith ; that is the appointed channel. " By grace are 
ye saved through faith." Now as far as faith can lay 
hold, I have it, and no farther. This is " the secret of the 
Lord, which is with those that fear him." They turn to 
Jesus, and find all in him. It is impossible to stand one 
moment in any state, but by union with the Saviour, — as 



294 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



the Lord says by Isaiah, u Without me ye shall bow down 
among the prisoners." And the Saviour,. 44 Without me 
ye can do nothing." 

As I was at prayer this morning my spirit was dissi- 
pated, and could not get near to the Lord.* While I 
waited before him, I felt those words applied, 44 To be 
spiritually minded is life and peace." I discerned such a 
light in the words as I never did before. One of my 
greatest conflicts has been with idle thoughts about doing 
that good which is not in my power. I remember an 
observation greatly blessed to me on this head, by a good 
man now in eternity : 44 Thoughts are of two kinds — 
either the reptile or the winged kind. Either they crawl 
on earth, as the reptile, or rise to heaven as on wings." 
This idea has been often blessed to me. But this morn, 
ing I had such a clear view into the blessing of keeping 
the mind occupied on spiritual things as encouraged me 
much. I now feel the power of it ; to the spiritually mind- 
ed is life and peace, 

November 6. — Blessed be the Lord, I feel him at work 
in my soul. He hath brought me into a narrow path ; 
and I find his faithful Spirit reproves me many times a 
day. O the need I feel of watchfulness I I have prayed 
many times for a tender conscience, quick as the apple 
of an eye, and in a measure I feel it so. But I want so 
to put on the Lord Jesus, that my God 44 may look and 
love his image there." I feel a sweet love to, and rest 
in, the will of God, even in those things which come near- 
est to my heart. But there is a close communion — an 
intercourse which I have not : Lord, take away whatever 
stands between ! 

An observation of a spiritual writer was last night 
very profitable to me. He says, " The soul who would 
come to the Lord, and be filled with the Holy Ghost, must 
begin by believing in Christ as Mediator* But he must 
force himself to that which is good, however his heart 
may be set against it. He should force himself to take 
insults and humiliations for the Lord's sake as with joy £ 
and to exert a liberty in prayer, speaking to the Lord as 
if he had it. Above all, let him force himself to an as* 

* How little the most edifying reasonings avail when faith 
not im exercise —Ed, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



295 



surance of the favour of God :* and shortly the Spirit 
of God will come upon him, and enable him to do all 
those things freely, from a pure nature within, which 
now he does by force. But never let him quit his hope, 
for then sin gains ground. But while a man retains his 
hope in God, sin dies away." I felt a sweet power all 
the time of my reading ; and that word, that we should 
" force ourselves to assurance in God's love," was life to 
my souL It is always a blessing to me when I resist dis- 
couragements to faith. 

December 19. — This is the day set apart for a national 
thanksgiving, on account of the victory gained at sea 
over our enemies. Blessed be the Lord, he hath hitherto 
preserved us. But clouds yet hang over our heads. 
Lord, teach our senators wisdom ! Bless our good king, 
and guide him in every thing, that he may take such 
measures as shall tend to unite the hearts of his subjects ! 

We have had several deaths lately around about us. 
Some of them our own people. That blessed woman, 
Mary Barnard, is one. She died very happy, declaring 
to the last that the covenant was signed and sealed with 
the Lord, and she was his by a marriage bond. She set 
to her seal, that " the blood of Jesus Christ had cleansed 
her from all sin." She had known the pure love of God 
many years. Another was our neighbour, W. Weston, 
who endured a long and heavy affliction with much pa- 
tience. Sally often visited him, it being too far for me. 
The night before he died, she was with him : on her re- 
turn she gave me the following account,-^-" My soul did 
praise the Lord to hear him declare the love of Jesus, 
saying, 4 O, he is precious to my soul V On my asking 
him, Hath the Lord often visited you since I was with 
you last ? He answered, 4 Yes, many, many times. God 
hath h*eard prayer for me indeed, and now I long to die.' 
We seemed to enjoy a little heaven together, while con- 
versing of many of our dear friends now in glory, ready 
to welcome him there. I reminded him of the observa- 
tion which my dear master made in one of his letters 
from abroad, that perhaps he might (if he should not 

* That is., foe should resolutely believe that the general declara- 
tions of good will, made by the Lord to the human race, belong to 
him. — Ed. 



296 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



live to return to England,) be permitted to accompany 
the ministering angels, who should be sent to convey the 
spirits of his dear parishioners into glory ! He seemed 
to delight in the thought ! I observed, You are going now, 
and I trust, by the grace of God, I shall be enabled to 
fight my passage through, and then we shall meet on 
Sion's happy shore, there to praise our dear Lord together. 
Smiling he answered, * We shall, we shall.' I read those 
two hymns, 6 Come let us join our friends above, who 
have obtained the prize,' and, 6 How happy every child 
of grace, who knows his sins forgiven.' After conversing 
some time, I repeated those lines, — 

1 For you is prepared the angelic guard, 
A convoy attends — 
A ministering host of invisible friends L 
Ready wing\i for their flight 
To the regions of light, — 

The horses are come, 
The chariot of Israel to carry you home/ 

He stretched out both his arms, looking upward, as with 
eager desire, and cried out, 6 O, I am longing for that 
convoy to come for me !' I took my leave of him, saying, 
I shall see you no more here ; but it will not be long be- 
fore we meet above. And I pray the Lord may be with 
you in the dark valley, and sweetly support you with his 
presence. He caught hold of my hand, and said, ' Fare* 
well ! God bless you for ever, and dear Mrs. Fletcher. 
Tell her I thank her for all her kindness to me ; but above 
all, for the prayers she hath offered for me. They have 
done me much good, more good than my own. May God 
bless her and bless you both for ever !' ** Some others also 
the Lord hath taken to his bosom, and among them, one 
out of my own little household. Poor dear Martha Clark, 
who had lived with me eight years, being ill, left me last 
August, to try if her native air would restore her. One 
letter I received from her. In it, she said, her mind was 
in peace, stayed on the Lord. Not long after, she dreamed 
she had returned, and that on opening our back door, she 
saw the Lord Jesus all in white ! who told her he had 
brought the chariot for her. In the morning she said to 
her brother she should die soon, for the chariot of Israel 
was come for her. And so she did on October the 



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297 



teentb, I believe, suddenly. She often repeated that verse 
of the hymn, " For you is prepared the angelic guard," 
&c. And frequently would be saying, " When will the 
chariot come for mef How solemn is the thought ! My 
family is partly in paradise and partly on earth, On 
earth I have none but my dear child Sally ; but above I 
have many. Blessed be God for that word, " We shall 
be gathered to our people." Martha Clark was one who 
so walked as truly to " adorn the Gospel." While in my 
house, I do not know there was ever one thing I wished 
her to put away, or to do, but she immediately complied 
therewith. In nothing was she worldly minded, but often 
was ready to refuse any little addition to her wages, when 
I saw it right to give it to her. She was in many re- 
spects truly a pattern of sobriety of mind, and of a quiet 
spirit. 

January 4, 1798. — At the watch night, held the last 
evening of the year, I was sensible of a deepening of the 
conviction which I had for some days felt, of the littleness 
of my grace. In this spirit I began this new year. I 
do certainly feel God hath done me good in the last ; but 
I see as I never did, the need of a far deeper work, a 
faith at all times lively and vigorous. I have not such a 
perfect conquest over my thoughts as I must have to cause 
a continual sense of the Almighty. I am not always 
faithful in resisting, if the thought does not appear to be 
evil. Since the first day of this year, I have more power 
to watch : Lord, stand by me ! Some observing to me, 
they could not find as much profit from my words and 
prayers as they did from Sally's, and wondering at it ;* 
1 thought, it is no wonder : for I have not such a degree 
of the Spirit as she has. But I will bless thee, O Lord, 
that I am permitted to make her way ; and will with 
pleasure do more of the little things of the house, that 
she may have more leisure to carry thy truth about among 
souls. She is a faithful follower of the Lamb, and though 
she has been my orphan to bring up, I now desire to tread 
in her steps. 

September \%. —Fifty -nine years this day have I seen 

* They are not to be commended who spoke thus ; nor was Mrs. 
Fletcher's consequent resolution, though admirable, wholly with- 
out danger to the young woman. — Ed. 

13* 



299 



THE LIFE OF 31RS. FLETCHER. 



the light of this world ; but never did I see eternal things 
more important than at this hour. I am led to live one 
moment at a time, offering up my whole self to the will of 
God, to be purified by his Divine influence ; — to be just 
what he would have me to be. Lord, get thyself glory on 
my soul. I had some humbling thoughts concerning my 
dear husband. How much more comfort I might have 
yielded him. often presses hard on my mind*. "01 have 
much forgiven, let me love much l M 

Some years ago I was much struck with that observa 
tion of Mr* Bridges, " Where God designs to confer a £reat 
blessing, he frequently puts a sentence of death on the 
means that seem to lead thereto ; as in the case of Abra- 
ham and Sarah." I am sure it has been so with me in 
various instances. At twenty-four I had a plentiful for- 
tune, but all seemed lost. Yet God said in my heart, 
"'Thou shalt lend, and not borrow." I was. however, at 
that time borrowing of many, my own money being in 
estates. I feared I should not at last pay all, therefore., 
for fear of deception, I spoke freely to several of my losses, 
and especially to those whose money I had on interest. 
Many said, " Depend upon it she is not worth ten pounds, 
for every one makes the best they can of their affairs.** 
Such a sentence of death seemed to come over all my 
worldly affairs ! And yet. when God's time came, how 
did all turn about ! Now it may be asked, Why does God 
take this away ? Mr. Bridges gives a sweet answer, " God 
gives his blessings in that manner which shall most show 
that he is God/' Now had my fortune remained unles- 
sened, as it came from my parents, I should not have so 
clearly seen the hand of God. Bat. like Joseph, we must 
sometimes be sold into Egypt, in order to have our pro- 
mises fulfilled, of becoming ;; the sheaf lifted up." Of late 
I have feared lest I should look to my plenty more than I 
ought, and not live by faith. Perhaps to prevent that the 
Lord hath taken this thirty pounds in France, and fifty 
pounds per annum in Switzerland ;* and yet I feel no 
lack. 

November- 15. — Last Monday, the 12th. was a solemn 
day to me. That day seventeen years (and on a Monday) 



* Lost by the invasion of the French. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



299 



my dear husband and I were made one before men. We 
were before made one in the Lord. that my spirit 
could more partake of what he feels in glory ! 1 have no 
doubt that an eternal growth belongs to happy spirits ; 
-and sometimes I think he has so long got the start of me, 
and was so much before sne even here, that I fear I shall 
not be in one tribe with him above. Well, I feel the will 
and order of God is right, let my mansion be where it will. 
If Jesus is glorified, I know I shall delight in that. 

November 21. — What an awful time do we live in! 
This Irish rebellion has occasioned the death of thousands. 
To what distress also are numbers reduced, stripped of all 
they have, their houses burned, and themselves forced to 
flee for their lives ! But many of our people have been 
remarkably preserved. I have not yet heard of one of 
them who has not escaped, though often as by miracle ! 
When I look on these things, I think how different is my 
situation ! I am lost in wonder, love, and praise ! O my 
God, here I sit under my own vine and fig tree, filled with 
every good thing ! Plenty of money for all I want, and 
some to spare. I say, when I look at these things, I am 
astonished at the tender mercy of God ; and encouraged 
to believe that he, who thus graciously deals w r ith my poor 
dying body, will answer every prayer for my soul. Last 
night I seemed, almost the whole of it, to hear and repeat 
with sweet power these words : — 

; < Still. O my soul, prolong 
The never ceasing song, 
Christ my hope, my joy, my theme ; 

His be all my happy days ! 
Bow my every power to him, 

Every thought be spent in praise !" 

When I awoke I could not say it — I could not even begin ! 
But no sooner did I drop asleep again, than it flowed as 
it were out of my heart and lips ! 

January 15, 1799. — T have found the beginning of this 
year a very solemn season. O that 1 may feel, in the 
course of it, what I have never before felt ! On Christmas 
eve the Scriptures which I read in the meeting were the 
tirst and second chapters of Luke ; and it seemed to many 
of us as if we were with Zacharias in the temple, with 
Mary when the angel Gabriel came to her, with the shep- 



300 



THE LIFE OF FLETCHETKv 



herds m the field ; and, above all, with the little company 
in the stable in Bethlehem, hearing the shepherds relate 
their vision, and Joseph and Mary confirming their faith 
by a relation of all the wonderful things they had seen 
and heard ! Our hearts exulted also with Simeon and 
Anna in the temple;* and my soul was led to cry aloud r 
that all who waited for salvation in Madeley should be- 
hold my Saviour ! 

I was able to go out on Christmas day, but I was ill the 
rest of the week. On the first day of this year, in the 
evening, we had a full meeting, and the Lord was with us. 
We then considered a few questions which had been 
brought to my mind for that purpose. First, Has this 
last year been a year of prayer ? Have my prayers been 
serious, fervent, and recollected ? Or have I drawn near 
to God with my lips, while my heart was far from him ? 
Secondly, Have I watched my thoughts, and been much 
in holy ejaculations ? Thirdly, Have I been thankful for 
mercies received, and attentive to observe deliverances 
and answers to prayer, remembering that word, " He that 
offereth me praise, he honoureth me ?" Fourthly, Do I 
feel a deep sense of sin? Do I loathe my sinful self, and 
cry often, Lord, " cleanse me from my secret faults ?" 
Fifthly, Am I deeply conscious that the root of all sin is 
in having lost God, and found self in his place ? And do 
I continually see holiness to consist in the being sunk into 
my own nothingness, that God alone may be exalted in 
my soul ? Sixthly, Does my faith increase ? Do I come 
more freely to a crucified Saviour, seeking all my salva- 
tion in and through him alone? Seventhly, Do I keep 
hold of every promise given me, as I would of a purse of 
gold, knowing it will be good another day ? Do I so look 

* A genuine instance of true faith in ordinary life and duty. 
Faith, says St. Paul, is the evidence of things not seen; that is. of 
the unseen things which God hath revealed, and of which the Holy 
Scriptures arelhe record. These things (events, discoveries, de*- 
clarations, promises, threatenings) are either past, future, or spi- 
ritual, and therefore not the objects of sight. This evidence (E/.ey- 
Xpr) gives to these unseen things of God a present subsistence. Hence 
this faith is said to be mighty through God, to work by love, to purify 
the heart, and to overcome the world. As this evidence is more or 
less clear and constant, so is the victory, and so is the consequent 
holiness ; the righteousness, peace r and jay. Lord, increase our faith-. 
— Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



301 



for the fulfilling of those given me long since, pleading 
that prayer, " Lord, accomplish the word on which thou 
hast made me to hope V 9 

As to my outward walk, Have I watched over my tongue ? 
David says, in Psalm xxxix, " I will take heed to my ways, 
that I offend not with my tongue. I will keep my mouth 
as with a bridle, while the wicked are in my sight." You 
who work among the ungodly, do you do so? Those 
words of St. James are very important : " My brethren, 
be ye swift to hear, and slow to speak." And in the third 
chapter he calls the tongue " a world of iniquity, set on 
fire of hell, and setting on fire the whole course of nature." 
Secondly, Have I watched over my appetites ? Has my 
table been that of a Christian, or that of a beast? A 
beast only seeks to feed ; but a Christian should make his 
table an act of devotion. " Whether ye eat or drink," says 
St. Paul, " or whatsoever ye do, do all in the name and to 
the glory of God." Now this may be done in three ways. 
First, Some little act of self-denial should accompany each 
meal, as a check to intemperance. Ask yourself after 
each meal, In what have I denied myself this time ? 
Secondly, Your table should be a time of godly conversa- 
tion, if with others ; of meditation, if alone. Thirdly,. 
These blessings should raise your heart to thankful glad- 
ness, and increase your faith in that Providence, who, by 
thus providing for your body, gives you a proof how much 
more he will provide for your immortal soul. To help you 
thus to spiritualize your meals, use much attention and 
fervour in asking a blessing and returning thanks. 

With regard to my neighbour, Do I strive to be faith- 
ful and diligent in my station ; obedient to superiors ; 
careful of, and tender to, my inferiors ? Secondly, Do I 
pray and strive to love my neighbour as myself? Do I 
forgive as I hope to be forgiven ? Do I do all I can for 
the souls and bodies of those about me ? If I hear of the 
death of any neighbour, do I ask myself, Have I ever had 
an opportunity of warning that soul which I have ne- 
glected ? Will that soul have a just accusation against 
me at the last day ? Again, let us cast a look on those 
who are, from among ourselves in this last year, laid up 
in the garner of God. Have we honoured and served 
these saints of God ? W r hat a blessed opportunity we have 



302 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



in this of serving the Lord Jesus ! For if he takes as to 
himself all we do for his little ones at any time, how much 
more in their sickness and death ? " For right dear in the 
sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." I never hear 
of the death of a child of God but I ask myself that ques- 
tion, Have I done all I could for that person in every way % 
Jesus saith, " Make to yourself friends of the mammon of 
unrighteousness, that when you fail on earth they may 
receive you into everlasting habitations." How many do 
you think are thus waiting to receive you above ? Let us 
this night awake to diligence. Let us be more earnest in 
seeking, and we shafl be more enriched in finding. Good 
Mr. Frazer* observes, " Ever since I can remember, pro- 
portionable to my diligence in seeking was my finding : 
nor made I ever any extra aim at God but I got something* 
extra. Also," says he, " I learn that a Christian's assur- 
ance, or faith, though it do not at first flow from holiness, 
yet it is, in its progress, ever in proportion to his holy 
walk with God." This is a great truth, for " the mystery 
of the faith" must be kept " in a pure conscience." 

February 7. — How many have been called away lately ! 
Three precious souls, three nights running, have I seen 
brought to the churchyard ! The first was brother Brook, 
one of my dear Mr. Fletcher's first children. He has been 
a steady walker, but not clearly awakened to the work of 
sanctification till a few years ago. He dreamed that he 
heard a voice say to him, John, are you ready to die ? He 
cowld not remember what he answered, but the purport 
was that he hoped so. Next day he was rather uneasy,, 
and wished to have the dream again, that he might an- 
swer better. Some time after he thought in his sleep he 
heard the voice again. Then he said, Lord, am I ready ? 
On which such a discovery of the evil of his nature was 
laid open to him that he cried out, Ah ! Lord, I have all 
to do ! I have to begin \ From that time he felt a strong 
desire to be a new creature in the fall sense of the word ; 
and began to strive " to take the kingdom by force." But 
still he did not see clearly the way of faith. One night 
he dreamed my dear husband came to him, and pointing 
to a wall, said, John, you must get up above the top of 



* A very pious minister of the Church of Scotland. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



303 



that wall. He replied, Sir, I cannot, it is impossible. 
Mr. Fletcher answered, Yes, John, you must, or you will 
perish. He immediately lifted up his heart to the Lord, 
and began gently to rise, till he was even with the top of 
the wall, on which he laid his hand to lean, when instantly 
he dropped down to the bottom, and awoke. This much 
discouraged him, But a second time he dreamed the same 
dream, and leaned as before, when he again dropped down. 
He had many thoughts about these dreams, what they 
could mean. After some time he again dreamed that 
Mr. Fletcher came to him, and, as before, bid him rise 
above that wall, adding, The reason, John, why you fell 
the other times was because you leaned on the wall. If 
you but touch it you spoil all. Then he again lifted up 
his heart in faith as before, and gently rising till he was 
above the wall, he found himself in a most beautiful place, 
and his soul in a profound peace. From this dream he 
saw it was by " looking unto Jesus" that he was to " enter 
that rest which remains for the people of God." During 
a very long and painful illness he has been kept in a sweet, 
calm peace. In the beginning he was much tempted, but 
his confidence remained firm. In the latter end it was. 
much increased. He said, a few minutes before his death, 
to a neighbour, " O, Tommy, this calls for much faith and 
patience ;" but added, that his confidence was unshaken. 
He then cried, " Come, Lord Jesus !" and entered his ever- 
lasting rest. 

The next night poor sister Smith was buried. She 
appeared to me more than commonly stirred up the last 
two or three times I met her in class. In her illness, 
which lasted a month, she was continually crying out for 
a clean heart ; lamenting the unbelief she felt, which, said 
she, is as a wall. O that this wall of unbelief were re- 
moved, that I might have a clear evidence ! O that the 
heart of stone were taken away ! One night, about a 
week before she died, she called hastily to her son, telling 
him the Lord had taken away the heart of stone, and filled 
her mouth with praise. She continued in peace, though 
in much pain, till her spirit returned to God. The fol- 
lowing night a man was buried, who had been a suf- 
ferer for some vears, but in that time brought home to 
God, 



304 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



February 14. — My mind is sorrowful. It seems as if 
the Lord was about to take my Sally from me. She grows 
worse and worse ; her legs swell much, her strength fails, 
and all means used appear unsuccessful. I have been so 
supported, as I could not have expected ; not with great 
joy, but a determined resignation — a clinging to the will 
of God, be the event what it may. She has been as the 
tenderest of daughters to me ; a spiritual friend both to 
soul and body ; a most useful housekeeper, and the best 
of nurses : in short, the staff of my old age. If I lose 
her, I shall be stripped of all that makes my life comfort- 
able. We keep a kind of inn for the Lord's people ; and 
I am so infirm I cannot supply her place in care and 
management. In the work of God she is also admirably 
useful, and together we get through a good deal. But 
left alone, what a poor creature shall I be to go through 
all these fatigues 1 But I will encourage myself in the 
Lord. We shall not be parted. She goes a little before, 
and I shall follow after. 

March 9. — I have still a season of trial, but not with- 
out profit. My dear Sally is yet ill, apparently going 
into a consumption. I must now, as Abraham, lay the 
whole of my earthly comforts on the altar ! But I cling 
to the will of God. Christ left all for me. O, my Lord, 
enable me to glorify thee in the fire ! This morning, I 
was blessed in those words, " Casting all your care on 
him, for he careth for you." 

March 19. — This was our quarter day. I found in the 
morning a particular faith in devoting myself to the Lord, 
that his whole will might be accomplished in me, and by 
me that day ; and I saw the immediate guidance of his 
hand in each particular. I felt thankful that our appli- 
cation to Mr. Young had apparently been blessed, and 
my dear friend was better, and enabled to assist me 
through the hurry of the day. We went to bed in peace, 
though fatigued. But in the night she spit blood again. 
This circumstance seems to take away, humanly speak- 
ing, all hope of her recovery. The discharge continued, 
though lessening all the next day and night. Blessed be 
God, I felt power to go through all that I was called to 
in the Lord's work, and to cling fast to his will by resign 
nation. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



305 



March 25. — Sally is very poorly. The bleeding con- 
tinues, though the discharge is small. Yesterday morn- 
ing, Easter Sunday, I felt power to throw myself on the 
Lord, and was helped through the duties of the day. I 
asked her how she felt her mind when she began to spit 
the blood ] She replied, she felt no fear of death, but a 
firm confidence that the *Lord would finish his work if he 
took her directly. At the same time she felt tenderly for 
me. She added, 66 On Thursday, being in great pain, I 
dropped into a doze, and thought I heard the voice of my 
dear master, saying, as if he stood by me, ' The sufferings 
of the present time are not worthy to be compared with 
the glory which shall be revealed.' " It was a refresh- 
ment to me to have, as it were, a message from heaven 
in this time of trouble. As I sat in my pew at church, I 
thought, I must now go to the table alone. Once I had 
my dear husband there, and my child at my side. Now, 
as Naomi, I must say, / went out full, but return empty* 
As I knelt at the table, it seemed as if her spirit was one. 
with mine. On my return to the pew, as I was pleading 
in prayer that the Lord would order all, it came to me,— 

" Leave to his sovereign sway 
To choose and to command ; 
So shalt thou, wond'ring, own his way, 
How wise, how good his hand." 

I said, Lord, look upon us ! It was answered, The hairs 
of your head are all numbered, I then said, My dear 
Saviour, our concerns are regarded in the court above ; 
I freely leave them there ! It came with power, And the 
care of them is with the Most High, That so melted my 
heart, I could not help bursting into tears. But they 
were tears of gratitude. The Lord did not seem to tell 
me what he would do with me ; but patience must have its 
perfect work. 

May 8. — Many mercies and many trials have I passed 
through since I wrote last. My dear Sally is yet very 
poorly, and I feel myself called to stand on my watch 
tower, that I may gain all the good designed me in this 
trial. I desire to be in the posture of Abraham when he 
was going to Mount Moriah. What will be the end I 
know not, but it has been a time of much pain. 

May 30. — The Lord hath in great mercy heard prayer 



306 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



in many respects of late. I know not where to begin to 
recount his goodness. My dear Sally is much better, and 
seems to gather strength beyond expectation. On Sun- 
day night last I was led to make a fresh dedication of my 
all to God ; and he showed me I was to confide alone in 
him. I fear much for my dear frjend, but I am not called 
to hinder her in any thing, but commit all to the Lord, 
for I have given up all into his hand. 

June 28. — Blessed be God, I do feel an increase of 
union, and a recollected posture of mind. Reading that 
line to-day in one of Mr. Wesley's letters, " Entire resig- 
nation implies entire love. Give him your will, and you 
give him your heart," I felt a spring of satisfaction arise 
jn my mind. I am sure I do feel an increasing resigna- 
tion, and that not in theory, but in practice. My most 
near and tender feelings have been touched of late. I live 
under those trials at this time, not only in the continued 
illness of my dear Sally, who still seems consumptive, but 
other circumstances besides. I can feelingly say, " The 
Lord liveth, and blessed be my Rock, and exalted be the 
God of my salvation." There appears to be one design 
in all the Lord's dispensations toward us, viz., the bring- 
ing us to lose our wills perfectly in his adorable will ; and 
I find nothing so helpful as to be quite still in his hand. 
Committing all to the Lord, however difficult things may 
appear, I am to stand still, and the Lord makes a way 
through in his own time, and often the trial is only a 
shadow. Like Abraham, we all are called to offer our 
Isaac, and then the cross is remoued. We have had pecu- 
liar expenses of late, and my gracious Father hath pro- 
vided for that. A few days since, I received a letter from 
my eldest brother's wife, in which she sent me a present 
of twenty pounds. Lord, didst thou not tell me, / will 
bless them that bless thee ? Let this kindness be so re- 
turned, O Lord, in spiritual and temporal blessings ! 

July 20. — Lord, thou art good ! I feel thine arm does 
support me. O teach me the " way of faith more per- 
fectly !" My dear child grows worse. She coughs almost 
continually. I feel it as a knife in my heart. She is my 
earthly all ; and in the whole universe there is but one 
thing I love more than her, that is, " the will of my God," 
To that I do, I must, I will refer every thing ! 



THE LIFE OF MUS. FLETCHER. 



307 



August 6. — Having been called to take a little journey 
of thirty miles, I have found it a good deal disorder my 
body, as, of late years, travelling always does : and with 
the continued illness of my dear friend, I have little time 
for writing, except the letters I have to answer. But, 
blessed be the Lord ! I have been carried through all my 
weekly meetings with a peculiar sense of the presence of 
God. Last Tuesday, in our intercession, we laid her case 
again before the Lord, with much freedom, and I think 
she has been better since. We are called to hang on Jesus, 
and cleave to his will. My dear child is kept in much 
peace, and she prays that the trial may answer all that 
the Lord intends before it is removed. Lord, I add my 
prayers to hers ; so let it be ! I shall certainly feel her 
loss severely. With her I can consult about every cir- 
cumstance. To her I can tell every temptation ; and her 
watchful attention over each infirmity of my body is 
uncommon. Her skill in managing all the affairs of my 
family is very great ; she takes off all burdens from me, 
and leaves me wholly free. Her help in the work of Gud 
also is unspeakable. She assists me in memory, in speak- 
ing to the people, in judging concerning them, in reprov- 
ing and exhorting ; and I do nothing in the Church affairs 
but with her counsel. In her own meetings, a few of 
which she still will keep up, her word is clothed with power ; 
and many, very many, are weeping through fear of her 
loss. I feel the Lord requires me to keep looking to him 
alone, and living only the present hour, with a continual 
Abraham-like spirit, holding my sacrifice before the Lord, 
to whom my more than all is due. 

August 14. — I have been renewing my covenant with 
the Lord this day— to abandon all my whole cause, both 
of soul and body, into his hand ! and to offer afresh to fol- 
low the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. Fourteen years of 
widowhood I have this day completed. And now it seems 
as if my last, my only remaining friend and comfort was 
called for ! And I have been pleading with the Lord that 
I may cling to his dear will. Yesterday morning I had 
a sweet refreshing gale from Sion*s top, and such confi- 
dence I felt in the all-sufficiency of the Saviour, that I 
could lean all my weight of care on the Lord, and saw T 
his arm was under both my friend and me, It lifted off 



303 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



my care, and healed my suffering mind. This morning 
I have strove to humble myself before the Lord, and to 
inquire whether I may ask the healing of my child ! It 
seemed as if I was led to stand still ; for though no trial 
of the kind could be so near my heart, yet I feel my dearest 
concern is the glory of God, And therefore I can only 
say. Thy will he done ! But if the cup may pass from 
me ! Lord, let silence plead my cause ! I will not ask 
any thing, but such a gracious conduct toward us. as will 
bring most glory to thee, and for which we shall most 
praise thee in eternity. 

August 30. — This has been a day of searching into 
my heart. I see there is great need of the Lord to lay 
to his hand. I want a deliverance I do not yet feel. 
The Spirit of God is a Spirit of illumination. That I in 
a low degree feel. I have a light which increases in read- 
ing the Scriptures ; and some fresh views of the amazing 
glory of redemption are given to me. Secondly, The 
Spirit of God is a spirit of ;i prayer, of groans unuttera- 
ble." A little of this I feel, but out of seven times a day 
in prayer, often I have not what I call the spirit of prayer, 
above three or four times. Thirdly, The Spirit of God is 
a spirit of hinniliation. Surely I may say I have this 
mark ; but I do not love humiliation, at least till I 
have had time to reflect. I do not run to embrace it.* 
nor pick it up as I would a jewel. Fourthly, The Spirit 
of God is a spirit of sanetification. purifying the heart. I 
do feel it is working that in me. Yet I am not free from 
reptile thoughts, those which crawl on the earth. They 
do not. it is true, carry the stamp of sin upon them, yet 
they hinder prayer. Fifthly, The Spirit of God is the 
spirit of love. What shall I say to this 1 My love to God 
does increase : I can say, O God ! my chief joy ! — but I 
can very seldom say, O God ! my exceeding joy ! My 
love seems faint and dim, and that to my neighbour keeps 
pace with it. I deny myself for their sake, but that is 
nothing. The pleasure I feel in helping the distressed, 

* Is not this too strong! Ought we to run to meet that which 
mils' be sin to others! We must indeed be conformed to the So?b 
of God; and we should bear his reproach, not only with patience, 
but with joy. In a mind so devoted as Mrs. Fletcher's, the mean- 
ing must be good, but there may be some danger to others in this 
strong way of expressing it, — Ed ( 



THE LIFE OF MRS* FLETCHER. 



309 



is greater than that which I deny myself in. Indeed, if 
I did not do so, I should know " the love of the Father 
was not in me." But I cannot rest till I feel a greater 
measure of that love which brought my Saviour from 
heaven to earth, to take on him the iniquity of us all. O 
Jesus, let that mind be in me that was in thee ! I ask it 
in thy name ! 

September 12. — I am this day threescore. My dear 
husband would have been seventy. But he has had four- 
teen years in glory. Lord, prepare me for all prepared 
for me ! O let me live my last days to thy glory as I have 
never done ! Yesterday the Lord gave me that word, 
" When thou goest through the waters, they shall not 
overflow thee." I asked if I might pray for my dearest 
comfort to be spared. That text seemed an answer : 
" Be careful for nothing, but in every thing, by prayer 
and supplication, make your requests known unto God." 
For some days her cough has been more strong, and more 
frequent. I feel the will of God my sure defence. If 
he please, he can yet raise my dear friend ; but if he have 
otherwise determined, It is the Lord. He cannot err : I 
will not choose. 

October 7. — We have had the comfort to hear of the 
happy death of Miss Styche. She told me the conviction 
she got while at Mrs. Micklewright's school, abode with 
her for some time. But, said she, afterward when I got 
into the world, all you had said seemed wiped away. 
Then the Lord laid his hand on me by this illness. A 
blessed illness it has been to me, for it hath brought me 
to seek him. But now I fear he will never receive, nor 
forgive me. When we told her of the great atonement 
and perfect righteousness of the Saviour, she seemed as 
if she would swallow every word. She then said, When 
Mr. Walter visits me I often feel comforted ; but I cannot 
retain it ; and I feel my heart full of sin. At this time 
she was torn with evil tempers, unable to live, and afraid 
to die : suffering much, and having no comfort ; so that 
nothing seemed to please or satisfy her. Yet she strug- 
gled hard to obtain not only consolation, but the mind that 
was in Christ. One day, as a few of us were at prayer 
with her, she received such a lift of faith as delivered her 
from all her bonds. From that hour all about her were 



310 THE LIFE OF FLETCHE&. 

amazed at the change. She was all the lamb, and the 
dove ! The new creature shone clear indeed. When my 
Sally was saying, Shortly you will come to the blessed 
moment, when, " ready winged for the flight," you shall 
see the chariot of Israel come for you, her eyes sparkled 
with delight, and she said, " I am so happy as I cannot 
express. Sometimes I have fiery darts ; but I look to 
Jesus, and he turns them away. He is always with me." 
She continued thus to the last. A few hours before she 
died, she seemed to have much of the presence of God, 
repeating with great delight, " Ready winged, ready 
winged !" She then begged her young sister to turn to 
God, saying, " You must cleave to those who have done 
me so much good. You see how I am, and I would not 
be otherwise ; I would not live for a thousand worlds. I 
have such a prospect — so clear into eternity. Jesus hath 
saved me ! He hath washed me from my sins in his own 
blood. He hath put on me the white robe, and I see my 
way clear. O cleave to the people that have been so 
blessed to me." Soon after she said, "Molly, Molly, 
look ! do not you see these sweet creatures ?" Her sister 
replied, 66 No, I do not." To which Miss Styche said, 
" But I do, they are come for me." Molly asked, What 
are they like 1 She replied, " They are glorified spirits ! 
they are virgins — they are come for me ! Yes, they are 
come for me!" And immediately, 

" She clap'd the glad wing, and tower 'd away, 
To mingle with the blaze of day!" 

She died October the 4th, in her twenty-first year. 

November 12. — Many solemn thoughts, yet such as 
have led to God, have occupied my mind to-day. When 
I look back eighteen years, it gives me pleasure to recol- 
lect that my dear love and I agreed that we would not 
limit our union by that word, " Till death us doth part," 
but that we would consider our covenant as eternal. Not 
that we meant to tie each other from a future marriage ; 
but that our union of soul was never to be broken. Often 
when we have been speaking together of this, he would 
say, " Well, Polly, then our spiritual as well as our tem- 
poral mercies are mutual." From this recollection, I 
was led to consider that text, " He hath made us meet to 
partake of the inheritance of the saints in light-," and 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



311 



felt a power to pray as I have often done, that I might be 
permitted to share in his joy, now inherited before the 
throne. At night, in the society, my faith was some- 
what increased. 

December 23. — I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. 
My dear child grows worse : well, I will cling to that 
rock, Thy will he done! This shall be my momentary 
employ the remainder of my life. Not one on earth to 
whom I can converse of the past trials through which she 
hath walked with me ! Well, my Lord, thou knowest my 
solitary situation. The pain she suffers from that dread- 
ful cough, and a complication of complaints, would con- 
strain, I think, any beside herself to keep their bed. But 
while there is a grain of strength given to her, she will 
use it, both in the work of God, and in the care of our 
affairs. I will hang upon that word, " I will bring the 
blind by a way they know not : I will lead them in paths 
which they have not known. I will make darkness light 
before them, and crooked things straight. These things 
will I do for them, and not forsake them." 

January 20, 1800. — This morning as I was laying 
before the Lord the sufferings of my dear child, I thought, 
If the hairs of our head are numbered, then I am sure 
each time she has that cough, so hard, so violent, it is 
noticed by the Lord. I felt that it was ; and asked, with 
submission, that it might be removed, or that he would 
graciously show that it was sent in love. After awhile, 
these words were sweetly impressed on my mind, " The 
light affliction which is but for a moment shall work out 
for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." 
I felt that word, far more exceeding, so that I answered, 
Well, my blessed Lord, I will hold to my old word, God 
shall choose our inheritance for us. Give me, O Lord, to 
find my all in thee ! Last night, in the society, those 
words were impressed on my mind, Seek first the kingdom 
of God, and all things else shall he added unto you. 

March 17. — Yesterday Mary Wyke entered glory, in 
the nineteenth year of her age. She is a remarkable 
answer to prayer. In the beginning of her illness she 
w r as very careless and hard ; but after much suffering, 
she was brought to know herself, and to seek the Lord. 
He was pleased to manifest his love to her in some de- 



312 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



gree, but still she had a great hankering after life ; and 
at times she was much troubled with unholy tempers, 
which she sorely lamented. A few months ago, her body 
being brought to the state of a Lazarus, she was consi* 
dering whether there was any likelihood of recovery, when 
those words were powerfully applied to her heart. " Thou 
shalt die and not live." This she told me she knew to 
be the voice of God ; and felt all her will for life immedi- 
ately taken away. From that day a mighty change ap- 
peared upon her. She has had much of the presence of 
the Lord, and been kept in a sweet, calm, loving state, 
ripening for glory — declaring she was willing to suffer as 
long as the Lord should please, for she knew her pains 
were working out a "farther weight of glory." Some- 
times she was triumphantly happy ; at other times, she 
could onlv lie and groan { n agony ; but even then she 
would say, if asked, " I am happy : and I have no will." 
A fortnight before her death she dreamed her grandmother, 
who died here in the Lord a few years ago, came to her, 
and a person whom she did not know came with her. 
That person said, " Mary, hold faith and patience a little 
longer, and you shall be with us." The night before she 
died she was very happy. Ten minutes before she de- 
parted, her mother said, Are you happy, my dear? She, 
with difficulty, answered, " Yes," — and soon ceased 
breathing. Eternity is very near ! O, for a swifter pro- 
gress in our souls ! 

March 31. — This has been a day of recollection, and 
of groaning after a fuller manifestation of the Lord's 
power. It is a time for trial. My dear child, what does 
she suffer ! Yet how patient and passive in the hand of 
God! I seem left to suffer; yet I am wonderfully sup- 
ported too. Well, comfort is not that which I most de- 
sire. I feel my strongest desire is, that the nature of 
God may be more powerfully stamped on my soul. 

May 21. — The Lord does not suffer my sorrowful atten- 
tion to hinder his work. Last Sunday, I was at the Wood. 
Never, I think, did I feel more freedom. O my God ! 
work for the glory of thy name on this people ! I feel 
their souls very near to me. The Lord is with us in 
trouble, and my dear Sally is kept in a calm, quiet frame. 
Through all she suffers, she says, she has such a sense 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



318 



how safe she is in the hand of God, that his time either 
for ease or death, is the best time. 

August 1. — My dear friend is vet no better. Last night 
was a painful one. O that this trial may have its due 
effect on us both ! I long for full conformity to all the 
will of God. I see every grace increases by use. I am 
called to exercise faith, and as faith gathers strength, I 
know every other grace will keep pace with it. I have 
had much temptation since I wrote last ; but how can 
faith be in full exercise if we see all clearly ? 

September 24. — Lord, thine eyes are upon us ! We see 
and feel thy help in the midst of our trials. I have little 
time to write, my dear child being now so very bad ; but 
I am led to live on that word, " Thy will be done." It is 
a day of clouds, and at times of thick darkness. All my 
help seems to be in clinging to the will of God. One sen- 
tence that Miss Ritchie (now Mrs. Mortimer) read in 
sister Johnson's letter from Bristol was blessed to me. 
She says, " When we look at Jesus by faith, Satan loses 
his power, and, if I may so speak, his place, which is the 
reasoning faculty."* 

January 1, 1801. — What have I seen and felt since last 
I wrote ! On December 3d my dearest child and friend 
went triumphantly to glory ! I was helped to write an 
account of her devoted life and happy death, and read it 
to the society while her precious corpse was in the house. 

* An undue dependence on the reasoning faculty is indeed Sa- 
tan's strong hold, and highest delusion. Any repulse to this temp- 
tation, he will suggest, must amount to a renunciation of that noble 
gift of God ! It is thus ' ; the strong one, armed' 5 with the pride, 
self-will, prejudice, and worldly spirit of the sinner, (which he will 
call his reason,') " keepeth his house, and his goods are in peace." 
In this state our Lord found the fallen Jewish nation ; and in this 
state Luther (not to mention other reformers) fou d the fallen 
Christian Church. Almost in this state (but with a pure doctrine 
in the established creeds, and liturgy) did Mr. Wesley "find this 
favoured kingdom. In this state, also, does the :i Spirit of Christ" 
find every natural man, however learned or wise. But who will 
sink under that sentence of death which the Holy Spirit pronounces, 
John xvi, 8-11, against all this deceivableness of unrighteousness? 
Only the man who submits to have faith placed on the throne 
usurped by the " reasoning faculty." Nor can any man know " the 
salvation that is through faith," but the man who resolutely main- 
tains that Divine allegiance ; — who steadily walks by the sznie ruU i 
and minds the same things, — Ed. 

14 



314 



THE LIFE OF MRS* FLETCHER* 



I have now scarce strength to look it over, How docs 
the Lord help us in the needful hour ! In the ordering of 
her funeral, and various things which fell on me alone, I 
have been brought through, and proved her dymg words, 
" He will put his everlasting arms underneath you/' He 
doth, and I am borne up. But O what a loss do I sus- 
tain ! God only knows what she was to me, and himself 
alone can fill the aching void ! What adds to the weight 
is, I have not that communion with God I long for. I am 
amazed at the resignation which I feel. Yes, I do, I will 
adore him, for taking away my all from me.* I fear I 
hung too much on her. I did nothing without her coun- 
sel, and truly I was dearer to her than herself. To the 
last she felt in the most tender manner for me, and often 
said, " If the Lord saw good, how gladly would I drink 
this bitter cup instead of you ; and close your eyes instead 
of you closing mine ! But the will of God is all to us ; in 
that we are agreed ; we live in 6 Thy will be done.' " I 
do not know indeed the heart of a stranger ; and I do trust 
the Lord is about to make me " his own habitation through 
the indwelling Spirit." Now and then, for a moment, I 
have such a display of God, as I know and feel would turn 
my gloomy night into a bright day. But it is but for a 
moment, and then seems to shut up again. I must re- 
member my dear Sally's words, " We are both waiting for 
the Lord ;" and "it is good to hope, and quietly to wait 
for the salvation of God." I begin this year as a hermit : 
ah ! that I may end it as a saint. Come, Lord Jesus, and 
fulfil all thy gracious promises to my waiting soul ! 

I sometimes feel her as being present with me. We 
had all things in common here, and I trust I shall partake 
of her heavenly inheritance. Thinking of that one night 
when I was very sad, in a moment all the gloom went off, 
and such a sweetness came over my soul as seemed to 
wipe away all grief. I dropped asleep, and these words 
sounded in my ears all night : — 

" They drink the deifying stream, 
And pluck the ambrosial fruit." 

March 11. — What cause I have to bless the Lord ! How 
often have I feared, if I lost my dear friend I should not 

* This was beyond the highest sensible consolation. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF 3IES. FLETCHER. 



315 



be able to glorify God, that I should have no spirit to go 
through any thing. But it is not so. I never felt more 
light and liberty in speaking to the people than I do now ; 
and though very trying circumstances have occurred in 
the work of God, as well as in my family affairs, yet I 
have been carried through all in a manner that amazes 
me. How faithful is the Lord ! 

June 5. — I continue to feel my loss severely ; yet I also 
feel I love and adore the will of God. Yea, and I admire 
it. What wisdom and love do I see in all this cutting 
dispensation ! I cleaved too much to that precious gift, 
which was lent to me in order to raise my soul to God. 
One night I dreamed I saw her standing before me. I 
cried out, O my dear love, are you come ? I have waited 
for this. She expressed the tenderest regard, but without 
words, and it left a sweet sensation on my mind. Another 
time I dreamed* I was involved in great trials, and thought, 
O if my Sally had been now with me all would have been 
nothing. Immediately I saw her just by me ! and she 
gave me to know she was nearer than I thought. I know 
our friends are not really divided from us ; they are only 
become invisible. Perhaps if we saw the spirits of our 
dear companions at such seasons, we might be much 
tempted to put our trust in them. A veil is therefore 
drawn between ; and all for our eternal good. But the 
Scripture declares, " We are come to the spirits of just 
men made perfect ;" but this is far more plain to their 
eyes than to ours, which are as yet under the veil. Lord, 
give me to rely on thyself alone ! 

July 14. — I had this morning a comfortable season while 
meeting the class. Those words of Fenelon were much 
on my mind, " I will, with John, lean on his breast, and 
feed on love, by joining my heart to his. 5 ' Sometimes, 
while speaking on faith, such a sweetness overspreads my 
soul, as if I had run into the bosom of my Lord. I see, 
at those times, such an all-sufficiency in the Saviour, and 

* In this way of Divine direction and encouragementt the Lord 
acts as a Sovereign, and gives as he sees good. To this the holy 
Scripture bears full testimony. Mrs. Fletcher was often thus fa- 
voured. But how mercifully was she preserved from placing any 
undue dependence on these favours ! The word of God was the 
guide to which she referred every thing, and by which she " tried 
the spirits whether they were of God,"— Ed, 



316 



THE LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER. 



such a vastness in that thought, w We have boldness and 
access through him ;" and again, " He hath borne all our 
sins in his own body on the tree," that it seemed 1 had 
only to run to the Saviour every moment, as a child to its 
fond parent ! Lord, open the way of faith more and more 
to my waiting soul ! 

August 15. — Yesterday was a solemn day to me. Six- 
teen years are passed since my eyes beheld the awful 
scene of my dear husband's entrance into glory. O what 
have I passed through since that time ! Could I then have 
known that my precious friend would have been taken 
also, how it would have aggravated the bitter cup ! But 
blessed be God that all the future is hid in his will. There 
I find a solid rest. It is now a little more than seven 
months since I lost her, and I have been, and am, enabled 
to say, Jesus hath done all things well ! I feel my sou] 
more on the stretch after God, and my old promises seem 
to revive afresh, as if drawing near to the time of accom- 
plishment. That promise in particular, Thou shalt walk 
with me in white. 

August 20. — I awoke this morning with strong desire 
and prayer that every thought might this day be the 
Lord's. O why is there any distance ! Come, my be- 
loved, and take the full possession of every power ! My 
soul is grieved that I have not more ardour in speaking 
for God ; though, blessed be his name, I have found him 
graciously with me at times in the meetings. But I do 
not catch every occasion, as my dear Sally did. The 
other day a man came to sell something we wanted. 
Being engaged in writing, I sent one of the family to take 
it for me. After he was gone she told me the man had 
said he had two children sick of the smallpox, and had 
never had it himself. I asked, earnestly, And did you not 
talk to him about his soul 1 She answered. No. O what 
did I feel ! Had I gone down myself how much better 
should I have been employed ! 

Lord's day, August 23. — In the meeting this morning 
I found the Lord present ; and I had also a little oppor- 
tunity of helping his people. O what a favour ! I, who 
once expected to be left without the necessaries of life for 
myself, have now such frequent opportunities of helping 
the poor ! Lord, thou art good to me beyond expression * 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



317 



This evening I spent two hours in retirement, and I found 
it the best of all the day. God gave me a praying spirit. 
But it was also a time of deep humiliation. Such a crowd 
of w r ords and acts, foolish and sinful, which were spoken 
or committed forty or fifty years ago, pressed into my 
mind like so many barbed arrows. I see in myself, from 
a child, a depth of the fall, beyond, I think, any other. 
But this evening, though I felt deeply sorrowful, and ready 
to lie down under the feet of all, I found it mixed with en- 
couraging hope. These words bore much on my mind : 

" I shall soon obtain the grace, 
Pure in heart to see thy face." 

August 28. — This morning I awoke, after a restless 
night, with a strong desire to live to God. In prayer I 
found some encouragement. In visiting some sick also I 
felt the presence of God. J. B. seemed to be very com- 
fortable under his affliction, and much led to look to Jesus 
through all ; for, said he, " What a delight it is to rejoice 
in God, though in anguish and pain ! Why it is all from 
him! that is my comfort." I see, more and more, souls 
grow best in the furnace. It is our proper soil while here ; 
to enjoy is by and by. 

October 17. — Lord, perform thy word, on which thou 
hast made me to trust ! That saying of our Lord, in Mark 
xi, concerning the fig tree, was much laid on my heart : 
" If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall say to this 
mountain, Depart !" and " Whatsoever things ye ask in 
prayer, believe that ye receive, and ye shall have them." 
That is, believe that it becomes yours as sure as ye ask ; 
yea, at thaf time the grace ye ask for is, as it were, held 
out to you ; and you may say, I have asked a clean heart, 
a stayed mind, a baptism of the Spirit. Well, they are 
mine ; I shall enjoy them. They are given as an estate 
left to me : but I now want to enter into the possession. 
My Jesus is preparing my heart for his own abode. He 
will enter, and with him all his fulness, to fill up every 
aching void. 

August 14, 1802. — I have not written much the begin- 
ning of this year, except what concerned the death of dear 
Mrs. Yate. She has long walked in the ways of God* 
and often enjoyed sweet and close communion with him, 



SIS 



THE LIFE CF MRS. FLETCHER. 



When very young she received a letter which treated on 
the different states of the inward and outward court wor- 
shippers.* She threw the letter on the table, and clasp- 
ing her hands together* she fell on her knees, and cried to 
the Lord with a strong and vehement cry, that she might 
become one of those who should worship him hi spirit and 
in truth. Her prayer was answered, and she became truly 
devoted to a crucified Saviour. The souls of her children 
lay very near her heart, and she spared no pains to bring 
them to the knowledge of God. In the cause of God she 
was deeply engaged, and to the utmost of her strength 
visiting the sick, and inviting sinners to the Lord. She 
was led in the way of the cross, and being weak in body, 
she was much exposed to temptation. In her last illness 
she was frequently buffeted by the enemy of her soul ; at 
other times she was much comforted. Her most painful 
temptation was, that the Lord would forsake her in the 
last conflict. After enduring this for some time, she told 
me of some promises which had been applied to her mind ; 
above all that word, " There is no condemnation to them 
that are in Christ Jesus. " Yet these glooms, as she called 
them, appeared dreadful to her. While we were eon- 
versing the spirit of faith came over us both, the light 
dispelled all darkness, and in speaking and prayer there 
was a power quite uncommon. She said, " I think you 
never had such a time in this house before and indeed 
it was true. From that hour she expressed herself as quite 
in peace, ever after saying, " I have nothing to trouble me 
now." One day she said, " When I look on my limbs- 
worn to a skeleton, it is with pleasure $ for I Ijnow I shall 
go to God." At another time she observed, " These words 
are much with me, 8 Beloved, think it not strange con- 
cerning the fiery trial which is to try you/ I leave my- 
self in His hand, and all is peace." 

On the 21st of January. I was conversing with her, 
and exhorting her to live the present moment as if she 
was sure to die the next. A clear light seemed to shine 
powerfully on my mind as I was speaking ; she entered 
into it and was refreshed. As soon as I was gone, that 
word was strongly impressed on her heart, This is the 

* Written by Mrs. Fletcher.— M. Tooth. 



THE LIFE OF MRS, FLETCHER. 



319 



way, walk ye in it. On the 27th she observed how com- 
fortably she had walked ever since— that life or death 
were now quite equal : and that she wanted nothing but 
the will of God to be done. * I am," said she. " quite 
happy, and that word, our Father, is so opened to me as 
fills Die with delight. I have nothing to hold me here. 
No, I am ready to give up all. My children are near 
and dear to me, but I am ready to leave them at his call." 
She had close trials, such as caused the most tender feel- 
ings. She observed, * I cannot distrust the Lord, for he 
supports me through every thing. This morning, as I 
was in prayer, a wonderful sweetness came over my soul ; 
and my will was so lost in the will of God as I never found 
it before. I saw myself perfectly safe in his hand, and I 
cannot ask either for myself or my children any thing but 
his will. My dependence on the Lord is entire, i would 
not have a choice of my own for all the world. He orders 
every thing for me, small and great. Xo, I want nothing 
for soul or body but by his order. He is continually tell- 
ing me, In blessing I will bless thee. O, how sweet is that 
word, 4 There is no complaining in our streets !' No, no, 
I cannot complain, I have no cause. All around me is 
blessing, and the best of all is, my heart is full of love. 
O love, love ! Let there be nothing but love in my soul." 

After a little while, she said, " I want to feel the change 
more forcibly, I want to realize heaven ; I do not seem 
to see glory P I replied, Jesus was perfectly holy, yet 
his soul was sorrowful unto death. Holiness is not to be 
measured by perfect joy, but by perfect resignation. You 
can see Jesus, and feel no will but his. She replied, " O 
yes, yes, I can see him, he is ever with me, I have no will 
but what is lost in God : and I am waiting the accom- 
plishment of many glorious promises which have been 
given me." 

March 7, — She told me her cough had been very bad, and 
almost constant ; but, said she, ;> With every fit of cough- 
ing, the Lord gave me some comfortable word. That 
word came with great power, Not a sparrow falls to the 
ground without your Father.'' She added, ;i I have had a 
night of suffering and of comfort ; all my sins were brought 
before me, even from my infancy, and I saw in myself 
such a depth of the fall as 1 cannot put into words : but 



320 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



I need not fear, since Jesus saves me. He forgivelh ini- 
quity, transgression, and sin, and I felt it was so. After- 
ward that word was applied, 6 Eye hath not seen, nor ear 
heard, neither hath it entered the heart of man to con- 
ceive what God hath prepared for them that love him 
and O, how I felt it was prepared for me ! Yes, he hath 
prepared a place for me, and I shall be with him. In the 
afternoon I was thinking of my husband and children, in 
particular the two little ones, when I had such a discovery 
of the tender love and guardian care of the Lord as took 
away every anxious thought. O, he is all in all true, I 
would not take them out of his hand for the world. How 
is it, when I lie awake for hours, and cannot sleep, nor 
hardly move, I can lie so comfortably ! I feel such a rest 
in God as sweetens all." She desired me to return thanks 
to all her dear friends who had shown such sympathy 
through all her sufferings. Thus, like a truly patient 
lamb, she lay before the Lord from day to day, longing 
for the happy hour of admittance into glory. As her out- 
ward strength decayed, her love, patience, and entire 
resignation, visibly increased. 

April 12.— She could scarcely speak, her throat being 
much affected as well as her lungs. She looked on me % 
and said, " I am very ill, but happy in my soul. I have 
had a sweet night. I have no fear, no doubt ; I am wait- 
ing for the Lord." Soon after, she began to change for 
death. She asked to be lifted up, in order to tell more 
of the goodness of God, but could not form the weds she 
wanted to speak. She at length said, " I have strong 
confidence," — and soon after, without a struggle, she 
entered into the joy of her Lord. 

I praise the Lord for the measure of health I enjoy, 
which, when I do not go beyond my strength, is quite 
comfortable. And now, my Saviour, shine upon my soul, 
and tell me how it is with that ? I think I feel my de- 
pendence more singly on Jesus, more weaned from earth, 
and more athirst for the whole mind of Christ. Indeed, 
thercr are moments when all is clear ; but I want not to 
have a thought but such as is approved by a smile of 
Jesus, and to have a witness constant and clear that 
nothing but love dwells in my soul. I know I do taste 
©f pure love, but I do not abide in Jesus ; therefore I 



THE LITE 0T MRS. FLETCHER. 



321 



do not bring forth much fruit. There is an entering 
into rest which I have of late been particularly led to 
ask for ; sometimes it seems near, and I am waiting 
for it in a clearer manner than usual. Some observa- 
tions which I read the other day, were much blessed 
to me. Speaking to a mourning soul, the author says, 
" Make God, as he is in himself, the object of thy joy, 
without any consideration of thyself at all.* Let your 
soul exult in that thought, The Lord is my strength and 
my song, he also is become my salvation. Observe, the 
Lord is then strong for and in you, when you look to him 
alone, unmixed with any thing else. But, on the other 
hand, when the eye of the soul is double, looking partly 
for a fitness in itself, the light is put out, as it is said of 
our Lord, He could not do many mighty works because of 
their unbelief. This looking unto Jesus is both an empty- 
ing and a filling grace. It empties the soul of self and 
the creature, and fills it with God. It is a transforming 
view ; the more we see of him, the more we shall be like 
him. Does he not tell thee, This is the victory whereby 
we overcome, even our faith ? Wouldst thou have the vic- 
tory first, and believe afterward ! 6 But I am conscious 
of idols V Then plead the promise, From all thine idols 
I will cleanse thee. This is reaching out to the things be- 
fore. 6 But I fear I am not willing to part with them.' 
Perhaps not ; but if thou wilt look to Jesus, and wait at 
his feet, and tell him of thy helplessness, he will so shine 
out on thy soul that the love of all other things shall drop 
off. What becomes of the stars when the sun shines % 
Do they not disappear before the greater light 1 So shall 
every other love before that mighty love he will pour into 
thee. But remember thou art to hold fast thy confidence, 
which hath great recompense of reward ; for ye have need 
of 'patience, that when ye have done the will of God, ye may 
receive the promise. Now this single eye, this constant 
act of faith, glorifying in hope to the end, is doing the will 
of God, and thus you shall receive the promise." 

November 13, — Yesterday concluded twenty-one years 
since I joined in an eternal covenant with my dear Mr. 
Fletcher. O, what advantages I have had through my 

* See the note on page 230, 
14* 



322 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



union with some of the most excellent of the earth I But, 
alas ! how little have I profited to what I might have 
done ! I have this morning been crying to the Lord to 
stir me up to more faithfulness. I am now in my sixty- 
fourth year — ?Jmost at the end of my race, and the great 
work of an entire conformity to God is yet to be gained. I 
found freedom in prayer, so that an hour on my knees seem- 
ed to pass as quick as a quarter usually does, and I hope 
and believe I shall from this day keep up the intense desire. 

Sunday, November 22. — Through illness, I have been 
out hut once this day. It is long since I have been forced 
to miss a meeting ; but I find all right my Master orders. 
It has been a good Sabbath to my soul. I was truly 
humbled to hear how the dear people wept and prayed for 
me ! O, my God, let that word be perfectly fulfilled, 
44 Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and 
shalt lift up thy face unto God." As I was reading chap, 
xxxi of Genesis, that word struck me, I am the God of 
Bethel ! Twenty years had elapsed, yet saith God, I am 
he that gave thee those sweet promises in that place. I 
am the same for ever I While meditating on this, it 
seemed as if he said to me, I am the God who told thee, 
Thou shalt walk with me in white. Ah ! my Lord, I hang 
on thee with a firm belief. Thy words are tried words, 
purer than silver. The Lord will keep his promise for ever. 

December 23. — I was much struck this morning in read - 
ing at the time of family prayer, the account of Jacob 
wrestling with the angel. I felt it kindle in me a degree 
of ardour which I did not feel before, to say with him, I 
will not let thee go unless thou bless me — yea, with the full 
communion of thy love. 

February 18. — I have been confined near a month, and 
only able to speak in a low whisper. The disease is sup- 
posed to be a dropsy in the chest. I am sometimes in the 
night in danger of being suffocated. The night before last, 
I was very bad : and as I lay waiting in peace before the 
Lord, that word was applied with unusual power, 44 Call 
upon me in the day of trouble — I will deliver thee, and thou 
shalt glorify me." Ah ! my Lord, I do call on thee for 
more grace, but I cannot ask life or death ; I love the dear 
people, and feel a pain in leaving them ; yet I can only 
commit all to my adorable, unerring Head* 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



323 



April 5.— Last night I laboured much for breath, and 
could not lie down. I saw myself encompassed with mercy 
and love. As I was reflecting on the uncertainty of the 
issue of my complaint, the thought struck me, my Lord 
was at this season sold into the hands of men, who strove 
to join with devils to afflict him ; and if kind physicians 
should mistake, and make me suffer, I may be said to be 
given into the hands of men, but not without the Lord. 
These words were sweet : 

K I fain with these would sympathize, 

And share the sufferings of my Lord !" 

As I was reflecting that I had nothing to plead only 

* Jesus my salvation is, 

This shall stand, and only this, 55 — 

a dart came across my mind, — What if Calvinism be 
true ? Then you may be one he hates ! Immediately that 
word came, " He hateth nothing that he hath made, his 
mercy is over all his works." Well, my Lord, this I 
plead, I am thine, save me! Give me to glorify thee, 
through the fire and through water. The tenderness of 
Miss Tooth, whom the Lord hath sent to me, is very great. 

April 11. — The Lord hath permitted me to be sorely 
exercised through the want of breath* The night before 
last I was forced to sit up in bed till four o'clock. Last 
night, blessed be God, the fit lasted but one hour, and then 
I rested comfortably. My one act is that of clinging to 
the will of God. 

June 2. — Blessed be the Lord, he hath fulfilled his word. 
He bids me " call upon him in the day of trouble and; 
in my deliverance I do glorify him, and acknowledge his 
dear and powerful hand. I have been for same time re- 
stored to my comfortable meetings, and preserved in tolera- 
ble health, with power to lie down in peace, and take 
quiet rest. O that this late dispensation may rouse my 
soul more abundantly to labour after a more perfect rest ! 
Lord, establish me with thy free spirit f This morning one 
called who gave me the following extraordinary account : 
" On Saturday I had that word applied, 6 As the Father 
hath loved me, so have I loved you, abide ye in my love.' 
But on Sunday night, while you were speaking on, How 
we ought to venture on Christ, my soul was greatly lifted 



324 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



up, my faith began to rekindle, and I felt extraordinary 
power all the way home. At family prayer my soul was 
sweetly drawn out. Just as we were going to bed, I 
opened my Testament on those words, 6 Ask what ye will,, 
and I will do it for you.' I felt the power, and thought, 
I will not go to bed ; I will stay and wrestle with the 
Lord* I did so ; and O, what did I feel ! I have often 
had glorious times, but never such a time as that. Those 
precious words were applied, 6 You are sealed to the day 
of redemption.' Since then, as I was hearing a sermon 
on the New Jerusalem, I had such a glorious sight as I 
cannot describe ! I cannot tell it to you." I asked, Was 
it a sight of the place, or of the Saviour? He answered, 
" It was both. I had four distinct sights ; I saw the glory 
of the Father, the glory of the Redeemer, and then the 
Redeemer in his manhood, as covered with wounds : and 
also the Holy Spirit in his glory, ready to seal every soul 
who would take shelter in those wounds ! I now feel my 
soul all on the watch. I seem as if I feared to speak or 
move, lest I should in anywise grieve that Holy Spirit." 

My soul was much comforted at hearing this. Ah !: 
Lord, hast thou begun ? Then thou wilt go on. I do now 
believe an outpouring of thy Spirit will soon be given, 
and " times of refreshing shall come from the presence 
of the Lord." This man had a taste of pure love some 
months ago, but lost it through unprofitable reasonings. 
Ever since his first awakening, he has been a pattern ta 
others, and I believe, never lost his first love * 

July 4. — When I awoke, I found those words applied, 
" Pray without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks." 
This morning, reflecting on them while in prayer, the 
whole passage seemed to be applied to my heart, " Rejoice 
evermore, pray without ceasing, and in every thing give 
thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus con- 
cerning you." The last words made a deep impression, 
" concerning you ;" and I take it as a message from hea- 
ven. Lord, give me power to fulfil this sweet direction ! 

July 18. — A few nights since those words seemed con- 
tinually with me, 

* It is with great propriety Mrs. Fletcher bears this testimony 
concerning the spirit and conduct of a person who was favoured 
mth such manifestations. — En. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



325 



" In all my ways his hand I own, 
His ruling providence I see." 

The next day a change took place in my house, and seve- 
ral circumstances occurred in Church affairs. O what a 
comfort was all that sentence to me ! Yes, my Lord, I do 
see thou dost order all things, and on thee I rest. 

August 19. — This last week has been very solemn. , 
Eighteen years my dear husband has been in glory. O, 
how has each day brought its remembrance ! O carry on 
thy work in my soul with more power ! I cannot have 
much longer to remain here. I see and feel thy gracious 
hand extended over me for good, and I long for a full con- 
formity to my Lord. 

November 12. — This day twenty-two years^ at this 
very hour, I was in Batley church, solemnly engaging to 
be one soul, one body, one interest, with my beloved hus- 
band for ever ! But what have I seen in these twenty-two 
years ? What deep waters have I passed through 1 I have 
been brought through, and mercy hath followed me to this 
hour. On this day I devote myself afresh to God. Let 
our wedding day be a fresh consecration unto Him who is 
the centre of our union ! A little before my dear love's 
last illness, he indulged a train of thoughts on what I 
should do, and how I should live without him. He spoke 
tenderly of my marrying again ; but finding I could not 
bear the thought, he said no more. Since his death, the 
light hath always shone quite clear on my soul, that I was 
not called to join in marriage with any man on earth, 
but to preserve the privileges of a single life which are 
so graciously bestowed upon me. Satan has spared no 
pains to trouble me in this way ; but, blessed be the Lord, 
my light in this hath never been darkened one moment. 
I am the Lord's, and he hath opened my way before me, 
and still makes my cup run over with loving kindness and 
mercy. " Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within 
me bless his holy name." 

November 14. — In meeting the people on Sunday morn- 
ing, I was struck with that thought, " The mind is to the 
soul what the mouth is to the body." I must take in 
food or lose my strength ; but if I take poison I must die. 
Nay, if I avoid poison, but yet feed on wood and chaff, I 
shall as surely die. So the mind is the mouth of the sou! 



326 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



and though I should start at any thought apparently sin- 
ful, yet if I starve it, instead of continually endeavouring 
to draw the sincere milk of the word, I still sow to cor- 
ruption, and what I sow, that shall I reap. Then let me 
fix my eye on the great mystery of God made man ! Why 
did God become man 1 It was man by whom the covenant 
-was broken, and therefore man must have suitable pun- 
ishment laid upon him. It was God with whom it was 
broken, and therefore God must have suitable satisfaction 
made unto him. And as to that satisfaction, it was man 
that had offended, therefore it was man alone that could 
make it suitable. It was God that was offended, and 
therefore it was God alone that could make it sufficient. 
Now, being man as well as God, it behooved him to fulfil 
all righteousness, to keep the whole law in the perfect 
manner required by the Adamic dispensation : yet, as 
being God coequal with the Father, it was not from duty, 
but merely upon our account, that he thus subjected him- 
self to the yoke of his own laws, himself, as God, being 
the Lawgiver, and so no more under it than the Father 
himself. Whatever, therefore, Christ did or suffered in 
the flesh, w T as meritorious, and the believer has accepted 
it. Mr. Wesley observes, in his note in the sermon on 
The Lord our Righteousness, This obedience of Christ, as 
it was infinite, pure, and perfect, did, without doubt, infi- 
nitely transcend all the obedience of all the sons of men, 
even if -they had remained in their primitive state ; for 
their obedience would still have been but the obedience 
of finite creatures, whereas the obedience of Christ was 
the obedience of one who was truly God as well as man, 
by which the laws of God had a Divine obedience per- 
formed to them. They could command no more than the 
obedience of finite creatures ; whereas the obedience of 
Christ was the obedience of one who was the infinite 
Creator, as well as a finite creature ; and by this he hath 
purchased for us a far greater salvation than if man 
had not fallen. As our Head, he hath also entered, yea, 
as our Forerunner, into that glorious union with the Deity 
which we could never have known but by the Word being 
made flesh, and performing this righteousness in our be- 
half. Now this transcendent glory, called the joy of the 
Lord, we are called to enter into — to be heirs of God, and 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCKEjR. 



327 



joint heirs with Christ, As himself hath said. The glory 
which thou hast given me I have given them. 

December 3. — This day three years my dear Sally en- 
tered glory. O that I may be permitted to share with 
her the inheritance of the saints in light ! I think I do enjoy 
it in a measure, for it is amazing to me how calm and 
comfortable my mind is kept, and how the Lord doth pro- 
vide help for me in every circumstance. I have nothing 
to do but prepare for death. O for a constant look up- 
ward ! 

March 3, 1801. — I have a deep conviction on my mind 
to-day of that truth, The heart of man always seeks rest 
in something ; therefore thoughts that 'please, and that 
have not the appearance of evil in themselves, yet if 
they are unnecessary^ may lead to a seeking rest out of 
God. Here I have found Satan very busy, and am often 
forced to cry out, " I will know nothing but Jesus Christ, 
and him crucified." My heart is much in expectation of 
a closer union with my God than I have ever known. I 
wait for the Lord. 

April 26. — Glory be to God. I find him near ; he 
seems to be sitting on my soul as a refiner's fire, and so 
calling every thought into judgment as I never found be- 
fore. We have had very sweet times of worship lately 
The Lord is indeed carrying on his work, blessed be his 
name ; and I trust this meeting of the children will be 
for good. In this, Miss Tooth is made of great use to 
me. O, my tender Father ! Thou dost not suffer me to 
want any thing. 

June 17. — Help me, O my Saviour ! It seems as if I 
could not get those answers to prayer which I want. Yet 
he gives me little touches, — some tokens for good, before 
I rise from my knees. But O, it is not what I long for. 
Such a sight I have of late into that word, Let that mind 
be in you that was in Christ Jems I O how much is con- 
tained therein ! Yet I see it is my privilege, for so I see 
the privilege held out by St. John, " Herein is our love 
made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of 
judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world." I 
find many have been blessed in our meetings lately ; but 
I did not hear of it till several days after the time. And 
hence it has been a season of temptation and discourage- 



828 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



ment with me. I thought what I had said was so short 
of what ought to have been spoken, that all the next week 
I felt a deep conviction, that unless the Lord put words 
into my mouth, and gave power with them, no good would 
be done. I even feared that the Lord did not approve of 
my calling the people together, when there was no one 
but me to speak to them. Yet I knew well that all the 
good done upon the earth is the Lord's doing, and that he 
can work by the meanest instrument. However, this was 
the conclusion, I must ask and wrestle for every meeting; 
public and private, and hang by faith on Christ alone, 
believing that word, " It is not you that speak, but the 
Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you." On last 
Monday night I felt the answer. Then I had great free- 
dom, and I cannot tell how many have since praised God 
for the blessing brought into their souls that night. I 
can do nothing without much prayer. 

July 10. — We have had an awful affair at a pit hard 
by. Three young men were killed outright. The fol- 
lowing Sunday they were buried, and it was computed 
that more than a thousand persons attended their funeral, 
Mr. Walter took the opportunity to speak to them, I trust 
not without effect. As some had been burned in that pit 
not long before, the master ordered the tools, &c, to be 
brought up, declaring he would have no more coal got 
there, at least for a time. Accordingly a man, one of 
our exhorters, who was an overseer of the work, went 
down with his eldest son, a fine youth about sixteen, and 
some other men. Just as the overseer got in, the vapour 
caught fire again, killed his son, and a boy who was with 
him, and most dreadfully burned himself and another man* 
Here was a trial indeed ! Both himself and his wife much 
delighted in that -son, who was carried home dead, and 
himself not likely to live an hour. His wife, who had a 
child at her breast, fainted away, and for some time it was 
not known which would die first. But the Lord supported 
them both by his almighty power ; and the man was so 
filled with the love of God, in his greatest extremity of pain, 
that he has been a wonder to all. He declared that the 
Lord did so make his bed in his sickness that he could feel 
no will but that of God ; and in that will he did glory ! 
The other person who was burned was a young man that 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



329 



had a few years ago some desires after true religion, but 
of late he had wholly fallen back. Between the two there 
was a striking contrast. The young man was all terror, 
and shrieked dreadfully. He had no comfort in pain, and 
no pleasant prospect if it should end in death. O, what 
need have we to use the present hour ! Lord, give us 
unceasing prayer ! O, let us live in the constant view 
of eternity ! It is hoped both the men will recover. 

August 27. — Glory be to God ! I daily prove he is 
faithfulness and love. A few mornings ago I awoke with 
that word, " As thy day, so shall thy strength be." I did 
not take particular notice of it then ; but yesterday, 
through an uncommon providence, I was called to go 
through such fatigue as to me seemed impossible. Yet I 
was carried through all with such ease, both as to body 
and mind, as amazed me. O, let me learn by all to live 
without fear, for I have in thee, O Lord, such a treasure- 
house as will always supply my every want. There is no 
room for fear or care. No, " the government is on thy 
shoulder. " All the weight lies there, and my business is 
to sing and praise all the way through. 

November 9. — Many mercies am I surrounded with ; 
and though I have many infirmities of body, yet they are 
so held as with a bridle that I do not suffer much, and am 
able to attend all my appointments. I see all right ; to 
be sure there are circumstances which would once have 
been a cross, but I am fully convinced all comes through 
my Saviour's hand, and therefore I know all shall work 
for good. I see my situation well suited for growing in 
grace, and I do grow ; but O, that it were faster ! I re- 
member a time when I rather shrunk at repeating that 
line of the hymn,— 

(: Give me to feel an idle thought, 
As actual wickedness 

but truly I do now feel it so. I see the need there is of being 
all eye, not only against what appears evil, but also what is 
called innocent, but is really useless. Last week I received 
a letter from Leeds, informing me of the death of sister 
Crosby. I had a few days before received one from her 
own hand, a very precious one ; and observed on it how her 
eyes and strength held out, though ten years older than J. 



330 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



Her call was sudden — but one day's illness ; during which 
she was kept in faith and love, and departed (as it ap- 
peared) in her sleep in the evening. A mother in Israel 
hast thou been, and thy works shall praise thee in the gates. 

November 12. — This day is particularly solemn to me. 
It is just twenty-three years this morning, both by the 
year and by the day, since I was at this very hour going 
to Barley church, to give my hand to my dearly beloved 
Mr. Fletcher. O. what fears did I feel, lest it should be 
a step our cf God's way ! The light I had before seemed 
that morning ro be quite obscure ; but as soon as it was 
over, the light broke out on my soul, and it hath shone 
clearer and clearer ever since. Blessed be God that I 
ever took that step ! It was the Lord that brought us to- 
gether, and joined us in an eternal union ! Nor do I find 
that union any less ; nay. it is at this moment far greater 
than on that day. O, that I were more spiritual ! then I 
should partake more fully of the inheritance which he 
enjoys in the kingdom of our Father. 



PART THE EIGHTH. 



HER DECLINING YEARS. 

January ]. 1305. 
And now another year is gone ! Lord, what shall I 
say ? Have I got nearer to thee 1 In some things I have ; 
but ah ! Lord, show forth thy mighty power, and lift me 
above all ! Make il my feet as hinds' feet." that I may 
tread on the high places.'' and never let in a thought that 
doth not lead to thee ! In the last month, on the seventh 
day. my dear, my only sister, was called to her eternal 
rest. We had not seen each other for some years, but 
constantly wrote all our minds and every concern to each 
other. Providence had thrown us, as to habitation, far 
asunder. In her last hours she expressed faith and resig- 
nation, and that she was waiting for the coming of the 



TIIE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



331 



Lord, and repeatedly begged me to give her up. I can- 
not but rejoice in her escape from suffering to eternal 
bliss, though the remembrance of our early pilgrimage is 
ever present to my mind. Her kind concern for me she 
has shown by leaving me fifty pounds a year for life. 
Some time since it seemed probable I should lose thirty 
pounds a year, and in that case I must draw back the 
help I give to some particular persons and affairs ; and 
now the Lord hath taken care for that also. O. how faith- 
ful is my God ! Eternity seems very near ; my breath 
grows shorter, and my strength begins to fail. Well, the 
will of God is all ; and it is all my desire that it may be 
perfectly done in me. 

February 23. — I have had views of my past life lately, 
which seem to have discovered a depth of the fall of which 
I was not conscious. These openings endear the Saviour 
abundantly. O, how little did I know myself, when the 
Lord, who knew me thoroughly, was heaping blessings 
upon me, and inviting me to his bosom ! Some years 
since, a person with whom I was intimate, and who meant 
well, was certainly very imprudent. Some of the blame 
fell on me, though I was quite clear. But I feared the 
reproach, and in order to justify myself, I told many of 
the particulars which were not necessary, and thus I 
rather aggravated the circumstances. I was afterward 
much pained. The other night as I lay in bed, it all 
came before me. I was nearly crushed — -until those words 
gave me some relief, " They to whom much is forgiven love 
much." O, my gracious Lord, let this be fulfilled in me !* 

This morning in prayer, and afterward in reading the 
second and third chapter of the Colossian^. I felt much 
encouragement. This day I could not but observe that 
a power had rested on my mind ever since Sunday, which 
had kept off the enemy when he would approach ; and if 
a thought would strive to creep in, I felt as if my faithful 
Lord gave me instantly a check, and excited me to be- 
ware. All these days I have seen such various mercies 
as I cannot express. Truly I can say, — = 

* How afflicting to a pure conscience does any transgression of 
the law of love appear, even after it has been forgiven, and the 
corrupt principle removed from the soul .— En, 



332 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEE. 



" In all my ways his hand I own, 
His ruling providence I see." 

I was greatly struck last night by hearing of a young 
woman who was to have been married next Monday. 
One of her ungodly companions on the pit bank, asked 
her where she intended to keep her wedding ? She pro- 
fanely answered, " In hell." Soon after, being at her 
work near the mouth of the pit, her foot slipped, she fell 
in, and was dashed to pieces ! This and some other 
things which have lately occurred of the same kind, seem 
to have brought eternity very near. O, how important is 
every moment ! 

October 12. — Come, Lord Jesus, and give me the com- 
plete victory ! Last Sunday was a time of power to many, 
as they have since told me. This day I have been plead- 
ing with the Lord to take me altogether into his hand. 
O, what a struggle it is to keep faithful in rejecting use- 
less thoughts ! O, how hard never to offend with the 
tongue ! 

December 13. — Glory be to God for many mercies 
since I wrote last. Some peculiar answers to prayer I 
must relate. The rich hardly enter into the kingdom, and 
therefore we the more abundantly praise him in behalf of 
Mrs. B. and Mrs. E. Mrs. B. was, by nature, remark- 
able for a worldly spirit, a lionlike temper, and being hard 
to please. She had also used the means of grace for 
several years, without bearing fruit. About two years 
ago her health began to decline ; and soon after, convic- 
tion began to fasten on her soul, though her complaint did 
not appear dangerous. Her cry was, for the comforts of 
religion, and she wondered why she could not feel them 
as others did. I clearly saw she was still unawakened, 
though somewhat enlightened. We prayed for her, and 
with her ; and in a few months she began to feel she was 
a sinner. Her disorder also grew extremely painful ; but 
her cry now was, " O, I hope the Lord will not take away 
my pain till he sees I shall not grow hardened again. O, 
what a Gospel-hardened sinner have I been ! I have sat 
under the strongest truths ; and all the time the world had 
my heart. Sometimes I did feel too ; but as soon as I 
came home, all was gone. Yes, I had rather have my pain, 
bad as it is, than be Gospel-hardened again." She con- 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER-. 



333 



tinued mourning a long time, often saying, I can get no 
answer— no, not the least answer — yet I hope too. Those 
words of the hymn are often on my mind, — 

" I the chief of sinners am, 
But Jesus died for me." 

We now began to discern a great change. The lion was 
lost in the dove and the lamb. She continued to increase, 
by degrees, in her confidence. Sometimes she found such 
a hold of the Saviour, and such overflowing love, as if she 
could never fear more. Then conflicts would return, but 
her faith grew more firm, till, at length, her peace was 
unshaken. For a long time, either Miss Tooth, or my- 
self, have seen her continually, and witnessed the mighty 
change which was wrought on her. One only darling 
child, a nice house just built, and many other ties she had 
to hold her here ; but all was but as a grain in the ba- 
lance in her account. She had truly sold all for the pearl 
of great price, and in the possession of that she was con- 
tent, and proved to the last moment that she was a new 
creature. 

The other I shall give in Miss Tooth's own words. 
" October the 3d, Mrs. M. acquainted me with the illness 
of Mrs. E., expressing a wish that I would see her, as it 
was too far for Mrs. Fletcher. I went the next morning, 
and found her very weak, but desirous of help for her 
soul. She told me she had for some time been convinced 
there was no happiness but in religion. I endeavoured to 
point her to the source of all consolation, the atoning Lamb 
of God, who is ever ready to receive conscious sinners. 
When I had prayed, and was leaving her, she expressed 
herself in a most grateful manner, thanking me for my 
kindness in coming to see her, and begged to be remem- 
bered to Mrs. Fletcher, adding, 4 How happy are the people 
who receive instruction from her.' She had attended Mrs. 
M — 's school, and therefore was accustomed to Mrs. 
Fletcher's meetings. The next time I saw her I read 
Mrs. Fletcher's two letters to Miss Ireland, who died of 
the same complaint — a consumption. She seemed much 
affected the whole time we were together. After prayer 
I entreated her not to rest satisfied with any comfort she 
might feel, but to be earnest with the Lord for a clear 



334 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



manifestation of his love to her soul. The next time I 
went, Mr, E. being at home, I could not see her. he being 
quite averse to it. However. I went again, and now all 
my fears were done away. O what a change had taken 
place ! The new song was indeed put into her mouth, even 
of praise and thanksgiving unto our God. As soon as I 
came to her bedside she reached out her hand, saying. •' I 
am glad to see you.' I answered. So am I. my dear, to 
see you : and I trust you have had some gracious visits 
from the Lord since we met last. She answered. • O yes, 
many, many.' Then looking earnestly at me. she said. 
s That is a sweet word. Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth. 
and scour geth every son that he receiveth ! And you know 
St. Paul saith, These light afflictions, which are but for a 
moment, shall work out for us a far more exceeding and 
eternal weight of glory. 7 Then, with her arms thrown up 
as in a rapture of delight, she repeated, i A far more ex- 
ceeding, a far more exceeding ! O it is not possible to tell 
you what I feel in those words.' I said. My dear, you 
have now a sweet foretaste of that enjoyment you will 
shortly have in full possession. 1 O yes,' replied she, * that 
is the tiling, that is the thing ! I am now so sure I shall 
be happy ! Yes, die when I will, I am sure I shall be 
eternally happy ! But it is no merit of mine ; no, it is 
nothing I have done. Xo, no, it is Jesus Christ hath died 
for me I that is the comfort. O Miss Tooth, that is the 
comfort, Jesus Christ hath died for me !' Yes, I replied, 
that will never fail you. The Lord has been very gracious 
to you ; and when I get home and tell dear Mrs. Fletcher, 
how will she praise the Lord for this ! She then cried out, 
1 O beg her to pray for me. As long as I am here I hope 
she will not forget me. I have had those words very much 
on my mind, Be ye also ready, for at an hour that ye think 
not the Son of man cometh.' With great solemnity she re- 
peated, at an hour ye think not. 7 I said, You can now 
praise the Lord that he did not call you at an hour when 
you thought not of him. < O yes,' said she, • I praise him 
for it. I praise him also every hour for this affliction 
this light affliction.' She again expressed much love to 
Mrs. Fletcher, and said, « 1 shall see her in glory. She 
parted from me in words of heavenly love, and triumphant 
joy. Soon after she desired one present to read the burial 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



335 



service, to which she listened with great attention ; but 
when they came to those words, Thanhs be to God, who 
hath given us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ, 
she was transported, and shouted aloud the high praises 
of her Saviour, who had given her the victory, 6 1 have 
it, I feel it !' she cried out ; and in the same heavenly tri- 
umph she departed, and entered her heavenly Father's 
house." 

January 23, 1806, — Blessed be the Lord, I feel an en 
couraging hope that this will be the best year of my life. 
I am waiting for my Lord to come and make my heart his 
loved abode, the temple of indwelling God. O how sweet 
is the communion of saints, when we meet with those who 
are all alive, or who are thirsting so to be ! but, alas ! how 
rarely are they found ! Last Tuesday we had brother H. 
to preach here. I found him a man of God indeed ; both 
his sermon and his prayers had much unction. We had 
some comfortable conversation after supper. His words 
tended to raise faith and love in our souls. Among other 
profitable particulars he mentioned one manifestation ; it 
was as follows : — In his sleep he thought he was going to 
die, and pleaded that the Lord would give him the meet- 
ness for glory. After a time it was spoken to his heart, 
" It is done, it is done ;" and he felt it was so, and found 
himself filled with the heavenly mind. Then lie saw an- 
gels all round his bed ; one in particular of great beauty 
at the foot. He thought himself dying, and lay with great 
delight waiting the event. It then appeared to him he 
drew his last breath, on which the beautiful angel at the 
foot of the bed clasped him in his arms, and conveyed him 
to the heavenly gates, which, as he stood before them, ap 
peared very glorious. The angel then touched the gates, 
which immediately flew open, and such streams of glory 
came out as seemed to constrain him to draw back some 
paces, as being a greater delight than he could yet bear ; 
but presently he went forward and entered the holy city. 
There he saw an innumerable company of glorified spi- 
rits, and the patriarchs in a circle. Next to that circle 
he saw another, of the prophets ; and within that, all the 
apostles. He then cried out, " But where is Jesus?" The 
adorable God-man then appeared in view ; which sight 
filled his soul with joy inexpressible ; and he observed 



336 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



beams of glory which proceeded from our Lord, and touch- 
ed every one of the glorified spirits, showing how all their 
glory sprang from their union with the supreme Good. 
His ecstasy was now so great that he cried out, and 
shouted the name of Jesus till he awoke. He told me that 
for about three days he scarcely knew where he was, his 
soul was so wrapped up in the heavenly vision. J felt my 
soul much refreshed by his conversation. 

Sunday, March 30. — On Tuesday night I dreamed I 
was sitting by a table, on which lay the large volume of 
my dear Mr. Fletcher's Life. I was at that time very 
thoughtful about the printing of his Works, fearing any 
thing should be done that he would not approve. He came 
into the room, but I did not look up ; and being desirous 
to be alone, I went into the next room and sat down. He 
called to me with his own well known voice, saying, 
" What, art thou so afraid of me as to go out of the room 
as I come in ?" I started up and cried, No, my dear, I 
am not afraid of thee. I then returned, and sat down in 
my chair by the table ; he sat on the other side. Then 
taking up the book he said, " There is no need for anxiety ; 
I would have thee read this book ; it will give thee plea- 
sure. Take it up now ; thou wilt find something that will 
encourage thee." Two days after I received a letter from 
Mr. Benson, informing me that a person in London had 
translated Mr. Fletcher's French poem into English, and 
they had some thought of printing it with his other Works, 
if found to be done in a respectable manner. Then I un- 
derstood that my dear love told me of it, in order to pre- 
vent the uneasiness I should have felt had he not shown a 
degree of approval. I had no recollection of the poem ; 
and that he should know I had not read the Life, and 
thus comfort me under the anxiety which I felt, was very 
pleasing to me. O how indulging is my heavenly Father ! 

May 24. — A thought has much dwelt on my mind for 
some days, that we should many times in a day ask our- 
selves, Am I now causing joy or grief in heaven ? We 
are told there is joy in heaven over the sinner that re- 
penteth, and, by parity of reason, over the advance of 
every child of God. Those words (spoken of our Lord) 
follow me much, In all their afflictions he was afflicted. He 
hath taken our whole nature, and so will abide eternally. 



tHE litFE OF MRS. FLETCHER* 



337 



But his passions are all regulated by the Divine nature. 
So in the case of Lazarus it is said, He groaned in spirit., 
and troubled himself.* It appears then that he looks with 
delight or with mourning on his children. It is said, " As 
a bridegroom rejoiceth over his bride, so will the Lord thy 
God rejoice over thee ; he will rest in his love. He will 
joy over thee with singing." And the idea that by turn- 
ing away from this hurtful thought I am giving pleasure 
to my Saviour, and resisting Satan, is a very animating 
conviction ; but, alas ! I cannot express it in w T ords : it 
is as if Jesus said, " My desire is toward thee ; let me not 
lose one thought." 

June 30.— Blessed be the name of the Lord for the an- 
swers to prayer I have experienced of late ! One above 
all the rest demands my loudest praise. I have long been 
crying for my soul to be all eye, so that I should discern 
an unprofitable thought in its approach ; and now I have, 
for one particular day, felt this power continually for about 
a month. I do not mean that my thoughts do not wander 
from the various objects which occur ;f but if a thought 
would present itself so as to take up the mind unnecessa- 
rily, in a moment I am warned and enabled to stand upon 
my guard. O my adorable Saviour ! come and fully pos* 
sess my soul, and give me such a measure of thy enlight* 
ening Spirit that I may clearly discern the things which 
are given me of God ! 

Monday, July 7. — Last night, when I came out from 
the society meeting, I found a letter from London, inform- 
ing me of the death of my dear brother Samuel, who died 
about eleven in the forenoon on Friday last, the 4th of 
this month. I have had much encouragement in my 
mind about him for some days, and so have some of my 
spiritual friends. His death seems to bring eternity very 
near. 

August 14. — Three seven years have I walked in 
widowhood. O what a situation was I in this day twenty- 
one years ! What trials have I since known, but what 
mercies also ! Yes, my gracious Lord, I find thou dost 
order all for me ! This day I renew my covenant to be 

* In the original it is so .—Ed. 

t See Mr. Wesley's admirable sermon on wandering thoughts. 
—Ed. 

15 



338 THE! life of SIRS. FLETCHER. 

all the Lord's ! I know not what bitter cups may yet be 
preparing for me, but I here cast myself wholly into thy 
hands ! My body is weak with age, and threatened with 
many painful disorders ; but I leave all to thy adorable 
will. Miss Tooth seems threatened with a consumption, 
This would be an unspeakable loss, for she takes off all 
care from me, and is in every way an abundant comfort 
and help ; but this I also offer up to thee, my Lord. 

September 12. — This day I enter into my sixty-eighth 
year. None of my family have lived to my age. Lord, 
what shall I do to live more abundantly to thee 1 O that 
I may take up every cross, and embrace it as a precious 
jewel ! O, the great advantage of living in the will of 
God! 

November 12. — A memorable day to me ! This day 
twenty-five years I gave my hand to my dear Mr. Fletch» 
er. O, what a oneness of soul do I feel with him still ! 
Lord, give me the meetness to partake of that joy he lives 
in ! I have of late been convinced it would help my faith 
to consider deeply what great loving kindness and guardian 
care I have experienced from the Lord, since he hath 
taken my dear partner to glory. I may say indeed, good- 
ness and mercy hath followed me all my days. What a 
mercy that this house is still my home ! The vicar might 
have wanted it himself, or he might wish to let it to some 
other person. But in this Mr. Burton hath shown mo 
much kindness, as also Mr. Kenerson, the patron ; may 
God bless them for it, and give them both everlasting 
habitations ! At this time I feel my soul drawn out after 
a closer union with the Lord. 

February 13, 1807. Though offences will come, yet we 
have great cause to be thankful that the work prospers. 
Since the beginning of this year we have had seven tri- 
umphant deaths. One of them was Mrs. B. When 1 
first saw her she was an object of great pity. She had 
lived in affluence, but was reduced almost to beggary. 
She had no bed. I procured a little one for her, and she 
praised the Lord abundantly. She had for more than 
3ialf a year lain on the ground. " It was," said she, 
" very hard, and my bones were sore ; but I enjoyed such 
-communion with God, it bore me above all." She has 
suffered much for many years, but always had the conso- 



THE LIFE ')F MRS. FLETCHER. 



339 



lations of God, and sometimes very abundant. A few 
weeks before her death, when her son came home one day, 
she said, " I have had such a manifestation of the love of 
God as I cannot describe. I think if I was in heaven I 
could not enjoy more than I do !" This continued with 
her to the last. She was one of the Lord's hidden jewels 
indeed, little known or noticed among men. Her appear- 
ance was mean, but she was glorious within. Another 
was a child not twelve years old, the son of W. Smith. 
He had a long and severe illness, during which the Lord 
brought him to rest in the will of God to a degree which 
amazed those about him, and much comforted his parents. 
Some time before his death, he had a wonderful manifest- 
ation of the love of God. He cried out to his father 
and mother to be all in earnest. " It is," said he, " worth 
your while. O, what do I see ! how pretty ! how sweet ! 
how grand ! how glorious ! Then, as conversing with the 
Lord, he said, " Lord Jesus, shall I come now ? Shall I 
come now ? I want to be with thee. Let me come now !" 
He became silent for some time ; then he said, " Not now, 
I must suffer longer." Three or four times after this he 
had glorious manifestations. In one of them, he told his 
father how his soul had been grieved to see their work- 
•men play and trifle. " Sure," said he, " they forgot that 
God sees them every moment ; and when I think of back- 
sliders, it makes my heart ready to bleed to think there 
are any who do not love Jesus." He pointed to a chest 
of drawers and said, " Father, if those drawers were full 
t>f gold, I would not take it for what I feel and see." 
When near death, as he sat in the chair, (for he could not 
lie down nor lean back, for want of breath,) he told them 
how happy he was, and yet how very bad. He then said, 
" Father, put the pillow, I will try to lean back." When 
this was done, he cried out, " Triumph ! triumph !" He 
then feH into a sweet sleep for about three-quarters of an 
hour ; when turning his face on one side, he died without 
any struggle. The others all died in clear light, but I 
have not the particulars. 

March 5. — Glory be to God, I see more and more his 
tender care is over me and mine. I have had a time of 
trial from Miss Tooth's illness this last fortnight, but much 
mercy was mixed with judgment. Lord, spare her^ if it 



340 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER 



please thee ! Thou knowest I have need of her help ; but 
thy will is the arm of the rock I cling to when the waves 
go over my head, and I know that rock will never fail me. 

A thought has struck my mind, that from some things 
mentioned in the notes subjoined to the Portrait of St. 
Paul, edited by Mr. Gilpin, after my dear husband's 
death,, he might be thought to favour the opinions of 
Baron Swedenborg. I therefore think it my duty to bear 
witness to the contrary. The first book which he saw 
contained but little amiss, and Mr. Wesley having observed 
concerning it. " I think it will neither do good nor 
harm." Mr. Fletcher, soon after writing to his brother, 
who had mentioned it. observed that it was a book which 
he did not condemn. But when he had seen a little more 
of the baron's Works, he said to me one day. * Polly. I 

believe Mr. will be a Swedenborger. and I am very 

sorry for it." I said. Well, if he can believe that there 
are wax candles and feasts in heaven, he must have strange 
ideas. Mr. Fletcher replied, " My dear, thou dost not 
perceive the snake in the grass. These books deny the 
atonement, and so strike at the very root of all true reli- 
gion." In the same mind he continued to the last. 

April 3. — I feel within these few days a drawing nearer 
fo the Lord ; and a loving recollection of his presence to 
be the element in which alone my soul can grow. I feel 
an increasing expectation that the Lord will come, and 
take up his abode in my soul. That verse in Jeremiah, 
chap, xxxii. is much on my mind,. M I will make an ever- 
lasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away 
from them, to do them good : but I will put my fear in 
their hearts, that they shall not depart from me. Yea. I 
will rejoice over them to do them good, and I will plant 
them in this land assuredly with my whole heart, and with 
my whole soul." I look now hourly for this, that accord- 
ing to my former promise. I may 6S feed on Carmel and 
Bashan." and my soul be satisfied in a close communion 
with God. 

August 14. — This day twenty- two years my dearly 
beloved husband entered glory. When I awoke this 
morning, the first thought presented to my mind was. — 
How has my soul srrown in these twenty-two years ? I felt 
a deep sinking before the Lord, that it had not grown 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



341 



more abundantly. I am sensible of a progress, but alas ! 
it is very small when compared with what might have 
been. I place in Jesus my whole confidence. My hope 
is in him as my great high priest, and those words are 
very sweet to me, " The author and finisher of our faith." 

my adorable Saviour, 1 am as the clay in thy hand ; 
make me such a vessel as thou shalt choose me to be ! 
Some things have occurred which, years ago, would have 
been a great trial. But I now see and feel a great beauty 
in the cross ; and have such evident proof that he orders 
all, that I can leave all my cares in his hand. 

September 11. — If I live till to-morrow I shall be sixty, 
eight years old, and my dear Mr. Fletcher would on that 
day have been seventy-eight. O how long has he been 
in glory before me ! He was ripe, and sweetly gathered 
into the garner. Lord, prepare thy poor creature to fol- 
low him. I have had my niece Whittingham (my dear 
sister's daughter) with me for some time, whom I had not 
seen since she was twelve years old. I have found much 
satisfaction in the interview. Blessed be God for the 
work wrought on her soul, and for the pious husband the 
Lord hath provided for her. How much better is she off 
than if she had remained in the world ! Truly, " Godli- 
ness hath the promise of this life, and of that which is 
to come." I am surrounded with blessings ; I want no 
earthly comfort. O that I had a more grateful heart. 

December 15. — I have been a fortnight laid aside from 
a bad cold, and much weakness on my lungs ; but what 
cause have I to praise the Lord ! I have experienced his 
tender care in many ways. One night, when more ill 
than before, I was offering up my soul and body for time 
and eternity, into the hand of my gracious Redeemer, and 
longing for a fuller preparation for that day, which I saw 
could not be far off; and being hardly able to keep in bed 
for want of breath, I found, all at once, as if I were sur- 
rounded, or overshadowed with a sweet and sacred power ! 

1 cannot describe it ; but I felt as if I was so encircled 
by, and drawn into the presence of God, that nothing 
could approach to hurt me ! I said, Not a thought can 
arise " to disturb my beloved till he please." It lasted 
about half an hour, and showed me how easy the Saviour 
can enclose tjie soul as an island in the midst of the sea J 



342 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



December 31. — O my God, how do I close this year ? 
I am still confined to my chamber, and mend bat slowly. 
But I feel the Lord is at work on my soul. I pant for a 
more lively faith, and blessed be God, I found an increase 
since this illness. Truly, he makes all my bed in my 
sickness, and keeps me night and day. 

January 1, 1808. — And do I see the beginning of 
another year ? Yes, my Saviour ! thou dost yet spare me. 
I have been some time in a near prospect of death. O 
that I may use every moment to gain more of thy like- 
ness ! I cannot be far from eternity. O my God, make 
me ready ! I have not been able to begin this year with 
the dear people as usual, being still confined, yet mercy 
is in all my cup. Haw light are my pains compared with 
others ! 

February £h — Blessed be the Lord, lie hath wonderfully 
renewed my strength ! I have been out these three weeks, 
and have gone through my meetings in the week as before ; 
and praised be the Lord ! I feel greater liberty than ever. 
The other day I found among some old papers a few lines 
I wrote many years ago. They were blessed to me ; 
and, as I hope they will be a blessing to others, I transcribe 
them. 

Saturday, July 18, 1761. We had a good time at the 
meeting this morning, at brother Biggs'. Mr. Fletcher 
was with us ; and as I was speaking of my discourage- 
ments, he said, " Make more use of Jesus. The reason 
why you find a spark of faith and love when you repeat 
those words, c On thine arm do I trust,' — which you do 
not feel at other times is, because at that time you make 
an act of faith ; but you do not continue that act of faith, 
which is the reason you do not always feel the same. If 
* our anchor is cast within the veil,' we must be casting it 
farther and farther, that we may draw our souls nearer 
ajnd nearer to God. There is nothing which draws my 
soul to God like the consideration of his love to me ; it is 
on that I must fix my eyes, and when I feel my heart has 
wandered, and I am cold and dead, and unable to watch 
and pray, this is my method, — -I return just as I am to 
Christ, and cast myself again on his mercy, pleading, Thou 
art the righteousness of the ungodly, the strength of the 
weak, the helper of the helpless ; ; thou art the friend of 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



343 



sinners ; in short, he is the God of fallen man." He 
again observed, " He doth not require us to stay for a 
broken heart ; for what would repentance avail if he did 
not work it ? We also lose much for want of thankfulness. 
We should praise God for every good desire we feel, 
though, perhaps, as yet, we have not power to put it in 
practice." 

Mr. Maxfield was, at that time, a very blessed instru- 
ment among us, and great power attended his word. Al- 
though very painful things afterward occurred.* I do 
not think myself clear unless I bear testimony to that 
truth. I took down a few particulars of a sermon of his, 
which I will here repeat. 

Sunday, November 2, 1761. — Mr. Maxwell preached 
on the history of the Israelites taking Jericho, He ob- 
served, " By what is said of Jericho, we may be instruct, 
ed concerning the evils contained in our hearts. It was 
the ' Captain of the Lord's host,' by whose command 
Joshua acted — and this Captain was our Lord Jesus, who 
still goeth before every one who believes in his name." 
But, added he, " there is one thing very material to ob- 
serve — 6 Jericho was straitly shut up, none went out, and 
none came in.' Now, is this the case with your hearts ? 
Are you watching over your ear, your eye, your tongue ? 
Are you careful neither to see, hear, nor speak any thing* 
but what tends to draw your souls to God 1 Many of you 
will perhaps ask, Why did not the walls of Jericho, my 
corrupt heart, fall before the Lord, as I have been seek- 
ing so many years ? I will tell you why — your Jericho 
is not i straitly shut up.' It may be that every idle story 
your neighbour brings to your ears, or foolish imagina- 
tion Satan suggests to your minds, finds a ready enter- 
tainment, and your minds are filled with unprofitable 
thoughts, which, like a crowd, get between you and your 
Saviour. You might seek thus for ten thousand years, 
and be no nearer. Every thought that doth not tend 
toward God, if indulged, stops the work of sanctification ; 
and you will never advance toward holiness, till you exert 
with resolution the power which God hath given you, in 

* He separated from Mr. Wesley, and did much harm in the 
London society. — Ed. 



344 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.. 



resisting steadfastly every thought and word which would 
come between your soul and Christ. Bat those who are 
thus watching and keeping their hearts, so that nothing 
can find entrance till it be examined, and known from 
whence it comes — -let them take courage, I am sure 
vour souls thus waiting will not wait loner before your 
r Joshua will command them to shout !' Only let them 
believe, and continue to watch. The Israelites were bid 
not to shout, nor make any noise, till they were com- 
manded ; and when that moment should come was known 
only to Joshua. They believed and followed, So let us 
hang by a simple faith on Jesus, listening every moment 
what his Spirit shall dictate to our hearts ; for ' the Cap- 
tain of the Lord's host' is with us, and 4 he hath his sword 
drawn in his hand' to conquer all our adversaries. And 
though you feel your sinful tempers, be not discouraged, 
for the inhabitants of Jericho were not only alive to the 
last, but in full strength. When the power of faith comes^ 
the strong walls of unbelief shall drop down, and you shall 
go up and possess the good land ! How little and idle 
it would appear in the eyes of these enemies, thus to walk 
round the walls, blowing rams' horns ! So we think our 
labour and spiritual thriving avail nothing ; but only let 
us continue to cut off every word or thought which would 
give food to the old man, and thus obey, in firm reliance, 
that i our Joshua will be the author and finisher of our 
faith,' and we shall find him c - faithful who hath promised, 
who also will do it.*** 

March S.— This was a good morning to me ; the Lord 
was very present when I awoke : and I had such a view 
of the : aU-sufficieney of the Saviour as I cannot express ! 
Such a safety in trusting in his arm alone ! That thought 
struck me — many great kings have said, " I have no cause- 
to fear, for I have vast armies, great allies," &c. But 
O, what a fly did it all appear to me, when compared to 
the power I felt in that simple word, " Jesus is on my 
side!" 

March 18. — Yesterday I found an increase of faith., 
O, what repeated proofs I have that the Lord doth watch 
over his poor creature with guardian care ! I had some- 
thing to do in the work of God which was attended with 
difficulty ; and yet I scarcely knew how to go out in the 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



345 



sharp east wind. But O, how was every thing ordered ! 
I found also such liberty in visiting the sick, as if every 
word was immediately given me. I had such a view into 
the way of faith — and the atonement was made so clear, 
as I cannot express. I saw also the Lord's tender care 
in a variety of other occurrences. What a freedom from 
care hath the soul who singly trusts in Jesus ! 

?rlarch 29. — I cannot be thankful as I would for the 
restoration of health which I feel. Cold as it is, I have 
been enabled to keep to all my meetings — seven or eight 
times a week ; and my nights are as comfortable as when 
I was but twenty. I feel no complaint of my breath, 
when still, nor in bed. O, that I might use all my little 
strength to the glory of God ! I see death very near, 
notwithstanding this amendment. 

On looking over my journal, I miss some observations 
which I wrote on the death of my dear father in Christ, 
Mr. Wesley. I think I must have mislaid that sheet, or 
perhaps lent, and so lost it. However, I wish now to 
bear my testimony to the truth. Ishall have cause to bless 
God throughout eternity that ever I knew that precious 
a.nd highly favoured servant of the Lord Jesus. He was 
indeed a star in the Almighty's hand, and a wonderful 
instrument of good to our nation. When I was very low, 
after my dear husband's death, among the many gloomy 
thoughts which came to my mind, one was, that I had not 
so profited by Mr. Wesley's excellent advice as I might 
have done ; and I wrote to him expressing that senti- 
ment ; to which he gave me the following answer : " My 
dear sister I do not remember you ever disobliged me in 
any thing. On the contrary, you have for these many 
years done every thing in your power to oblige me." 
Indeed I saw it my duty so to do, and must acknow- 
ledge my many and great obligations to that great and 
good man. 

May 26. — How good do I find it to lie quiet in the 
hand of Jesus ! All, all works for good. I have been ill 
with a cold three weeks, and trust I am laid aside for 
a. season in order to gain the blessings of retirement. 
Some fatigues which have occurred from company rather 
threw me back. The providence of God appeared so 
clear I could onlv sav, O how true is that word, — 
15* 



346 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEIT. 



" Jesus doth my burden bear,. 
Jesus takes my every care." 

Some nights when I could not lie down for the cough, and ? 
want of breath, I felt a sweet sense of the presence of 
God, and of the heavenly spirits ! Not any particular 
rapture, but a solemn consciousness; and those words 
were with, me continually, — 

'•Do what thou, wilt with this weak clay, 
But let me all thy mind fulfil, 
But let me all thy will obey/'" 

June 1. — Blessed be the Lord, I am better, and was 
enabled to meet the class yesterday morning, though I 
spoke with difficulty. This morning I have found an 
increase of faith in reading the 10th chapter of Hebrews* 
O, that perfect, that complete sacrifice ! Yes, he hath 
once for all paid the whole debt, there is therefore a free 
and open way into the holiest ! I see death so near, I 
tind it on my heart to pray for, and take thought of, the 
work of God in this place* O, my Saviour, cause it to 
increase abundantly ! Keep away stumbling blocks, and 
pour out thy Spirit in a peculiar manner on my dear hus 
band's orphans. I could wish Miss Tooth to remain in 
Madeley, if a way should be made- for her, and that she 
might be able to take in the preachers. I can see no 
other way so likely and proper ;• and I think it would be 
the most comfortable for them. All is in the hand of the 
Lord. She has the cause of God truly at heart, and if 
her health is restored, she will, I believe, be very useful 
to the people. That word I think of with pleasure, All 
things are beautifitl in their season. So I trust I shall find 
it. O, that death may have no sting for me, and that her 
way may be opened before her by the Lord ! 

August 4.— Having been told by several persons that 
a report has got abroad, that my dear Mr. Fletcher ex- 
pressed a sorrow for having wrote his Checks to Anti* 
nomianism, and that he died in quite a different opinion,. 
I do solemnly aver there is no truth in the assertion. So 
far from that, a little before his death, speaking of the 
hurt that so close an application had caused to his health, 
I said, But thou dost not repent the labour ? He replied,. 
" O no, it was a great blessing to. my sguI. And if my 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



347 



strength was wasted thereby, it was in the cause of 
truth," I never knew him have the least variation in his 
sentiments ; and I am sure he did not willingly conceal 
any part of his mind from me, any more than I did from 
him. 

I had this morning a solemn look at death. Many 
complaints seem to be gathering about me, and they seem 
to portend sufferings ; but I feel a spirit of true sacrifice, 
and those words are sweetly on my mind, — 

M Leave to his sovereign sway 
To choose and to command, 
So shalt thou wondering own his way, 
How wise, how good his hand 

August 17. — From an uncommon hurry of strangers 
being here, and other circumstances, I have had no time 
for writing in my journal, though I should have liked to 
set down manv thino-s. All the last week was very solemn; 
the day of my dear husband^ death falling on the Sab- 
bath this year, brought each scene to its own period, and 
caused me frequently to iook back and praise the Lord, 
who had preserved me in the deep waters through which 
I at that time passed. I had a most humbling view of 
the little progress I have since made ; yet I found a great 
confidence in my good Shepherd, whose wise providence I 
have seen and experienced in a remarkable manner. He 
-does so fit my strength to my day, and orders all in such 
wonderful mercy, that truly I am constrained to say, (un* 
worthy as I am.) — 

" Round me and beneath are spread 
The everlasting arms." 

September 12. — At eight o'clock this morning, sixty- 
nine years ago, I was born. How many dangers I have 
passed through ! But thy merciful arm has been over 
me, and proved by a thousand and a thousand ways, that 
the hairs of my head are indeed numbered, O, my great 
Deliverer ! how hast thou stood by me, and heaped mercy 
upon mercy on me. 

September 15. — I feel a fresh beam of light upon my 
soul ! A farther discovery of the extent of the atonement. 
On Tuesday night, when at prayer, I found the eye of 
faith grow brighter, and the open fountain more plain be- 



348 



THE LITE OF >n^. FLETCHER. 



fore me. the liberty the believer hath of coming every 
moment to the Saviour ! If I shut my_eyes I may fancy 
the sun doth not shine ; but the veil- is not on the sun, but 
on my eyes. The Saviour saith. Whosoever cometh unto- 
me I will in nowise cast out. Lord, give me ever to feel 
the sense of this truth which I now do, that every moment 
I may wash- my robes, and both make and keep them white. 
for thy blood cleanseth from all sin. 

Blessed be God, another is gone tc her rest, our dear 
sister Benbow, the account of whom, by Miss Tooth, I had 
not time before to enter. " From what Mrs. Benbow has- 
told me, I have reason to believe she had been under the 
drawings of God from her earliest youth. Some years 
since she began to come to the Monday meetings at Made- 
ley. These she found so profitable that, although the dif- 
ficulty was great owing to her weakness, she would still 
persevere. These last three years she has been confined 
by illness, but often expressed her longing desire to be at 
those opportunities again, if the Lord should permit. Up- 
ward of two years ago I went to see her, and I may say 
I have counted it my privilege and honour to visit her at 
every opportunity since that time. She drank in instruc- 
tion from either conversation or reading. The experience 
and death of the children of God were the delight of her 
soul. Mr. Fletcher's Letters, and his Appeal, were much 
blessed to her. Concerning the latter she would say* 
1 Blessed be God for that book, for it hath taught me the 
way to Jesus by faith.' When I have been reading to her, 
observing her pain to be so violent, I have for a time laior 
the book aside ; but she would say, * No, read on, it does 
me good t it refreshes me, and gives me encouragements 

what should I do if his everlasting arms were not under- 
neath me ; but he does sweetly support me, glory be unto 
him.' 

" She suffered great pain, even to agony, yet not one 
murmuring word was heard to drop from her lips. In one 
minute she would be crying out with the violence of the 
pain, the next she would be saying 6 Thy. will be done, my 
sweet Saviour ! I would suffer all thy will. 

" I the chief of sinners am, 
But Jesus died for me/ 

1 feel great peace> and those words are powerfully ap~ 



THE LIFE OF 3IRS. FLETCHER. 



plied, 1 know that my Redeemer liveth. I can say with 
David, Though my flesh and my heart faileth, God is the 
strength of my heart and my portion for ever. O that word 
for ever ! There is something so sweet in that word for 
ever V Another day, as I entered the room, she cried out 
with triumphant joy, 1 His banner aver me is Jove ! O tlbe 
sweet times I have had this last week in reading the Scrip- 
tures !' Another time, as I was observing the power of Di- 
vine grace in loosing the heart from earthly attachments, 
she said, 4 1 prove that for time was when I seemed to 
have ten thousand ties to this world, but now I have not 
one. Jesus has broke every chain.' Through all her suf- 
ferings her constant language was blessing and praising 
the Lord for his goodness ; ever declaring all her trust 
and confidence was in the atoning blood. Often, in the 
midst of the most exquisite suffering, she would enumerate 
her mercies, saying, ' What comforts I am surrounded 
with ! Such tender, affectionate children to nurse me 1 
And, above all, the prayers of God's people. O I cannot 
tell half the things that call for thankful praise.' When 
the preachers or Mr. Walter visited her, she has often 
observed to me with delight what a blessing it was to her* 
On June 3d she told me she had neither doubt nor fear, 
nothing disturbed her ; and though in the most violent 
pain, she cried out, 4 Not one pain less ! I would not have 
one pain less, if this is thy will, my sweet Lord Jesus !' 
In the night of the Tth of June she waked, and said, 4 1 am 
quite well ! I have neither ache nor pain.' Miss Benbow, 
who sat up with her, being much affected, and not imme- 
diately replying, she again cried out, 4 Nancy, I have 
neither ache nor pain ! Give praise to the Lord ! O give 
thanks to God !' Miss Benbow said, 4 And are you happy, 
mother ?' She answered, 4 Yes, quite so.' A short time 
before she departed she said, 4 Sweet Jesus, come quickly !' 
These were the last words she uttered. From this time 
she lay with a smiling countenance, that bespoke a sweet 
serenity within ; and at the last she went off so quietly 
that they could scarcely perceive when she drew her last 
breath, which was on Thursday morning, June 9, 1803." 

November 12. — Memorable day to me ! This day 
twenty-seven years (the day of my marriage) I was full 
of anxiety at this hour ; but O what cause have I had to 



350 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



rejoice in the transaction of that day ! As the morning 
approached I felt a fresh conviction that this is the day I 
peculiarly consecrate to my adorable Lord ; and I felt it 
good to wait upon the Lord* My faith was invigorated, 
and my expectation enlarged. O how little doth all ap- 
pear to me that is not eternity ! 

December 6. — I have been called since I wrote last to 
a new dispensation. I had more than two months been 
lame at times with my right knee, yet walked about, though 
with some pain. But some days since it grew worse, till 
last Thursday, when it w T as so well I could walk without 
a stick, and thought myself cured. That night, as I wa* 
going to bed, in a moment I felt a pain in it which ren. 
dered me quite helpless. How it will end I know not 
but I feel a sweetness in repeating, " My Father cannot 
err, and I will never choose." This trial has been much 
blessed to me. It brings eternity near. I have also had 
a deeper conviction of the need of a more earnest pursu- 
ing after entire holiness, and my mind has been more 
stayed on the Lord, and kept in more abundant peace. I 
knew not how I should be got out of the chamber, but we 
found a chair with wheels, which would go through the 
doors, so that I can be brought in and out of the study ; 
and such a number of little helps (but to me great ones) 
has occurred, that I see the hand of my dear Father in all" 
around me as I cannot express* 

December 13. — Last night I had pain, but, blessed be 
the Lord, with a mixture of ease and rest. My complaint 
is said to be an inflammation on the knee bone ; but I am 
affected in various ways. As I had to sit up in bed a 
good while in the night, I felt it profitable. 

December 26. — This has been a solemn Christmas to 
me. Though confined to my room, my soul has been on 
a stretch for holiness, especially to-day. O what cause 
of praise ! How truly is that promise fulfilled,* " Do not 
be frightened, God will make you a comfortable habita- 
tion." And so he doth indeed : and that other word, so 
often given me of late, " As one whom his mother com-. 
forteth, so will I comfort thee." Yes, I can rely on his 
dear arm, and cling to his will. But O ! I long that God 



* See page HI. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



351 



should take up the whole of my heart as his abiding 
throne ! 

March 20. 1509. — Yesterday was a comfortable Sab- 
bath. The Lord carried me through all the four meet- 
ings.* and blessed me with his gracious presence, glory 
be to his holy name ! Reading those words of Baxter, 
K There is far more procured for us by Christ than we 
lost in Adam," I fek a peculiar power in it ; and while- 
meditating thereon I said in my heart. Then how great 
may our expectations be ! Immediately that word came 
to my mind. Open thy mouth wide and I it ill fill it. my 
God. how shall I comprehend what thou hast to bestow ! 

for more of that sacred violence which takes the kingdom 
hy force ! 

March 2*2. — We had much hurry yesterday, but. blessed 
be God. I felt great calmness all day, My meditation ran 
much on that Scripture.. He that receiveth you receiveth 
me ; and again. Whatsoever ye do to one of the least of 
these is done unto me. This morning, feeling some symp- 
toms of a very painful disorder. I was offering it up to the 
Lord, that he might do all his will upon me, when I thought 
of those lines : — 

' ; The Lord my pasture shall prepare, 
And feed me with a shepherd's care ; 
His presence shall my wanes supply, 
And guard me with a watchful eye : 
My noonday walks he shall attend, 
And all my midnight hours defend.*'' 

1 felt a power as I repeated them, but afterward doublv 
so. it was given me as my own. Yes, my faithful Lord* 
" Thou wilt not surfer me to be tempted above what I am 
able, but will, with the temptation, make a way to escape, 
that I may** be able to bear it. I feel an increase of both 
faith and love. Lord, let me grow stronger and stronger 
in thee ! 

April 5. — I have lately received some particular an- 
swers to prayer. Lord, let my gratitude bear proportion 
to my mercies ! I have been now able to go out for several 
weeks, and to attend all my meetings, often very comfort- 
ably, even eight or nine times in a week. My breath is 

» It seems she had now recovered from her lameness.— Eik 



352 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



better than it has been for years ; and though my limbs 
are weak and stiff, I can walk so as to visit some sick 
who are near to us, and go up and down stairs many times 
a day : blessed be the Lord, who holds all our disorders in 
his hand, and times them as he sees good. O that I may 
use all my remaining strength to his glory ! 

April 26. — Glory be to God, I have felt him working on 
my soul for some days, and drawing my mind into a more 
steady recollection. Reading the account of Israel pass, 
ing over Jordan, I was led to reflect that I had nothing to 
do but believe, and follow the Lord, and all difficulties 
would vanish out of my way in spiritual things, as they 
have done in temporal. He will fulfil all his gracious pro- 
mises. 5Tes, my faithful Saviour, I look for the blessed 
moment when I shall have my delight in the Almighty 
beyond all I have ever known. I feel a glorious day ap- 
proaching. Lord, hasten the hour ! 

In order to make the day more profitable, let me con- 
sider : — I usually rise between five and six. Then let me 
behold Jesus, by the eye of faith, sitting on the right hand 
of God, exalted in glory, yet looking down on me, inclining 
his gracious ear to my prayer, and saying, M Let me hear 
thy voice ; pray without ceasing. Every one that asketh 
receiveth." My heart shall answer, O most faithful and 
loving Saviour, permit me again to throw myself at thy 
dear feet. Thy mercy hath preserved me this night from 
men and devils. Thou hast made me to rest in safety. 
For this my soul doth adore thee ! And I praise thee, Q 
Lord, for some degree of health. While many are in rack- 
ing pain, I am in ease, and have the use ot my under- 
standing, and a comfortable degree of sight and hearing ; 
yea, thou hast preserved to me the use of all my limbs 
and faculties : and here I consecrate them all to thee ! O 
take my soul and body's powers, and let them be at thy 
disposal this day. I here renew my covenant to become 
altogether thine ; and to be obedient to thy wilL Whatever 
thou shalt appoint this day, O my Lord and Master, give 
me to receive it in the Divine order ! Give me this day 
to watch every moment, that I may not lose one opportunity 
of taking up my cross, nor of doing good either to the souls 
or bodies of men. Yea, let me strive to confer happiness, 
or comfort on every one, even to the brute creation. This 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



353 



is thy will. O do not suffer me to miss one instance in 
which I might have such an honour ! O Lord, grant thy 
Spirit's teaching, that I may lie at thy feet, and listening 
to thy voice, have power to obey it. Give me, O Lord, 
this day. the spirit of recollected prayer ! That prayer 
of faith which cannot go unanswered. And, O my Lord, 
I entreat thee, by all the mercy and love thou hast shown 
me, thy most unworthy creature, that thou wouldst favour 
me with the key of the holy Scriptures ! Thou knowest, 
O Lord, it is a sealed book till thou openest the seals 
thereof. Confer on me, I beseech thee, that teaching of 
thy Spirit, that I may discern the deep truths, the glo- 
rious promises, and ail the sacred mysteries which lead to 
close communion with thyself! That I may, in my mea- 
sure, " comprehend, with all saints, the length, and 
breadth, and depth, and height, of thy incomprehensible 
love!" 

May 28. — This morning I was led to look back on the 
mercies of my past life ; and I was amazed to see how in 
every part of it such tender love had been mixed with 
my crosses. When in my father's house, though I had 
many things to pass through which were trials and 
humiliations, yet when I could get into my own room I 
seemed to be quite comfortable, and had a continual sense 
that God would deliver me out of all when his time was 
come. When I w r as removed from my father's house, to 
my little lodging of two rooms at Hoxton, though really 
very inconvenient, it appeared as a most sweet asylum to 
me. When I took the little house on the roadside, I 
thought it a palace ! And though there was much, very 
much, to ask forgiveness for in all those places, yet there 
were abundant blessings ; and I can recollect many mes- 
sages from heaven in them all. I next removed to Lay- 
tonstone. There I seemed in the land of Goshen ; and 
though I can now look back and wonder how I stood under 
the galling crosses I had to encounter, yet, at the time 
they often appeared swallowed up in mercies ! At Cross 
Hall in Yorkshire, I had many humiliations and cares, 
but I often thought that situation better than all the 
others, and that if the Lord would open me a way to abide 
there, it would be a great favour. But O, he had some- 
thing better, far better for me.. He brought me through 



351 



THE" LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



fire and water, to this spot, — to Madeley : and of all my 
situations, none hath been equal to this. O the loving 
kindness of my God ! I remember in the year 1768, being 
from home, on a journey with sister Ryan, and under very 
great trials, both outward and inward, as I was one day 
in prayer, those words were applied to me with a peculiar 
power, / will bring Israel again to his habitation, and he 
shall feed on Carmel and Bashan, and his soul shall be 
satisfied on Mount Ephraim and Gilead. At that tune, and 
in those days, shall the iniquity of Israel be sought for, and 
there shall be none, and the sin of Judah, and it shall not 
be found, for I will pardon them whom I reserve* This 
was so deeply impressed on my mind, that when after 
some months' absence we returned home, I looked out r 
(as well as I was able) the meaning of the words in the 
Hebrew Lexicon. I now repeat it here, being conscious 
that at this very time I feel the beginning of the accom- 
plishment. Outwardly it is indeed made good. I am in 
a most peaceful habitation ; and some of the clusters of 
grapes from Canaan I do taste of, and sit as on the banks 
of Jordan, waiting to be brought over. 

August 10.- — At present I am under a particular exer- 
cise. Some time ago, I found my relations deeply laid on 
my mind, especially my dear brother William, and my 
brother's widow. I thought, I have not been faithful to 
them ; and feared, as I had not seen them for twenty 
years, I never should see them again. I laid it before the 
Lord in earnest prayer. A circumstance occurred which 
gave me some encouragement. But how was I surprised 
when I received a letter that they were coming to see 
me ! They are now here. My soul is drawn out much 
in their behalf. Lord, I look unto thee, be thou my helper, 
and enable me to confess thee faithfully before men, that 
I may not have the blood of souls found upon me ! 

24.— ^Glory be to God, I have found him very gracious 
indeed.. All has been as I could have wished, and I had 
freedom and comfort in our different interviews. I saw 
the hand of the Lord in every circumstance. O what $ 
Saviour have \ ! Since that time some trials have occurred 
which have affected my health. I feel a great inward 
sinking, and by various symptoms, it seems that the Lord 
is reminding me the hour is not far off. O my adorable 



THE LIFE OF SIRS. FLETCHER. 



355 



Saviour, give me but to glorify thee to the last moment, 
to feel my whole will lost in thine ! 

September 12. — Lord, appear in my behalf! I feel my 
body grow very feeble, and I want a fuller baptism of thy 
Spirit. My confidence is all in thee ; but I want to feel 
an intimate, close communion. Once I should have been 
well pleased with what I at present feel ; but when death 
seems very near, there needs a peculiar smile of the Lord 
to carry the soul triumphantly through the sufferings of 
that season. Indeed there are moments when he doth 
assure me, As my clay my strength shall be ; and of late I 
have found such help in times of trial that I am greatly 
encouraged. This day I am seventy years old. Ah ! 
my Lord, how little have I done for thee in seventy years ! 
But I look to mere mercy. My hope is in the Saviour ! 
I have nothing to plead* 

September 19. — Last night I was restless and disturbed, 
and as I lay awake I thought, Is not God my strongest 
desire ? What would now give me the most pleasure 1 
My heart answered, " A smile from my Lord*"' I then 
thought of heaven, and considered myself as afresh united 
to my dear husband, my Sally, and; my friend Ryan. 
The thought was pleasing, and raised gratitude in my 
heart. But when I turned my thoughts to a sight of, and 
union with my Saviour, — O how superior a spring of joy 
did I feel ! I think I can truly say, — " Whom have I in 
heaven but thee ? and there is none upon earth I desire in 
comparison of thee !" But, Lord, I am not satisfied. Ah, 
no ; I want such a possession of thy love, such an inti- 
mate union as every moment to feel thy approving smile. 

November 12. — Twenty-eight years this day, and at 
this hour, I gave my hand and heart to John William de 
la Flechere. A profitable and blessed period of nw life. 
I feel, at this moment, a more tender affection toward him 
than I did at that time, and by faith I now join my hand 
afresh with his. My Sally, and my friend Ryan too, — 
We are one in Jesus. O that I may follow them as they 
followed Christ ! 

January 6, 1810. — Glory be to thee, my precious Sa- 
viour, for the great mercies I have received the last year ! 
O how many striking answers to prayer ! I feel also an 
increase of faith, and begin this year with a more firm 



356 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



confidence in thy faithful promises. Yes, my gracious 
Lord. I abandon all. all into thy hand, both for time and 
eternity. I have been reading again that excellent work 
of my dear husband. " The Portrait of St. Paul." I had 
not read it for many years, but, O how sweet did I find 
it ! It is amazing that it should be so clear and perfect as 
it is. when I considered what he said to me about it, — that 
it was a rough draught wrote in his illness, when abroad ; 
and which he intended to write all over aorain, and to im- 
prove, had he been spared to do it. I felt a sweet unction 
as I read it, and am very glad it is taken into the ninth 
volume of his Works. 

February 11. — I have been ill for about two months, 
with a complaint on my lungs, but was enabled to keep 
to all the meetings till Tuesday last, when I grew much 
worse. My breath is exceeding short, and the cough 
very severe. By the expectoration it appears to be such 
a consumption as old people have. I am glad I have had 
these opportunities with the dear people, though perhaps 
I have suffered by it. The Lord has been very present 
with us of late. Those words have been much on my 
mind, " Whom have I in heaven but thee ? and there is 
none on earth I desire in comparison of thee.'"' I feel no 
care about my body, only that I may do and suffer all the 
will of God, as a Christian ; that " patience may have its 
perfect work." 

February 25. — I still remain ill, though something bet- 
ter ; and it is a great addition to the trial, that my dear 
friend and kind nurse, Miss Tooth, appears to have a 
consumptive disorder. This morning I was laying all 
before the Lord, and felt a desire to try myself in every 
point of sacrifice. I felt his will above all. Afterward 
that word bore on my mind, " Stand still and see the sal- 
vation of God." 

April 27. — Yesterday was a day of trial, as to outward 
things ; but in the morning those words were in a pecu. 
liar manner laid on my mind, u Commit thy way unto 
the Lord ; trust also in him, and he will bring it to pass." 
I did not understand what it meant at first, but before 
night it was explained, 

O my faithful God, thou knowest all that can approach 
thy children ; and thy guardian care prevents our trials 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



by a call to a fresh trust in thee ! Many scenes of suffer- 
ing appear before me. My left breast I am told is again 
likely to prove cancerous ; but I lie still in the hand of 
the Lord. 

May 6. — As I was rising this morning, Mr. Grim, 
straw's advice came to my mind : " At your first awaking 
spend half an hour on five things. First, Return thanks 
for the mercies of the night, Second, Pray for a blessing 
on the new day. Third, Examine the state of your 
heart. Fourth, Meditate on some spiritual subject. Fifth, 
Lay a plan for your employment of the day." I felt my 
heart drawn to praise, and to entreat protecting mercy, 
and spiritual guidance, for the ensuing day, and felt my 
petition was heard. Then I looked up for a spiritual 
subject of meditation. Immediately it occurred, " I go 
to prepare a place for you." Then, " I am the way, the 
truth, and the life." I felt it a profitable time* 

September 6. — The other day brother Tranter preached 
in my room very profitably, and told us afterward a re- 
markable answer to prayer. Mr. R. Crowther and his 
wife were going to their circuit in a borrowed gig. They 
came to the house of a pious man and woman, accustomed 
to receive the messengers of Jesus Christ. Having no 
place for the gig, it stood out. There were some perse- 
cuting spirits in the place. In the night, the man and 
his wife found they could not sleep, and said one to 
another, I feel a great weight on my mind, — perhaps some 
hurt is doing to the gig. They got up and went out. 
They found one wheel was gone. They looked all about, 
but could not find it. They returned into the house and 
went to prayer, laying before the Lord the difficulty Mr. 
Crowther would be in. At last one of them said, It 
comes to my mind they have carried it to such a place, 
(about two miles off,) and thrown it into the swamp. The 
other said, Let us go and see. About one o'clock they 
set off. When they came to the place, which was full of 
water and mud, and covered with rushes, they looked 
about, but could see nothing of the wheel. They then 
saw a large stick ; upon which the man said, Perhaps on 
this stick they carried it ; let us try again. He then 
took up the stick and groped in the mud. Presently he 
felt the wheel. They got it out, brought it home, and put 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER-. 



it on the gig. So when Mr. and Mrs. Crowther got up, 
the gig was ready for them to set off. How true is that 
word. " Call upon me in the time of trouble, so I will hear 
thee, and thou shalt glorify me." 

September 12. — At eight o'clock this morning I was 
solemnly struck with the thought— I am, at this hour-, 
(the time I have been told I was born,) seventy -one years 
of age. I was, as I have been told, in great danger of 
death, from my tongue being tied, and much bleeding 
ensued from having it cut. It was thought I should be 
dumb. But thou, O Lord ! saw good to give me my 
speech. Ah, Lord, how have I used that great talent ! 
How often have I abused thy goodness, and offended with 
my tongue ! I feel an earnest cry for a full and perfect 
devotedness of soul to thee ; and my faith seems to be 
increased in the belief I shall be so. While speaking on 
3Ionday night, in a very full meeting, the Lord was very 
present, and I saw such a great salvation before me as I 
cannot express. And has my Saviour borne all the curse 2 
And has he taken our nature into the Godhead 1 O, what 
may we not expect ! Lord, enlarge my faith ! 

November 24. — Since I last wrote, I have seen much 
of the goodness of the Lord. What an answer of prayer 
is the amendment of Miss Tooth ! My gracious Lord 
would not give me sorrow upon sorrow. O, how good it 
is to stand still and see his salvation ! This summer I have 
been better in health than for some years, and have found 
much of his presence in the work of God, 

On the 12th of this month, the day of renewed dedica- 
tion of myself to God, I felt a blessing in the remembrance 
of the precious gift given me twenty-nine years ago. O, 
what a train of good things have sprung therefrom ! O, 
my Lord, none but thyself can know what an advantage 
I have drawn from that union ! O, that my dear hus- 
band's prayers may be fully answered in me, that I may 
become the habitation of God through the Spirit J 

December 18. — Being ill, I could not go out, but prayed 
if the Lord saw it good, that I might have strength for 
Sunday noon, and Monday night, the times when we have 
large congregations — and, blessed be his name ! I have 
had hitherto the answer to my prayer. I felt this morn- 
ing very lame in my knees, but yet able to walk about $ 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



and, in the room last night, the Lord was with me, and 
brought me comfortably through. 

January 7, 1811. — And do I see another year ! O, my 
God, may I live this year as I have never yet done ! I 
have had, for six weeks, a return of my winter cough, 
but have been enabled to go out on Sunday noon, and 
Monday night as usual. Blessed be the Lord for that 
indulgence ! Never did eternity appear so near. I feel 
its importance ; but O, I want it to drink up every thought, 
and fill up every moment. 

January 14. — The complaint on my lungs grows worse. 
I seem to be going fast. Saturday and yesterday were 
days of recollection, blessed be God ! I went out yester- 
day at noon, and had a comfortable time with the dear 
people. I read and spoke an hour. The subject was 5 
Jacob blessing his sons. I seemed to be no worse, and 
on my return had a tolerable night ; but this morning I 
feel my breath much affected, and my strength seems to 
go fast. Eternity looks very sweet, yet I h&vefery darts. 
I long for a clearer view — but I praise the Lord for more 
constant power to obey that command, Pray without 
ceasing. 

February 9. — Those words seem to dwell mightily on 
my mind, u Praying always, and watching thereunto with 
all perseverance." Lord give me the power this day ! 
Let my spirit every moment be looking out for thee, as 
the watchman for tJie morning. The Lord has been draw- 
ing my soul nearer to himself for some days. O, how my 
soul longs to be wholly lost in God ! This day I have 
been greatly humbled under a sense of the little progress 
I have made, seeing my lot hath been cast with the most 
excellent of the earth. 

May 25. — Bless the Lord. O my soul, and forget not all 
his benefits ! I am surrounded with mercies. Sure none 
ever had more cause for thankfulness. O, that my heart 
could overflow with praise in proportion thereto ! O, my 
Saviour, purify my soul unto thyself ! I know thou hast 
all power. The other day, as a useless thought occurred 
to my mind, I felt that word with a solemn weight — The 
'place where his honour dwelleth. It called me back in a 
moment, with that idea, that my soul is the place where 
ais honour ought to dwell. It is a great thing to keep 



860 



The life of mrs. flei* cH£iti 



the heart with all diligence from the dangerous avenue 
of the imagination. My soul doth rejoice over some who 
have been brought in of late. One young man who was 
very wicked, came to one of the meetings ; and hearing 
Miss Tooth observe, " We must have that faith which 
brings purity of heart, and power over sin." he thought, 
I am sure I have no such faith. — -From that hour the 
Lord began to work on his soul. The conviction was 
deep ; and his wife, his father and mother, and a cousin, 
were stirred up through him, and are all now members of 
the society. Glory be to God, he continues all athirst 
both for his own soul and others. " Every moment, Lord, 
I also need the merit of thy death." 

July 23. — O, how faithful is God ! None ever trusted 
in him and was confounded. Much of his loving kind- 
ness have I seen of late in the times of united worship. 
Yes, my adorable Lord, thou hast helped thy poor creature, 
and given me to feel the words which I spoke. Several 
have been blessed, and most sweetly brought into pure 
love, and an awakening seems to spread among believers 
to press forward, and seek the rest which remains for the 
children of God. 

August 14. — What did I feel this day twenty. six years* 
when at the dying bed of my beloved husband ! And what 
have I gone through since that time ! Well, it hath been 
all for good. I have needed every bitter cup I have had 
to drink ; but what mercies have I also received ! What 
tender care hath my almighty and loving Redeemer shown 
in my behalf! That word hath indeed been fulfilled, A 
judge of the widow is God in his holy habitation. But I 
might have grown much more than I have. 0, my Sa- 
viour, show me how it is now with my soul ! Blessed be 
the name of the Lord, I feel my conscience more and more 
tender, and a greater power to embrace the cross, and to 
keep in the presence of God. It is a season of trial, but 
I expect much spiritual good to arise therefrom. I long 
to be lost and swallowed up in God. 

September 12. — Glory be to thee, my gracious Re- 
deemer, who hast preserved me seventy 4 wo years ! I have 
been for some time very poorly with the complaint on my 
lungs ; and one day as I was sitting in the study, think- 
ing what I might have to go through, I felt applied to my 



THE LIFE OF XRS. FLETCHER. 



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mind a word my dear husband spoke to me, " Thou shalt 
not suffer long then he added, " Hope to the end, in 
Jesus hope ; you cannot fail if God is love." My heart 
answered, God is love, and I shall prove his faithfulness, 
whatever I have to go through. Blessed be God, I am 
still enabled to keep up my meetings, though with labour, 
and we have much of the presence of God. We have 
now got three new preachers on the circuit. Lord, 
make their word powerful ! We have prayed much for 
them. 

September 19.— Last night in my sleep that word was 
spoken to me, None shall pluck thee out of my Father's 
hand. I did not wake, but in my sleep made reflections 
on it. G, my precious Lord, thou art gracious ; but I 
Ions: for a closer union with thee ! My breath is very 
short on the least motion : and yet I can go up and down 
to the meetings, blessed be God ! We have been reading 
in the family of late an account of the martyrs. O, how 
I admired the power of God in them ! Lord, how poor a 
disciple am I, ready to shrink at a little suffering ! Q*, 
Lord, increase my faith ! Last night I was uncommonly 
ill ; but as I lay quiet, it was spoken as if to both ear and 
heart, " Give to the winds thy fears." Then followed the 
whole verse, with great power : — 

" Give to the winds thy fears, 
Hope, and be undismay'd, 
God hears thy sighs, and counts thy tears. 
God shall lift up thy head/ 5 

October 16. — -To -day in reading the first and second 
chapters of Deuteronomy, where Moses bids them trust 
in the Lord who had done such wonders for them in 
Egypt, and in the wilderness, dec, ; 1 was led to look 
back through my past life, and consider the tender care 
the Lord hath taken of me even to this hour, yea, in the 
smallest things, as well as in the greatest. O, what 
wonders I could relate ! O, my precious Lord, increase 
my faith and love, I pray thee, abundantly ! I see eternity 
very near. Lord, open my eyes to a clearer view of that 
blessed world ! 

November 22. — Solemn thoughts the twelfth of this 
month rested on my mind, and also great thankfulness. 
Blessed be God for that sweet and gracious union com- 

16 



362 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



menced with my dear husband thirty years ago, and 
eternally to last. My asthmatic disorder increases, and 
sometimes in the meetings I feel much difficulty. Well, 
all is right. Thy will, O, my precious Saviour ! is all. 
I feel a pain in the thought of giving up the Sunday noon 
and Monday night meetings. If the Lord would be 
pleased to give me strength for these seasons, I should be 
thankful. I wish to give my last breath to the dear people 
of God. 

December 27. — O, my soul, why dost thou not praise 
the Lord in a more abundant manner ! Surely I am in 
a land flowing with milk and honey. Last night, when 
uncommonly ill with my asthma, I was obliged to sit up 
in my bed a good while, and it seemed as if my breath 
would stop, O, how gracious w T as the Lord ! I felt such 
a sense of quiet safety as I cannot express ! I thought, 
what a mercy is a good bed ; a fire in my room — while 
many poor creatures are starving with cold this hard 
frost ! a kind friend in the next bed, who will attend my 
call ; and, above all, a God of love to trust in ! I said, 
Lord, speak to me ! Immediately that word oassed through 
my mind, — 

" Jesus doth my burden bear, 
Jesus takes my every care." 

I thought of the great and amazing transaction comme- 
morated at this season, and foretold for four thousand 
years ! Truly, " the secret of the Lord is with those who 
fear him." While the Jews expected him to come in 
great pomp, he came as a babe in the manger, quite con- 
cealed and unknown, except to a few ! Here is a lesson ! 
Some even now can find no comfort, except in some- 
thing great, even in religion ! How often have I been 
thus deceived ! But now I see in another light. We are 
to lay hold on the smallest encouragement ; we are to 
accept a crumb — and by looking in the word, and feed- 
ing on it, the power follows. As he says, " Incline thine 
«ar ; hear, and thy soul shall live !" 

January 1, 1812. — Lord, let me begin this year with 
thee ! I have cause to praise the Lord for a good night, 
and am much better since I have kept in the house. But, 
O my Lord, wilt thou give me once more to go out among 
the dear people? Well, " Thy will be done !" all is right 



THE LIFE OF 3£RS. FLETCHER. 



363 



that thy providence ordains. On the fifth of this month 
I shall have been thirty years in this house. That pro- 
mise, given me at Bath, comes strongly to my mind, " I 
will bring Israel again to her own habitation." Truly 
the Lord hath done so. I have drunk a bitter cup in 
losing my dear husband, yet I am so filled with blessings, 
and have such comforts and helps, that I may say no kind 
of good is withheld from me. I have also communion 
with my friends above ; a little while and we shall meet 
to part no more. O my God, I beseech thee, let me live 
this year, if spared, as I have never yet done ! 

February 6. — Many mercies I have seen in the month 
past. Though I have not got my voice yet sufficiently 
for the meetings, yet the Lord hath given us such helpers, 
that all has been kept up with advantage. Glory be to 
his name ! We are very comfortable with our preachers ; 
they are so kind and friendly, we are quite of one heart, 
and the work prospers. I have had of late a deeper view 
into the mystery of redemption, and felt much power in 
that word, " He appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice 
of himself." 

June 19. — The dear people so flock to us that my room 
will scarcely hold them, though we consider it as holding 
three hundred., and the Lord hath been very present in- 
deed. I was so recovered as to get out in March, and have 
been able ever since to attend the meetings. I have a pros- 
pect of great sufferings before me, but I hang upon the 
will of my God, assured that " the sufferings of the pre- 
sent time are not worthy to be compared with the glory 
that shall be revealed." Cne great answer to prayer I 
must mention. A gay young lady, whom I knew from a 
child, it pleased the Lord to afflict. She was deeply 
awakened, and cried out, " O how I shudder to look back 
on my past life !" In this state the Lord manifested his 
mercy, and for some months she went on most sweetly. 
At her death, after bearing extreme sufferings with a 
lamb-like patience, she said, " My pain is exceedingly 
great : but it is not hell ^ and that I have richly deserv- 
ed." Soon after she told her aunt, " I have had a great 
conflict both in soul and body. I am just going." Then 
she added, "01 am so happy !" and immediately departed. 

August 14. — This is always a solemn day. Seven and 



S64 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



twenty years hath my beloved husband been in glory. O 
what heights of holiness may he have attained ! Lord, what 
have I gained in this long season ? I might have attained 
to much more than I have, but, blessed be the Lord, I do 
feel an increase ; and my spirit pants after the " fulness 
of God." I find stronger faith ; I am filled with bless- 
ings ! I see the hand of God in all ; and such answers to 
prayer as amaze me ! My body is full of infirmities, yet 
I am able to creep through each day, and to work a little 
in my Lord's vineyard. Truly my last days are my best. 

September 12. — I have this day reached my seventy- 
third year, and I feel a strong desire that this may be a 
birthday to my soul. I have such a sense of a full bless- 
ing purchased for me, with such a near approach to God, 
that I long to attain it. I wait at the feet of my dear Sa- 
viour for a fuller display of his love. 

November 12. — It is thirty-one years this day, since I 
was united to my dear husband. O blessed union ! What 
cause have I of praise for that providence ! It seems but 
yesterday, and he is as near and dear as ever. I cannot 
see to write half what I feel in my heart ; but I will add, 
my cup overflows with mercy, glory be to God ! 

January, 1813. — And now another year is gone, and 1 
see the beginning of a new one. I feel an increase of 
faith within the last day or two ; some refreshing beams 
of glory now and then have touched my soul. O for a 
deeper draught ! 

" From Sion's top the breezes blow, 
And cheer us in the vale below." 

February 20. — I have read with much pleasure the 
account of the work of God in India. I praise the Lord 
for that excellent man, Professor Francke. It was from 
his college several of the missionaries went to India, and, 
among others, that great instrument, Mr. Swartz. Glory 
be to God, who hath raised up these " angels of the 
Churches." Every look at them makes me shrink into 
nothing. Yet we may be permitted to follow them with 
our prayers. Lord, increase the number of such men ! 
Bless their endeavours, and fill them with thy Spirit !* 

* No doubt many pious persons, as well as Mrs. Fletcher, have 
thus prayed. How evidently are those prayers answered in the 
present day ! — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



365 



April 20. — Since I wrote last, on March the third, my 
dear brother William died. We were four in number, 
and I am now left alone. But I have cause to believe he 
is in glory. He hath been a kind brother to me ; and 
referring to the extraordinary communication of Mrs. 
Clapham,* I feel a desire to explain in what a singular 
manner the whole has been fulfilled. When I married he 
sent me one hundred pounds as a wedding present. After 
the death of my dear husband, he came down to me, and 
with the greatest tenderness and affection brought me 
forty pounds. Some time after, my uncle Claudius Bo- 
sanquet died, and left each of my brothers eighteen thou- 
sand pounds, and several of his nephews and nieces five 
hundred each; but neither my sister nor myself were 
mentioned. My brother William at that time divided 
one of his thousands between us. This was a great help, 
as I had some money still to pay off. Since that time he 
hath helped me yearly for my poor's expenses, — and, for 
time, has given me forty pounds a year. At this time of 
distress, when trade is so low, and the poor so straitened, 
this loss would have been a great one ; but he hath left 
me two thousand pounds, so that my income, instead of 
decreasing, will be enlarged. I cannot reflect on this 
circumstance but with wonder and praise. When Mrs. 
Clapham told me, about a fortnight before we were mar- 
ried, of these great helps, I declare I did not expect one 
penny. O how exactly has all come to pass ! I remem- 
ber she said that the last sum that she saw laid down was 
much larger than any before. How often has my heart 
cried to the Lord that he would restore him a hundred- 
fold ! I trust it is so. I have a strong confidence his cup 
is full of glory. 

April 30. — I feel the presence of the Saviour, and trust 
to enter more deeply than ever into him as my centre. 
Reflecting on my past mercies and present situation, I 
am struck with amazement at the loving kindness of the 
Lord. Never was I more comfortable than now ! Though 
I have so many infirmities, yet I have such a measure of 
health as renders life quite easy. Good nights, sufficient 
appetite, and a degree of strength, at times quite easy ; 



* See page 135. 



366 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



and sweet liberty in the meetings. No burden with my 
family, — my friend Mary Tooth manages all. My confi- 
dence is all in thee, thou mighty Lord of all ! I fee) thee 
drawing nearer and nearer to my soul. The wound in 
my breast, occasioned by the lump which .had formed, 
puts me afresh in mind of eternity. But, O how sweetly 
dost thou support me under it ! I am enabled to go through 
all my meetings, and haye but very little pain. Yesterday 
that verse of the hymn was sweetly applied to my heart, — 

" Abundant sweetness ! While I sing 
Thy love my ravish'd. soul overflows; 
Secure in thee', my God and King, 
Of glory which no period knows." 

September 3. — On the 14th of August I felt deep im- 
pressions of that most awful event, the death of* my dear 
husband. But the renewed scene, will, I trust, soon end 
in joyoiis days* 

January, 1814. — I have been much disturbed almost all 
night. My asthma was oppressive, and I had much fever. 
My head also was confused, but those words came power- 
fully to my mind, — 

<: Sweet is thy voice, my Spouse, to me, 
I will behold no spot in thee: 
What mighty wonders love performs^ 
That puts a comeliness on worms 

May 7. — For some time the wound in my breast has 
been better, though it was thought, in January, that I 
should not live many days ; and my breath is now more 
easy, especially in the night. I leave all in thy dear 
hand, my adorable Lord, and only long for a deeper 
plunge into God. 

May 20. — Reflecting on past mercies I find abundant 
cause for praise* I am surrounded with loving kindness ; 
but my strength and sight seem to fail. I am waiting 
for a closer union with my dear Lord. Though so weak 
in body, I feel a desire to praise thee, my adorable Lord, 
for thy abundant mercies. O, my gracious Lord, I do 
feel great cause of praise ! How many have I seen of my 
near relations who have suffered much in illness through 
want of wisdom, or tender care, in those about them ! 
But I am favoured above all. O the wonderful care 
Providence hath ever had over me ! What snares he hath 
saved me from ? What dangers preserved me in, and what 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



367 



promises have I seen fulfilled ! I have every thing I can 
want. O, my God, give me a watchful spirit, that I may 
not speak one word amiss ! Above all, answer that prayer, 
4i Let no vain thoughts lodge within me ! Give me, from 
this hour, a mind continually fixed on thee, never more 
to be drawn out of its centre ! 

July 1. — How tenderly the Lord deals with me ! I am 
very weak, and yet am oft five times in a week able to be 
in my meetings, and I have strength to speak so that all 
may hear, and the Lord is very present with us. Lord, 
fill my soul with abundant praise ! 

Sunday, August 15. — -Yesterday, the 14th, was a 
solemn day to me. It is now twenty-nine years since 
my beloved went to glory. I am led to cry for a closer 
union with my Saviour. I feel his Spirit working in me ; 
but it is a season of trial. That word is much with me, 
Pray without ceasing. 

22. — Yesterday I had encouragement from the Lord, 
and lay down in his presence. In the night, while asleep, 
those words came with power, my heart seemed to speak 
them, — 

" Him eye to eye 1 soon shall see, 
My face like his shall shine! 
O, what a glorious company. 
Where saints and angels join I " 

I see more and more what a fulness there is in the Saviour. 
O, my God, let me be wholly lost in thee ! 

September 12. — Seventy-five years ago I was born. O, 
my gracious Saviour, what great grace might I have 
gained in seventy-five years ! I turn me to that blood 
which makes the sinner whole. I have, of late, had a 
view now and then as if the door of holiness was open, 
and the word spoke in my heart, " Believe, and possess to 
the uttermost." Lord give the power S 

November 3. — On Saturday I was very ill, and thought 
death drew near. Since that time I have found a deeper 
work in my soul. The Lord seems to lay to his hand. 
O, my Jesus, fill me with thy Spirit ! I long to be all thine 
own. 

24. — The Lord is very good to me. I have found a 
clearer sense of his presence, and much answer to prayer. 
O, I feel as clay before the potter. On the 12th of this 



368 THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 

month I had a clear remembrance of the solemn scene of 
the union with my precious husband, and felt it was for 
eternity. What a favour do I also possess in my friend 
Tooth ! The Lord has made her every thing to me that I 
need. Dear Mrs. Gilpin's death seems to bring me nearer 
to eternity. How little did I think she would be called 
first ! Lord, prepare me, and fill me with thyself ! I am 
still able to be out twice on Sunday, though the cold 
weather has much effect on my breath ; yet last night and 
to-day I am a good deal relieved. 

December 12. — I have had severe pain for a fortnight^ 
yet mixed with much mercy. I thought I was near death. 
Yesterday I had an uncommon sense of the presence of 
God, and those words were much with me, " My peace I 
leave with thee and again, — " If ye abide in me, and 
my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and 
it shall be done unto you." I felt it good to look into 
eternity, though in much pain. 

Monday, January 2, 1815. — The Sabbath yesterday 
was precious to me, O, I long that the year fifteen may 
be the best of all my life. Should I live a part of it, may 
that part bring heaven into my souk Those words have 
been sweet to me, " I will heal their backsliding, I will 
love them freely." Looking back on my past life, and 
seeing so many blunders, I felt a weight when the words 
above were spoken to my heart. Yes, my precious Sa- 
viour, thou dost love me freely. O, that I were more filled 
with thy love ! The wound in my breast is much less, 
and I am much better ; and blessed be my God ! I feel 
nearer to him than last year. O, for a fuller gale from 
Sion's hiB I 

March 21.— I have had pain last night, but not so 
violent as it might have been. Toward morning, I got 
some sleep, and awoke with these words, which came with 
power*—* 

" Give to the winds thy fears, 
Hope, and be undisinay'd ; 
God hears thy cries, and counts thy tears* 
lie shall, lift up thy head." 

May 29. — Glory be to God, I am full of mercies ! I 
long for a more full union. I am far better in body alsa 
than I could have thought \ yet I see mysel.f QJX the very 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



369 



verge of eternity, and long for a full and perfect oneness 
with ray Saviour. I know he doth bless me, and I cast 
my whole soul, with every power, on my Lord. O, it is 
sweet to have my will fully sunk in the will of my God. 

August 3. — I have had some trials with regard to out- 
ward affairs : but I have a full confidence all shall end 
well. We have had for thirty years a oneness among 
our people ; but now there is a division, by the desire of 
the minister. It hurts me ; yet I believe the Lord will 
order all. But I here declare, I have been joined to the 
people united to Mr. Wesley for above threescore years, 
and I trust to die among them. The life of true religion 
is with them, and the work increases. If my papers fall 
into any hands, I entreat these lines may never be left 
out.* I have always considered myself as a member of 

* I should have greatly rejoiced if I had been left at the same 
liberty respecting this painful passage, as the other parts of Mrs, 
Fletchers writings. But her mind seems to have been deeply im- 
pressed with the occurrence, and hence the injunction is absolute. 
Being thus obliged to insert the change which was at this time 
made in the parish of Madeley, (by the curate not choosing to act 
among the people as his predecessors had done,) a duty seems to lie 
upon me to elucidate the cause of it in the best manner I am able : 
and this I hope to do with all the tenderness that truth will allow. 
Two letters t written by Mrs. Fletcher to the gentleman who suc- 
ceeded Mr. Home as curate of Madeley, will, I think, sufficiently 
explain it. 

< ; Madeley, March 26, 1792. 

<: Rev. Sir, — Your letter to Mr. H. was not seen by me till yes- 
terday, or I should have answered it before. 

t; In order to draw what I have to say into the compass of one 
sheet of paper. I will divide it into three heads. First, The reason 
why /address you instead of the vicar; — Secondly, The temporal 
affairs of the parish ; — and, Thirdly, The state of the people as to 
religion. 

' ; First, I must observe, that after the death of my dear husband, 
(whose imwearied labours, and unexampled meekness, had left 
on the minds of the people the keenest conviction of their loss,) 
the mantle seemed to fall on a young gentleman, named Home, 
(at that time one of the preachers on the circuit.) whom my dear 
husband had before mentioned as the man he wished to be his suc- 
cessor. There were great difficulties in the way ; he. however, 
did take his place, and continued with us between five and six 
years. But the Lord, who holds the stars in his right hand, saw 
good to call him to Africa, The departure of Mr. and Mrs. Home 
was a great loss to rne, because in eVery thing we acted mutually. 
The orphans of my beloved partner were dear to me, and I to 
them ; and Mr. Home considered them as consigned to his care 
bv a man whom he esteemed above all others. But the Lord has 

16* 



$70 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



the Church, and so have the united friends in Madeley 
In some measure we are now pushed out. O, let not one 
word of this be left out. What I mean by being pushed 
out is, the Church minister has repeatedly expressed a 

been pleased to part us ; and, as we love his will, we cheerfully 
say, Let it in all things be done. When he left us, Mr. Burton, 
the vicar, a mild, sweet-tempered man, desired the religious part 
of the parish to please themselves in the choice of a curate. When 
I informed him the other day, that after having sought after several, 
we had been disappointed ; he replied, ' I am sorry for it. I had 
rather that Mrs. Fletcher v T ould choose one, (though I have many 
applications,) for she know r s the mind of the parish better than I 
do; and whoever she recommends I will accept.' On that ac- 
count it is r sir, that I am the person to address you. Secondly. As 
to the temporal affairs, — Our ehurch is far too small for the in- 
habitants, and yet so awkwardly built, that it requires a very good 
voice to be heard in it. It is, however, proposed to erect a larger 
about a mile off, as this is near falling down. That will be more 
in the centre of the parish, and more commodious. As to the third 
head, — Those who are religious in the parish, as well as those 
who attend from more distant places, are a simple quiet people, all 
of one mind. They know nothing of dispute, nor think of any 
jarring doctrine. The dovelike spirit of my precious husband 4 
rests much on his flock,, and they receive, as from heaven, every 
messenger who comes unto them. As to the service or duty re- 
quired — you may do what you will here. Every thing good goes 
down at Madeley, if it has but unction. My dear husband, and 
Mr. Horne, used to go through the whole service at church morn- 
ing and afternoon, and then preach at the Dale, or the Wood, the 
two other ends of the parish, at night. By that means they saw 
many who did not come to the church; and at church there aie 
many w r ho never hear elsewhere. 

" I think I have now given you as full an answer as I am able ; 
but I must beg an immediate reply, as there are several curates 
waiting for theirs — and we are quite unsettled. And please to be 
clear in your answer W'hen you can come. I should rejoice to see 
a Gospel ministry fixed here before my death. 

" That the Lord may direct you with clear light, and give both 
you and your partner to discern your w r ay before you, is the 
prayer of, 

" Rev. sir, your friend and servant, 

" M. Fletcher." 

It appears that soon after this gentleman came to the parish, he 
became uneasy about his situation. Having expressed his dis- 
satisfaction to Mrs. Fletcher, she w r rote to him the following let- 
ter :— 

M My Dear Friend, — Since our conversation the other morning, 
some thoughts have arisen in my mind which I believe will not 
be unacceptable to you. You will not reject a word of advice,, even 
from an inferior. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



371 



wish that the Methodists should be a separate people ; as 
he always thought it best for the Church people, and the 
people called Methodists, to move in distinct lines. 

August 6. — Blessed be the Lord, the work goes on, and 

" I am persuaded you will clear me from the idea of having 
deceived you in any thing. I told you, on your first visit to my 
house, we were joined to that body of people called Methodists, 
and asked, Are you willing to labour among a company of Me- 
thodists ] To which you answered in the affirmative. This gave 
me a convincing proof it was not your own. but God's honour you 
were seeking. This also engaged the hearts of the serious part 
of the parish toward you, and caused them to receive you with 
open arms, as one who would walk in the steps of your worthy 
predecessor. Now I would observe, should such a thought be sug- 
gested, that it would be beUer for them to leave that connection, 
(under which several have been called.) and consider themselves 
as only belonging to you ; if, I say, such a proposal was to be 
made, might it not be the means of sowing the first seeds of divi- 
sion ever known in Madeley 1 This. I am sure, would be very 
painful to you. I do not believe you meant to do so ; but I lay these 
thoughts before you as an antidote to such a temptation, should it 
ever arise. 

" Should that people, among whom, at present, the Lord so emi- 
nently works — should they decline from the pure worship of God 
— in that case, the parish would naturally cleave to you. But 
while the Lord does carry on his work among them, let us be 
found with God and his people ; 1 Yea, let us meet them with bread 
and with water in the way.' 

" Some years ago, a gentleman whom I well knew and loved, 
settled in a parish a few miles from where I lived. I believe there 
were about a hundred Methodists in the place. They were de- 
lighted with him, and all went on well, till he proposed to dissolve 
the society, and have only one of his own. The people in general 
consented; he applied to Mr. Wesley, and the preachers were 
withdrawn. But, dear man. though he was an upright soul, he 
had not as good gifts for discipline as for preaching — he found 
much trouble and confusion arose. The people began to scatter. 
Another living then presented itself, which he accepted, to the 
great offence of those who had left their first path to follow him, 
After this, they who had been Methodists wrote to Mr. Wesley, 
and got the preachers again ; and, in a few years after, there were 
twelve hundred members in that society. 

" I acknowledge, dear sir, there may be some humiliation in 
thus acting in concert with others. But is not humiliation the only 
way to exaltation % Do we ever rise in the Divine life but in pro- 
portion as we sink % If the prophets of the Lord v:ere sawn asunder } 
were ston-cd ; if they- wandered about in dens and corves of the earth — 
shall we start at a few trials which may, in a small degree, lay 
our honour in the dust, when the honour of our heavenly Father 
is advanced thereby 1 I say again, should the Methodists decline, 
(which God forbid,) they would soon cast us oS if we did not de- 
cline with them. 



372 



THE EIFjE OF FLETCHTEir. 



I feel very thankful that the Lord has answered prayer 
in the appointment of our preachers. I do feel the Lord 
orders all. 

August 14. — Thirty years, this day, I drank the bitter 
cup, and closed the eyes of my beloved husband \ and now 
I am myself in a dying state. Lord, prepare me ! I feel 
death very near. My soul doth wait, and long to fly to 
the bosom of my God ! Come, my adorable Saviour ! I 

" When the people of this place have had, by some years' ex- 
perience, a full proof of your holy and close walk with God, the 
purity of your doctrine,, and the unchangeableness of your affec- 
tion, that you have them in your heart to live and die vnth them ; 
they will then cleave to you with an undivided love r discerning 
that the Lord has said unto you r Behold your children: and in 
their hearts, Behold your father. A great step toward this has 
already been taken on our side : hut as yet your mind has been far 
iess settled than ours ; and perhaps should we meet you with Jehu's 
salutation to Jehonadab, you could not freely give us your hand. 
Bat this does not discourage me. I impute it to the opposition of 
Satan, who sees you are in your right place, and in your right 
order — as a stone now let into that very part of the building where 
God designs you to be ; and he would fain disorder the whole by 
throwing you out, either through discouragement or by any other 
way. 

" Permit me to add, I am more and more convinced that you 
are the gift of God to us — to me in particular, an answer to my 
own prayer. I daily feel an encouraging union with both your- 
self and Mrs. Walter. I often boast to the preachers of the sweet- 
ness of your spirit, and the union of your heart in the work. O, 
let not my boasting be ever vain ; but when I close my eyes in 
Madeley, let me have the satisfaction to behold from the upper 
world that the dovelike spirit which so eminently reigned in my 
dear husband has dropped, as his mantle, upon you, and that it 
shines forth as a double portion. 

" Having an hour at command, I have freely opened my heart to 
you. Receive it as, perhaps, the dying advice of one who earnestly 
prays you may be filled with all the fulness of God."* 

The result of this most affectionate and pious epistle, was, that 
Mr. W. was fully delivered from his uneasiness, and for twenty- 
one years laboured, in the most affectionate and faithful manner, 
for the good of the parish, and in every part of it to the great edi- 
fication of the people. His excellent partner, who was closely 
connected with, and very dear to Mrs. Fletcher, died at Madeley, 
in the full triumph of faith. See page 291. 

I am happy to add that the people who were thus obliged to be- 
come a distinct body, have not separated from the Church, but still 
attend the public service there. — Ed. 

* This letter, which is in Mrs. Fletcher's own hand, has neither date 
»cr signature, but it was evidently written not long after the former. — Ed. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



373 



lie at thy feet ; I long for all thy fulness ! Bless my dear 
and faithful friend. Keep her secure ; I long for the day 
when we shall all meet above ! 

September 12. — This day I am seventy -six years old, 
and the same day my dear husband would have been 
eighty-six. Surely we shall remember the scenes w r e have 
had together. But, O my God, give me power to cleave 
to thee every moment ! I feel the powers of darkness are 
vehemently striving to distract and hinder me. O my 
God and Father, enable me to walk in thy constant pre- 
sence ! O Jesus, Jesus ! fill me with thy love, pour out thy 
Spirit abundantly upon me, and make my heart thy con- 
stant home ! 

September 27. — I am filled with mercies ; but I want 
to be rilled with holiness. O show thy lovely face ! Draw 
me more close to thyself! I long, I wait for a closer union. 
It is amazing under how many complaints I still live ! 
But they are held by the hand of the Lord. On the Mon- 
day evenings I have had some power to read and speak at 
the room till the nights grow dark ; but on Sunday noon 
I have yet liberty, though my eyes are so bad and sore. 
The Lord helps me wonderfully. In the class also, in 
the morning, the Lord doth help. O for entire holiness ! 

October 26. — I have had a bad night ; but asking help 
of the Lord for closer communion, my precious Lord ap- 
plied that word, / have borne thy sins in my own body on 
the tree, I felt his presence. I seem very near death ; 
but I long to fly into the arms of my beloved Lord. I 
feel his loving kindness surrounds me. 

Mrs. Fletcher's journal ends here. I believe she wrote 
no more. She died on the ninth day of the December fol- 
lowing. The particulars of her last illness, and of her de- 
parture, are supplied by Miss Tooth. I extract them 
from the short account which she published soon after the 
death of her venerable friend. 

For the last month of Mrs. Fletcher's life, her breath 
was more oppressed than usual ; it had been much affect- 
ed for some years upon motion : yet when she sat still, or 
laid herself down at night, she could breathe quite easy. 
But in the middle of November, her breathing was 
affected, both while she sat still, and when she was laid 
down. She had also a very troublesome cough. By these 



374 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



her strength quickly declined. She had had a wound for 
two years and three quarters in one side of her left breast, 
which was at first supposed to be a cancer : but her suf- 
ferings from this were not to be compared with what she 
suffered from difficulty of breathing. Yet she would 
speak to the people, though, as she said, " It is like as if 
every meeting would take away my life ; but I will speak 
to them while I have any breath." 

One day, when her sufferings were great, she said, 
" How sweet are the words of the apostle, 6 The sufferings 
of this life are not worthy to be compared with the glory 
that shall follow !' " And on the 11th of November she 
mentioned the Divine aid she found in these words, " Call 
upon me in the time of trouble ; so will I hear thee, and 
thou shalt glorify me :" these words she frequently repeat- 
ed, and sometimes would add, " Yes, my Lord, I will call 
upon thee ; and I shall glorify thee too." 

Another time she said, with peculiar energy, " They 
that trust in the Lord shall never be confounded." She 
added also, with much animation in her countenance, 
" That promise given me so many years ago now comes 
with fresh power, 6 Thou shalt walk with me in white. 
And that also. " I will thoroughly purge away thy dross, 
and take away thy tin." She added, 

{; Everlasting life is won, 
Glory is on earth begun. 1 ' 

On the 18th of November, she often repeated with 
much animation, 

" I am thine, and thou art mine, 
A bond eternal hath us join'd." 

Indeed, the goodness of the Lord, and the great things 
that faith will do, were subjects on which she delighted 
to dwell. I have often heard her say, the particular com- 
mission the Lord had given her was to encourage souls to 
believe ; and herein she certainly was greatly blessed to 
many. 

On the 23d, she many times repeated these words, 
which she said came to her with unusual sweetness in 
the night, — 

" Thy righteousness wearing, and cleansed by thy blood,. 
Bafd shall I appear in the presence of God." 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



375 



All this day she had a great degree of fever upon her, yet 
she would sometimes say to me, M What were the sweet 
words the Lord gave me last night ?" As soon as I pro- 
nounced the first word, she would go on with the rest, 
and add. M I feel the power of them, though my head is so 
confused with this fever, that I could not immediately 
recollect them.' 3 

On the 6th of December, while looking on me with the 
tenderest affection, she said, " My faithful friend, my 
dearest friend; ten thousand blessings on her head.'* 
She continued also to cry to God for a blessing upon 
several persons whom she mentioned ; and upon all her 
relations : though they were so far from her in body, they 
were to the last interested in her prayers ; and she would 
frequently plead with the Lord, that one day she might 
meet them all in glory. From the beginning of Decern- 
ber, she dozed much, whenever the cough and the oppres- 
sion upon her breath would allow her any ease. This 
she often complained of, saying, ,; I lose my time ; I want 
every moment to be spent in prayer or praise.' 5 

On the same day, when waking out of a doze, she said, 
" I am drawing near to glory and, soon after, " There 
is my house and portion fair and again, •• Jesus, come, 
my hope of glory :" and, after a short pause, M He lifts 
his hands and shows that I am graven there." The two 
following days were indeed days of love and praise. Mrs. 
Perks and others visited her, upon whom she prayed the 
choicest blessings might descend. 

The day following, the 8th, her breathing was exceed- 
ingly difficult. In the morning she had walked into the 
other room, as usual, with only the help of my arm. In 
the middle of the day she wished to go into the chamber 
again, and I led her, as at other times ; but she was now 
weaker, and I could scarcely keep her from falling. I 
therefore asked her to sit down in a chair, which she did, 
and I wheeled her back again : with this she was much 
pleased, and said the exercise had done her good. All 
the afternoon she was extremely ill, either hot to a great 
degree, shivering with cold, or very drowsy ; but through 
all. her mouth was full of the loving kindness of the Lord. 

At night she said she would not go to bed till after ten 
o'clock. We prayed together before we went into the 



376 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



chamber ; but her breath being so greatly oppressed, she 
prayed but a short time. She then said, 44 Call upon the 
Lord." When I concluded she said it was a very com- 
fortable time ; and having heard in the afternoon, that 
Dr. Yonge (who had always shown her the greatest 
attention) was ill, she prayed particularly for him. 

When we were ready to go into the chamber, after ten 
o'clock, I got her into the chair, but she was now weaker 
than at noon. However, I wheeled her to the bedside, 
and could not but look upon her as dying ; and indeed so 
she considered herself, for when in bed she said, 44 My 
love, this is the last time I shall get into bed ; it has been 
hard work to get in, but it is work I shall do no more. 
This oppression upon my breath cannot last long ; but all 
is well. The Lord will shower down ten thousand bless- 
ings upon thee, my tender nurse, my kind friend." 

After these and many more kind expressions to the 
same effect, she desired I would make haste to bed. I 
entreated her to let me sit up, repeatedly saying, 44 Do let 
me watch with you this one night ;" but with all the 
tenderness imaginable, yet with that degree of firmness 
which made me unwilling to urge the request farther, she 
said, 44 Go to bed ; you have done all for me you can do. 
You know you can be with me in a moment if I want 
you ; but if you sit up it will make me uncomfortable. I 
cannot rest without you go to bed." After I had made 
all the excuses I could for remaining up, and looking upon 
her dear countenance as long as her kind concern for me 
would admit, she again urged my going to bed ; and I 
therefore laid me within the bedclothes, without undress- 
ing. She then asked, 44 Are you in bed, my love ?" I 
answered, 44 Yes." She then said, 44 That's right, — now 
if I can rest, I will ; but let our hearts be united in prayer, 
and the Lord bless both thee and me i" 

These were the last words her beloved lips uttered ; for 
some time after this, about one o'clock in the morning of 
December 9th, the noise her breath had so long made, 
ceased. I thought, Is she dropped asleep ? It immedi- 
ately came to my mind, 44 Asleep in Jesus ! See, a soul 
escaped to bliss." I went directly to her bedside, where 
I found the beloved body without the immortal spirit, 
which had entered the realms of endless day. My feeU 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEK. 



377 



ings are not to be described ; I clung to the casket of the 
saint. I knelt down by the side of it, and cried to Him 
who had just now called home the Spirit of my friend, 
that some portion of her Spirit might rest on me. At 
length I thought I should injure her dear remains, if I did 
not call the family up. I therefore went and called my 
sister and the servant, at half past one ; after which I 
sent for Mrs. Perks, who kindly came over immediately. 
I never left the chamber, while any thing could be done 
for her : I had promised to be with her to the last, and 
the Lord enabled me so to do. 

Her countenance was as sweet a one as was ever seen 
in death. There was at the last neither sigh, groan, or 
struggle ; and she had ail the appearance of a person in 
the most composed slumber. When I first undrew the 
curtain, and saw her dear head dropped off the pillow, 
and looking so sweetly composed, I could not persuade 
myself the spirit was fled, till I took her in my arms, and 
found no motion left. I then perceived the moment she 
had so much longed for had arrived, — the happy moment 
when she should gain the blissful shore, and 

11 See the Lamb in glory stand, 
Encircled with his radiant band, 
And join th' angelic powers." 

1 All that height of glorious bliss 
Her everlasting portion is, — 
And all that heaven is ours.'* 



379 



THE LIFE OP MRS. FLETCHER. 



A REVIEW OF HER CHARACTER 



It is generally expected that the memoirs of eminent 
persons should be accompanied with a view of their cha- 
racter, comprehending the several particulars wherein 
they differed from the generality of mankind, and so be- 
came conspicuous. This may be, in general, edifying, 
and certainly is not a difficult task ; but it seems to me 
not so easy when the life of a real Christian (one who was 
truly such on the Scripture model) is given to the world. 
We do not find that the inspired writers ever take that 
way, although they had the greatest characters on earth 
to delineate — even those of whom the world was not worthy. 
Mr. Wesley took high ground when at Oxford, (as he in- 
forms us;) he "determined to devote his whole life to 
God." Hence the world knew him not. because they knew 
not Him whom he served. His own works, especially the 
daily account of that whole life, thus devoted, and which is 
contained in his Journals, can alone describe the man ; 
and if warranted by holy Scripture, can alone show if in- 
deed he kept that ground. Men may bring their line and 
plummet, and take the gauge of excellence, or the con- 
trary, as they may be disposed ; but the principle of action 
lies beyond their ken. " He that is spiritual judgeth all 
things, yet he himself is judged of no man." 

The same may be said of Mrs. Fletcher. If she were 
only an eminent person, and even eminent in the Church, 
it would be an easy task to display her character in the 
several points of view in which human attainments may 
be exhibited, so as to excite admiration, and stimulate the 
readers to an imitation of her various excellences. But 
I find an awe upon my mind in contemplating the task 
which may thus be supposed to have fallen upon me ; and 
I recur to what was said in the preface — the Life of Mrs. 
Fletcher will not be considered as a common biography, 
but as an account of a work of the Spirit of God. That 
she greatly differed from the generality even of those who 
have been favoured, like her, with eminent talents, and 



THE LrFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



319 



rich gifts of Providence, will not be denied by the most 
cursory reader of these memoirs. But " who made her to 
differ ? And what had she which she had not received ?" 
These questions we know were so received by her as to 
annihilate all glorying in the flesh. How deeply she felt 
all this glory swallowed up in shame, need not now be set 
forth by me. She came to the throne of grace, not with 
the humility of a creature, (which the holy angels well un- 
derstand, and deeply feel,) but with the humility of a sin- 
ner, pleading only, the only true plea, 

"Dust and ashes is my name, 
My all is sin and misery ; 
Friend of sinners, spotless Lamb, 
Thy blood was shed for me !" 

The pious reader has not read these memoirs in vain. 
There is no danger that such a one will fall into the mis- 
take of Agrippa, who, while he contemplated the great 
character of St. Paul shining through his chains, forgot 
who a nd where he was, and cried out, " Almost thou per- 
suadest me to be a Christian !" Nor will he need the 
gentle but firm correction which the loving apostle gave 
to that prince : " I would to God that not only thou, but 
also all that hear me this day, were both almost and alto- 
gether such as I am, except these bonds :" thus intimating 
that, as " no man can call Jesus Lord but by the Holy 
Ghost," so no man can be a Christian, but by being cre- 
ated anew in Christ Jesus.* 

Before honour is humility. The humility that belongs 
to man as a sinner we have already noted. It has in it 
the sentence of death. A heart-felt acknowledgment that 
it is just this sentence should take place, and that in us 
dwelleth no good thing, is that humility which is alone 
founded in truth. Blessed are they who are thus " poor 
in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven ;" even 
" righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." 
These " unsearchable riches of Christ" are made theirs by 
the " Holy Ghost, who glorifies the Saviour." Mrs. 
Fletcher's heart was thus, like Lydia's, opened, and " filled 
with peace and joy in believing." And she never lost the 

* See Mr. Wesley's admirable note on the passage, Acts 
xwi, 29. 



380 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



heavenly blessing. She kept her poverty, and she retained 
her kingdom. 

Like her admirable husband, Mrs. Fletcher did not rest 
satisfied with being " plucked as a brand from the burn- 
ing : she had not so learned Christ. Leaving therefore 
the principles of the doctrine of Christ, she went on unto 
perfection." Her eyes seemed ever fixed on " the robe 
washed and made white in the blood of the Lamb. The 
work of the Holy Ghost, sanctifying the believer, body, 
soul, and spirit," she knew was as necessary to eternal 
salvation as the work of the Saviour upon the cross. The 
Lord put that cry into her heart, 

" Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, 
Be to me what Adam lost." 

Nor d : d she forget that " far more exceeding and eternal 
weight of glory," that is become the privilege of believers, 
in consequence of God the Son, and not Adam, being now 
the head of the human race. " Beholding with unveiled 
face this glory of the Lord," in the salvation of guilty and 
sinful man, 

" Her soul broke out in strong desire, 
The perfect bliss to prove : 
Her longing heart was all on fire, 
To be renewed in love." 

A good judge of religion, as exhibited in the gracious 
recovery of fallen man,* being, many years ago, asked his 
opinion of the vicar of Madeley, replied, " There is no oc- 
casion of stumbling in him. Set down any of the Scrip- 
tural marks of a Christian, or a true Christian minister, 
and I will engage he will not be found deficient." We 
know there are strong portraits in the sacred Word, drawn 
by the pencil of truth, of those who " added to their faith 
virtue, and to virtue knowledge, and to knowledge tempe- 
rance, and to temperance patience, and to patience god- 
liness, and to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly 
kindness charity ;" and I believe the pious reader of her 
Life will not be disposed to doubt that these things were 
evidently in Mrs. Fletcher also, and that they abounded ; 

* The Rev. John Owen, some time Mr. Fletcher's curate, a 
gentleman afterward well known and highly respected in India 
and in England, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



381 



malting her neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge 
of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

No man could better detect the deceitfulness of the hu- 
man heart, even in those who are religiously disposed, 
than her admirable husband has done ; especially when 
treating his favourite subject, (the subject also of his 
Divine Master in his sermon on the mount,) Christian 
Perfection. Addressing those whom he calls " Perfect 
Christian Pharisees," he observes, " Ye are most ready to 
profess Christian perfection, though, alas ! ye stand at 
the utmost distance from perfect humility, the grace most 
essential to the Christian character. You have profess- 
edly entered into the fold where Christ's sheep, who are 
perfected in love, rest all at each other's feet, and at the 
feet of the Lamb of God. But how have you entered ? 
Not by " Christ the door," for Christ is " meekness and 
lowliness' 5 manifested in the flesh ; but ye are still un- 
gentle, and fond of praise. Your proud minds are above 
stooping low to follow Him who " made himself of no re- 
putation," that he might raise us to heavenly honours ; 
and who, to pour just contempt on human pride, had his 
first night's lodging in a stable, and spent his last night 
partly on the cold ground in an agony, and partly in an 
ignominious confinement, exposed to the greatest indig- 
nities. He rested his infant head upon hay, his dying 
head upon thorns. A manger was his cradle, and a cross 
his deathbed. Thirty years he travelled from the sordid 
stable to the accursed tree. Shepherds were his first at- 
tendants, and malefactors his last companions. 

*< Now, far from practising with godly sincerity either 
his first lesson, 4 Blessed are the poor in spirit,' or those 
which he afterward inculcated, ye abhor penitential po- 
verty. Your humility is not cordial. You are humble in 
looks, in gestures, in voice, in dress, in behaviour, from 
motives of pharisaic ambition. But ye continue strangers 
to the unaffected simplicity and lowliness of Christ's per- 
fect disciples. Ye choose the lowest place, but ye do not 
love it. If you cheerfully take it, it is not among your 
equals, but your inferiors : and because you hope that men 
will say to you, 4 Come up higher.' Ye still aim at some 
wrong mark. Ye have a narrow, contracted spirit. Ye 
do not gladly sacrifice your private satisfaction, your in- 



352 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEH- 



terest. your reputation, your prejudices, to the general 
interest of truth and love, and to the public good of the 
whole body of Christ.'" 

Let Mrs. Fletcher be proved by these high principles. 
How often, how continually, do we hnd her. in these me- 
moirs, trying herself by, and aiming to walk according to 
them ! How constantly did she struggle against the root 
of all this corruption ! How perseveringly did she eye 
the footsteps of her Divine Master, making it the one de- 
sire of her whole life. " to be conformed to the image of 
the Son of God !" 

Many who have aim: God. according to 

the full spiritual rule of the Gospel, have been sometimes 
charged with neglecting, or lightly ; Lug. the Divine 
atonement. This is certainly true of several eminent 
persons, who have, in this way of defective faith, professed 
to follow on to know the Lord." Very :elebrc :ec names, 
and in whom was found much of the Christian charactei 
have thus •• gone about to establish their own righteous- 
ness and in a way so refined that they seemt " tc 
detection. But have they not " laboured in vain, and 
spent their strength for naught?" Has not a 

!age been manifest in their approaches to God. and in 
their religious communion with men? True repose and 
liberty of spirit, while contending against sin. can only be 
found in "the blood of the covenant," If our abode be 
not the horrible pit of guilt and corruption, shall we not 
walk in the miry clay of doubt and fear, if we thus forsake 
" the strong rock ■'" I trust the pious reader has seen that 
Mrs. Fletcher never forsook it : never gave place to this 
refined temptation. As she •• magnified the law and made 
it honourable." as the rule of life : so she magnified that 
I erfect and infinitely meritorious sacrifice offered to God. 
through the eternal Spirit " It was her all in all. whe- 
ther as " a babe in Christ." holding him with a trembling 
hand, or as a mother in Israel.' 5 established, strength- 
ened, and settled. The language of her heart was, through- 
her whole course. Every moment. Lord. I want the 
merit of thy death. 

Of her ordinary walk, the most competent witness now 
alive has. in the fulness of her heart, given us some strik- 
ing particulars. Speaking of her domestic life. Miss Tooth 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



383 



observes, " She was one of a thousand, as of mercy so of 
economy ; always sparing of expense upon herself, that 
she might have the more to give to the household of faith" 
She would often say, " God's receivers upon earth are 
Christ's Church and his poor." When I have proposed 
the purchase of some article of clothing for her, she would 
ask, " Is it quite necessary ? If not, do not buy ; it will 
be much better to give the money to some of our poor 
neighbours than to lay it out upon me." Nor was this 
once only ; it was invariably her conduct, and with great 
truth it might be constantly said of her also, that 
" What her charity impairs, 
She saves by prudence in affairs !" 

" She was always remarkably exact in setting down 
every penny she expended. She kept four different ac- 
counts, in which all she spent was included. These four 
were the house, sundries, clothes, and poor. We have 
often, at the end of the year, been astonished to find the 
house expenses so small, considering how many had shared 
with us. At such times she has said, * It is the Lord who 
has blessed our bread and water.' I have in former years 
taken up the book in which she kept her accounts, and 
wept over it, with the consideration that I should one day 
probably have to settle it alone ; and now I drink of the 
bitter cup. A few days ago I entered upon the work ; and 
I think it right, as a confirmation of what I have before 
advanced, to state the difference between the expenses of 
her clothes, and what she dispensed to the poor. On 
making up the account of her apparel, I found the whole 
year's expenditure amounted to nineteen shillings and six- 
pence ; this was every penny that had been laid out on 
her own person for the whole year. The expense was not 
always so small, but I believe it never amounted to five 
pounds. 

" I then made up the poor's account, and found the 
amount to be £181 16s. Id. Thus liberally had she dis- 
pensed abroad. But her desire of communicating comfort 
to the afflicted was very extensive : I do not think she 
ever heard of a person in distress, but, if in her power to 
tlo it, she by some means contrived to send relief. To 
comfort the distressed was always a real comfort to her. 
With regard to this world's wealth, it was no more to her 



384 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER, 



than the dust on the balance. She has often said, and 1 
am sure with great truth, 1 Gold is no more to me than 
dust ; the gold of Ophir than the stones of the brook/ At 
another time she would say, 6 It is not so important what 
we have, as how we use it.' 

" Her love to every one was so abundant that she was 
unwilling to find a fault in any. She was ever desirous 
of casting the mantle of love over the failings of others, if 
the truth would admit of it. And while her kindness was 
thus extensively manifested to all with whom she had any 
intercourse, her gratitude to others who showed marks of 
love to her was no less. When her kind friends sent her 
any thing they thought would be acceptable, it was her 
study to think how she could return them an equal token 
of love ; and if nothing was brought to her mind to do for 
them at the time, she would say, < Well, if I can do no 
more, I can pray for them.' I never knew her sit down 
to partake of any thing that was the gift of a friend, with* 
out first praying for the donor. 

" And while her gratitude to the creature was thus 
evidently discerned, her praise and thanksgiving to the 
Creator was abundant. Indeed she lived in the spirit of 
praise, frequently saying, 6 What blessings has the Lord 
bestowed upon me ! How comfortable has he made me in 
my old age ! Though I am left here, and my dearly be- 
loved husband and my Sally in glory, yet I know no lack. 
And such a loving people ! I may well say, I dwell among 
my own people.' " 

To this loving faith she added courage. This is very 
conspicuous in her whole life. The righteous, says Solo- 
mon, is bold as a lion. This quality, it is well known, was 
possessed in a very high degree by her admirable husband. 
He was valiant for the truth, and a terror to evil doers, 
Mrs. Fletcher was not less so, allowing for the difference 
of her sex. As a fruit of this Christian courage, a noble 
ingenuousness was found in them both. Mr. Fletcher's 
striking and bold discourse against popery, (which had 
lamentably imbued his parish before his induction.) when, 
after some years, it again reared its head, is well known 
to the readers of his Life. Mrs. Fletcher had this enemy 
to encounter also, but in a milder shape. We joyfully 
allow that popery has had (and we doubt not still has) its 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



385 



true saints. It must be so while it continues sound in the 
doctrine of the Trinity, and the atonement. Those in that 
Church who are led by the Spirit of God will thus find 
some portions of the bread of life amid the mountains of 
chaff which satisfy earthly minds, and operate as poison 
on those who love to be deceived. It could not be but that 
the Romish minister of Madelev should strive to sain a 
convert like Mrs* Fletcher. He presented many books to 
her, which were accompanied with long letters, and thus, 
with every appearance of the most friendly regard, he 
strove to turn her from what he believed to be the error 
of her ways. But though her earthly head and shield had 
been withdrawn, the zealous pastor found he had not a 
flighty, uninformed, or unstable Christian to deal with. 
Her short answers, (short when compared with the letters 
which she had received,) fully exhibiting the Christian 
spirit, may be found in the Appendix, No. 1. 

If we look at what may be called her public life—a long 
life, rilled with the work of faith, the patience of hope, and 
the labour of love — we cannot but observe how carefully 
she attended to that sacred warning, given to all who are 
called to the arduous duty of saving souls from death : 
They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vine- 
yard have I not kept. We have seen how great, how con- 
stant, how persevering, even to the close of life, were her 
loving exertions ; but did they ever prevent, or weaken, 
in her mind, the great duty of self .examination 1 No : her 
eye seemed fixed on the apostle's words, I therefore so 
run, not as uncertainly ; so fight I, not as one that beat- 
eth the air : but I keep under my body, and bring it into 
subjection ; lest that by any means, when I have preached 
to others, I myself should be a castaway." 

I am sensible that I here tread on tender ground. The 
question of the lawfulness, or even of the expediency of 
female preaching, will recur to every sensible and pious 
reader ; especially as Mrs. Fletcher lived and died a mem- 
ber of the Church of England, and of the Methodist society, 
neither of which sanctions a female ministry. But I can- 
not but think that much that has been said on this ques- 
tion, especially since the days of George Fox, (when the 
ministry of females received a regular establishment in 
his community,) may be spared on this occasion. Mrs, 



886 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



Fletcher has already spoken on this subject, (page 116,} 
and every candid reader has, I believe, felt the modesty 
and simplicity of that short statement. In truth, her 
preaching was but an enlargement of her daily and hourly 
conversation. Her family, her visiters, might be said to 
be her constant congregation. And as she never, in her 
more public efforts, meddled with the government of the 
Church, usurped authority over tJie man, or made any dis- 
play of a regular or authoritative commission, but merely 
strove to " win souls, by pureness, by knowledge, by long- 
suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love un- 
feigned, by the word of truth, by the power of God ;" — 
while she was herself the least and the servant of all ; — may 
not every pious Churchman and Methodist unite, and say, 
Would to God that all the horoVs people were such prophets 
Bnd prophetesses ? 

Mr. Wesley, who never sanctioned a regular ministry 
of that kind, permitted, and it may be said encouraged, 
her Christian efforts in that way. Her conflicts were 
very great concerning her call in that respect ; and the 
taunts which she had to endure from men were very pain- 
ful. These she at length embodied in a letter to Mr. 
Wesley, declaring her willingness to abide by his decision ; 
and that she would gladly resist this impression, if the 
Lord should so direct her by him. Mr. Wesley, who well 
knew her simplicity, godly sincerity, and admirable under- 
standing, replied, " That he considered it to be an extra- 
ordinary call : that he also looked upon the whole work 
of God, termed Methodism, to be an extraordinary dispen- 
sation. Therefore," says he, " I do not wonder if several 
things occur therein which do not fall under ordinary rules 
of discipline. St. Paul's ordinary rule was, not to permit 
a woman to speak in the congregation ; yet in extraordi- 
nary cases he made a few exceptions." Mrs. Fletcher 
thanked God for this answer, and continued her labours 
of love to the close of her life. 

As I think it probable that those readers whom I am 
most disposed to gratify, may indulge a wish that some 
specimen of her expounding on those occasions, were re- 
corded, I am happy that I can meet those wishes. They 
will find, in the Appendix, No. 2, some thoughts left by 
her, which may give some idea of her manner of teaching. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



387 



Behold her then sitting modestly in the corner of her large 
room, with the crowded assembly (among whom were not 
unfrequently some ministers of eminent piety and learn- 
ing) hanging on her lips ! It has been said that she was 
rather too fond of spiritualizing ; I am therefore not sorry 
that the discourse which I am thus enabled to give is of 
that kind. I think the sensible reader will not pronounce 
that there is any thing to blame in this specimen ; but 
will rather think that the subject is soberly treated, and 
with a due restraint on the imagination. It is, however, 
only the outline ; the enlargement, the colouring, the unc- 
tion, the life, are not there. These are gone ! The place 
of this evangelical prophetess knows her no more ! But 
she lives, and her name is as ointment poured forth. She 
rests from her labours, and her works do follow her. She 
sees them not • she sees only the Lamb of God! But he 
sees them all : not one of them is forgotten before God. 
They w T ill appear to assembled worlds in that day when 
the boohs shall be opened ; and being wrought in God, they 
shall be found unto praise, and honour, and glory. 



APPENDIX NO. I. 



"Rev. Sir, — As there is no act of friendship greater 
than to care for the immortal soul, I consider myself as 
truly indebted to you for the kind concern you have ex- 
pressed for mine. I have read your letter, and also the 
two books you were so kind as to send me ; but bear with 
me, sir, if I say, I cannot be of your mind, viz., 6 That 
no one can be saved out of the Church of Rome, if they 
have opportunity of being instructed by it.' I consider 
myself as a weak and unworthy member of the true 
Church, which I believe to be the whole body of true 
believers scattered over all the earth ; who, having expe- 
rienced (or who are earnestly seeking so to do) the new 
birth mentioned by our Lord in the third chapter of St. 
John's gospel, feel that they who are in Christ are new 
creatures ; and who rely on the Lord Jesus, our great 
atonement, alone, for pardon and acceptance ; though also 
conscious that without holiness no man shall see the Lord. 
Now these sincere followers of the Saviour I consider as 
the true Church, whether in England, Rome, or any other 
part of the world. I acknowledge the word Protestant 
was not used till Luther's time ; but the truths we con- 
tend for, I date from the time of our Lord and his apos- 
tles. I believe that, after a certain season, the falling 
away, foretold by St. Paul, 2 Thessalonians, chap, ii, verse 
3, took place, and a flood of error overspread almost all 
the Christian world ; only a little branch remaining in 
small companies, against whom the gates of hell did not 
prevail, though oppressed on all sides, till the Lord found 
a hiding place for the woman in the wilderness, at that 
time which we call the Reformation. 

"If the authority of the Church really springs from 
St. Peter, I apprehend it remained with those faithful 
souls who abode in their primitive simplicity when the 
rest were carried away. But permit me to say, I lay no 
more stress on St. Peter, than I do on the other apostles ; 
for it is plain our Lord gave afterward the same authority 



APPENDIX NO. I. 



889 



to them all ; and it is certain St. Paul did not acknow- 
ledge that St. Peter had any pre-eminence over the 
rest, for he claimed an equality with all the apostles, Gal. 
i, 15-17, and upon one occasion 6 withstood St. Peter to 
the face,' Gal. ii, 11. With regard to the doctrine of 
Calvin, which represents the God of love in a very wrong 
light, I therein agree with you, and mourn that so many 
good men do hold it. Had not Christ died for all, the 
apostles could not have been commanded 4 to preach the 
Gospel to every creature.' However, I believe we must 
all receive the Saviour in a double sense, as given for us, 
and as living in us ; that we are entirely forgiven for his 
sake, and must also have a change into his nature, as he 
himself said in the mission which he gave to St. Paul, 
Acts xx vi, 17, 18, ' That they may be brought from the 
power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgive- 
ness of sins, and inheritance among them that are sanc- 
tified by faith that is in me. 5 

" O, sir, may this loving, faith-producing holiness be 
found in you and me ! For if we are not one with Christ, 
as 6 the branch is with the vine,' continually drawing life 
from him, we cannot be saved, whatever Church we be- 
long to. I thank you for telling me you will remember 
me before the throne ; give me leave to say, I feel myself 
led to do the same for you : and if we are both found on 
the right foundation, and meet in glory, how sweetly shall 
we forget the name of Romanist and Protestant, and, in 
one voice, unite in perpetual 6 hallelujahs to God and the 
Lamb for ever !' 

" I am, Rev. sir, your obliged servant, 

" Mary Fletcher." 



" Rev. Sir, — All you say of the importance of the soul 
and eternal things, I most heartily agree with you in, and 
sincerely desire to turn my back on earth, and choose 
Jesus as my only portion. But, O sir, bear with me when 
1 say I cannot be of your mind, nor receive your Church 
tfs truly Catholic. You say, 6 She is one, whereas we are 
divided into many.' Alas! how can she appear other- 
wise, when no member dares to speak his mind for fear 



Z90 



APPENDIX NO. I. 



of an inquisition ? If all hearts were known, how many 
opinions would be found among you ? But even this ap. 
pearance was not always for at times you have had more 
popes than one, and each had his own party. There 
were then divisions and disorders. I do not say this by 
way of reproach. No ; in every Church there are tares 
as well as wheat : only I mean, you are not free from 
division anymore than we are, although force renders it 
more concealed. 

' 4 Again, I cannot but greatly object to your doctrine 
of indulgence.. Perhaps you will say that it is now given, 
up, as the council of Trent disapproved of it. But why 
given up ? If only because of the offence, then you still 
hold the same opinion. Alas ! how hurtful and offensive 
to the God of purity ! So a man may, for giving alms to 
the poor, &c, &c, commit his favourite iniquity, and it 
shall not be imputed to him as sin ! Ah no ! < Without holi- 
ness none shall see the Lord,' whatever indulgences he 
may procure. As to the righteousness of other saints 
being imputed to him, is not this like saying, 6 Give of 
your oil, for our Lamps, are gone out V But, perhaps you 
say, No, not so i we have given it up, because we see it 
wrong, and an error.. Well, if you have, I am glad of it. 
But in that case, sir, permit me to ask, How can your 
popes be infallible,, who have maintained so sad an error 
for so many years. 

" After I began my letter, I recollected that there were- 
in the house two little tracts, one a Roman Catholic cate- 
chism, and a reply ; the other entitled, ' Popery calmly 
considered.'* I looked for, and read them ^ and as they 
contain some of the ideas I was about to mention, I make 
free to send them, as writing is difficult to me, being very 
infirm. I have also inclosed an extract of the Life of M. 
de Renty, as a proof I love holiness wherever I find it. 
It is a book I much love. I have also, put in an account 
of a young woman I much loved, which I think you will 
like. You may keep these books as long as you please, 
as I suppose your time is much taken up. The three 
books you lent me I have perused. I trust they were real 
conversions. By real conversions I mean, from 6 the 



« By Mr. Wesley —Ep. 



APPENDIX NO. I, 



391 



kingdom of Satan to that of God's dear Son and I do 
not wonder those persons embraced an offer which appear- 
ed to be a refuge from the world and sin, when they seemed 
to be surrounded with nothing but carnal professors. 

" I cannot conclude our correspondence, sir, without 
once more thanking you for your kind concern and 
prayers ; and though we differ in some sentiments, if we 
agree in an earnest desire to know and do < the whole 
will of God,' I can embrace you as a brother in the Lord, 
and regard you as such. One day, I put this question to 

myself, If Mr. was to become possessed of civil power, 

and when he found, after all his pains, I could not see in 
his light, he should believe it to be his duty to consume 
me at a stake, — could I love him then ? After a moment's 
pause, I replied, Yes, — if I really thought he believed it 
to be his duty, I could honour the upright intention, 
though I should see the action wrong. Christ shed his 
own blood for men ; but antichrist sheds the blood of 
others. Yet, whatever I might suffer, I love an upright 
intention wherever I see it.* 

" I am, Rev. sir, your obliged servant, 

"Mary Fletcher." 



* These letters have no date. — Ed, 



APPENDIX NO. II. 



Acts xxvii, 29, They cast four anchors out of the stern, 
and wished for the day. 

The situation of the ship wherein Paul and his com- 
panions were, seems to me to illustrate the state and 
situation of many of us here. We are told, There arose 
a tempestuous mind, called in that country, Euroclydon — a 
kind of hurricane, not carrying the ship any one way, 
driving her backward and forward with great violence. 
So it is in general with those who enter on the voyage 
of life. Satan, who is called the prince of the power of 
the air, and who ruleth in the hearts of the children of diso- 
bedience, keeps the mind in a continual agitation. Some- 
times they are sunk, and almost crushed under a weight 
of care ; and again raised high on the waves of some 
expected pleasure. One while they are rilled with resent- 
ment, on account of some slight from a neighbour, or an 
unjust accusation from an enemy ; while the mind is 
harassed with the imagination, how it shall be cleared. 
Sometimes the most idle and extravagant fancies so deeply 
involve it, that no message from heaven can find any more 
entertainment than the Saviour could find in the inn at 
Bethlehem. By all this, the soul becomes restless, and 
knows not where it is, nor which way it is going. It 
does not feel that it is in a state of probation, and that 
this trial is to fix its eternal lot. Dear souls, is not this, 
the case with some of you ? You do not know where you 
are — you do not consider this may be your last night, 
perhaps your last hour. Your eternal state will then be 
fixed for ever. If the Lord should call you this hour, 
are you ready % O remember, it is the word of Jehovah 
himself, " The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his 
master's crib, but Israel doth not know—- my people doth 
not consider." Again, do you know where you are going ? 
Why, you are going the broad road; you are going to 
hell as fast as you can. It is a narrow way that leads to 
heaven, and you do not know one step of it. You have 



APPENDIX NO. II. 



393 



not begun to walk therein, nor perhaps to think about it. 
O that you were wise, that you understood this, that you 
would consider you latter end ! It may be you find a great 
many things to divert and take up your mind ; it is em- 
ployed by Satan from hour to hour. You are like the 
disobedient prophet, asleep in the ship when a great storm 
lay upon them. You neither see nor know your danger. 
Are you the safer for this ? Would not those who are 
awake cry out to such, Awake, thou sleeper, and call upon 
thy God ? Thou art on the very brink of destruction. 
Well, then, permit me so to call upon you, lest, when we 
meet at the great day, you should upbraid me that I had 
once an opportunity of warning you, and that I did it but 
by halves ; and so the blood of your souls should be found 
in my skirts. I fear for many in this parish. My soul 
often weeps in secret for them, lest the word which to 
others proves the savour of life, should to them become 
the savour of death, and rise up in judgment against 
them. 

But I hope you, who are this night within the reach 
of my voice, are in a degree awakened, and most of you 
earnestly longing to be brought out of the storm into the 
quiet harbour of Jesus' breast. To these I chiefly feel 
my message to be, though I was not willing to leave the 
sleepers wholly disregarded. Well, let us see what they 
did in this great danger that we may do likewise. Paul 
says, " As we were exceedingly tossed with a tempest, 
the next day we lightened the ship, and the third day we 
cast out with our own hands the tackling of the ship 9 
And as neither sun nor stars appeared for many days,* 
and no small tempest lay on us, all hope of being saved 
was taken away." Observe, first, they lightened the 
ship — lighten your hearts ! There is too much of the 
world in them. They cast out their merchandise — cast 
away your idols ! You will say, perhaps, " I cannot." 
True ; I know you cannot yourselves ; but if you will 
call on the Lord in the time of trouble, he hath said, I will 
hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me, you will begin 
to pray in good earnest, and persevere therein, as the 
Lord is true, you shall know the liberty of his children, 

* Which was the more terrible, the use of the compass not being 
then discovered. 

17* 



394 APPENDIX NO. II. 

and have power to cast all your idols to the moles and to 
the bats. Well, but on the third day they cast out the tack, 
ting of the ship — the very thing which we might think 
they would have kept, in order to manage the vessel. 
No — all must go ! Cast away your false confidence in 
any thing of your own ; despair of any help but from the 
Lord Jesus. Yet obey his word ; Look, remember he 
says, Look unto me* and be ye saved : yea, look unto him 
as the author and finisher of your faith. Wait upon him ; 
and remember the mind is the mouth of the soul — there- 
fore, according as you feed your mind with thoughts, so 
will the state of your soul be discovered. Look. I say, 
unto him. and your soul shall ride out the storm. 

And now a gleam of hope appears. Paul stood up and 
said, " Be of good courage ; for there shall be no loss of 
any life among you. The angel of that God whose I am, 
and whom I serve, stood by me this night, and said, Fear 
not, Paul ; thou must be presented before Cesar, and lo, 
I have given thee all them that sail with thee." So may 
hope spring up to thee this present moment, whether thou 
art a poor backslider, or one of the ship's company, who 
till this very hour hast been fast asleep ; but if now awake, 
if now in earnest, and willing to be saved, come a step 
farther yet, and observe what they did next. TJiey cast 
four anchors out of the stern, and wished for day. There 
is no day to the soul till Christ manifests his cheering 
presence. In order to wait for that, follow their example 
— they cast out four anchors. Let us do so this night. 
Remember it is your part to believe, and it is the Lord's 
to give the peace and joy consequent on believing. Let 
us, then, make repeated acts of faith, so casting our anchor 
farther and farther within the veil, and we shall draw up 
our souls nearer and nearer to Cod. 

Well, let us try to cast out one anchor now. I am 
sensible your cable is short, therefore we must seek for 
some ground as near you as we can. We will try, if we 
can, to rind it in the creating love of God, surrounding us 
on every side. Look through the creation — observe the 
tender love of the birds toward their young, yea, even the 
most savage beasts ! From whence does this spring ? It 
is from God. It is a shadow of that infinite compassion 
which reigns in his heart. Rise a little higher. Fi& 



APPENDIX NO. II. 



395 



your eye on man. How does he love a stubborn son who 
will neither serve God nor him ? True, he frowns on 
him, and corrects him, lest it should be said to him as to 
Eli, Thou prefer rest thy son before me ; but if that son 
shed but a tear of sorrow — raise but a sigh of repentance 
— if he but come a few steps, how do the father's bowels 
yearn toward him ! How doth he run to meet him ! 
Now carry the idea a little higher — Are ye not the off- 
spring of God ? Has he not said, " I have created thee 
for my glory ? I have formed thee for my praise." Is 
not " his mercy over all his works V 3 Believe, then, that 
this " Author of all love is more ready to give the Holy 
Spirit to you, than you are to give good gifts to your 
children." Will not this anchor take? Does it still 
come home ? Well, the ground is good, but your cable is 
too short. Let us try another anchor ; and we will drop: 
it on Redeeming love. 

Lift up your eyes of faith — behold your bleeding Sa- 
viour ! See all your sins laid on his sacred head ! Be- 
hold him as your Surety before the throne, and hear him 
plead, " I have tasted death for every man. Thou, Fa- 
ther, wast in me reconciling the world to thyself, not im- 
putmg their trespasses to them." I stood before thee>. 
charged with them all. If this poor soul, who cries for 
mercy, is deeply in debt to thee, place it to my account : 1 
will repay. Now venture on him, venture freely. He 
hath drunk all the bitter cup for you, and he offers this 
night to take you into fellowship and communion with 
himself. " He was delivered for your offences ! He hath 
cancelled all the charge against you ;" yea, " He was 
raised again for your justification." Your Surety is: 
exalted in proof that your debt is paid. Come, let me 
hear some voice among you giving praise, and saying with 
the Christian poet, — 

" Now I have found the ground wherein 
Sure ray soul's anchor may remain ; 
The wounds of Jesus for my sin, 
Before the world's foundation slain. :> 

Methinks this anchor will hold. Is there not an increase 
of hope ? Hearken ! You shall hear his voice. Him- 
self hath said, " Hear, O, my people, and I will speak !" 
Heaven is never dumb, but when man hardens his heart. 



39a 



APPENDIX XC IT. 



But perhaps there are some poor trembling souls still 
left behind. For the sake of such, we will try to find 
firm ground a little nearer yet. We will drop our third 
anchor on the Promises. Here are some quite within 
your reach, " He that cometh unto me, I will in no wise 
cast out. Whosoever will, let him take of the water of 
life freely. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners 
to repentance." Yes, He came to seek and to save that 
which is lost. Are you lost ? Lost in your own estima- 
tion ? Then he came to save you. Yes, and to seek you 
too j and he seeks you this night as diligently as ever 
shepherd sought his lost sheep. Will you be found of 
him? Yes, if you will believe in his love. Remember, "He 
willeth not the death of a sinner ; but had rather he would 
turn from his wickedness and live." And though it 
should appear to thee as if a mountain stood in the way, 
yet this is the word of truth. If thou canst believe ; all 
things are 'possible to Mm that believeth. Thou shaft say 
to this mountain, Depart, and it shall be done. There is 
no getting one step forward in the heavenly road without 
courage, or, in other words, faith ; and I trust there are 
here many whose anchor has held in the first ground, Cre- 
ating love, more in the second, Redeeming love, and surely 
trembling sinners have found some hold in the Promises* 
The word of God is full of them, and they are all for 
you. All belong to a wounded conscience — to sinners 
seeking the power of faith to conquer their sins, and bring 
them to God. But yet I fear there may be a feeble- 
minded one who is still left behind, and I am unwilling 
any should remain in darkness, when Christ offers them 
light. But perhaps such will say, " O, I am an ungrate- 
ful sinner. I have turned away my eyes from Jesus. 
The world, and the wild imaginations of my polluted 
affections, have stolen between me and the Saviour. 
Once " the candle of the Lord did shine upon my head !" 
But now he is gone ; my beloved hath withdrawn himself 
and I am again shorn of my strength, and feeble as another 
man. Well, do not despair. Thy soul shall yet ride the 
storm. There is yet one anchor more, but it is possible 
you will not all admire it. Some will cry, Is that all ? 
O, it is too low. But let me tell you, low as you esteem 
it, because it seems within your reach, it will rise to the 



APPENDIX NO. II. 



397 



highest mansion in heaven. It is, I own, a little dark at 
the first view, but the more you look upon it, the brighter 
it will grow. Remember it was the sound of a rain's horn, 
and the shout of human voices, that shook the mighty walls 
of Jericho, God delights to do great things by little 
means. 

The name then of my fourth anchor is, Resignation ; 
and there is a motto engraved thereon, " In quietness and 
confidence shall thy strength be." You that are asleep 
have nothing to do with this : but you who are awake, 
and groaning for the salvation you have forfeited — you 
are invited, nay commanded, to cast it out. You have 
fallen by a worldly spirit, and by indulging a busy and 
idolatrous imagination. Come, then, let this be the 
moment ! Now cast your whole soul — your everlasting 
concerns, on the free, unmerited love of the Saviour, and 
live upon, Thy will be done ! Let your soul cry out, 
" I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have 
sinned against him." Abandon yourself as a victim, into 
his hand, and there lie as clay before the 'potter. If you 
are tempted because you cannot pray, let this be your 
prayer — let the constant cry of your heart be, Thy wiU 
be done on earth as it is done in heaven. And take know- 
ledge, while you are so doing, your prayer is echoed by 
the highest archangel in heaven, for the glory of that 
bright abode is a perfect resignation, fully consistent 
with the most faithful activity. You are permitted to 
pray, Father, let this cup pass from me ; yet, while you 
add, not my will, but thy will be done, you join in spirit 
with the Saviour and Captain of your salvation, 1 have 
often found, in an hour of temptation, when no other 
anchor seemed to hold, that thought, the Lord reigneth ; 
his will and glory shall be accomplished, and in that I 
will rejoice, has brought peace, and laid the storm. Lie 
dov/n at his dear feet, and remember, " Whom he loveth, 
he chasteneth, and correcteth every son whom he re- 
eeiveth." He brings your sins to your remembrance, 
that your soul may be brought to know its misery and 
wants, and in order that he may burn them up with the 
purifying fire of his love. Take courage, then, and, with 
one voice, let us all unite in the cry — Thy will be done f 
Thy will be done ! And our song shall be echoed through 



398 



APPENDIX NO. H. 



all the courts above. Here, then, drop your anchor. It 
is sound ground, and it will not come home. With this 
patient faith, therefore, be found in all the means of grace, 
walking humbly, while you do his will, " And pleading the 
promises, which are yea and amen in Christ. Blessed 
are all they who w T ait for him." 

We read of Paul's company, that tliey cast out four 
anchors, and wished for the day. Do you the same, for 
that is a wish very pleasing to the Lord. 1 observed 
before, that it is not daylight with the soul till that pro- 
mise is accomplished, I will manifest myself unto him*. 
Here is the great design of the wonderful plan of salva- 
tion—to restore man to his original communion with 
God ; and he who hath said, J will give unto him that is 
athirst of the water of life freely — now waits to make your 
souls his loved abode, the temple of indwelling God. 
There is a rest which remains for the people of God ; and 
you who love the Lord, remember, He came not only that 
you might have life, but that you may have it more abun- 
dantly. Cry, my beloved friends, day and night, that you 
may " enter into the land of uprightness, on which the 
eyes of the Lord are continually," from the beginning 
of the year to the end. But when the people of Israel- 
slighted the rest of Canaan, and had lost that courage 
by which alone they could enter— how greatly did it 
offend the Lord ! And will he approve lazy dull seekers: 
of that spiritual Canaan, that baptism of the Spirit, to 
w T hich every believer is expressly called ? We often talk 
of the time when righteousness is to overspread the earth, 
but this millennium must overspread our own hearts, if 
we would see the face of God with joy. For the very 
end of our creation is, that we may become the habitation, 
of God through the Spirit. 



THE END. 

« 132 82 ,« 



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